Need help with this.....

[wvmtnkid]

Ok, so I know in my head that God will provide someone for me if that is His will for my life. But there is this part of me that is.....well, I guess, afraid, concerned, terrified, something along those lines, that if I totally give this desire over to the Lord and I stop thinking about it, and the desire fades, then somehow that signifies that I have given up and I don't want this anymore. Then God will say, "Ok, since you don't want this anymore, then I won't provide it for you. Since you're not worrying about it and pestering me about it every 5 minutes, you must not want this anymore for your life so let's go on to something else."

I know this is silly, but yet, it's still a fear that I have down deep. So, how do you get over this? How do you reconcile giving it over to God and not worrying about it but still having the desire? Is it possible to do both? Is this making any sense to anyone?

 

[jenptcfan]

Ok, so I know in my head that God will provide someone for me if that is His will for my life. But there is this part of me that is.....well, I guess, afraid, concerned, terrified, something along those lines, that if I totally give this desire over to the Lord and I stop thinking about it, and the desire fades, then somehow that signifies that I have given up and I don't want this anymore. Then God will say, "Ok, since you don't want this anymore, then I won't provide it for you. Since you're not worrying about it and pestering me about it every 5 minutes, you must not want this anymore for your life so let's go on to something else."

I know this is silly, but yet, it's still a fear that I have down deep. So, how do you get over this? How do you reconcile giving it over to God and not worrying about it but still having the desire? Is it possible to do both? Is this making any sense to anyone?

I'm the type of person who obsesses over stuff like this.

Here are my thoughts: "God, you know the desires of my heart and you know I desire to have a mate who shares my love for you. More than anything, I want your will for my life because you know what's best for me. I pray that you will provide for me in the ways you see fit. Help me to trust you. Help me to trust your timing. Help me to allow you complete control over this area of my life. I pray that when the time comes for me to meet my future mate, I will be in the midst of your will and have an open heart toward the person and that they would have the same open heart toward me. I trust you to keep my future husband safe and guide him in his daily life so he will have peace and not worry about whether or not he will ever find me. Thank you for loving me and being trustworthy. Amen."

I pray like that sometimes. I think it is possible to still have the desire for a mate but not have it as a worry. I desire to be married someday and have children, but I'm at peace with my life as it is today. That doesn't mean there aren't times when I say "OK, God...where is he???" but I know that God knows what's on my heart, and I know that I can trust him to carry out his will in my life. We can't trick Him into not knowing what our desires are. He's God.

 

[Stanfi]

wvmtnkid,

What am I going to do with you?? You have a desire in your heart. Right? Scripture says this:

Psa 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

That is a promise. I am struggling for the right words. Your are worrying about this desire. So, you are not letting God have it. Okay, let's say you give it to God, and trust Him 100% in his hands to fufill the desires of your heart. So, now it's in good hands, and you are not worrying about it Right? However, that doesn't mean that it's still not a desire in your heart. It's still there, but instead of worrying about it, you now have the assurance that God is taking care of it. Make sense? The desire you have is God given. He made us all to want companionship. I do not believe that because you trust in Him to fufill this desire, that you will lose it. I hope that makes sense! By worrying about it, you are just hurting the life that you are living now.

 

[KeilCoppes]

I know this is silly, but yet, it's still a fear that I have down deep. So, how do you get over this? How do you reconcile giving it over to God and not worrying about it but still having the desire? Is it possible to do both? Is this making any sense to anyone?

I know exactly how you feel - I've been there before, and I've just come over it again. If you don't believe me, a bit of a quote from the middle of the night last night in the midst of it. All right, yes, I'm on a different page from almost all the other men in the world, but that's who I am. Letting things be in God's hands even as I continue seeking makes a tremendous difference in lifting the weight. You probably know this already. Though I still have the desire, it's His decision and my joy in life will come either way, but if I ..require.. that God ever do my will, I'm in trouble. Praying and hoping, yes, but also doing and waiting for God to make the call:

"Lord, perhaps all this is to send me to you as the only One who understands, who may ever understand. You know that I too often turn to look for comfort in the hopes of the world. Oh, Lord, is it sinful for me to desire human company, of a heart to share my view of the world? Is it sinful to desire a kindred heart to mine?

