Need prayers

[servant of Merciful Love]

Praying for you

 

[Red Fox]

I'm thinking about you, my friend WarriorAngel. I do hope you're feeling better. I'm continuing to pray for you.

 

[Chrystal-J]

Praying for you!

 

[God wins]

As you all know i've had a very long and unloving marriage - one which i entered into because i was pregnant.
It seems although i was often threatened and blackmailed if i ever left - that due to the length of time i stayed - the tribunal feels it could be a marriage.

As someone who [as you know] didnt speak too much against him because of the 10 commandments and such and wanting to be right - i may have a difficult time untying myself from him.
This has been my despair for many years... desperately wanting out - but seeing no way i could.
He moved me away from family and friends - made sure i never had money and i walked on egg shells --- but im afraid of not getting annulled....which is something i wanted at my reception...but didnt think i could be believed because i was pregnant and scared.

So please pray that i become free from what i felt i was obliged to do.
I hope im not penalized because i was afraid to leave all those years while raising my kids.

 

[God wins]

Dear Warrior Angel:
I think most marriages fail because we Men are not acquainted with its clear guidelines in Ephesians chapter number 6.
Prayers can certainly show you the way out. And it might not be to move out but to change your husband.... And you too. Giving you both renewed hearts.
I have a warrior angel who fights battles, his name is Mirrael. You can ask for his intercession.
Do know that God is with you and He hates divorce.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Dear Warrior Angel:
I think most marriages fail because we Men are not acquainted with its clear guidelines in Ephesians chapter number 6.
Prayers can certainly show you the way out. And it might not be to move out but to change your husband.... And you too. Giving you both renewed hearts.
I have a warrior angel who fights battles, his name is Mirrael. You can ask for his intercession.
Do know that God is with you and He hates divorce.

Ya know - this is why i stayed for so long - despite not marrying for love...
But i deeply regret it.
You just cant marry someone for any reason other than love.
And you cant be in abusive 'union'...
Our priest who is orthodox - spoke on annulments as acceptable - it is the Church's canonical law. Whatsoever is bound on earth is in Heaven. The Pope allows them.

God doesnt hate divorce for unions who shouldnt have happened. He gave that authority over to His Church to decide.

 

[WarriorAngel]

I am praying for you and have been. You really need to meet with the tribunal priest in your diocese. You need to call and write to anyone and everyone you can. Explain how this man was and is incapable of entering into a marriage. Focus on him and his inability to give consent due to his emotional and psychological issues. Do not focus on you but HIM and how he has obvious issues, thus he was not able to enter into the marriage contract. Can't give what's not there to give. Any man who controls a woman using abusive means is not able to marry. I wish I we're there and able to help you. Trust me, after they received a letter from me, you'd be annulled.

I think abuse needs to be canonical reason.
No one knows someone til they marry them and its only after they begin to abuse because they 'have you' so for them to enter into a union knowing they have no desire to try to be loving - or even if they dont know it - the person who marries them suffers their whole life which is not love.
No one would ever willingly enter a union - knowing up front their life would be miserable at the hands of someone who abused them.

I believe abuse needs to be canonical and i also believe people need to know this - so they dont act like they're are Mr Nice [or Ms] guy or girl and then show their true colors later.

In fact - holding back who they are - really are - is a lie.

 

[AlexDTX]

As you all know i've had a very long and unloving marriage - one which i entered into because i was pregnant.
It seems although i was often threatened and blackmailed if i ever left - that due to the length of time i stayed - the tribunal feels it could be a marriage.

As someone who [as you know] didnt speak too much against him because of the 10 commandments and such and wanting to be right - i may have a difficult time untying myself from him.
This has been my despair for many years... desperately wanting out - but seeing no way i could.
He moved me away from family and friends - made sure i never had money and i walked on egg shells --- but im afraid of not getting annulled....which is something i wanted at my reception...but didnt think i could be believed because i was pregnant and scared.

So please pray that i become free from what i felt i was obliged to do.
I hope im not penalized because i was afraid to leave all those years while raising my kids.

Hi Warrior,

I am not Catholic, but I am a Christian. Therefore I can not speak towards annulment, but I do know the grace of God, even though He hates divorce. I am a gymnastics coach as well as a follower of Christ, and I have learned some things about emotions that I teach my gymnasts and I did with my own wife.

My wife and I could not have kids due to an hysterectomy which devastated me. I knew I could not divorce her because of my vow to God, nor would I dare have an affair. So I sought solace in pornography, which is still mental adultery in my opinion. Our marriage became bitter as we both struggled with our discouragement. I told her about my porn viewing and told my pastor as well. I was eventually delivered of it by God Himself through His showing me the consequences of my action immediately. That was a process that took years. Before my deliverance I told my wife that we spoke better to strangers than to each other. Could we not agree to speak to each other as though we were strangers, then? She agreed and we got on the road to healing.

