I'm having a hard time convincing doctors that I am actually depressed rather than just attention seeking.
I've been depressed since I was about 16. And as many sufferers I've become an expert at hiding my true feelings. My mother has only realised that there might be something majorly wrong over the last few months, as I've started to break down and just don't seem to have the energy to keep up pretences of normality anymore. Some days are better than others but most of the time I'm just too overwhelmed to get out of bed, or eat, or take any great care of myself.
It took a lot for me to go to the doctors and admit that there was something wrong, as I am a very private person and I don't like to show weakness or frailty to anyone, plus I know how irrational a lot of my behaviours are. Over the past 4yrs I've been to the docs about 3 times to try and get help, but each time I've been told that it's just typical teenage hormones and insecurities and nothing to do with them. They seem to think that because I don't SI in an obvious way, because I have a good insight into myself and know which behaviours are odd, and because I dress in bright colours, hold my head up high, look at them in the eye when I'm talking, and can have a laugh and a joke with them, there is nothing really wrong with me.
Last time I was there I told them about how I cry uncontrollably for hours on end for no apparent reason. Told them about how I don't eat unless my mother puts the plate in front of me and watches. Told them about how difficult it is for me to get out of bed, and once I am up how much time it takes me to talk myself into going outside. Told them about how I've started daydreaming about how different life would be for my family if I wasn't there, started trying to picture how the grief of my death might weigh up against the ongoing burden of my presence. True I talk it down and keep my voice even and lighthearted as if it's no big deal, but anyone listening to the words rather than the diction should be able to realise that there is something a bit wrong, however they mostly seem to think that I am exaggerating and/or trying to find a concrete excuse to get me out of finding a job.
Anyone have any suggestions on how I could get the help I need? Switching doctors isn't an option as they are the only ones in the area. My mother isn't quite sold on the idea of having a daughter with a mental health problem so taking her with me wouldn't be much help. Should I dress in black and shuffle my feet and not make eye contact? Or should I break down in stage tears and refuse to move from the office until something is done? Or do you think making a timelogged diary for them might help, along the lines of...
I've been depressed since I was about 16. And as many sufferers I've become an expert at hiding my true feelings. My mother has only realised that there might be something majorly wrong over the last few months, as I've started to break down and just don't seem to have the energy to keep up pretences of normality anymore. Some days are better than others but most of the time I'm just too overwhelmed to get out of bed, or eat, or take any great care of myself.
It took a lot for me to go to the doctors and admit that there was something wrong, as I am a very private person and I don't like to show weakness or frailty to anyone, plus I know how irrational a lot of my behaviours are. Over the past 4yrs I've been to the docs about 3 times to try and get help, but each time I've been told that it's just typical teenage hormones and insecurities and nothing to do with them. They seem to think that because I don't SI in an obvious way, because I have a good insight into myself and know which behaviours are odd, and because I dress in bright colours, hold my head up high, look at them in the eye when I'm talking, and can have a laugh and a joke with them, there is nothing really wrong with me.
Last time I was there I told them about how I cry uncontrollably for hours on end for no apparent reason. Told them about how I don't eat unless my mother puts the plate in front of me and watches. Told them about how difficult it is for me to get out of bed, and once I am up how much time it takes me to talk myself into going outside. Told them about how I've started daydreaming about how different life would be for my family if I wasn't there, started trying to picture how the grief of my death might weigh up against the ongoing burden of my presence. True I talk it down and keep my voice even and lighthearted as if it's no big deal, but anyone listening to the words rather than the diction should be able to realise that there is something a bit wrong, however they mostly seem to think that I am exaggerating and/or trying to find a concrete excuse to get me out of finding a job.
Anyone have any suggestions on how I could get the help I need? Switching doctors isn't an option as they are the only ones in the area. My mother isn't quite sold on the idea of having a daughter with a mental health problem so taking her with me wouldn't be much help. Should I dress in black and shuffle my feet and not make eye contact? Or should I break down in stage tears and refuse to move from the office until something is done? Or do you think making a timelogged diary for them might help, along the lines of...
help?!
