Need some opinions

[ChrisWalker]

First off thanks for reading this post. I sure hope I have the correct forum. I went to a church last Sunday with a female friend. It was the first time I have been in a church for probably close to 10 years. My Mom is very religious as well as most of my family. I knew there would be this time in my life where I would have to decide to give my life to God. Anyway I have made that decision and the first step was to attend church. The church I went to is a really great place and I am glad I went, I had heard so many great things about it. The problem I am now facing is my Girlfriend is not impressed I went with this female friend of mine from work. There is nothing going on between us except our common interest and curiosity in God. My girlfriend who is not religious at all has basically said that I am not allowed to go with my female friend anymore or to that church. I also should add I live with my girlfriend. I don’t want to stop going to this church or stop being friends. Is my girlfriend getting in the way of my new relationship with God? What should I do? Help!

 

[Ben_Hur]

First off thanks for reading this post. I sure hope I have the correct forum. I went to a church last Sunday with a female friend. It was the first time I have been in a church for probably close to 10 years. My Mom is very religious as well as most of my family. I knew there would be this time in my life where I would have to decide to give my life to God. Anyway I have made that decision and the first step was to attend church. The church I went to is a really great place and I am glad I went, I had heard so many great things about it. The problem I am now facing is my Girlfriend is not impressed I went with this female friend of mine from work. There is nothing going on between us except our common interest and curiosity in God. My girlfriend who is not religious at all has basically said that I am not allowed to go with my female friend anymore or to that church. I also should add I live with my girlfriend. I don’t want to stop going to this church or stop being friends. Is my girlfriend getting in the way of my new relationship with God? What should I do? Help!

Sounds to me like she is. The Bible says we should not be unequally yoked. If you continue to live with her / date her, and she is not receptive to Jesus, you're in for some trouble.

My first marriage, before I had returned to Christ, was to a Jewish girl. Huge, huge, huuuge, mistake. Going on dates wasn't bad, but marriage and living together...no good. We were from two different cultures and belief systems. Of course, no one could tell ME what to do, no! It didn't matter that she started treating me different and yelling at me a lot just after we were engaged. Uh-uh. I was a big MAN that could do ANYTHING he wanted...

She came to her senses for both of us 5 years later and divorced me....THANK GOD! (That is how stubborn I used to be...5 YEARS!).

 

[Rafael]

If you are drawn to God, you will inevitably come to crossroads in relationships with other people. Your desire will be to know Him and to please Him.
Expect people to be against you, even persecution, when you change your life and follow after righteousness in Jesus. Look how the world lies and misrepresents God at every given opportunity. They will lie about you too, and think it strange when you do not join in to their life styles.
Go with God and receive from Him all that you need in this life.

 

[Lynn73]

The first thing you need to do is stop living with your girlfriend. If you've given yourself to the Lord, this is wrong according to the Bible. If she's not a Christian,you're unequally yoked as someone else said. It sounds as if she's telling you to choose between God and her. Get out of this situation, read your Bible, and keep going to church. A new Christian or any Christian needs fellowship with other believers.

 

[captkingdom]

I agree with much of what has been said. I will add one thing. If you are in a committed relationship, (I do not condone, nor believe in the type you describe) I would agree with your girlfriend that your attending church or anything else with another woman would be inappropriate.

 

[Krazeekkc]

I agree with every one else! I don't think you should be going out with her. Keep going to that church too. It sounds like it's a great church for you! I'll be praying for you!

 

[VigoMedic]

First of all, good for you for going to church and wanting to take that step!!!

Okay, whether you have girlfriend or not, I do not think it is inappropriate for you to go to church with a female friend (as someone suggested earlier). You are allowed to have friends, regardless of their sex.

I do think that your girlfriend is putting an unfair burden on you in regard to your faith. Some have said you shouldn't let her get in the way of your relationship with God, and while I agree with them, I also know that you are in a difficult situation. If you love her and want to maintain your relationship, I think trying to prayerfully reason with her is the first and most important step. Have a long, serious discussion about it if you must. However, whatever conclusion you come to should not involve stopping your church attendance. By the way, have you tried inviting your girlfriend along?

