Need help desperately....

[Kestrel25]

....I am literally in tears while i am typing this. This is the 5th or 6th time i've had a major panic attack recently and i am getting desperate now.

I was a Christian a while back, but something happened and i didn't believe anymore. I don't remember the exact reason why, but i tried and tried to carry on but i ended up drifting away and for the last year or so i haven't been near a church or bible or anything.

But i kept on questioning the meaning of life and i've been really depressed a lot.
The thing is i have no one to talk to because now i've left school i don't see my friends anymore. And I can't talk to my family because they're agnostic too. If they get the wrong idea, they might blame God or religions in general for it. I really don't want to push them further away, because of MY problems.
So i've had to keep this to myself for the past year and now i can't handle it anymore.

I would have prayed, but i am too afraid to. I am afraid that if i don't get an answer, or at least one that i'd recognise, it'll make me doubt even more.

I can't even enjoy my hobbies because i keep feeling as though i am not allowed to. Like it's a punishment for doubting or for not going to church.
Music isn't helping, tv isn't helping, nothing is making me feel any better.

I also have a fear of the night. Not really because of the dark, but because during the day there are other people around and i don't feel alone. But all my family have gone to bed and i am down here on my own. I can't feel anything. I used to feel as though i wasn't alone, but now i feel completely on my own. I look outside and i can't see God in the natural world anymore. I can't see his hand behind anything anymore.

I am afraid to go to bed myself, because i won't sleep. I've had problems with sleeping and i just end up tossing and turning and in tears.

I have thought of suicide many times, but i know that i'd never have the guts to actually go through with it because i worry about my family and i am also a coward who's absolutely terrified of dying.

I would go and see someone, but my family would find out and like i said, i don't want them to know. My dad has an annoying habit of putting the blame on the first thing he thinks of. If he feels i am in pain because of religion, he'll never want anything to do with it. I don't want that to happen.

I don't know what i can do, i am afraid of the panic attacks. They come randomly whenever i feel completely alone. And they are really painful.
I am just lucky that so far they haven't happened when my family are around.

So i am stuck and i really need some help. At least typing this has made me feel a bit better because i am actually telling someone else. But i don't know what else to do. So please help if you can, or if you have some advice i'd be really grateful.

 

[CorTortilla]

The best thing I can suggest to you is to seek medical treatment. Panic attacks can eb treated with medicene. They are positibly horryfying. I have had one before where i was convinced oi was being wtached. Also no joke: I almost had one now thinking about what happened to me last time i had one. It was very mild, I just felt like I was being watched and felt all tingly. Anyways, you should really get involved in a religion. Please don't even think f commiting suicide you have so much to live for. Like I said: Get involved in any religion. Not a cult, but an organizied religion with which you can find comfort in a God/ess/es. Christianity would be a good choice, but there are others. Like for example Islam or Judaism, or even Hinduism or Buddhism. Staying agnostic will make you feel even more confused and befuddled and have a snese of not belonging. If you have another panic attack, then you can just call upon a deitie's name for help and comfort (Which is what I did when i had my panic attack, I called out for Jesus Christ and started reading my Bible and it made me feel much more safer and better).

 

[dodad91]

Krestrel,

What you are experiencing is not uncommon. In fact many people who I work with have experienced this often. First, let me begin by saying that it took faith and a lot of love to first and foremost post your concern. Second, God loves you enough that there is a reason why you haven't experience these attacks in front of your parents. Again, I believe that God is still working in your life, even if you have come to a point in your life of "not feeling close to God."

I truly believe that we all go through these times at some point in our Christian walk. But through our weakness he gives us strength. Through our sad times He STILL gives us gladness. And through our pain He can and will give us hope.

God has taken all fear away from us. Do you remember reading in your bible where the apostle Paul said by the Spirit to Timothy that God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2Timothy 1:7) There is no fear in God, and there should be NO fear in you. I would ask Krestrel that you pray when you don't feel like it, pray when you feel low, and pray when it seems God isn't listening. Most of the time we look for God to do things our way, so we often miss His blessing, because He comes differently than we think. If you truly want to be close to God again, then talk to Him and He'll listen.

As far as your parents and you not wanting them to know, then I suggest that you simply NOT tell them. You know your parents and how they would react to things and certain situations. But the most important thing that I'm conveying is to re-establish what you "feel" like you've lost.

I don't know why you left school, but I truly believe you should reconsider going back. Again, I do not know the history, but you truly seem that you want to have a relationship with God again.