Emotions are the expressions of our thoughts. I deal with fear with gymnasts on a daily basis. Our thoughts proceed from two sources, our minds and our hearts. We can control the thoughts of our minds but the thoughts of the heart are a different matter. With my gymnasts they know in their hearts that they can get hurt missing the beam, for example. That is reality. You can not change that. However, if they control the thoughts of their minds by thinking only on what they have to do they can reduce the fear of their imaginations. If they think about falling and getting hurt, they are more likely to panic and actually fall and get hurt. After all, our bodies can only do what our thoughts direct them to do.

Fear in the heart is overcome by reality. They more they successfully do the skill without harm, the lower their fear becomes.

I know your marriage has a long history of abuse, so what I am sharing may not be doable for your two. You may have to divorce. However, I have been married 23 years and my first 10 years were with the struggle of discouragement with not having children. I know it is God's will for everyone to have children. I am not a Calvinist. The Bible clearly says be fruitful and multiply. It was not God who caused the hysterectomy. Nor is it God who has caused the abuse in your marriage. He gave us free wills and the world is fallen due to Adam and Eve's failure. Furthermore, Satan and his demons are real and are looking for every opportunity for mischief.

There might be a chance to save your marriage, though. If it is possible for you and your husband to come to an agreement regarding behavior. Love is an emotion which can grow by choice of thoughts. When I first met my wife, the Lord spoke to me and said, "This is it" in my mind. I responded by saying I did not know her nor love her. He responded by saying that I would grow to love her just as Isaac grew to love Rebecca.

The heart of Christian discipleship is to control our thought life. Second Corinthians 10 tells us that we are to keep every thought captive that is obedient to Christ and to cast out with a readiness for revenge every high thing that exalts itself above the knowledge of Christ. Love is a choice because our thoughts are a choice. Philippians tells us to think on whatsoever is lovely, whatsoever is of good report, etc.

Again, while God hates divorce, the grace given to us by Jesus Christ is greater than that. I hope these suggestions will be helpful. We are called to live at peace with all men if at all possible. If you can not with your husband, then follow your peace. Good luck.

 

[WarriorAngel]

I cannot go back.
I will not go back.

Let me ask you - did you love your wife?
Because love has to be central to get you thru it.
I didnt love him, he didnt love me.
He is a narcissistic self indulgent abuser. He was spoiled all his life by his parents and he can do no wrong.

I waited for years even asking him if he would go to counseling, his answer was 'no, i dont need to hear how bad i am and how to change.'
We did not agree with the number of children - and since the divorce he complained to my SIL that it was my fault we had 4 kids that he didnt want.
He said only 2 - i said i didnt want to marry him. As the trauma wore off [but not entirely] my need to find a safe haven away from a guy who stalked and abused me physically - my ex had become a safe haven [i thot] and a rebound. There was never love for him. Gratitude - but not love. Which doesnt make it work...no matter how hard you try.

I refused to have intimacy and when i got drunk at a party he took advantage [i was explained this was rape] and i got pregnant and thot [stupidly] i had to marry him to give my children a father.
We simply did NOT work. He made me walk on egg shells.

SO God hates divorce - because he hates destroying a couple filled with love.
But when you feel forced to come together with nothing in common more than having a child - it's bad. Its so so bad.

He lies all the time, he has caused PTSD in me... and i fight constantly to work through.

Its one thing when you enter marriage loving someone and wanting to make it work - its another when you enter because you feel you have to.

 

[AlexDTX]

I cannot go back.
I will not go back.

Let me ask you - did you love your wife?
Because love has to be central to get you thru it.
I didnt love him, he didnt love me.
He is a narcissistic self indulgent abuser. He was spoiled all his life by his parents and he can do no wrong.

I waited for years even asking him if he would go to counseling, his answer was 'no, i dont need to hear how bad i am and how to change.'
We did not agree with the number of children - and since the divorce he complained to my SIL that it was my fault we had 4 kids that he didnt want.
He said only 2 - i said i didnt want to marry him. As the trauma wore off [but not entirely] my need to find a safe haven away from a guy who stalked and abused me physically - my ex had become a safe haven [i thot] and a rebound. There was never love for him. Gratitude - but not love. Which doesnt make it work...no matter how hard you try.

I refused to have intimacy and when i got drunk at a party he took advantage [i was explained this was rape] and i got pregnant and thot [stupidly] i had to marry him to give my children a father.
We simply did NOT work. He made me walk on egg shells.

SO God hates divorce - because he hates destroying a couple filled with love.
But when you feel forced to come together with nothing in common more than having a child - it's bad. Its so so bad.

