C
Crusader88
Guest
Hi everyone. I can't sleep. Seeking council on this situation.
Let me explain the story.
This woman started coming out to our young adults group. She caught my eye. We hung out a few time within the group and then I asked her to hangout a bit outside the group. It didn't take long before I was getting crazy signals from her and I had a lot of feelings for her also.
We went to the beach and talked about our feelings and decided to pursue a relationship. We kissed, held hands, and things went quickly. We hung out that day, and the next and yeah, everything went too fast and we both knew it. The day after we hung out a bit and she suggested we slow down a bit. We didn't know each other that well. She said she wanted our relationship to have a good foundation. I agreed. So we went back to being just friends.
She discovered a few things about my life that she wasn't pleased with. Namely, me playing online poker. I used online poker as a means to support myself while I worked on personal software projects. She didn't like that.
We hung out a lot over a 3 week period, and I felt things were going really well. I felt it was time to check in on how things were going, so I asked her one time when we were driving back to her place how she thought things were moving along. "I don't know really." She seems set on becoming REALLY good friends before we commit. She's a bit older (28) than I am (23), and she has had her heart broken before. It seems like she wants to really make sure I'm "the one" before we start back up again. "Why do you want to rush this?" she said after a month of hanging out quite a bit (probably 10+ hours a week with a lot of deep, personal conversations about ourselves).
It's been 2 weeks since that drive back to her place. The problem is, I can't take this feeling. She gives me so many positive signals each time we hang out and I just can't handle not being with her. She wants to hang out a lot, and I do enjoy spending time with her, but I feel like she just wants to be really good friends. I don't think I'll ever be okay just being friends, and that feeling is tearing me up inside.
We were chatting online today and we were asking each other questions. One came up "are you happy?". I lied and said I was. I'm not.
I don't know what to do. I am never going to be content just being her friend and that process is ruining me. The thing is that I know she really cares about me (as I do her). I feel like for myself I need to give her an ultimatum and tell her that we are either together or we need to stop hanging out. The downside of that is that it will really hurt her. She really depends on my friendship since she was going through a really stressful period for the last few weeks and sought my council a lot.
The selfless thing to do would be to just gut it out and be friends. If things work out, they do, if they don't, they don't. But I'm not sure I can emotionally handle that. I'm up late at night again...thinking about her and why this is so difficult.
If you have any thoughtful advice, please help me out.
Let me explain the story.
This woman started coming out to our young adults group. She caught my eye. We hung out a few time within the group and then I asked her to hangout a bit outside the group. It didn't take long before I was getting crazy signals from her and I had a lot of feelings for her also.
We went to the beach and talked about our feelings and decided to pursue a relationship. We kissed, held hands, and things went quickly. We hung out that day, and the next and yeah, everything went too fast and we both knew it. The day after we hung out a bit and she suggested we slow down a bit. We didn't know each other that well. She said she wanted our relationship to have a good foundation. I agreed. So we went back to being just friends.
She discovered a few things about my life that she wasn't pleased with. Namely, me playing online poker. I used online poker as a means to support myself while I worked on personal software projects. She didn't like that.
We hung out a lot over a 3 week period, and I felt things were going really well. I felt it was time to check in on how things were going, so I asked her one time when we were driving back to her place how she thought things were moving along. "I don't know really." She seems set on becoming REALLY good friends before we commit. She's a bit older (28) than I am (23), and she has had her heart broken before. It seems like she wants to really make sure I'm "the one" before we start back up again. "Why do you want to rush this?" she said after a month of hanging out quite a bit (probably 10+ hours a week with a lot of deep, personal conversations about ourselves).
It's been 2 weeks since that drive back to her place. The problem is, I can't take this feeling. She gives me so many positive signals each time we hang out and I just can't handle not being with her. She wants to hang out a lot, and I do enjoy spending time with her, but I feel like she just wants to be really good friends. I don't think I'll ever be okay just being friends, and that feeling is tearing me up inside.
We were chatting online today and we were asking each other questions. One came up "are you happy?". I lied and said I was. I'm not.
I don't know what to do. I am never going to be content just being her friend and that process is ruining me. The thing is that I know she really cares about me (as I do her). I feel like for myself I need to give her an ultimatum and tell her that we are either together or we need to stop hanging out. The downside of that is that it will really hurt her. She really depends on my friendship since she was going through a really stressful period for the last few weeks and sought my council a lot.
The selfless thing to do would be to just gut it out and be friends. If things work out, they do, if they don't, they don't. But I'm not sure I can emotionally handle that. I'm up late at night again...thinking about her and why this is so difficult.
If you have any thoughtful advice, please help me out.