God loves you and so do I

 

[rocklife]

to get to know God better, also prayerful bible study, reading the bible.

am praying for you

 

[Deb7777]

Kestrel, God is on your side, he only wants what's best for you. You don't have to have all the answers figured out, take it one day at a time. God does want you to enjoy life and to the full! Unfortunately, so many things can disturb our peace and we try to get through them the best we can. In God's wisdom, he has given us guidelines to help us live life to the full in real joy by keeping the commandments. Those who choose not to keep the commandments have the burden of deciding for themselves good and evil. That's a burden nobody has to make on major issues if they accept those ancient 10, in my opinion a good foundation in making good decisions. Being a part of a group that shares the same values as you will be a source of great comfort. You don't have to figure it all out in a day, God is definitely your friend and by your side. He just doesn't want to force himself or his values on you without your freewill, your consent of your heart and mind. I hope you start sleeping better, God definitely wants you to get a good night sleep! I'll pray for you and that important sleep, God bless.

 

[StMatthew2429]

Greetings sister!!!

first off..no drugs!!! Please do not go to a doctor who gets paid by drug companys to shove pills down your throat that dont address the real issues...

That being said, you are a beautiful person. God gave you have the ability inside of you to find whats wrong. A dog can not! You know you! "Doctors" do not. Parents do not. You know whats making these things happen. Deep deep down. Environment you are in. The people you talk to. The values you have and everyone around you have. How you handel situations. How the people around you handle them. What your eyes are open to. The media that hits your eyes and brain on a dailey basis. Ex..

Yes, you do need a form of outside help to guide you on this path. Somtimes we need a completely trusting ear to just listen to us without judgment. Somtimes all we need is faith in somthing, and the deep understanding that you can be and act whoever and whatever you want to be! ..also that there really is no need to get so upset over things you can not control. And unfortunately we live in a society where its all to common to have things implanted subconsciusly into our minds by money making industries to control the way we feel about ourselves. Because there is a percentage of human beings that you can tell them the sky is purple and they will believe it! When in reality, you are just experiencing human emotions dicated by envirnment.

You said so yourself that it wasnt allways this way. You know what you have done in the past. You know the choices you made that lead you to this point. Analyze it and make changes. Slowly..take your time. Don't rush...and don't be afraid of anyting including the truth thats inside of you. Even hurtful things make us stronger for the future if they when used correctly. At the same time, they can hurt us if not. You have the answers you seek.. Yourself! No one can do these things for you but you ultimately!

Remember, Life is what happens when you are doing somthing else.
~John Lennon

 

[Anti Existance]

Lets start rediscovering your life, read the page in here.
http://www.aleroy.com/Abetway.htm

http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf No matter how deep a soul has fallen there is always a way out.

And read the stories on www.near-death.com

 

[scattycat]

....I am literally in tears while i am typing this. This is the 5th or 6th time i've had a major panic attack recently and i am getting desperate now.

I was a Christian a while back, but something happened and i didn't believe anymore. I don't remember the exact reason why, but i tried and tried to carry on but i ended up drifting away and for the last year or so i haven't been near a church or bible or anything.

But i kept on questioning the meaning of life and i've been really depressed a lot.
The thing is i have no one to talk to because now i've left school i don't see my friends anymore. And I can't talk to my family because they're agnostic too. If they get the wrong idea, they might blame God or religions in general for it. I really don't want to push them further away, because of MY problems.
So i've had to keep this to myself for the past year and now i can't handle it anymore.

I would have prayed, but i am too afraid to. I am afraid that if i don't get an answer, or at least one that i'd recognise, it'll make me doubt even more.

I can't even enjoy my hobbies because i keep feeling as though i am not allowed to. Like it's a punishment for doubting or for not going to church.
Music isn't helping, tv isn't helping, nothing is making me feel any better.

I also have a fear of the night. Not really because of the dark, but because during the day there are other people around and i don't feel alone. But all my family have gone to bed and i am down here on my own. I can't feel anything. I used to feel as though i wasn't alone, but now i feel completely on my own. I look outside and i can't see God in the natural world anymore. I can't see his hand behind anything anymore.

I am afraid to go to bed myself, because i won't sleep. I've had problems with sleeping and i just end up tossing and turning and in tears.

I have thought of suicide many times, but i know that i'd never have the guts to actually go through with it because i worry about my family and i am also a coward who's absolutely terrified of dying.

I would go and see someone, but my family would find out and like i said, i don't want them to know. My dad has an annoying habit of putting the blame on the first thing he thinks of. If he feels i am in pain because of religion, he'll never want anything to do with it. I don't want that to happen.