On another note, I disagree with those that say that you shouldn't date someone who isn't a churchgoer, just on the basis that they aren't a churchgoer. Just because it has been bad for some others, doesn't mean it's going to be bad for you. For example, my grandmother has been married to my grandfather for over 50 years and she is the most dedicated Christian I know; however, my grandfather has never attended church. His lack of faith doesn't interfere with her faith and they are still happily married today. I am of the belief that you can be Christian and have a relationship with someone who isn't. However, the situation will present its challenges and the relationship should not get in the way of your faith. Some argue that just being in a Christian/non-Christian relationship is interference enough, however I don't agree with their view on that point of scripture and I certainly don't believe that it will affect your salvation, unless YOU allow it to do so.

Most importantly, pray and believe that God will help you with this situation and grant you his peace.

Oh, and welcome to Christian Forums!

Peace.

 

[ChrisWalker]

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts on this. I agree with all of you. I will continue to pray and hopefully all the pieces will fall where they are supposed to. And yes my girlfriend has been invited to attend church with me and my friend but she declined. I know living together is not right however I will have to figure something out a bit later down the road. Thanks again to all of you, you guys are great!

 

[blessed2]

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts on this. I agree with all of you. I will continue to pray and hopefully all the pieces will fall where they are supposed to. And yes my girlfriend has been invited to attend church with me and my friend but she declined. I know living together is not right however I will have to figure something out a bit later down the road. Thanks again to all of you, you guys are great!

Chris,
We face trials you know, specially when you start taking steps closer to the Lord. Satan doesn't like it and will try to stop you if possible...you know, spiritual warfare.
Plant your feet on the rock. Don't let anything or anyone stand in the way....even if you have to sacrifice a relationship for your relationship with Him.
Matt 10:37 He that loveth father
or mother more than me is
not worthy of me : and he that loveth son
or daughter more than me is not worthy
of me.
I know this is meat instead of milk so to speak but trust Him and He'll bring you to joy.
Keep faithful...who know's, you might actually lead her to the Lord too.
As far as living together.....The Lord loves us and came for the sinner. Give Him your whole heart and he will make the changes in your life....change your heart, change your mind, open your eye's.
Pray over it and He will lead you into marriage or out of the relationship but trust that where He leads you will lead you into joy.

 

[Qingchen]

Pray to God, and talk to your girlfriend. I think she will understand you if she really love you.

 

[Kaye8]

I agree with Blessed2. I think now that you are starting to take an interest in Christianity Satan hates it and wants to bring you away. Perfect way. Your girlfriend. I don't think you should be living together but I don't necessarily think you should break up with her..yet. I disagree with VidoMedic however. I dont think christians and nonchristians should get married. More marriages would be ruined than the ones that stay together. I do think though that you should have a serious conversation with your girlfriend and if she just refuses to go to church or anything I think you should separate. When your a new Christians, tons of things can influence you and you shouldn't have anything holding you down. I think if you stuck with her it would make it more complicated then it needs to be. I see problems just in the fact of her telling you not to go to church with a girl. There's no trust there. But if you honestly seek the Lord he will guide you and never let you down. I hope all goes well and I'm so glad to hear that you have decided to give your life to Christ. God Bless

 

[RickToles]

hey man i turely agree with you on some of your word
your word where very touching to me
thanks
rick

 

[opheiletes]

How long have you known this particular girlfriend of yours? IF you really care for her, why not try to tell more about the way you feel about your faith? (saving oneself and leaving your significant other to darkness seems very un-Christian to me)

 

[JillLars]

It sounds like your girlfriend has some issues with jealousy and trust. These should definately be addressed before you consider continuing the relationship any further. You should be able to go to church with a female friend, it isn't as if you are going to stay at a hotel with her. There is no reason for your girlfriend to forbid you from going, nor is that her decision to make. My advice would be to continue going to church, but talk to your girlfriend about it, tell her all about the service when you get home. She needs to understand that ultimatums are not a part of a loving relationship, always let her know that she is welcome to come, invite her always even if you know she'll say no. I hope that everything works out for the both of you, I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Purpletigy]

Anyone forbidding you to do anything seems a bit extreme, but maybe she isn't that exteme? However, I do think you should invite her to church with y'all. The best way to ward off jealousy is to introduce the two of them, and tell the gal at work to be sure and invite both of you when calling. If the girlfriend still doesn't budge, tell her you'll visit a different church if she will go. If she still doesn't want to go, then go to church without her, to which ever church you feel comfortable with.
A little story: I lived with someone for 2 yrs, we were together for 3. I knew it was wrong, you can't "practice" commitment, you are or you're not, but I just wasn't at that place to give up the life style. I knew God was calling me back to him. I prayed for God to move on my ex's heart and change him too, but it just wasn't the right time. Whether or not he went, I knew I had to go. Eventually, we broke up. Ironically, the reason we broke up (another woman) was the reason we became friends again, and the reason he rededicated his life to Christ. While we never got back together, we are still great friends, and I'm close to his NEW girlfriend now.

