Need Love Advice...

[CoolShadow]

...in my mind you are comming between her and the Navy man, she obviously feels more for this guy then you, not trying to be mean, or the decision would be made...

When you said became close physically are you referring to doing ummmm...."things" together or...........what?? Becomming physical puts a spin on this that i think has been over looked, it can create a false sense of emotion something that clouds thought and decisions.

Well, I don't know that I really follow your logic about her "obviously" feeling more for the navy guy. I don't think that she could even answer that one for you. But in regards to the question on physical happenings, "things" have happened that we both recognize as unhealthy and are giving to God to get past. We realize the false sense of emotion that can occur from such things occurring, but after delving into emotions the conclusion has been drawn that those emotions are at best only loosely based on what was physical.

 

[DaveKerwin]

if it is not happening now with the navy guy, then something is obviously wrong with that relationship. Be her friend, if possible, and take time.

psychmajor... yeah, there are a TON of rotten apples out there, sorry you had to be with guys like that. I can't stand those guys. I just figured the navy guy was like that.

 

[pecan]

My two cents is that you and this girl should take some time away from each other. It sounds like your emotions are pretty worked up at this point, and you need to just take some time to let things chill out and seek God. It can be really hard to know if you're hearing God in the best of circumstances, much less when you have a lot of feelings clouding your view.
Also, I was wondering, does this navy guy know what's going on?

 

[CoolShadow]

My two cents is that you and this girl should take some time away from each other. It sounds like your emotions are pretty worked up at this point, and you need to just take some time to let things chill out and seek God. It can be really hard to know if you're hearing God in the best of circumstances, much less when you have a lot of feelings clouding your view.
Also, I was wondering, does this navy guy know what's going on?

Well said pecan, here's an update: We decided a couple of days ago that we're going to try and keep a purely platonic relationship (friends) to give space for our thoughts and feelings... However, we're a little worried about accomplishing this goal because is hurts quite a bit to hide how you really feel from someone.

And yes, the navy guy has been in the loop for the entire ordeal... He is holding onto hope...

 

[DaveKerwin]

CoolShadow. I was first friends with the woman I am now dating. We knew each other for years in college. When it came to the point where we were both romantically interested in each other, we still tried to remain friends, still testing the water. I coudl not be friends with her, it hurt too much. I was either going to date her, or never talk to her. You may get to that same point. She obviously needs to deal with those feelings for the other guy, and this platonic time might help her. I would go for her, or forget it. To be honest, what happened with me is that I tried to not talk to her or see her, because I wanted to be with her. Two months later she came around and we dated. So you are in limbo right now. Pray for revelation from God in this time. He may ask you to back off completely, or just go for it. I find that in times like yours, I pray the most, and am closest to God. Enjoy, what exciting times in life!

 

[Xingyi Warrior]

...but please repond with any input that you like. I have had friends in similar situations facing the same dilemna. They liked a girl who was hung up on another guy. Hey I stiil have feelings for my big X too but I realize that it'll never go anywhere so I just ignore them. But anyway.. what you could be dealing with here is the infamous power play. Even the best of Christian women can unknowingly play games with their suitors. Women like power just like men do. An interesting observation from my youngewr days bears recanting. When my X-fiance and I broke up many years ago, I was devestated initially. But after a while I began to pursue other interests. One problem - I was on the rebound - BIG TIME. I couldn't get over the fact that any girl I dated could never measure up to Natalie. Of course not - they wern't her. Either she wasn't as pretty or her boobs wern't as big or she couldn't cook as good - I know, I was being a jerk. But eventually most of the girls I dated would give me the old "I think we should start seeing other people line" And my reponse was "SEE YA!" You know like take a hike. Interestingly, I soon relaized that I couldn't get rid of them. I had inadvertantly, though my indifference, put the monkey on their backs. They pursued me like a bunch of groupies after a rock star. In one instance I had to move to get away from one. Moral of the story - women dont mind rejecting but they dont like to be rejected. So in your case you might, as pecan suggested, try distancing yourself a little and see what happens she might end up making that critical move when she percieves that you just dont care anymore.

 

[Daft]

I think you need to sit down with this girl and ask what she feels. they say you never stop loving your first love . even 30 years down the line. We can't help this, it's just 1 of the responsibilities that comes with this "shell". Remember, God love's you and cares for you no matter who you love. I think you know what God want's by the feeling in your heart. Please listen to your heart and follow it. you never know what tomorrow brings!!!

God bless I hope I've helped

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Let's face it, the navy guy is a dead end, it will never work. She is only hung on him because of an emotional attachment. She probably think that she cannot love another. Maybe there was physicalness in that past relationship, and she may feel that she HAS to be wtih him because of it. There can be anything at work here. But this is not the point.

WOAH! Where did this assumption come from? Am I reading what everyone else here is reading? Because the guy joins the Navy, the relationship will never work??

CoolShadow wants this woman. I say go for it. Win her heart! If you are what she is looking for, then she will see it. That is what I am saying. Show her who you are, what kind of man you are, and if there is something there, she will see it. Don't let the navy guy have anything over you. I understand the concern about her feelings for this other man, which is why I said don't move too quickly. Trust me, I know ALL about this.

On the contrary, I showed my girlfriend what a real man was. She dated a bunch of little boys. I have cared for her like no one ever has. I did not trick her into anything. As a matter of fact, she was all about it after she got to know me better. There was no trickery involved. (You can ask her yourself, send a PM to Marlena) Your accusations of manipulation are false, and I am offended at your assumptions. This is not some male power trip to keep the woman down, this is going after what you want, and not letting some chump sailor boy stop you.

CoolShadow, go for it man. If you know she is what you want, don't let some other guy stop you!

Pressuring her will only force her away.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

if it is not happening now with the navy guy, then something is obviously wrong with that relationship. Be her friend, if possible, and take time.

Could it be because he's away doing a job?? Just because the relationship isn't always in a forward motion doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the relationship.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

I think you need to sit down with this girl and ask what she feels.

I agree. And if she states, "I don't know," I think you're better off leaving her with that so she can figure out her own mind.

 

[Raanan]

Wow, this thread hits home. There's a friend of mine from highschool whom I find to epitomise everything I like in a woman, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Unfortunately, I know I have no chance. She knows she loves him and he has told her he loves her. The only difference is he's in the army. It's kind of depressing and I think I'm going to go check the mail now... /sigh