I don't know what i can do, i am afraid of the panic attacks. They come randomly whenever i feel completely alone. And they are really painful.
I am just lucky that so far they haven't happened when my family are around.

So i am stuck and i really need some help. At least typing this has made me feel a bit better because i am actually telling someone else. But i don't know what else to do. So please help if you can, or if you have some advice i'd be really grateful.

i agree with the others. the best thing to do is look for medical advice. and perhaps when ur moods are less stable and you have had some support, then perhaps go to ur local church and see what happens? i too lost my faith and i am looking to have it bk again. i dont know what else to suggest just yet as im in the same boat. i have depression too and i wouldnt be here now if it wasnt for my drs and counsellors. i have attempted suicide and been through al of that. so if u wish to contact me then please do. i dont know how i can help, but i wil certainly do my best to try. x

 

[WashedClean]

You've received some mixed advice here at best. I would NOT advise joining "any" religion. Jesus did not die to give us a religion. He came so that we could have peace with God and our sins forgiven. There is no other God but Yahweh. Not Allah, Buddah, etc. Please, just read the Bible and pray for God through the Holy Spirit to reveal the Truth of Jesus Christ to your heart.

As far as the panic attacks go, I have a cousin who suffers from them and he's 50 years old. It's debilitated him his entire life. I would not say that drugs are bad, they can help some people. But not everyone. Get a couple of Dr's opinions (I would seek medical doctor's advice, as well as psychological). Then I would try to find a church with a Pastor that you feel comfortable speaking with. I'm not sure where you're from, but I would suggest a non-denominational church. Just make sure they're Christian and believe in God's Word, the Bible.

Sweetie, God loves you. He wants the best for you, but you have to surrender your will to him. Trust Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior and God will be with you forever.

Feel free to PM me if you wish.

Love,

Jill/WashedClean

 

[SavedByAnAngel]

It's all been said very well. I will pray for you

 

[Phospho]

Kestrel, I hear you, and I understand what you are feeling. I may not understand what you are going through, for panic attacks are different with each of us, but I can identify with what you are feeling. You are not alone. If you have a radio in your room, I would try and find a Christian radio station that you can listen to at night...many times God will speak to your heart through a song.

My heart was breaking as I read your post, and I am reminded of the times that I have felt the same...and worse. When I was your age, my father actually said the words, "I'll kill you..." to me - I hope that never happens to you, but it scared the jello out of me...and made me feel as about as important as a pile of dog poo out in the back yard. It not only scared me, it hurt me deeply...what hurt even more is that he didn't care that what he said to me hurt, in his anger he didn't care about anything he said.

Anyways, I said that to help you understand that I can honestly sympathize with your heart. That is a big, BIG hug straight from my heart. The next thing that I want to tell you is this...I want to give you a reason for having faith in God again. Have you heard of the Anthropic Principle? No Cosmologist alive today in his right mind refutes it. It is comprised of over 12 cosmological constants that make up the universe that came into being within the first 30 seconds after the Big Bang.

All of them have infinite possible ranges that they could have fallen into, but they all fell within tightly strictive values so that our universe could be, and so that we could be. Some of these constants are antagonistic to each other, which means that they could not have stopped to fill the values that they do today by natural means - it means that an intelligence stopped them where they needed to be stopped in order for God to make YOU.

Modern day cosmologists tell us now that the universe was made from nothing (what we all ready knew!), and that all this design in nature could not have happened by chance, it was orchestrated by a being with great power, wisdom, and intelligence - God (Yahweh by name). Why did God make all this? He made it because He desired YOU. He desired to love someone that would also choose to love Him back...He desires YOU, and He has chosen YOU. You are unique, special, and greatly cared about and greatly loved - don't ever forget that.

Sometimes we cannot feel God, but that doesn't mean that He isn't there. Sometimes you cannot see the evidence of the electricity in your outlet because your light is not turned on...but it is still there none-the-less, isn't it!?! Yes, it is.

This is a word for you, go to your bedroom, find yourself a christian radio station if there is one, and if there isn't one do you have a computer in your room? If you do, search for K-Love on line. Listen to it play as you lay down on your pillow...then begin to talk to God. This is what I want you to talk to Him about...tell Him about your feelings, your fears, the thoughts that run through your mind. Whether you feel His presence or not, I want you to ask Him to forgive you and to help you because you are hurting inside.