He lies all the time, he has caused PTSD in me... and i fight constantly to work through.

Its one thing when you enter marriage loving someone and wanting to make it work - its another when you enter because you feel you have to.

Warrior,
I am not encouraging you to go back. I hope I am giving you some clarity. Love is not central. That is, the feeling of love, for that is not love at all, only an emotion that is created by our thoughts. What is central is God's love. God's love is selfless. It does not have regard for Himself but us. Jesus dying on the cross is the ultimate expression of his love. The psalmist says that the righteous do what is right even to their own hurt (Ps. 15.4).

I did not love my wife when I met her. And I began to hate her when we could not have children. But I knew what was right and made the decision to choose to love her. That is, to act according to what love is and to think that way. I grew to love her in time.

You misunderstand why God hates divorce. It is not love according to the world, but it is the spiritual destruction that divorce causes. When two are joined together they become one flesh does not simply mean in the act of intercourse. It means that our spirits are joined together. The Apostle Paul pointed out that if a man sleeps with a harlot, then he has joined a harlot to Christ, because the two become one flesh (1 Cor. 6:16). He then further states, "But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit." (v. 17). When a couple divorces, their spirits are torn apart causing damage which is experienced mentally and emotionally.

Once again, I am not recommending you return to your ex. But if you want your heart to be free, you need to understand how you two have been joined together and the how the healing balm of forgiveness mends those wounds. As I said in my first comment, the grace of Christ is greater than the hatred God has for divorce. Because the grace of Christ is what heals all wounds.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Let me just say this...

Proverbs 5: 18
18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Proverbs 20: 6
6 Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?
7 The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Ephesians 5:33
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

God never says marry someone just because you know them.
Love is the key ingredient to coming together. No one - outside of 'contractual' marriages - marries someone just because they can.
Or its doomed.

WITHOUT love - you will not endure all things. Yes, i heard you must choose to love - after the initial honeymoon phase ends.
But there has to be a desire to love, care for, and please someone else.
If you marry for phsyical desires - its not love. To love you must have a good friendship to one another and a spiritual connection, neither of which ever happened because all he cared about what a physical attraction or he wouldnt have raped me. he would have been giving and less selfish - but it was all about what he wanted.
And i didnt want him... and moreover; i was in love with someone else.
Someone who i couldnt reach out to because the 'mutual friends' between the two got involved and kept us apart.
Including my now ex - who made it out that the other guy moved on and didnt care... which was a lie. So i gave up - disheartened i could ever be with him.

Turns out - a lot of ppl interfered and i sometimes blame myself for not being brave despite the rumors and go talk to him.
The one time i was asked to come talk to him - i was staying with my now ex - and the other guy had not got a house to himself - he was saving so he lived with his mom who refused to let me stay there. The one time i was going to talk to him - my now ex pushed himself into the car and insisted he go...but i was afraid of losing a place to stay so i let him go.
A fight broke out - and it was ever after rumors spread - and i thot he hated me because my now ex had him arrested...etc

So - i tell you - love does matter. Im not going to deny i still cared for the other guy all the way down the altar - all thru the miserable marriage i had and when chance put us together he confessed his side and as it turned out - the mutual friends did harm by wagging their tongues and opinions... and most of all - it was strictly by fear and default i stayed with who i married but i didnt love him. I cared about him - because i thot he saved me from the stalker - but love really matters. Without it - there is nothing that makes you want to try to work on the marriage. I stayed only because i feared leaving.

And the only marriages that really last are the ones where the couple loves one another - and they desire for it to work. It takes two - and it takes love. EVEN the classes i took said you must love your spouse - and even when the 'feelings' seem to fade - you then choose to continue to love.

NO where in Tradition nor the Bible does it say marry someone just because...

It's about love and Paul explained what love is - and if you love someone it is unconditional. Something neither of us had for the other.

So just because i went thru the wedding motions - doesnt mean it was right. That is why annulments exist. Not every marriage should have happened. I crossed my fingers and laughed when i said those vows because i knew i didnt mean them... and i told my dad i didnt want to. He just didnt listen to me and pulled me down the aisle before i ran off.

Its about intent - and i really didnt intend for it. In fact - again - my SIL asked me why i had more kids than he wanted. He said he wanted 2 - i said we shouldnt get married.
Just because ppl can be confused and scared - doesnt mean they should suffer abuse and call it a real marriage.

 

[WarriorAngel]

One more thing - it was that thinking alone - that i had to force myself to love that kept me in the abusive situation. Knowing i didnt love him - and there was no way i could. I tried and i tried - and tried but he didnt care.
He was cruel and heartless.
Another thing - marriage cant be broken kept me there even tho i lived on egg shells.
BUT the Church says - if you can prove it was not a marriage - then it never was.

