Need some real help.

[jmarino]

They say God can do anything, absolutely anything. I sure hope the book is right.

Since this is my first time posting, I'd like to say a bit of me and my past.

The name's Jay. I'm 27, and I'm getting over a long bout of atheism and nihilism. My faith is absolutely next to nothing . . the size of a mustard seed. But didn't the Great Teacher say that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains?

I've had some real heartbreaks in the past. A lot of girls, and a lot of heartbreaks. Usually, I'd fall too fast for a girl, and she wouldn't be interested in me. (When it comes to this relationship stuff, I know what I'm doing - I've just had some terrible luck.)

Now, I've found a wonderful girl. Smart. Pretty. Has a future, has goals. She really likes me. For a while, we've been dating, and she seems to really care for and adore me. She deserves to be loved back. She deserves it so much.

But, for the life of me, I cannot feel my feelings grow and progress.

That's gotten me anxious. Stressed. Feeling terrible. Until I've been dating her, I've forgotten the Father and His Son.

I've prayed. I've prayed hard. I want to legitimately love her. I want to adore her. So, remembering how I used to have a good relationship with Christ as a kid, I turned back to him. (I know . . it's disgusting - when I NEED him, I go to him, and when everything else is puppies and rainbows, I forget about him) I remember the book says, with God, everything is possible. But when I pray, I feel as if I have no faith. That's a problem. I feel like I have faith but I don't at the same time. So, along with asking our Father to help me grow legitimate, loving feelings for this girl, I ask for faith. But, I just feel like he isn't listening.

I remember the book said something like God always giving us what we want, as long as it's within moral sensibility. Some sort of parable about repeatedly knocking on your neighbor's door and asking for something. What I'm asking for is sensible, right? I'm not asking to hate somebody. I'm asking to LOVE somebody. And isn't God supposed to be a God of love?

I have forgotten God for a long time. I hope he hasn't forgotten about me, in my time of need. This girl is the type of girl that I have a great future with (I know her. We've been dating for a little while but we've been friends, and I have a habit of knowing people.).

Is He testing me? Why would he give me such a lovely woman, who's great in every sense, and not give me the ability to have as much affection for her as possible? As much affection as I had for women who were never worth my time?

I haven't been Christian for a long time. But, this morning, I asked for forgiveness of my sins, and I accepted His Son as my savior.

It's been such a long time since I've asked for faith. Since I've cried. But as I type this, I cry. She means a lot to me. And my lack of full, real feelings for her has gotten me down like never before. But I think God can help. He can do anything. Right?

My thoughts seem so unorganized, I know. I deeply apologize for that. Just . . if you have any words of advice, please, my friends, share them. It'd really help. Pray for me. (I haven't said that . . in years.)

 

[The Nihilist]

How old are you?

 

[Fatally.Yours]

Grow up and move on. Just because they're an amazing person doesn't mean it's gonna work. People need to get over this idea of "The One" and having the "perfect" person and love never being complex and not working.
In short, watch less Disney movies.

 

[singpeace]

J,

You hit the nail on the head when you said, But when I pray, I feel as if I have no faith. That's a problem. I feel like I have faith but I don't at the same time. So, along with asking our Father to help me grow legitimate, loving feelings for this girl, I ask for faith. But, I just feel like he isn't listening.

James 1:6 - When you pray, do not have with your faith anything that cancels out that faith (doubt, fear, anxiety)

James 2:17 - Faith without works (good deeds for the Lord) is dead.


So if you are anxious when you pray, you aren't praying in faith, and if you are not serving God in some capacity like good deeds, your Faith would not even have life left in it.


James 4:7 - Humble yourself before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.


So here's my suggestion: Do good works in obedience to God. The works will cause your faith to live. Then, every time you feel anxious, immediately resist it and humble yourself before God; focusing your thoughts toward him. The anxiety will go, because the enemy will go.

Now, your faith will stand on it's own without the added presence of things which are not of God.
Pray with this new mind, and before you finish, God will have answered your prayers. He promises to give you more than you ask.


God, give J the tools and resources he needs to succeed in You. He cannot do any thing alone, but You can give him what he needs so that his life will be great. Give him miracles, Lord - the kind that cause him to go weak in the knees. Give his friend protection and don't let the enemy destroy what the Spirit is doing. In Jesus name. Amen.

 

[Melethiel]

As far as feeling like "you don't have enough faith" - don't trust your feelings, but trust in the promises of God. He promises to work through the preaching of his Word and through the Sacraments - trust in God, not in your feelings. Newsflash: you're not always going to feel on top of the world or like you're the best Christian ever. I also disagree with the previous poster that doing good works will make your faith thrive - good works flow out of faith, not the other way around.

As for the girl...maybe God is telling you that she's not the right one for you?

 

[mattevt85]

First of all, God is not a genie. He is not here to serve you. God wants all of your attention and it sounds like you're putting her in his place, (I have been there). Just know that God will eventually come against anything that you put before him. She may eventually be right for you, but you should ask yourself the question: who is more important to you? Her or God?

It may just be that you have to put her on hold while you seek after Him

It's tough, trust me I know. But one thing I've learned is that God's way is always best.

