Need perspective...

[kidsminister]

Okay, here's the deal:

I'm not bipolar.

But my best friend in the world is. I don't know how this is going to work long term.

Last night she had a "down" swing. I stayed strong for her while I was with her. I always do. But then I started thinking about whether I am really strong enough to be a friend to her. I thought about it so long, it triggered a "down" swing in me - by this afternoon, everything was hopeless. Life sucked. I said and thought a whole bunch of things I didn't mean, and cried a whole lot. I am most likely clinically depressed (I know I'm not bipolar, because I'm never manic!) - I just need to find a good therapist and some $$ to get officially diagnosed.

Besides the obvious problem (i.e. both of us being down at the same time!), I am really worried that I am not going to be able to be a friend to her. I love this person to pieces - she is the first real friend I've ever had (other than my husband!). She says I'm one of the first real friends she's ever had, and I'm in her life because I can "handle" her.

Yes, I can handle her. But I am scared that one day I'm not going to be able to. That I really don't have what it takes to be a friend to someone who is bipolar. It's hard enough as it is, without dealing with my own emotional "demons."

So, I am looking for advice from those of you who are bipolar. How can your loved ones be good friends to you? If you could tell your closest friends and family members how you want to be treated and what you need from them, what would you say? I'm here to listen to you, and to (hopefully!) get some advice.

 

[goldenviolet]

we are commanded to bear one another's burdens. rejoyce when our friends rejoyce and mourn when they mourne... do not lose heart while doing good...
these are all scriptures. so, how do you do it? when it is overwelmingl; then she is causing you to stumble. you both must love eachother a great deal. talk about this. give eachother permission to back off, without guilt. the most important thing to remember is when things are too much; then you are not to rely on eachother; but you are to rely on Jesus. our feelings are God's gift to exspress ourselves. use your feelings to tell you when to love eachother through it. or give a reminder to be strong on your own.. or give it to Jesus. there is a time for everything. what is is time for? to encourge? to minister too? to give space? to give it to Jesus? God bless you sweetheart! love dee

 

[Alive again]

Hello! I am so glad you came here to ask your question. It is difficult for anyone to say what works best for someone else. I imagine you are doing much right. The problem with this type of illness is reasoning with someone's mood does not always work. what i can tell you is what helps me. But most importantly I would tell you . . . ASK YOUR FRIEND, tell her you care about her and want to help her and ask her what you do that does help and if she has anything in particular that is helpful to her. Secondly and just as importatn-BOUNDARIES. You are not responsible for her and cannot fix her. So do not be afraid to say if it is somethingyou are not comfortable doing or are unable doing. And do not harm your own health to help her. God does not ask that of you. Do remind her of how precious she is to you and how that is just a small reflection of how precious she is to God. Remind of her beliefs and faith, of God's promises. But bottom line is your own strength will never be enough. Ask the HOly Spirit for strength and wisdom in helping your friend. God Bless and feel free to pm me.

 

[vibrant]

great advice thus far. can't add anything more myself.

 

[kidsminister]

Thanks for the advice, everyone (and for the PM, goldenviolet!!).

As you may have guessed, I was still in a little bit of a "down" swing when I posted that...

My friend and I have talked a lot about her being bipolar and how her friends can help her. The main thing she told my husband and me is to just be her friend. Don't give up on the friendship. She's had too many people who have really liked her while she was on a high - because she was full of energy and happy, but then if they got around her when she was on a low, would turn on her and act like she had completely betrayed them.

I know now what I didn't know as a kid, too: that my grandmother, who I loved to pieces, was most likely bipolar as well. The advice from my mom that resonates the most was, "keep telling her how much you love her, because that's what she needs to hear the most."

Thanks to all of you on this board for helping me to learn more about bipolar disorder...I don't post often, but I lurk here quite a bit!!

 

[Zita123]

When someone has bipolar, unfourtunatly, It belongs to the entire family and friends.
The only thing my best friend does ( and I love) is sit there and listen to me and try to help me the best she can!!
I'll say a pray for you!
Zita

Okay, here's the deal:

I'm not bipolar.

But my best friend in the world is. I don't know how this is going to work long term.

Last night she had a "down" swing. I stayed strong for her while I was with her. I always do. But then I started thinking about whether I am really strong enough to be a friend to her. I thought about it so long, it triggered a "down" swing in me - by this afternoon, everything was hopeless. Life sucked. I said and thought a whole bunch of things I didn't mean, and cried a whole lot. I am most likely clinically depressed (I know I'm not bipolar, because I'm never manic!) - I just need to find a good therapist and some $$ to get officially diagnosed.

Besides the obvious problem (i.e. both of us being down at the same time!), I am really worried that I am not going to be able to be a friend to her. I love this person to pieces - she is the first real friend I've ever had (other than my husband!). She says I'm one of the first real friends she's ever had, and I'm in her life because I can "handle" her.

Yes, I can handle her. But I am scared that one day I'm not going to be able to. That I really don't have what it takes to be a friend to someone who is bipolar. It's hard enough as it is, without dealing with my own emotional "demons."

So, I am looking for advice from those of you who are bipolar. How can your loved ones be good friends to you? If you could tell your closest friends and family members how you want to be treated and what you need from them, what would you say? I'm here to listen to you, and to (hopefully!) get some advice.