Hello, Id like to get some Christian advice and input on a particular situation in my life. There is this young single female Christian coworker of mine. She is a really good young woman with a good family, morals and is really devoted to God. Recently, Ive been taking notice of another coworker of mine and his relationship with this young woman. He is in his mid thirties and married. He is an atheist and an incredibly immoral man. He constantly speaks ill of his wife, they have been separated for some time, and he doesnt wear his wedding ring. This man has pursued a friendship with this young coworker of mine and it really concerns me over his intentions. He frequently flirts with her and tries as much as possible to have one on one time with her, going to coffee with her for example. He also calls her and texts messages her frequently throughout the day. Is this something to be worried about or am I overreacting to his friendship with her? Does this seem like harmless behavior for a married man or is he trying to have an affair with this young woman? I would really appreciate any input you can give. God bless.
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Need Christian Perspective on Issue
- Thread starter KevM
- Start date
jamiejohn
My Every breath belongs to you.
- Aug 24, 2009
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Yeah I don't what to say, a similar thing happened to me, I ended up losing the girl to the guy, he was real slick I guess. Also an atheist. (weird)
I suppose she was kinda youngish and not that strong in her faith, she was always hot or cold with me. I guess it's something you can't really control, pray about it. And maybe talk to her about it in a nice way, try not to come off as condescending. (I don't know how you'll be able to do that.) A lot of bad stuff was going on in her life so I slowly saw her lose her faith, I feel really bad about it but I don't think it was something I could control, I tried at least.
This actually happened to me twice, but the other girl I tried to warn, much too my detriment, she was really letting everyone know how great a Christian she was but when I actually got to know her better, man her facade fell apart like a house of cards. I gave her the line about not yoking yourself with unbelievers man did she ever kick me to the curb. Later on she would follow me around the canteen with her weird ass boyfriend, very puzzling, like I'm supposed to say the magic words or something.
If you're actually interested in her, man I feel your pain hope this works out, may God be with you, go well and go with God KevM I will pray for you.
I suppose she was kinda youngish and not that strong in her faith, she was always hot or cold with me. I guess it's something you can't really control, pray about it. And maybe talk to her about it in a nice way, try not to come off as condescending. (I don't know how you'll be able to do that.) A lot of bad stuff was going on in her life so I slowly saw her lose her faith, I feel really bad about it but I don't think it was something I could control, I tried at least.
This actually happened to me twice, but the other girl I tried to warn, much too my detriment, she was really letting everyone know how great a Christian she was but when I actually got to know her better, man her facade fell apart like a house of cards. I gave her the line about not yoking yourself with unbelievers man did she ever kick me to the curb. Later on she would follow me around the canteen with her weird ass boyfriend, very puzzling, like I'm supposed to say the magic words or something.
If you're actually interested in her, man I feel your pain hope this works out, may God be with you, go well and go with God KevM I will pray for you.
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Dear KevH. I am afraid there is nothing you can do, they are both old enough to decide what they do, unless it something against the Law of the Land, or firm. You can pray though, and be assured that God will hear you. Tell God your feelings of unease about this young woman, and the man. You could perhaps keep an eye on developments, and if you have any true misgivings about the situation, speak up. But remember to do so gently and with having evidence to prove it. Greetings from Emmy, sister in Christ. P.S. Asking God sincerely to protect the young woman, will keep her safe.
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ezeric
HE loves me too.
- Mar 2, 2010
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Dear KevM
Am I right to think you like her too?
The problem is that, any time we throw a bit of dirt, we lose a bit of ground.
If you go to her talking about the other guy in some way to protect her, it could backfire (making you look like you are not really looking out for her own good).
Instead, since you said that she was very devoted to our LORD, could you not, when you have time, talk about HIM together with her?
(we always talk about the things we love, if she really loves JESUS she would be happy to talk about HIM).
Thus strengthening her as you spend time lifting JESUS up.
Not trying to manipulate the outcome, but safely leave it in HIS hands while
genuinely loving her (meaning you are doing everything for her own good -not your own).
Because that kind of LOVE never fails! 1 Corinthians 13
-eric
Am I right to think you like her too?
The problem is that, any time we throw a bit of dirt, we lose a bit of ground.
If you go to her talking about the other guy in some way to protect her, it could backfire (making you look like you are not really looking out for her own good).
Instead, since you said that she was very devoted to our LORD, could you not, when you have time, talk about HIM together with her?
(we always talk about the things we love, if she really loves JESUS she would be happy to talk about HIM).
Thus strengthening her as you spend time lifting JESUS up.
Not trying to manipulate the outcome, but safely leave it in HIS hands while
genuinely loving her (meaning you are doing everything for her own good -not your own).
