I have been married 28 years. I will do my best to make this brief. I need advice - I feel I need to end my marriage for my sanity. After 28 years, I am not sure where to begin.
We did not have a Christian marriage until we both came to Christ during a separation. I came to realize during our separation that my husband was lying to me during the first 15 years of our marriage. He wanted out of the marriage from nearly the first year, but he hung in there (I think because he did not want to face a divorce). We had 3 children, and I always felt he thought they were an obligation. He had fun with them when they were little, and clearly resented them as they got older. I grew to resent him a lot. All this time (by his own admission) he had never chosen our family over his parents and so, there was tremendous tension. His mother is a gossip and manipulative. She gossiped and lied about me to the entire family and continues to do so today.
My husband, before we separated, chased women. I only suspect one affair in that time - mostly inappropriate flirting, and I know he had an affair beginning at the time of our separation. During all that time he professed is love for me and confusion as to why I was so unhappy. Kept saying he wanted our marriage, that he loved me, etc. He was sleeping with another woman.
We came to Christ, me first then him, sought counseling and have been reconciled for 5 years. In the time leading to our separation, one of the woman he chased was an old girlfriend. He traveled to her city (which was a place he often went for work, so I had no idea), met with her, talked about what could have been, exchanged sentimental emails and songs, etc. I don't believe he had an affair with her. As it happens, she now works for the same company - it is very large - and my husband is the head of her region. She is 4 levels below him and part time. He has no professional reason to interact with her. About a year ago, she tried to link to him on Linkedin and I as, as a kindness to me, that he decline the request. He said fine.
Now, people lying to me and trying to get away with stuff is a theme in my life. Everyone does it - my kids, my family, my husband's family, my husband - and I have had enough. A week ago, after I saw a too-familiar text from a woman and a text from my MIL telling my husband "don't tell Marilyn we talked about this" (which he kept from me), I told my husband I felt deceived. He now admits that at the time, he thought I was talking about the ex-girlfriend, but what he did was tell me that no one lies to me, he loves me, we have a good marriage, he was sorry I was upset, etc, but never told me about the ex-girlfriend interaction.
Last night, I found out my daughter was manipulating me, and it made me, again, feel like everyone was lying to me. There was still, after all, the unfinished business of the inappropriate texts that had never been resolved or confess - I still knew nothing about the ex-girlfriend. I was upset, and after a long time, my husband finally told me about the ex-girlfriend, but swears there is nothing else to confess. I know he is lying. He professed is love for me and confusion as to why I was so unhappy. Kept saying he wanted our marriage, that he loved me, etc. It all sounds familiar.
This morning I told him I could not live this way. What do you think?
We did not have a Christian marriage until we both came to Christ during a separation. I came to realize during our separation that my husband was lying to me during the first 15 years of our marriage. He wanted out of the marriage from nearly the first year, but he hung in there (I think because he did not want to face a divorce). We had 3 children, and I always felt he thought they were an obligation. He had fun with them when they were little, and clearly resented them as they got older. I grew to resent him a lot. All this time (by his own admission) he had never chosen our family over his parents and so, there was tremendous tension. His mother is a gossip and manipulative. She gossiped and lied about me to the entire family and continues to do so today.
My husband, before we separated, chased women. I only suspect one affair in that time - mostly inappropriate flirting, and I know he had an affair beginning at the time of our separation. During all that time he professed is love for me and confusion as to why I was so unhappy. Kept saying he wanted our marriage, that he loved me, etc. He was sleeping with another woman.
We came to Christ, me first then him, sought counseling and have been reconciled for 5 years. In the time leading to our separation, one of the woman he chased was an old girlfriend. He traveled to her city (which was a place he often went for work, so I had no idea), met with her, talked about what could have been, exchanged sentimental emails and songs, etc. I don't believe he had an affair with her. As it happens, she now works for the same company - it is very large - and my husband is the head of her region. She is 4 levels below him and part time. He has no professional reason to interact with her. About a year ago, she tried to link to him on Linkedin and I as, as a kindness to me, that he decline the request. He said fine.
Now, people lying to me and trying to get away with stuff is a theme in my life. Everyone does it - my kids, my family, my husband's family, my husband - and I have had enough. A week ago, after I saw a too-familiar text from a woman and a text from my MIL telling my husband "don't tell Marilyn we talked about this" (which he kept from me), I told my husband I felt deceived. He now admits that at the time, he thought I was talking about the ex-girlfriend, but what he did was tell me that no one lies to me, he loves me, we have a good marriage, he was sorry I was upset, etc, but never told me about the ex-girlfriend interaction.
Last night, I found out my daughter was manipulating me, and it made me, again, feel like everyone was lying to me. There was still, after all, the unfinished business of the inappropriate texts that had never been resolved or confess - I still knew nothing about the ex-girlfriend. I was upset, and after a long time, my husband finally told me about the ex-girlfriend, but swears there is nothing else to confess. I know he is lying. He professed is love for me and confusion as to why I was so unhappy. Kept saying he wanted our marriage, that he loved me, etc. It all sounds familiar.
This morning I told him I could not live this way. What do you think?