I meet no Christian people of like precious faith in my regular life – all to often it feels like a desert, and I am drying out. It was so much easier when I let all hope of dreams go and let the years slide by, but the dryness is so difficult. I don’t think I am capable of living my entire life alone. I fear the day in which my parents and family, friends and church are gone and I am left alone with no caring from others. I can mark the time of the years going by until I die, but what is the good of that?

And yet, Lord, You are real. You are true. You never change, and You never desert me, no matter how much I deserve it. No matter my sins, You always draw me back. You are a source of living water that never dries up."

"....after several unrestful nights I see that I am still pursuing my own will and not trusting. I am doing some of the right things, but I am doing them in the wrong context, with the wrong attitude. Does changing my attitude mean I should expect divine results? No – it is still Yours to decide, Lord. I have failed to see that while I may plant or water, whether the seed sprouts or not is entirely up to You. You ordain the thorns of life. You ordain whether the seeds of opportunity will be eaten by the birds of providence. You ordain whether I will swallow myself up in the weeds of sin. I have missed again that I am here to be Your servant, and a lowly servant only fit to wash feet if that. You are the Master of the house, and Your will be done. If I am to be alone, Lord, please make me better at serving, though I am fearful in my weakness of the cost......"

"......And little by little, I suppose I learn. “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows”, and my striving to bring providence to my desires is “vain, and grasping after the wind.” It is You, Lord, who guard the city, who brings the deer on the mountains to their pastures, who from the heavens brings every drop of rain, every dewdrop, every turning of providence. Obedience in effort, yes. Doing the right thing, yes. But always, in everything, each part of providence, from the stirring of dust, to hairs on the head, to the movement of galaxies is only in Your divine hand. And so is my today and all of my tomorrows. And so must my trust be, just as a servant looks to the hand of his Master for his daily food, looking to You for all things."​

It is possible to do both. Just like asking your parents when you are young, asking in hope, but not contesting your will against theirs. Just like having a life goal when you're to young to make it happen. Have the goal, and meet people, not living to make a human relationship your salvation. But meet people and fellowship with them, and see if God is sending you blessings not just in friendship, but maybe someday in something more.

I'll step down off my proverbial stump up on the mountain under the stars. As far as I can see today:

God will always do what is best for His people
Obedience to Him always needs to be #1
We need to be still working and meeting people as opportunity presents
We can still ask God daily for His blessings
(maybe the blessing will come on some tomorrow)
But we need to ask, knowing His is the glory, the power, and the kingdom
and not nag him, but be like the woman who constantly went to the
judge (Lk 18:2-8).
Keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking, but in all things come back to God as our only comfort in life and in death.​

Keep living and looking - though we don't see His work, He's about it. Keep healthy, and spend time in the Word and in fellowship. Remember to enjoy the blessings He _is_ giving - you'll feel a lot better. Smile - it makes a difference.

Just a couple of keyclicks.

-kc

 

[msjones21]

I know exactly how you feel! Oftentimes I worry about handing over that portion of my life to God out of fear that I'll become completely content with my singleness and then God won't send me a spouse. It's hard for me to take both hands off of the situation and give it up to God. I realize I have to do it though, for my own good. God can't do His work in full if I'm constantly interfering. It's something I struggle with. You know how the "experts" say that just about every man, when he sees a woman, wonders what she would be like in bed? Well, half the time when I meet a man I'm wondering "I wonder what this guy would be like as a husband". At times it has become an idol, my quest to help God find me a mate. I have to take my focus off of finding a spouse and put it back where it belongs...on Christ alone.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Good, thoughtful responses everyone! I can't reply much now, but I'll be back later when I can. Thanks everyone for your encouragement!

 

[wvmtnkid]

I'm the type of person who obsesses over stuff like this.

Here are my thoughts: "God, you know the desires of my heart and you know I desire to have a mate who shares my love for you. More than anything, I want your will for my life because you know what's best for me. I pray that you will provide for me in the ways you see fit. Help me to trust you. Help me to trust your timing. Help me to allow you complete control over this area of my life. I pray that when the time comes for me to meet my future mate, I will be in the midst of your will and have an open heart toward the person and that they would have the same open heart toward me. I trust you to keep my future husband safe and guide him in his daily life so he will have peace and not worry about whether or not he will ever find me. Thank you for loving me and being trustworthy. Amen."

jenptcfan-this is an awesome prayer! Thanks for sharing it! It really gets to the heart of the matter.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Great posts too, mrstace, KeilCoppes and msjones!