Because that kind of LOVE never fails! 1 Corinthians 13
-eric
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Have a girlfriend of yours tell this girl the guy gave her VD. Then she won't like him anymore.
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OP, you say:
Have faith in her faith. People have their faith tested all the time, maybe this guy is a test of her faith. Run your own race, shine the light of Christ and work hard for your employer.
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I fail to understand the "none of your business" advice offered here.All of us have an obligation to offer protection for other believers.This is a basic requirement under the "Love your neighbors" teaching and will become increasingly important and unfortunately difficult after the Tribulation begins.A gentle one-time intervention in this case is so easy but yet potentially crucial considering how easy it is for some men to seduce women especially at times when they are emotionally vulnerable.
Why don't you ask your co-worker to join you for dinner or lunch at a restaurant where you are unlikely to run into other employees from your company.Of course you should discuss a wide range of subjects but at some time during the meal you should ask your co-worker what she thinks of the married man in question.That will then give you the chance to offer your opinion and more importantly, give her information about him which she may not be aware of such as his marital status and lack of faith.You should also tell her of any persons you have known who have lost their faith due to the influence of friends.It's so easy for this to occur especially in our depraved and strongly peer pressured society.I think its also important that you memorize the following verses and explain to her that they apply to all friendships:
2 Corinthians 6:14 (Contemporary English Version)
Stay away from people who are not followers of the Lord! Can someone who is good get along with someone who is evil? Are light and darkness the same?
If more Christians followed this teaching there would be fewer who will be going to hell due to falling away from their faith!
Why don't you ask your co-worker to join you for dinner or lunch at a restaurant where you are unlikely to run into other employees from your company.Of course you should discuss a wide range of subjects but at some time during the meal you should ask your co-worker what she thinks of the married man in question.That will then give you the chance to offer your opinion and more importantly, give her information about him which she may not be aware of such as his marital status and lack of faith.You should also tell her of any persons you have known who have lost their faith due to the influence of friends.It's so easy for this to occur especially in our depraved and strongly peer pressured society.I think its also important that you memorize the following verses and explain to her that they apply to all friendships:
2 Corinthians 6:14 (Contemporary English Version)
Stay away from people who are not followers of the Lord! Can someone who is good get along with someone who is evil? Are light and darkness the same?
If more Christians followed this teaching there would be fewer who will be going to hell due to falling away from their faith!
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KevM,
I don't really know what anyone's intentions in the whole thing are. Thing is intentions can even be good at the start and bad things can happen. It's like the people who date people they say they would never marry. Whom do they marry, well the people they date. They develop emotinal attachments and they do things that they intellectually know are stupid or wrong because of their feelings.
If this young woman spends time with this guy, the risk is she will develop emotional attachments even if that intially wasn't his or her intention.
You don't mention your age or whether you yourself are interested in this young lady romantically.
Here's a few things. You didn't say what the company policy, if any is concerning this sort of thing. Supervisors often really frown on married employees going after the single ones, it tends to really hurt office productivity. But it doesn't sound like you are really in that position to do anything.
Now as far as the young woman, it sounds like you know her in more than just an office/professional way. As such, it's a good thing to talk to her in a personal way, but it shouldn't be done to interfere with work.
Realize that saying the things about him will burn any chance you have of a romantic relationship with her, if you go that way it just makes it look like you are willing to say things because you want her for yourself. So realize that cost before proceeding.
I'd say something like how you have known each other for awhile and how you are a bit concerned, because she's been spending time with him and it appears as if they are almost dating. That she should realize he's married and how he talks badly so much about his wife, meaning it doesn't sound like he is happily married. That as such, with her being so nice, it's easy for him to fall into the thought that he can fix his life by trading women. How the kind thing for her to do for him is to direct him back to his wife and marriage to work on it.
That if he doesn't work on this marriage, chances are he just carries the same problems with him into any future marriages.
So you are just telling her there is fire here and she is playing with it even if she doesn't recognize it. And if knowing what you have told her she decides whatever that's her business you just wanted to make sure she knew. That you of course don't think she's planning on having an affair or anything but that you've seen a lot of people go against their beliefs when they develop attachments and you are concerned with the time she is spending with him that he or her are going to develop those type of feelings, even if it starts out as just business associates.
Odds are really high it will be a mess and you will somehow be portrayed as a bad guy, but it's the right thing to do.
I don't really know what anyone's intentions in the whole thing are. Thing is intentions can even be good at the start and bad things can happen. It's like the people who date people they say they would never marry. Whom do they marry, well the people they date. They develop emotinal attachments and they do things that they intellectually know are stupid or wrong because of their feelings.
If this young woman spends time with this guy, the risk is she will develop emotional attachments even if that intially wasn't his or her intention.