I want you to understand this...Jesus came to earth when He didn't have to; He lived among sinners (the Holy touching the unholy) for 33 years when He didn't have to; He allowed the religious leaders to mock Him, spit in His face, call Him vile names and pull the beard out of His face...when He didn't have to. He allowed unclean gentiles (Romans) to make fun of Him, when He didn't have to; and He allowed them to beat Him with whips and sticks, to tear the flesh from His back...when He didn't need to. He finally allowed them to nail Him to a cross, and allowed the religious leaders to further mock Him while on that cross...when He didn't have to.

Why? Because Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God, loves you more than anything He ever created...He loves you with a passion that will never stop, EVER! He is with you right now as you read this, you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes...He is standing by your side right now, confirming what I am telling you. Now, go somewhere where you can be alone with Him, and have some heart-communion with Him...it is long overdue...

Love and blessings, my little sister.

 

[WashedClean]

"You must spread some reputation around before giving it to Phospho again".

Beautiful post!

 

[bethdinsmore]

QUOTE: ...I would go and see someone, but my family would find out and like i said, i don't want them to know. My dad has an annoying habit of putting the blame on the first thing he thinks of. If he feels i am in pain because of religion, he'll never want anything to do with it. I don't want that to happen. ...QUOTE

When I am leading Christian recovery groups, I often make comparisons to the physical side of things. Here's an analogy:

You have been in a bad car wreck coming home from church, and you are the one who is injured the worst. Do you say to the medics "I can't let you help me - see to my father first - if he sees me getting help he may turn from religion" ?

Actually, when our loved ones see our recovery in Christ, they may at first object, but many will eventually come to trust Christ because of the changes they see in us. I know, personally.

Anyone who has enough pain or trauma that they have considered suicide needs help right away. But if it would make you feel more comfortable at this point - if you feel your family would find out because of paying bills, there is some free or almost free Christian counseling out there - especially in large churches. If not free, it can be on a sliding scale, just as with Christian colleges or seminaries that have counseling departments. Also, Christian recovery groups would help a lot - like Overcomers Outreach. In addition, Christian recovery workbooks such as Springle's "Rapha's 12 step program for overcoming codependency" can be a tremendous help. Also, my website listed on my profile page gives a lot of info and verses on recovery.

Don't look for excuses not to get help any longer. Remember the story of the car accident.....

Aloha in Jesus. I'll pray for you, friend.

p.s. It seems that you possibly also have some issues concerning eternal security of the Christian. Here are some verses:

Rom 6:23
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(NIV)
Rom 11:29
29 for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.
(NIV)
John 10:28-30
28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.
29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand.
30 I and the Father are one."
(NIV) (We can't even snatch ourselves out of God's hand.)

 

[SamCJ]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, recognize your blessings and go help the people who really need you. Give food to the hungry, comfort the sick, clothe the poor, whatever. There are plenty of people who need you. Give them your best. Whatsoever you do unto the least of His, you do unto Him, and He will reward you for it with peace of mind.

 

[GODSWRATH]

my suggestion would be this 2,4,6,8 burn the rich and smash the state.

 

[ALIgator]

Hi Kestrel~ I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this First off I just want to let you know that if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to you can PM me. I will always be here to listen to whatever you need to talk about. I will definitely be praying for you and for things to start getting better. But from what I've heard it sounds like you are a very loving person who really cares about your family. However, if things are this bad for you you really do need to get help. I know you don't want them to find out, trust me I understand what it's like to have parents who aren't Christian, but you really need to start getting your life under control. Also, I wish you weren't scared to pray!! God loves you and wants you to be able to come to Him with your problems, but I will pray for you. I hope things start going better for you, let me know if you ever need to talk.
God Bless
Ali

 

[bethdinsmore]

I would be happy for you to pm me too, friend.
Aloha in Jesus

 

[TheMatman]

....I am literally in tears while i am typing this. This is the 5th or 6th time i've had a major panic attack recently and i am getting desperate now.

I was a Christian a while back, but something happened and i didn't believe anymore. I don't remember the exact reason why, but i tried and tried to carry on but i ended up drifting away and for the last year or so i haven't been near a church or bible or anything.

But i kept on questioning the meaning of life and i've been really depressed a lot.
The thing is i have no one to talk to because now i've left school i don't see my friends anymore. And I can't talk to my family because they're agnostic too. If they get the wrong idea, they might blame God or religions in general for it. I really don't want to push them further away, because of MY problems.
So i've had to keep this to myself for the past year and now i can't handle it anymore.

I would have prayed, but i am too afraid to. I am afraid that if i don't get an answer, or at least one that i'd recognise, it'll make me doubt even more.

I can't even enjoy my hobbies because i keep feeling as though i am not allowed to. Like it's a punishment for doubting or for not going to church.
Music isn't helping, tv isn't helping, nothing is making me feel any better.

