- Jun 11, 2020
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Hi guys, I’m new to this forum and it seems to have lots of useful info and great people to bounce ideas off of. I’ve recently lost my job due to a health problem and have been disabled quite some time now. This gives me time to examine my life, past decisions, and relationships, one of which has been bothering me a lot mentally, despite prayer, i still have difficulty coming to peace of mind.i would love anyone’s input.
a few years ago I was not yet a Christian, or I would say I was culturally a Christian but wasn’t saved. I was stuck in an unhappy relationship that was coming to an end through incompatibility, fights, resentment. I was working at that time and was searching for myself, inspiration, and was even trying to spend more time on my faith and going to church. I met a coworker who I saw everyday, a man, let’s call him Jim and we started hanging out as friends. I found out he’s Christian, and he took me to his church. He knew I had a boyfriend. We hung out more and I noticed I started feeling excited to see him. I quickly called it off with my boyfriend before i actually cheated because it was headed down that road. Jim and I basically progressed quickly to falling for each other and things got physical pretty quickly. At the same time, he would introduce me to true Christianity, what it means to be a Christian, and I basically admired the crap out of him. During this time though, he told me he didn’t think this was going to work out, and that we got physical too quickly, so he “broke up” with me. I understood his point of view and looked up to him a lot so I didn’t get upset. It was also during this time that I was saved. I continued going to church, reading the Bible, entered small group and Had a spiritual awakening. I couldn’t believe I lived my life thinking I was a Christian, but not really getting it. I never knew who Jesus was, what he did for us, until that time.
jim could see that I became a new Christian and he started to approach me and wanted to hang out with me again. This is when I should’ve said NO because the next few months he basically kept me super close, continues to be physical, but was extremely indecisive about whether he wanted to commit. It was like he was watching me closely to see if I was a REAL Christian but at the same time he was getting the benefit of having a girlfriend, sort of. At least we spent a lot of time together. He then started judging things about me. Like say8ng things like “look at so and so, she doesn’t wear clothes like you do. Her pants and shorts always cover up everything”.. he didn’t like that I liked to dance. He was like judging my every move and personality to see if I could be “the one”. He was like “let’s wait and see what happens”l it’s like he never was ready to commit and wanted me to tell him I’d go anywhere he goes, telling me the woman follows the man in Christianity, BUT we weren’t Even In a committed relationship yet! And he would say he wanted to see where I stood with god. But it seemed like he just wanted me to become this perfect Christian girl he dreamed of. Well I STILL looked up to him And maybe I even loved him so I let this happen until I moved away for work.
once I moved away, I continued pursuing my faith and taking it seriously. He continued to keep contact with me from a distance, responding to my Instagram posts, making references to some inside jokes we had, sending me happy birthday texts. I never once contacted him first, but because I still valued what we had and a big role he played in my faith journey, I responded to him every time. It was a little confusing. Until one day my health went down the drain and after he texted me, I somehow thought it was a good idea to tell him my mental struggles and insomnia, etc, to pray for me, that I might end up in the psych ward. He said he’ll pray for me. That’s the last I’ve heard from him. As my physical illness continued to worsen and had to quit my job, all of my friends would reach out to me asking how I’m doing, even from afar, but he just dropped off the communication train that he was on the past 4 years and never once heard from him again.
this entire time I looked up to him because he taught me so much about Christianity, but after everything, now looking back, I just feel like wow, his character truly Sucks and it hurts to know that, especially since he was the one that introduced me to this world of true faith. It’s like he was either using me or watching me from a distance the whole time,
Or keeping me in contact this whole time, and once My life went downhill, he bails, even as just a brother. Especially after I revealed to him my health struggles. If I didn’t tell him I would Not feel as hurt.
I don’t ever feel like talking or seeing him to discuss this go pleas don’t advise that. He’s always teaching me how to be a good Christian, but I feel like I got a true taste of who he Really was as a fake hypocrite. aI just want to find a peace of mind.
thanks in advance
a few years ago I was not yet a Christian, or I would say I was culturally a Christian but wasn’t saved. I was stuck in an unhappy relationship that was coming to an end through incompatibility, fights, resentment. I was working at that time and was searching for myself, inspiration, and was even trying to spend more time on my faith and going to church. I met a coworker who I saw everyday, a man, let’s call him Jim and we started hanging out as friends. I found out he’s Christian, and he took me to his church. He knew I had a boyfriend. We hung out more and I noticed I started feeling excited to see him. I quickly called it off with my boyfriend before i actually cheated because it was headed down that road. Jim and I basically progressed quickly to falling for each other and things got physical pretty quickly. At the same time, he would introduce me to true Christianity, what it means to be a Christian, and I basically admired the crap out of him. During this time though, he told me he didn’t think this was going to work out, and that we got physical too quickly, so he “broke up” with me. I understood his point of view and looked up to him a lot so I didn’t get upset. It was also during this time that I was saved. I continued going to church, reading the Bible, entered small group and Had a spiritual awakening. I couldn’t believe I lived my life thinking I was a Christian, but not really getting it. I never knew who Jesus was, what he did for us, until that time.
jim could see that I became a new Christian and he started to approach me and wanted to hang out with me again. This is when I should’ve said NO because the next few months he basically kept me super close, continues to be physical, but was extremely indecisive about whether he wanted to commit. It was like he was watching me closely to see if I was a REAL Christian but at the same time he was getting the benefit of having a girlfriend, sort of. At least we spent a lot of time together. He then started judging things about me. Like say8ng things like “look at so and so, she doesn’t wear clothes like you do. Her pants and shorts always cover up everything”.. he didn’t like that I liked to dance. He was like judging my every move and personality to see if I could be “the one”. He was like “let’s wait and see what happens”l it’s like he never was ready to commit and wanted me to tell him I’d go anywhere he goes, telling me the woman follows the man in Christianity, BUT we weren’t Even In a committed relationship yet! And he would say he wanted to see where I stood with god. But it seemed like he just wanted me to become this perfect Christian girl he dreamed of. Well I STILL looked up to him And maybe I even loved him so I let this happen until I moved away for work.
once I moved away, I continued pursuing my faith and taking it seriously. He continued to keep contact with me from a distance, responding to my Instagram posts, making references to some inside jokes we had, sending me happy birthday texts. I never once contacted him first, but because I still valued what we had and a big role he played in my faith journey, I responded to him every time. It was a little confusing. Until one day my health went down the drain and after he texted me, I somehow thought it was a good idea to tell him my mental struggles and insomnia, etc, to pray for me, that I might end up in the psych ward. He said he’ll pray for me. That’s the last I’ve heard from him. As my physical illness continued to worsen and had to quit my job, all of my friends would reach out to me asking how I’m doing, even from afar, but he just dropped off the communication train that he was on the past 4 years and never once heard from him again.
this entire time I looked up to him because he taught me so much about Christianity, but after everything, now looking back, I just feel like wow, his character truly Sucks and it hurts to know that, especially since he was the one that introduced me to this world of true faith. It’s like he was either using me or watching me from a distance the whole time,
Or keeping me in contact this whole time, and once My life went downhill, he bails, even as just a brother. Especially after I revealed to him my health struggles. If I didn’t tell him I would Not feel as hurt.
I don’t ever feel like talking or seeing him to discuss this go pleas don’t advise that. He’s always teaching me how to be a good Christian, but I feel like I got a true taste of who he Really was as a fake hypocrite. aI just want to find a peace of mind.
thanks in advance