I am reading the Purpose Driven Life and last night's reading couldn't have come at a better time. It was on surrender. Exactly what I need to do, but exactly what scares me the most. I'm working on it. Surrender gives strength, it doesn't show weakness or resignation.

 

[catch22]

There's this girl whom I care about more than anyone, but we're apart right now, and I know that God wants me to put my faith and attention totally on him, but I also have a similar fear that if I take my focus off of her that my memories of her will fade until nothing remains. I know what the right choice is...I just have to start walking in that direction. God will do what allows me to serve him best.

 

[Yasha]

That little 'prayer choir' of smilies is for YOU, dear one.


You know, I went on a search for your most recent concern by your user name because the love and prayer that you extended to me last October had gone unanswered for so long, that I wanted to let you know that I had finally replied.

In the search I found this prayer request of yours.

This made TONS of sense to me. I married for the first time in my life at the age of 32. I prayed and begged and watched and waited and became sort of 'hyper-vigilant' myself in that search (I hope you don't mind my use of that term...I don't even know if it is a real word....) was all I prayed for in the search for the PERFECT man, chosen for me by God.

He did answer me, finally. On many occasions since I have wondered WHAT He could have been thinking to have answered me in the way He has....heheehee . That is not sarcasm, but real humilty born of the pairing with a partner whose secrets have risen up to slay me time and time again since that wedding day. Secrets only to me, not to the Lord. Yet, I KNOW STILL, if I am honest, that we were BUILT for each other. No other person on planet earth can I imagine would EVER put up with my relationship with God like this man does. No other man on earth would put up with my artistic eccentricities like this man does. No other man on earth would be strong enough to cause me to pause and reconsider the virtue of my stance on every given day like this man does. No other man on earth would DRIVE me by the moment to the Lord like this man does. No other man on earth would require the laying down of my life for another like this man does. And, when being my servant, my chef, my maid, my protector, my handyman, my lover, my solidity, my root in this world, my temperance, my inspiration and my prayer partner..... no one brings me to my knees like this man does. All, of course, meaning no human man, for Christ exceeds ALL these qualities and many more for me.

The most IMPORTANT thing that waiting for my husband taught me, and continues to be the Truth that has sustained me next to him ever since, is the indominable relationship that I built with the Lord during that wait. On at least a million occasions since our wedding, I have had to choose to put the Lord first over my husband; to lean on the Lord in place of my husband; to weep with the Lord instead of my husband; to know the Lord's voice more keenly than my husband's: etc.

My marriage is an extreme example, that you should know. Yet, to some degree, I believe, in all marriages, the need to be a Child of God above and beyond being a husband or a wife, is crucial. Both for yourself, for them and for your children. God's voice need be present in both partners to complete the whole.

On top of learning of the immeasurable value of my personal and indivisable relationship with Jesus since marrying, I have learned that that relationship was forged in those years when He WAS my Husband. Not knowing the enormity of the reasons that would require the great solidity that He had distilled in the furnaces of loneliness during that search. The second thing I have learned, before and since marriage, that continues to grow on a momentary basis inside the temple in my heart, in His Throneroom, at His feet is......I Trust Him. He KNOWS me better than I ever have or ever will on this earth. He knows what it takes to love me better than any understanding I may gain. He knows the blessings He wishes to pour over me, the blessings He wishes to pour through me and the cost of all of these He has paid to accomplish these. A cost to which no wait, or loneliness, or frustration or confusion that I bear will ever measure.

Marriage can and regularly DOES, to some degree or another, require the death of ourselves for another persons well-being to be acquired. Some deaths are small and less costly, and some are huge by our measure. Only He knows how to prepare you for the partner of His choosing in His time. Learn His voice, His heart, His mercy, His joy, His patience, His sorrow, His hugs and His tears....in so doing, you ready yourself for His presence in your partner. When the day comes where the illusions of 'happily ever after' give way for a moment or a season, learn to find Him in your partner's heart and spirit and words and touch....because your partner may need you to find Him for them....and they for you. Know Who it is you seek as your First Love and the straight path for Your Lord's Will will be paved.

I tend to get windy, I know. Yet, your response to my request so touched me, that I wanted to make an effort to share some comfort upon your heart's greatest hope in this. May that He quicken ANY word that comes truly of Him in this reply and encourage your spirit on your journey.