Thats why i need prayers... for the evidence to be available - despite the length of time - because it seems no one understands that time isnt the measure of a relationship if someone is terrified to leave.. because of abuse.

He deceived me - he made it out the other guy didnt care about me, and he lied about his true identity putting on a false persona til we married BUT thats typical of abusers. Until you cant get away - they will not show their real face.

 

[AlexDTX]

One more thing - it was that thinking alone - that i had to force myself to love that kept me in the abusive situation. Knowing i didnt love him - and there was no way i could. I tried and i tried - and tried but he didnt care.
He was cruel and heartless.
Another thing - marriage cant be broken kept me there even tho i lived on egg shells.
BUT the Church says - if you can prove it was not a marriage - then it never was.

Thats why i need prayers... for the evidence to be available - despite the length of time - because it seems no one understands that time isnt the measure of a relationship if someone is terrified to leave.. because of abuse.

He deceived me - he made it out the other guy didnt care about me, and he lied about his true identity putting on a false persona til we married BUT thats typical of abusers. Until you cant get away - they will not show their real face.

I am in agreement with you. I am making a distinction between love as a spirit compared to love as an emotion. I am a little confused. Are you still married to him? Sometimes it sounds like you are already divorced.

Prayers only work when they are in agreement with the will of God. God's will is found in Jesus. His grace comes only through Jesus. When you understand what Jesus has done for you, then you will see your prayers answered.

As for the experience of love, that is found in your thought life. Because of all the abuse, you will not experience any love for him for a very long time. That is understandable. As I said, your heart is only changed by reality. Time and distance from him is the reality that will allow your heart to soften. That does not mean to remarry him if you are divorced, but to have compassion on him for his problems. We all have problems. His abuse towards you blinds you from seeing his problems. But forgiveness is the key to begin turning all that around.

I don't think there is any more I can say to help. I wish you the very best in finding your peace.

 

[WarriorAngel]

I am in agreement with you. I am making a distinction between love as a spirit compared to love as an emotion. I am a little confused. Are you still married to him? Sometimes it sounds like you are already divorced.

Prayers only work when they are in agreement with the will of God. God's will is found in Jesus. His grace comes only through Jesus. When you understand what Jesus has done for you, then you will see your prayers answered.

As for the experience of love, that is found in your thought life. Because of all the abuse, you will not experience any love for him for a very long time. That is understandable. As I said, your heart is only changed by reality. Time and distance from him is the reality that will allow your heart to soften. That does not mean to remarry him if you are divorced, but to have compassion on him for his problems. We all have problems. His abuse towards you blinds you from seeing his problems. But forgiveness is the key to begin turning all that around.

I don't think there is any more I can say to help. I wish you the very best in finding your peace.

I have said i have forgiven him. But that doesnt make me like him...trust him...or want him near me.
He's still telling lies to my kids.

Im divorced - this is why im going for an annulment you cant get one unless you are divorced.
This is why im asking for prayers - because time is not a measurement for it being real.
Not when you are too afraid to leave. Time means nothing. Marriage isnt true if it's coerced or you feel you are forced into it.

 

[Red Fox]

WA how are you holding up, my friend?

 

[WarriorAngel]

Im hanging on.
Offering up Mass for all the intentions i take with me. Yes annulment is one.
He comes to get the kids and i get anxieties. [he did today]

Wishing i could move away and take my kids but they want to stay here. [where they grew up]

 

[Red Fox]

Im hanging on.
Offering up Mass for all the intentions i take with me. Yes annulment is one.
He comes to get the kids and i get anxieties. [he did today]

Wishing i could move away and take my kids but they want to stay here. [where they grew up]

Just take it one day at a time, and if you need to, just one step at a time.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Just take it one day at a time, and if you need to, just one step at a time.

Thanks.
I try.
I keep telling myself patience - im closer to the home stretch. But this has all been a very long time. Im ready for a fast forward now.

 

[Red Fox]

Thanks.
I try.
I keep telling myself patience - im closer to the home stretch. But this has all been a very long time. Im ready for a fast forward now.

My inbox is always open if you ever need to talk.

 

[AlexDTX]

I have said i have forgiven him. But that doesnt make me like him...trust him...or want him near me.
He's still telling lies to my kids.

Im divorced - this is why im going for an annulment you cant get one unless you are divorced.
This is why im asking for prayers - because time is not a measurement for it being real.
Not when you are too afraid to leave. Time means nothing. Marriage isnt true if it's coerced or you feel you are forced into it.

I see. Since I am not a Catholic I don't see the need for the annulment. But it is important to your faith so I hope you get your prayer answered. I wish you the best.