I also have a fear of the night. Not really because of the dark, but because during the day there are other people around and i don't feel alone. But all my family have gone to bed and i am down here on my own. I can't feel anything. I used to feel as though i wasn't alone, but now i feel completely on my own. I look outside and i can't see God in the natural world anymore. I can't see his hand behind anything anymore.

I am afraid to go to bed myself, because i won't sleep. I've had problems with sleeping and i just end up tossing and turning and in tears.

I have thought of suicide many times, but i know that i'd never have the guts to actually go through with it because i worry about my family and i am also a coward who's absolutely terrified of dying.

I would go and see someone, but my family would find out and like i said, i don't want them to know. My dad has an annoying habit of putting the blame on the first thing he thinks of. If he feels i am in pain because of religion, he'll never want anything to do with it. I don't want that to happen.

I don't know what i can do, i am afraid of the panic attacks. They come randomly whenever i feel completely alone. And they are really painful.
I am just lucky that so far they haven't happened when my family are around.

So i am stuck and i really need some help. At least typing this has made me feel a bit better because i am actually telling someone else. But i don't know what else to do. So please help if you can, or if you have some advice i'd be really grateful.

Did you have these panic attacks before you had doubt about the Christian faith? Or is this something you have experienced only since you lost your faith?

I ask this for a reason. If the panic attacks happened after you lost your faith, then your panic attacks are proof that your faith was real. Don't think of it as punishment; think of it as proof.

Faith in God insulates you from fear. If you didn't have this fear before (when you had faith) but now you have this fear (now that your faith is gone), then your fear validates the faith you once had.

The real question is why you abandoned your faith.... Deal with that issue, and your attacks will leave.

Message me if you have questions.

 

[chris414]

Theres some really good stuff here. Give your problems over to God and He will sort it out.

Our God can do anything!

 

[ManSeekingGodsPeace]

....I am literally in tears while i am typing this. This is the 5th or 6th time i've had a major panic attack recently and i am getting desperate now.

I was a Christian a while back, but something happened and i didn't believe anymore. I don't remember the exact reason why, but i tried and tried to carry on but i ended up drifting away and for the last year or so i haven't been near a church or bible or anything.

But i kept on questioning the meaning of life and i've been really depressed a lot.
The thing is i have no one to talk to because now i've left school i don't see my friends anymore. And I can't talk to my family because they're agnostic too. If they get the wrong idea, they might blame God or religions in general for it. I really don't want to push them further away, because of MY problems.
So i've had to keep this to myself for the past year and now i can't handle it anymore.

I would have prayed, but i am too afraid to. I am afraid that if i don't get an answer, or at least one that i'd recognise, it'll make me doubt even more.

I can't even enjoy my hobbies because i keep feeling as though i am not allowed to. Like it's a punishment for doubting or for not going to church.
Music isn't helping, tv isn't helping, nothing is making me feel any better.

I also have a fear of the night. Not really because of the dark, but because during the day there are other people around and i don't feel alone. But all my family have gone to bed and i am down here on my own. I can't feel anything. I used to feel as though i wasn't alone, but now i feel completely on my own. I look outside and i can't see God in the natural world anymore. I can't see his hand behind anything anymore.

I am afraid to go to bed myself, because i won't sleep. I've had problems with sleeping and i just end up tossing and turning and in tears.

I have thought of suicide many times, but i know that i'd never have the guts to actually go through with it because i worry about my family and i am also a coward who's absolutely terrified of dying.

I would go and see someone, but my family would find out and like i said, i don't want them to know. My dad has an annoying habit of putting the blame on the first thing he thinks of. If he feels i am in pain because of religion, he'll never want anything to do with it. I don't want that to happen.

I don't know what i can do, i am afraid of the panic attacks. They come randomly whenever i feel completely alone. And they are really painful.
I am just lucky that so far they haven't happened when my family are around.

So i am stuck and i really need some help. At least typing this has made me feel a bit better because i am actually telling someone else. But i don't know what else to do. So please help if you can, or if you have some advice i'd be really grateful.

Kestrel25:

I've experienced some of what you're going through. Not all, but some, and some other things that you may consider "worse".

God has you in His hands kiddo. Doesn't matter that you don't see or feel Him. He see's YOU, He knows YOU, down to the last drop of your soul, and He loves YOU. He created you especially to be who you are, just as you are right now.

You don't have to "do" anything to earn His love. It's already there. He's not gonna let you go either.

You've found a place here that you CAN talk. Use it. Use us.

God's blessings.