Need hope to stay safe

[HOLYROLLER71]

I was SI free for a year,then i messed up and started cutting.I beat myself up really bad because I see my body a a holy temple and i feel like I'm slapping Jesus in the face.I cut for 21 years.It bothers me spiritually what I do to my body,I know i've backslid,I haven't been able to make every service at church.I know the Lord forgives me of my sins,I can't forgive myself.I want to get back to where I was,it seems like I have to take it day by day,my counsler is "wordly" and it's hard to get her to understand how I feel spiritually.I feel like I've fallen back into the dark hole and can't get out.I'm just trying to hang on another day.

 

[berry2000]

I was SI free for a year,then i messed up and started cutting.I beat myself up really bad because I see my body a a holy temple and i feel like I'm slapping Jesus in the face.I cut for 21 years.It bothers me spiritually what I do to my body,I know i've backslid,I haven't been able to make every service at church.I know the Lord forgives me of my sins,I can't forgive myself.I want to get back to where I was,it seems like I have to take it day by day,my counsler is "wordly" and it's hard to get her to understand how I feel spiritually.I feel like I've fallen back into the dark hole and can't get out.I'm just trying to hang on another day.

"No temptation has seized that which is common to man and God is faithful he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear but when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinithians 10:13

Dear holyroller,
sometimes we fall into old patterns when stress levels are too high. Try not to dwell on what has happened and look forward. Perhaps you can generate a list of "other coping skills" and when you are tempted again look for that "Way out" that is promised. Hang in there girl...you can beat this.

 

[inHisgripkim]

I was SI free for a year,then i messed up and started cutting.I beat myself up really bad because I see my body a a holy temple and i feel like I'm slapping Jesus in the face.I cut for 21 years.It bothers me spiritually what I do to my body,I know i've backslid,I haven't been able to make every service at church.I know the Lord forgives me of my sins,I can't forgive myself.I want to get back to where I was,it seems like I have to take it day by day,my counsler is "wordly" and it's hard to get her to understand how I feel spiritually.I feel like I've fallen back into the dark hole and can't get out.I'm just trying to hang on another day.

Relapse is so frustrating. I suffer from a mental health disorder and I, therefore, can relate all to well. I do know that no matter what path we are walking or what goal we are trying to achieve, there are those days when we fall off the walk. Eexpect the let downs and relapses because they are a part of recovery. Once I realized that relapsing is expected and a part of any goal to achieve an end, I have been able to bounce back much quicker and resume my walk. Jesus would tell you the same thing. He wouldn't condemn you because you fell short of your goal to stop the SI. He understands your pain and suffering, for he, like us, endured the same human experiences. Forgiveness and love also means to forgive and love thy self. "To thine ownself be true."

We want to be healed from our afflictions so bad that when we relapse, we turn it back on ourselves. When we do that, the cycle of SI or the MH starts all over again. The point is to get right back on the horse and continue enjoying the ride after you fell off.

Tomorrow is another day. Take your walk one step at a time. Expect the relapses from time to time. If we expect otherwise, we set ourselves up for letdowns. Keep in mind that you have better days than bad days.

Where there is a negative, one can usually find a positive. When I relapse, it reconnects me to God. I cling to Him much tighter. When things go well, I tend to stray and get distracted from my connection with God. The relapsing pulls me right back to Him and my faith and love for the Lord flourishes. "His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses." Apostle Paul speaks Godly truth. He, too, had a physical condition that he had to live with. He used it to draw him closer to the Lord. His faith flourished because of his "thorn."

I got to go to work. I will keep you in my prayers.

Hang in there. Keep going forward. Get back on the horse. lol kim

 

[goldenviolet]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to inHisgripkim again.

blessings sweet children of God.

 

[HolyOne87]

I was SI free for a year,then i messed up and started cutting.I beat myself up really bad because I see my body a a holy temple and i feel like I'm slapping Jesus in the face.I cut for 21 years.It bothers me spiritually what I do to my body,I know i've backslid,I haven't been able to make every service at church.I know the Lord forgives me of my sins,I can't forgive myself.I want to get back to where I was,it seems like I have to take it day by day,my counsler is "wordly" and it's hard to get her to understand how I feel spiritually.I feel like I've fallen back into the dark hole and can't get out.I'm just trying to hang on another day.

I was in that type of situation...as far as not forgiving myself for the sins I have committed. Just like you've said, even when you know the Lord forgives you always, it's just hard to grasp that idea. I still somewhat struggle with that today. I usually say, " I have committed such a bad sin, how can the Lord forgive me so easily, yet I cannot forgive myself?". I've pondered that for a while, and sometimes the only way I can forgive myself was to be a servant to the Lord...to do hands on stuff for Him...like helping out at a soup kitchen or anything like that. For some reason, that gave me so much closure and helped me slowly forgive myself. These things not only make me feel better, but it is also helping me have a closer relationship with God.
I have faith that you can not only live on another day, but for many days.
+I pray to the Lord that He gives you the strength to forgive yourself of the burdens that are resting heavily on your soul.+

+God Bless+