Need advise on song writing

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi all,

I am not a musician unfortunately ... but I just recorded my first song .... I had the flu/cold when I wrote it so all I could manage was a raspy voice.

It is on sound cloud at https://soundcloud.com/robert-mark-palmer/god-come-down-fill-our-town

EDIT: The new version of this song is at https://soundcloud.com/robert-mark-palmer/god-come-down-fill-our-town-1 it has more verses and is better in my opinion.

I am thinking of writing more songs in future ... but I definitely need improvement. My song is just one cord progression repeated. How do you mix it up a bit.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

A friend of mine suggested I should add some extra verses. So here is the new song with the new verses.


CHORUS

God come down
Fill our town

Show us your way
Reach all today

God come down
Fill our town

Do not leave one
without the son

God come down
Fill our town


Men are going to and fro
Yet few of them truly know
Hearts are lost hearts are hurt
Only you can bring new birth
Wash away our guilty stain
Come into our hearts again

CHORUS

Many war and many fight
Yet Oh lord this is not right
Some take what is not theirs
Oh God come and take our cares
Others cry when no one knows
Their life on the edge and so it goes

CHORUS

Some in passion some in lust
Make rushed decisions lacking trust
Children born to broken homes
If only they were not alone
God provides and God does give
If only men could to him live

CHORUS


Listen to this song on SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/robert-mark-palmer/god-come-down-fill-our-town-1