Sometimes when my wife and I have arguments she brings up things that my pastor or my pastor's wife said about me to strengthen her argument. These things get under my skin more than the argument itself because the pastor or pastor's wife did not tell me these things directly. This issue has been going on for about a year. For example my wife said that the pastor said I am "rigid" or "militant" about my faith and the pastor's wife said I "take church too seriously". My wife tries to downplay these things because she works on the church staff and I am not privy to all the internal conversations and context in which any comments were made so she says I should not be so worked up. This issue really bothers me and yesterday after she told me what the pastor's wife said, I told her I am considering possibly finding a new church. I am really just hurt that these things are not being directed to me and also the way my wife is using it as ammo during arguments hurts although I do consider the feedback as possibly constructive. Am I being irrational? Should I just overlook this? Any advice is appreciated.
I used to be in a similar situation.
The thing to realize is, your pastor and his wife, and your wife. They're all humans.
Sometimes subconsciously we see them as holy, above us kind of people.
In which case, their words are more impactful.
First, your wife "betrays" you, because she should take your side if she loves you.
Second, your church leader "betrays" you, because he's supposed to be righteous and just.
Thirdly, these people who you thought were close to you, are gossiping. Which is a sin.
"Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it."
You should as you say, "overlook this", but overlook it with love.
If you must show enemies love, how much more your brother and sister in Jesus?
Don't hold it against them. Don't keep a bad thought about them in your heart. If you see them in person and have a bad thought or a pressure on your heart.
You carry the sin of murder.
As much as we like to play the victims, even if we are. We must find forgiveness.
Take example from our Lord.
He was sinless, He had everything in heaven, He came to this sinful world to be our servant. He caused no one harm, and even then he forgave those who persecuted him.
If that's the case, then what's it to us to hold against someone who gossips?
I assume you have enmity in your heart, because you are hurt and want another church. Also, because I had the same feelings in my situation.
Without love, there's nothing.
If you can't love your brother, then you can't love God. Then you can't obey the greatest commandment. Love God will all your heart, soul, mind, strength.
But with these in mind, don't let it create a barrier for accepting criticism.
Your pastor will learn from your love. He won't learn from your resentment.