Love from above, Shachah

 

[wvmtnkid]

Shachah-Thank you so much for your reply. It really speaks volumes to me, knowing a bit about your marriage and the complications you have gone through. It also helps me to realize how important it is that during this time of singleness, that I need to grow as close to God as I can. I need to learn as much about Him as I can and really to develop a personal relationship with Him. There will be times that I will be let down by my husband, if having a husband is God's will for me, as I am sure I will let him down. And coming through those times, while still keeping the relationship in tact, is what having a Godly marriage means. Or at least having God in my marriage will certainly help.

Thank you again.

 

[Yasha]

LordJesus, Know the prayer on my heart for wvmtnkid. Know it so that it be not tainted by praying before men to be seen...know it with the intimacy that we share born again anew each day and founded in those days of being alone with You before you granted me the gift of a husband.

For Your Glory, for our edification and for Your Will wrought perfectly in our lives preparing us for that which You have chosen to bless us, and others through us, as Your Ambassadors unto the Kingdom within and in the time to come. Amen and Amen Shachah

 

[ukok]

Ok, so I know in my head that God will provide someone for me if that is His will for my life. But there is this part of me that is.....well, I guess, afraid, concerned, terrified, something along those lines, that if I totally give this desire over to the Lord and I stop thinking about it, and the desire fades, then somehow that signifies that I have given up and I don't want this anymore. Then God will say, "Ok, since you don't want this anymore, then I won't provide it for you. Since you're not worrying about it and pestering me about it every 5 minutes, you must not want this anymore for your life so let's go on to something else."

I know this is silly, but yet, it's still a fear that I have down deep. So, how do you get over this? How do you reconcile giving it over to God and not worrying about it but still having the desire? Is it possible to do both? Is this making any sense to anyone?

wvmtnkid,

you know what, it's probably difficult for you to see God's blessing in your being single at this time, but i think i do. You give so much of your time and your love to so many, you serve others with your almsgiving and go out of your way to be friendly and sincere, tolerant and sympathetic ( i can vouche for this ! ~ and I only know you as a friend in Cyberspace, goodness knows how incredible you are in the Real World!)

My point is this...you have human needs and longings, it is perfectly natural to wonder whether it is God's will for you to be single, but though you don't have to make the decision to remain single for the rest of your life, perhaps you do need to learn to reconcile yourself to being single 'for now'. You don't have to deal with forever because you don't know what is in the plan for the rest of your life.

I know that it can feel scary or even to feel a little cross or resentful . I'm not suggesting that you feel that way yourself, but i know that i have sometimes felt as though i drew the short straw in the love stakes!

Take heart my friend, and be encouraged, we can always look at the lives of the Great Christian 'Singles' who have gone before us~ everyone from Mother Theresa to our Lord Jesus, Son of God.

 

[Stanfi]

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please be with wvmtnkid. Lord, you know the desires of her heart, and Lord, I trust that you would not give her a desire that you do not intend to fufill. Lord, I pray that you would help her to completely trust in you with this desire, that you Lord will fill it when your time comes. However, Lord I pray that until that times comes, I pray Lord that you will take the worry away, and allow her to enjoy her life as a single person, and be the blessing she is to so many that come into contact with her. Here in cyberspace and the real world a like. For Lord, we know that no truer and sincere heart has ever existed as hers. We ask Lord that you would be with her, and wrap her in your loving arms.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

 

[wvmtnkid]

Awww.....thanks you guys! You are gonna make me cry!

I keep telling myself perhaps this is just a season of singleness, but, boy, this season sure is lasting a long time! I do have some fear of staying single, but I also have some fear of getting married too. But, as you all have said, God knows my heart and knows what is best for me. I just need to trust Him more.

Thanks again. Your words and thoughts are appreciated more than you will ever know.

 

[Living4Him03]

Try not worrying about it and leaving it in God's hands and just having faith that He will give you the desires of your heart and see what happens. I think you will be surprised! Don't underestimate God's "gift giving" abilities!

 

[Yasha]

+ + =

 

[Yasha]

Lifting you in prayer today wvmtnkid.....just wanted to let you know you are covered. I know it helps me to know that people pray.

 

[wvmtnkid]

's

 

[Yasha]

Praying that your intimacy with Jesus increase and you know His hugs and His laughter....