 

[Svt4Him]

I could be wrong here, but what is your real reason for going to church? If you are a non-Christian, living in sin, then you aren't ofter drawn to church. I'd be willing to take a poke and say that the feelings for this 'friend' may be a little more than you're letting on. It all sounds nice, wrapped in Christianese, but in my many years of attending church, I've never come across a situation like that. When I thought of going to church, my conscience was awaken, and before I decided to go to churches, I asked my girlfriend to move out.


I could be wrong, but I'm feeling you're looking for a nice reason to leave your current girlfriend and hook up with this new one.

Actually, I'd hope I was wrong.

 

[knick]

Hey Buddy, dont worry too much about "living" with your girl. That in itself isnt really a sin, of course if you are having sex outside of marriage... that is a sin. If its not a possibilty to move out TODAY.. then simply obstain from sexual relations, From what i can tell... the BIG thing about living together is everyone presumes you are sexually active. Basicilly, this early in your relationship w/ Christ, i wouldnt worry too much about other peoples perceptions.. Just identify the parts of your life that are "sinfull" and stop doing those things. You will feel much better!!!!! Good luck in your Christian walk!

 

[ChrisWalker]

I could be wrong here, but what is your real reason for going to church? If you are a non-Christian, living in sin, then you aren't ofter drawn to church. I'd be willing to take a poke and say that the feelings for this 'friend' may be a little more than you're letting on. It all sounds nice, wrapped in Christianese, but in my many years of attending church, I've never come across a situation like that. When I thought of going to church, my conscience was awaken, and before I decided to go to churches, I asked my girlfriend to move out.


I could be wrong, but I'm feeling you're looking for a nice reason to leave your current girlfriend and hook up with this new one.

Actually, I'd hope I was wrong.

Thanks for you opinion. You are wrong, and I don’t think it is fair for you to assume that. I stated the facts in my first post.

"I knew there would be this time in my life where I would have to decide to give my life to God. Anyway I have made that decision and the first step was to attend church."

Like it says in the quote I was never a non believer I have always known. Whether or not I am a non-Christian....does me living with a female make me a non-Christian? I am not sure.

If I wanted to "get the girl" I am sure I could try outside of Church after all I have known her for a couple years and she works with me. But her boyfriend and my girlfriend might have something to say about that.

Just because I went with a female does not mean what you where thinking. If I went with a male would you assume I was gay? Since I must be going to church for alternative reasons like you said "If you are a non-Christian, living in sin, then you aren't ofter drawn to church. I'd be willing to take a poke and say that the feelings for this 'friend' may be a little more than you're letting on"

But hey she is good looking and I may have assumed that as well but in this case it is different

but in my many years of attending church, I've never come across a situation like that.

Now you have

Take Care

 

[ChrisWalker]

Hey Buddy, dont worry too much about "living" with your girl. That in itself isnt really a sin, of course if you are having sex outside of marriage... that is a sin. If its not a possibilty to move out TODAY.. then simply obstain from sexual relations, From what i can tell... the BIG thing about living together is everyone presumes you are sexually active. Basicilly, this early in your relationship w/ Christ, i wouldnt worry too much about other peoples perceptions.. Just identify the parts of your life that are "sinfull" and stop doing those things. You will feel much better!!!!! Good luck in your Christian walk!

Thanks! I really appreciate it. It is hard to change but you advice is advice I will follow. Your post means a lot to me, there are a lot of people thinking I have to do a 180 within one day and it is not possible. My friend that I go to church with is understanding like you and when you are new to Christianity it really helps.

Thanks again
Chris

 

[Purpletigy]

Thanks! I really appreciate it. It is hard to change but you advice is advice I will follow. Your post means a lot to me, there are a lot of people thinking I have to do a 180 within one day and it is not possible. My friend that I go to church with is understanding like you and when you are new to Christianity it really helps.

Thanks again
Chris

Chris, the main thing is to keep with God. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and I trust and pray you'll do the right thing when the time comes. Just don't let anyone hinder the relationship between you and God, and you'll be fine.