pool said in post #1:
was in love with a married man who is separated and not divorced after 5 years. just broke it off because i need God more but it hurts, although he did not even care,
as a matter of fact he laughed about it. but i really am hurting inside. what should i do was it really a sin in the first place? after all he is separated.
Assuming you had sex with him, that could be the sin of adultery, not only if he's just separated, but even if he got divorced, and even if he married you (Mark 10:11); just as it could be adultery if you're divorced from someone else and even married him (Mark 10:12).
A husband isn't to divorce his wife (1 Corinthians 7:11b), just as a wife isn't to divorce her husband (1 Corinthians 7:10). If a wife does divorce her husband, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband (1 Corinthians 7:11). A Christian must always completely forgive everyone who has wronged him or her in any way (Mark 11:25), no matter how great the wrong and no matter how many times a wrong has been committed (Matthew 18:21-35). For if a Christian refuses to forgive anyone for anything, God will refuse to forgive that Christian for his or her own sins (Mark 11:26).
The exception for fornication as distinguished from adultery in Matthew 19:9 permits a husband to divorce his wife for pre-marital sex and marry another woman without his committing adultery. But this applies only to cases where a husband doesn't discover until after he's married that his newlywed wife isn't a virgin (cf. Deuteronomy 22:14, Matthew 1:19). There's no such pre-marital sex exception granted to a wife. If a wife divorces a valid husband for any reason and marries another man she's committing adultery (Mark 10:12). Also, there's no pre-marital sex exception granted to a man who marries a divorced woman. If a man marries a woman divorced from a valid husband for any reason he's committing adultery (Luke 16:18b).
1 Corinthians 7:15 means that a believing spouse isn't under any bondage of having to keep together a marriage to an unbeliever when the unbeliever is absolutely determined to get a divorce. But 1 Corinthians 7:15 doesn't mean that a believing wife, after being divorced by an unbelieving husband, can then marry someone else, because if a man marries a divorced woman he's committing adultery (Luke 16:18b). But the scriptures don't forbid a divorced man to marry a second, single, non-divorced woman, so long as it was his first wife (whether an unbeliever or a believer) who divorced him. But then in God's eyes he will be married to two women at the same time, which while no scripture requires is a sin in itself, because it's not the best situation it disqualifies him from taking any leadership positions in the church (1 Timothy 3:2,12), based on the basic idea of 1 Timothy 3:5.
The now-abolished Old Covenant rules (Ephesians 2:15, Hebrews 7:18-19, Colossians 2:14) permitted a divorced woman to marry someone else (Deuteronomy 24:2), but if her second marriage ended, the Old Covenant rules forbade her to remarry her first husband (Deuteronomy 24:4). The New Covenant rules turn this on its head: now a divorced woman can't marry anyone else (Mark 10:12, Luke 16:18b), but she can remarry her first husband (1 Corinthians 7:11).
It was because the Old Covenant rules permitted a divorced woman to marry someone else (Deuteronomy 24:2) that Jesus Christ could acknowledge the woman of Samaria's five different marriages (John 4:18; assuming that all five of her marriages didn't end in the death of her husband: cf. Luke 20:29-31) while the Old Covenant was still in effect. Jesus' New Covenant/New Testament rules forbidding a divorced woman to remarry (Mark 10:12, Luke 16:18b) didn't come into legal effect until his death on the Cross brought the New Covenant/New Testament into legal effect (Hebrews 9:16-17, Matthew 26:28) and abolished the letter of the Old Covenant Mosaic law (Colossians 2:14-17, Hebrews 7:18-19, Ephesians 2:15-16).
God never said that marriage would be easy, and he has set such strict New Covenant/New Testament rules regarding divorce and remarriage (Matthew 19:9, Mark 10:12) that the apostles said that it's better not to get married at all (Matthew 19:10). Jesus answered them by saying that whoever can accept not getting married and remaining celibate should accept it (Matthew 19:11-12). Paul the apostle said the same thing, that unmarried celibacy is the best thing for a Christian if he or she can handle it (1 Corinthians 7:1,7-8,32-35). But if someone who hasn't been married can't contain himself or herself sexually, he or she should get married in order to avoid pre-marital fornication (1 Corinthians 7:2,9).
The strict New Covenant/New Testament rules regarding divorce and remarriage cut both ways, in that if we find ourselves in a miserable marriage which is an adulterous affair in God's eyes (Mark 10:11-12), we can escape our misery and our unrepentant sin at the same time by simply divorcing our invalid spouse. But if we find ourselves in a very pleasant marriage which is an adulterous affair in God's eyes, we have to be willing to give it up in order to escape our unrepentant sin and thereby avoid ultimately losing our salvation because of unrepentant sin (Hebrews 10:26-29).
The only unforgivable sin is blaspheming the Holy Spirit (Mark 3:28-29), such as by ascribing a work of the Holy Spirit to the devil (Mark 3:22-30). Any other sin can be forgiven if it isn't continued in and is confessed to God (1 John 1:9). Just as if Christians find themselves living in the sin of an adulterous affair they can't continue in that sin, so if they find themselves living in the sin of second-marriage adultery (Mark 10:12, Matthew 19:9), they can't continue in that sin (or any other sin) and expect God's grace to forgive them (Hebrews 10:26-29, Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10). They must break off with the second, invalid spouse, even if they've had children with the second spouse, just as married people must break off an adulterous affair, even if they've had children as a result of that affair.
After breaking off an adulterous second marriage, a wife must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her first husband (1 Corinthians 7:11). She can't marry someone else, even if, for example, marrying someone else would help her and her children to escape poverty. For just as escaping poverty wouldn't justify the wife continuing in the sin of an adulterous affair with a man who financially supports her and her children (or wouldn't justify the sin of her becoming and remaining a well-paid prostitute), so escaping poverty wouldn't justify the sin of her entering into another case of second-marriage adultery with a man who financially supports her and her children.
Romans 3:31 means that Christians establish the Mosaic law not in its letter, but in its spirit (Romans 7:6), by loving others (Romans 13:8-10, Galatians 5:14). Part of loving others is warning them if they're living in sin (Revelation 3:19, 2 Thessalonians 3:15, Hebrews 3:13, James 5:19-20). The worst thing a Christian can do is to coddle people who are living in sin, instead of sharing with them the hard truths of God's Word (2 Timothy 4:2-4, cf. Jeremiah 23:14,22,29). Telling the truth to people can sometimes hurt them, but that's better than deceiving them with something that makes them feel good (Proverbs 27:6, Proverbs 28:23). The reason that second-marriage adultery (or any other sin) is so common in the church today is because so much of the church has stopped preaching and believing the hard truths of God's Word (2 Timothy 4:2-4, cf. Jeremiah 23:14,22,29).
