Need some help

[beckyc]

Hi, I'm a full time church secretary working at a large church. We are just now moving into our brand new building and everything is supposed to be great. The problem is...my spirit has never felt so dry.

I have been here for 5 years, and I fear I am becoming jaded. I love the pastors, but some of them are rude, short and generally unpleasant to be around. I know we are all human, and I don't expect perfection from the church staff. But I also don't expect pridefulness and rudeness from people who are supposed to be my spiritual leaders. Just the absence of basic manners like please and thank you suggests a lack of love and respect for the office staff. There is this underlying sense of snobbery that really eats away at my spiritual well being. I want to do God's will, and that is the reason I've stayed. How should I handle this? I don't want my anger to rule and I also want a healthy church. How can I help this situation? Please let me know if you can relate to this.

 

[Rev. Bill]

Sure, this is a problem with many religious institutions. You say you want to do God's will and that is good. To find His will you need to examine His word on the matter.

There are several things to consider, apart from a specific leading to stay or go by the Holy Spirit.

One, is that regardless of their behavior, these men are still "brothers" in the Lord and you are called to show them mercy and forgiveness, as individuals, loving them as Christ loves the church.

Two, is that the word says if you see a brother in error you should go to them. So you are free to approach them and let them know how their actions come across, and see if they are humble enough to respond appropriately. I am not suggesting you "rebuke" them, but explore this issue with some open dialogue so they can perhaps come to repentance.

Three, the word says you are to know those who labor among you. In this circumstance, this would depend a bit on the outcome of number 2. If you approach these people in all humility with a valid concern, and they are not humble, but snobbish as you have indicated, you need to consider whether these men are even biblically qualified as elders in the body of Christ, or why you should allow them to speak/preach into your life. And if they are not, shake the dust off your feet and find fellowship with some believers who are submitted to the Lordship of Christ.

Gal 5:22-25 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

 

[beckyc]

Thanks for the feedback Rev Bill. I know I need to go to them and express my feelings. Thing is, I'm scared to do that. My feelings are so hurt right now, and I don't trust myself to say things right. I will in fact seek the Word for wisdom, and excersize mercy. I have been merciful, but not forgiving. That's a problem. I need to prayerfully set a time to go to them and request a meeting. I love my church and I love them. I have often asked God what am I doing here? His answer is to send me hurting people from our congregation and help me minister to them. I even had the blessing of bringing someone to Christ two or three weeks ago. That tells me that God wants me to stay here. I just feel so unappreciated.

 

[P_G]

Hi, I'm a full time church secretary working at a large church. We are just now moving into our brand new building and everything is supposed to be great. The problem is...my spirit has never felt so dry.

I have been here for 5 years, and I fear I am becoming jaded. I love the pastors, but some of them are rude, short and generally unpleasant to be around. I know we are all human, and I don't expect perfection from the church staff. But I also don't expect pridefulness and rudeness from people who are supposed to be my spiritual leaders. Just the absence of basic manners like please and thank you suggests a lack of love and respect for the office staff. There is this underlying sense of snobbery that really eats away at my spiritual well being. I want to do God's will, and that is the reason I've stayed. How should I handle this? I don't want my anger to rule and I also want a healthy church. How can I help this situation? Please let me know if you can relate to this.

Hi Becky

Had to make sure you were not our church secretary! Her name is Becky too!

Being a pastor has a lot of pressure and the more in the congregation the more pressure. People get short and I will bet that the pastors maybe don't even realize that they are doing that. Also because of the closeness they may forget that while you are the Church Secretary you are also "flock" And their behavior has a profound impact on you on a spiritual level.

I concur with Rev. Bill sit down and talk with them let them know in love that what they're doing is hurting you and the relationship. Hey maybe even spend a little time in prayer with them and FOR them.

Even the shepherd needs a good sister sometimes!

Bless you

Now where are those membership reports I asked for?

Pastor George

 

[beckyc]

While I have been praying FOR them, I haven't prayed with them. They don't like to be bothered, so we stay away from their office as much as possible. I wonder if they pray for us. There is just this double standard that kills me. They want respect, but offer none. Bad manners are not a Fruit of the Spirit. I just wonder what is up with this? They are Pastors, and they are held to a higher standard whether they like it or not. I would never dream of treating someone in such a rude fashion, even a stranger, let alone someone in my Christian family.

Perhaps it is the extra stress from the move, but that should not make it ok to treat others poorly.

 

[Rev. Bill]

Becky, you mentioned that you feel "unappreciated".

This may sound hard, but it's not intended in that spirit.

When we serve the Lord, we do it because we appreciate Him, out of a grateful heart - not so others will appreciate us. If we are looking for personal affirmation or taking our self esteem from how others treat us, our emotions can derail us and lead to personal discouragement.

I am ever mindful of the fact that Jesus was rejected by the multitudes, denied by His closest friends, and called deranged by His own family. Yet He was able to maintain a clear vision of who He was, and what His mission meant so that He did not become distracted by what others thought or said.

Go to your pastors and speak with them. Go also to the word and find what God has to say about you. That is where you will find your affirmation. A good beginning point is to find all of the scriptural teaching in the NT epistles that begin with the two words "In Him".

 

[beckyc]

Well, I went to the book of James and read chpt 1. It was so helpful. It felt like a long time since I'd cracked my bible open, I was really dry. Just reading even one chpt has improved my disposition some. The verse that says "the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God" really hit home for me . I realize that my anger and bitterness is not going to produce the desired result. So, I prayed and asked others to pray for me. They've been following up to see if things are getting better. I met with my small group Bible study and asked for prayers for this specific pastor. I didn't tell them I was angry at him, just that he was stressed lately and in need of prayer. They all suggested that we send him an encouraging card and a gift certificate to Starbucks. I said that would be a great idea. So, we are gonna try this and see if blessing him will help his attitude. It has helped mine.

You know God says we should bless people when they treat us badly...this is going to be my approach. I just pray that I will have the humility to follow it through.