You don't mention your age or whether you yourself are interested in this young lady romantically.
Here's a few things. You didn't say what the company policy, if any is concerning this sort of thing. Supervisors often really frown on married employees going after the single ones, it tends to really hurt office productivity. But it doesn't sound like you are really in that position to do anything.
Now as far as the young woman, it sounds like you know her in more than just an office/professional way. As such, it's a good thing to talk to her in a personal way, but it shouldn't be done to interfere with work.
Realize that saying the things about him will burn any chance you have of a romantic relationship with her, if you go that way it just makes it look like you are willing to say things because you want her for yourself. So realize that cost before proceeding.
I'd say something like how you have known each other for awhile and how you are a bit concerned, because she's been spending time with him and it appears as if they are almost dating. That she should realize he's married and how he talks badly so much about his wife, meaning it doesn't sound like he is happily married. That as such, with her being so nice, it's easy for him to fall into the thought that he can fix his life by trading women. How the kind thing for her to do for him is to direct him back to his wife and marriage to work on it.
That if he doesn't work on this marriage, chances are he just carries the same problems with him into any future marriages.
So you are just telling her there is fire here and she is playing with it even if she doesn't recognize it. And if knowing what you have told her she decides whatever that's her business you just wanted to make sure she knew. That you of course don't think she's planning on having an affair or anything but that you've seen a lot of people go against their beliefs when they develop attachments and you are concerned with the time she is spending with him that he or her are going to develop those type of feelings, even if it starts out as just business associates.
Odds are really high it will be a mess and you will somehow be portrayed as a bad guy, but it's the right thing to do.
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Has it occurred to anyone that they might have professional conversations? Or simple, friendly ones with no intent of anything further.
When working in an office, we are placed among people who want to accomplish similar ends, and be involved in similar professional activities. A professional cannot afford to put limits on which peer they do projects with, according to whether they are married or not.
When treating a woman as though she is a sexual risk in an office, it can be as disabling for her as not giving her a job because she's female. With this stance, she would be excluded from after-work dinners, golf games, and other bonding experiences. People gain from networking. Keeping a women out of this social web because she might be too alluring or vulnerable is very offensive. The woman took the job to work, not to play these games.
I'm sorry, but I see nothing wrong with an office friendship, even if the person is married. There are no scriptures that say, "Do not talk with the opposite gender."
How else will things get accomplished?
On the other hand, the OP shows that there is at least intent on the man's part to form a personal friendship. With him being separated it would be naive to assume he was not toying with the idea of a relationship. But his wife knows he is separated.
If you talk with the woman, keep it on the plane of what she could expect from a future with this man. He might have children, which would become part of her life. Ongoing communications and legal matters with an ex. Baggage. Maybe a long history of unfaithfulness, that will not magically stop with the next relationship.
Other than that, it is not who your business what friendships she keeps.
When working in an office, we are placed among people who want to accomplish similar ends, and be involved in similar professional activities. A professional cannot afford to put limits on which peer they do projects with, according to whether they are married or not.
When treating a woman as though she is a sexual risk in an office, it can be as disabling for her as not giving her a job because she's female. With this stance, she would be excluded from after-work dinners, golf games, and other bonding experiences. People gain from networking. Keeping a women out of this social web because she might be too alluring or vulnerable is very offensive. The woman took the job to work, not to play these games.
I'm sorry, but I see nothing wrong with an office friendship, even if the person is married. There are no scriptures that say, "Do not talk with the opposite gender."
How else will things get accomplished?
On the other hand, the OP shows that there is at least intent on the man's part to form a personal friendship. With him being separated it would be naive to assume he was not toying with the idea of a relationship. But his wife knows he is separated.
If you talk with the woman, keep it on the plane of what she could expect from a future with this man. He might have children, which would become part of her life. Ongoing communications and legal matters with an ex. Baggage. Maybe a long history of unfaithfulness, that will not magically stop with the next relationship.
Other than that, it is not who your business what friendships she keeps.
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Thanks to all for taking the time to reply to my posting. I truly appreciate it. I've spoken with another Christian woman in my workplace and she is of the same mindset regarding this man and that he is up to no good. In reply to one poster, his conversations with this young woman are almost never related to work topics but always personal. He openly flirts with her and in a separate incident, another former female coworker was very upset with this married man for giving her a box of chocholates on Valentine's Day. Also, as a fellow Christian, I do believe it is appropriate to council and help fellow Christian coworkers when in such situations. Whether they follow such council or advice is up to them. If a fellow Christian won't give sound advice, who will? Certainly not any of our other secular coworkers. In fact, I believe some of our other coworkers are actually getting a kick out of the whole situation as it serves as fodder for their gossip. Anyways, thanks again to those who replied and please pray for a Godly resolution.
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