 

[StillGrowing2011]

Grow up and move on. Just because they're an amazing person doesn't mean it's gonna work. People need to get over this idea of "The One" and having the "perfect" person and love never being complex and not working.
In short, watch less Disney movies.

A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

It's cool to be frank and honest, but take into consideration what this person is going through. tough love isn't love

 

[Monaleezza]

A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

It's cool to be frank and honest, but take into consideration what this person is going through. tough love isn't love

Well said StillGrowing

My suggestion is if you don't have intimate feelings for this girl then take some time apart and see how you feel then.
Not everything can be prayed away because we do have an element of choice in our lives. And no matter how much you pray if you're chosing not to love her then it's not going to come.
After 3 months or so, see if you miss her, or desire her or panic at the thought of someone else snapping her up. If those feeling (amongst others) surface than you'll have a better idea of where to go from here.

Worth a try I think.
Wish you well.

 

[HiluxBakkie]

J,

The Lord will guide you, you just have to believe in Him, He will guide you in His time not your time.

Suggestion, why don't you and your girl pray together, pray for one an other.

While on the subject of praying permit me to pray for you.

Lord Jesus, I pray that you talk to J, give him is answer he is seeking, I pray that the bondage links be broken that are still holding him back, I pray that Your love fill his heart that it will over flow and that he can give the love to his girlfriend that she deserves if this is Your will, if she is to be in J life. Father you know his hearts desires and You ultimitly know what plans you have for J as this is said within the bible be with him. Jesus take away the feelings in his past life and give him a sense of assurance for we know, trust and believe that he is saved by faith and the blood of Jesus Amen.

 

[bluegreysky]

They say God can do anything, absolutely anything. I sure hope the book is right.

Since this is my first time posting, I'd like to say a bit of me and my past.

The name's Jay. I'm 27, and I'm getting over a long bout of atheism and nihilism. My faith is absolutely next to nothing . . the size of a mustard seed. But didn't the Great Teacher say that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains?

I've had some real heartbreaks in the past. A lot of girls, and a lot of heartbreaks. Usually, I'd fall too fast for a girl, and she wouldn't be interested in me. (When it comes to this relationship stuff, I know what I'm doing - I've just had some terrible luck.)

Now, I've found a wonderful girl. Smart. Pretty. Has a future, has goals. She really likes me. For a while, we've been dating, and she seems to really care for and adore me. She deserves to be loved back. She deserves it so much.

But, for the life of me, I cannot feel my feelings grow and progress.

That's gotten me anxious. Stressed. Feeling terrible. Until I've been dating her, I've forgotten the Father and His Son.

I've prayed. I've prayed hard. I want to legitimately love her. I want to adore her. So, remembering how I used to have a good relationship with Christ as a kid, I turned back to him. (I know . . it's disgusting - when I NEED him, I go to him, and when everything else is puppies and rainbows, I forget about him) I remember the book says, with God, everything is possible. But when I pray, I feel as if I have no faith. That's a problem. I feel like I have faith but I don't at the same time. So, along with asking our Father to help me grow legitimate, loving feelings for this girl, I ask for faith. But, I just feel like he isn't listening.

I remember the book said something like God always giving us what we want, as long as it's within moral sensibility. Some sort of parable about repeatedly knocking on your neighbor's door and asking for something. What I'm asking for is sensible, right? I'm not asking to hate somebody. I'm asking to LOVE somebody. And isn't God supposed to be a God of love?

I have forgotten God for a long time. I hope he hasn't forgotten about me, in my time of need. This girl is the type of girl that I have a great future with (I know her. We've been dating for a little while but we've been friends, and I have a habit of knowing people.).

Is He testing me? Why would he give me such a lovely woman, who's great in every sense, and not give me the ability to have as much affection for her as possible? As much affection as I had for women who were never worth my time?

I haven't been Christian for a long time. But, this morning, I asked for forgiveness of my sins, and I accepted His Son as my savior.

It's been such a long time since I've asked for faith. Since I've cried. But as I type this, I cry. She means a lot to me. And my lack of full, real feelings for her has gotten me down like never before. But I think God can help. He can do anything. Right?

My thoughts seem so unorganized, I know. I deeply apologize for that. Just . . if you have any words of advice, please, my friends, share them. It'd really help. Pray for me. (I haven't said that . . in years.)

It's one of 3 things.

1) she was only meant to be in your life a little bit to warm you back up to faith, and she will be a friend now but isn't your destiny. (we all have one of those people at some point, and we always think about them lovingly as we move forward to the next chapter)

2) Your feelings will get stronger and your relationship will grow, but not now... its not the right time because there's something you have to do first (like have faith)

3) The definition of love inside your head doesn't match the definition in front of you. (most likely what could be the case).
Meaning... this girl is right, and you have a chance at a good future, but maybe you got used to having those unstable whirlwind romances that don't last and developed a concept of love in your head that centers on lust and passions when really a good healthy love is centered on deeper things like God and on stability (like her personality, job, and faith). Passion develops slowly sometimes, especially when your heart has been sick.

Give it a few more months and see. If it starts to putter out, and you start to feel like you're only meant to be friends, then it was the first thing I said. If it starts to grow and flourish, it was the second thing and you just had to be patient. If it stays relatively constant, but you still see good strong signs of stability, it's the third thing and you should still be patient because the feelings may take off soon.

God and time heal all things.