Need some quick advice concerning an ex

[Fatolia]

Hey friends, I have a lil situation if you'd mind helping me out.

There is this woman I dated early in college about four years ago. We broke up, but later on we tried to restore a friendship. I don't believe in abandoning people, even if they hurt you. She always told me that she is a Christian, but when I bring up Jesus, she didn't ever have anything to say...definitely not my thing (you can bet I was thrilled when I first dated someone who was obsessed with Jesus!)

My parents lived in the town where she went to go to school, so whenever I was in town, I'd get a chance to see how she's doing. We'd talk or whatever...kept it platonic. However, every time, at about fifteen minutes or so into the conversation, she'd bottle up and get all nervous. I'd try to gently find what was wrong, but she was closed shut. Later on she would email me what she was really thinking. Either anger (the romantic sort of anger where you're trying to get attention) or she'd flat out tell me that I was haunting her dreams. I can't imagine the kind of things she yearned and thought about us doing together, but it just was not quite possible because we were so incompatible. Mind you, this has happened maybe five or six times. I noticed a pattern about the third time around. The last time this happened was about a year ago.

Now, all of a sudden, it's Spring Break for her...she contacted me by e-mail, in a very friendly poise, wanting to again see me. I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I don't want to risk burning her up again. Geesh, if a girl really falls in love, she just doesn't give up... a lesson for me in protecting girl's hearts.

Ahhh!!! All my girl problems are coming back to haunt me...

 

[OhhJim]

Stay away from her. Problem solved.

 

[Fatolia]

Stay away from her. Problem solved.

I don't believe in abandoning people. I'm trying to follow Christ's way of loving people first, asking questions later. I need another solution.

 

[OhhJim]

Why does she need you? What does she get from you that she can't get from someone else? Why do you call it "abandoning" her?

I suspect there's more to this.

 

[Fatolia]

Why does she need you? What does she get from you that she can't get from someone else? Why do you call it "abandoning" her?

I suspect there's more to this.

Of course there's more to this. I've been trying to figure exactly what that is for a very long time.

She asked to see me specifically. Am I to just shoulder her?

 

[OhhJim]

Geesh, if a girl really falls in love, she just doesn't give up... a lesson for me in protecting girl's hearts.

This can be very true.

So, she wants to hook up, and you don't. Do you feel that you are helping her by spending time with her?

 

[Fatolia]

I think it's something deeper than just wanting to hook up. When we were together, she was never satisfied. I think there's a deep hurt from her early childhood involving her estranged father where she's looking for healing. She's tried animals, boyfriends, me, and who knows what else...and none of it will satisfy.

The question I keep asking myself and her...why doesn't she try Jesus?!

 

[fieldy]

I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I don't want to risk burning her up again. Geesh, if a girl really falls in love, she just doesn't give up... a lesson for me in protecting girl's hearts.

Ahhh!!! All my girl problems are coming back to haunt me...

did you tell her that you're done with her?

 

[OhhJim]

I think it's something deeper than just wanting to hook up. When we were together, she was never satisfied. I think there's a deep hurt from her early childhood involving her estranged father where she's looking for healing. She's tried animals, boyfriends, me, and who knows what else...and none of it will satisfy.

The question I keep asking myself and her...why doesn't she try Jesus?!

Ok, sounds reasonable. I would still stay away, but if you feel you're helping her, I guess you gotta do that.

It's a fairly common thing for some people to want to "rescue" others. It's the reason some women take home scraggy, abandoned pets and scraggly, abandoned men. I'm not saying you're doing this, because I don't know. I'm just saying it's a thing that some people do, to try to solve other peoples' problems.

 

[Iggster]

hrrrm.....How do you really feel about her? Is the old flame coming back at all? Or is it all gone?

 

[Fatolia]

hrrrm.....How do you really feel about her? Is the old flame coming back at all? Or is it all gone?

Zippo. Nada. Kaputy. And I've told her that before.

But she needs to be loved. I'm not giving up on her in loving her as she finds her way to Jesus. But as it often so happens, false worldly loves are confused with the real thing.

 

[justasinner]

Hey friends, I have a lil situation if you'd mind helping me out.

There is this woman I dated early in college about four years ago. We broke up, but later on we tried to restore a friendship. I don't believe in abandoning people, even if they hurt you. She always told me that she is a Christian, but when I bring up Jesus, she didn't ever have anything to say...definitely not my thing (you can bet I was thrilled when I first dated someone who was obsessed with Jesus!)
...
Now, all of a sudden, it's Spring Break for her...she contacted me by e-mail, in a very friendly poise, wanting to again see me. I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I don't want to risk burning her up again. Geesh, if a girl really falls in love, she just doesn't give up... a lesson for me in protecting girl's hearts. ...

It sounds like you need to help to heal this lady. She comes back to you because she is asking you in her own way to heal her and in the past you have help her. The healing could be to save her soul.

Yes, she may be in love with you or the person that can heal her, doctors can tell you that their patients sometimes will fall in love with them.

What you need to do is first pray about it. Like should you help her and what should you try to heal this time.

Now, healing is not so nice sometimes it can be painful for both parties. If its evil based, the healer will become a target of some of this pain. So, watch out for yourself. But as for the pain I think this girl knows that there might be some of that but she still wishes for you to continue healing process.

The anger and pain is her way of externally showing that she is being healed. And sometime it can get will bad, but God never said that healing would be painless thing.

So, my advice again is Pray on it! And if God, request that you to continue helping this lady, just know that the healing process may cause her some pain also. But later after the pain leaves she will thank you for going the distance for her.

 

[Fatolia]

It sounds like you need to help to heal this lady. She comes back to you because she is asking you in her own way to heal her and in the past you have help her. The healing could be to save her soul.

Yes, she may be in love with you or the person that can heal her, doctors can tell you that their patients sometimes will fall in love with them.

What you need to do is first pray about it. Like should you help her and what should you try to heal this time.

Now, healing is not so nice sometimes it can be painful for both parties. If its evil based, the healer will become a target of some of this pain. So, watch out for yourself. But as for the pain I think this girl knows that there might be some of that but she still wishes for you to continue healing process.

The anger and pain is her way of externally showing that she is being healed. And sometime it can get will bad, but God never said that healing would be painless thing.

So, my advice again is Pray on it! And if God, request that you to continue helping this lady, just know that the healing process may cause her some pain also. But later after the pain leaves she will thank you for going the distance for her.

Wow. That almost brought a tear to my eye, justasinner. That's really profound. Thank you. You really understand the love I feel for her, but I think you probably just understand love in general.

Geesh, if you were a woman, I'd ask you out in a heartbeat

 

[Heel2Heaven]

Do you have any Christian male mentor whom you trust? You can go pray with him and ask him for advice. Especially if he knows her in person too. That would help a lot. We don't see her here on the board and it's hard to judge from what you don't see.

 

[Living4Him03]

Well, I know this isn't quite the same, but one of my ex's with whom I remained friends, ended up not being someone I could trust (this is the situation I pm'd you about). Anyway, I think sometimes we want to treat others as Christ would, but we end up putting ourselves in a situation that will ultimately lead to harm or be a hurtful situation. I am not saying you shouldn't be a friend to her, but seeing her may lead her to believe you still have romantic feelings when you don't. She seems to need closure from the relationship and needs a clear picture of how you feel.

 

[JPPT1974]

Praying that the Lord will help others like you seek things clearly from the Lord's perspective as well as to lean on Him when the going gets tough.