Need advice

[Echolipse]

Long story short, I'm stuck and confused.

My attempt to keep lengthy story short, but with more info.

I'm recently divorced, been on bupropion for a few months now. It was controlling my moods well enough even though I could still occasionally feel myself trying to go into a depression, but I didn't have the full on no energy part.

Fast forward atleast 2 months; I'm divorced. I can't tell if the low I'm feeling is because of the loss I've suffered or because of (covered up) swings.

Fast forward again 2 months. (Incoming wall of text) I've been feeling good, slowly healing emotionally. Haven't felt really down in a good while. So I decided to test myself. I begin to stop taking my medication on my days off. Primarily to see if it's the job that's giving me the symptoms (because of not being able to get out without completely screwing myself) or if I really am dealing with this sickness. (I've never been formally diagnosed BP, only "Major Depression with Mania symptoms). The medication has a half-life of about 2 days, so I feel no difference even on my regular 3 days off. I then end up taking a week off from work and stop my meds period. I'm feeling fine and I get a good amount of stuff done that was needed, plus I had friends over (and ex) due to an event they were attending nearby and needed a place to crash.

At end of week, I'm feeling fine for the most part, but I'm noticing something is off, but I can't put my finger on it. Throughout the last two months, if not longer I've really had difficulty staying asleep on my work days. At one point, i only get 10 hrs of sleep (broken up in 2s and 3s) between 2 12-hr shifts. I was tired!

I begin taking my medication again because of work, but now I'd begun taking it everyday as prescribed, because I'm anxious that something might be starting to happen.

The NURSE Practitioner I'm seeing seems like she talks to me for a few and then dismisses me, just like my previous DOCTOR did. She never asks me if anything has changed or anything that would strike a bell with me to bring up that I didn't think of bringing up. I again, feel like a guinea pig (forgive me if anyone owns a guinea pig lol).

I'm setting up a meeting with a family friend who councils people and does have a history in psychology. He's also a strong Christian with similar interests of mine, so I know I can trust his opinion.

What advice do yall have to give me. I'm all ears, since I stuck as a crossroads right now. At this point, I don't really have anyone close for me to talk to that understands all of this, so I'm sorry if this feels like a rant.

Neither of my parents understand the concept of this possibility and my dad is totally against the medication and diagnoses. My symptoms were either so mild when I was growing up that it didn't signal anything for them or they never noticed anything period. Me, my father, and mother all either work Law Enforcement or in the medical field, so we all know what having the BP diagnoses can do to someone.

Ok, this ended up being a lot longer than intended. But I think yall get the point. Thanks for reading.

 

[Loven God]

I would not stop taking your meds not for even a few day's . Each time you stop them and then start them again it will keep them from being as affected .Take control of you doctors visit's you are paying them to work for you , ask questions if you don't understand something . If you are having changes in moods or anything tell them . If you feel they are not being active in your care speak up and tell them . Remember you always have the right to find another doctor if you are unhappy with them . I will be praying for you . This is just some ideas for you , hope some of it will help .

 

[quietpraiyze]

Every person with bipolar who takes meds have their own reasons for doing so. I'm one of those people who did the stop and start dance with meds because I didn't really understand the illness and I had some really bad Theology not to mention a lack of support from family and friends. As a result I was constantly in the hospital. This went on for years. It all finally culminated in me losing everything. It doesn't have to be like that for you.


In terms of advice I would say,


Always consult first with the Great Physician & Counselor


Maintaining your health is your responsibility. Choosing to take medication(s) isn't a lack of faith but wisdom.


Don't allow people to “spiritualize” your health. Some Christians are known for demonizing mental illness. Don't receive that.


You are your own advocate, so be pro-active. Don't be afraid to ask questions and bring up concerns that you have regarding your health with medical professionals. That's part of what they're there for, so be respectful but don't be intimidated.


Many people don't understand mental illness and will say some really ignorant things so it helps to keep a forgiving heart. It really does. I think its hard for some parents of the mentally ill because they blame themselves. So I think it matters how its framed (explained). If you can sit down with a professional and your parents where it can be explained in terms of “this is his brain...the medication does x,y,z, in his brain...that's why we recommend a,b,c...” If it's like that maybe they can take it in better. To me education when it comes to mental illness is always a good thing.


You mentioned,

I'm setting up a meeting with a family friend who councils people and does have a history in psychology. He's also a strong Christian with similar interests of mine, so I know I can trust his opinion.

I would really recommend that the two of you sign a Statement of Confidentiality. I think that's a good policy to have before you start sharing.


I think you just have to take care of yourself knowing that it's your God given right to do so.

 

[St. Paul]

Long story short, I'm stuck and confused.

My attempt to keep lengthy story short, but with more info.

I'm recently divorced, been on bupropion for a few months now. It was controlling my moods well enough even though I could still occasionally feel myself trying to go into a depression, but I didn't have the full on no energy part.

Fast forward atleast 2 months; I'm divorced. I can't tell if the low I'm feeling is because of the loss I've suffered or because of (covered up) swings.

Fast forward again 2 months. (Incoming wall of text) I've been feeling good, slowly healing emotionally. Haven't felt really down in a good while. So I decided to test myself. I begin to stop taking my medication on my days off. Primarily to see if it's the job that's giving me the symptoms (because of not being able to get out without completely screwing myself) or if I really am dealing with this sickness. (I've never been formally diagnosed BP, only "Major Depression with Mania symptoms). The medication has a half-life of about 2 days, so I feel no difference even on my regular 3 days off. I then end up taking a week off from work and stop my meds period. I'm feeling fine and I get a good amount of stuff done that was needed, plus I had friends over (and ex) due to an event they were attending nearby and needed a place to crash.

At end of week, I'm feeling fine for the most part, but I'm noticing something is off, but I can't put my finger on it. Throughout the last two months, if not longer I've really had difficulty staying asleep on my work days. At one point, i only get 10 hrs of sleep (broken up in 2s and 3s) between 2 12-hr shifts. I was tired!

I begin taking my medication again because of work, but now I'd begun taking it everyday as prescribed, because I'm anxious that something might be starting to happen.

The NURSE Practitioner I'm seeing seems like she talks to me for a few and then dismisses me, just like my previous DOCTOR did. She never asks me if anything has changed or anything that would strike a bell with me to bring up that I didn't think of bringing up. I again, feel like a guinea pig (forgive me if anyone owns a guinea pig lol).

I'm setting up a meeting with a family friend who councils people and does have a history in psychology. He's also a strong Christian with similar interests of mine, so I know I can trust his opinion.

What advice do yall have to give me. I'm all ears, since I stuck as a crossroads right now. At this point, I don't really have anyone close for me to talk to that understands all of this, so I'm sorry if this feels like a rant.

Neither of my parents understand the concept of this possibility and my dad is totally against the medication and diagnoses. My symptoms were either so mild when I was growing up that it didn't signal anything for them or they never noticed anything period. Me, my father, and mother all either work Law Enforcement or in the medical field, so we all know what having the BP diagnoses can do to someone.

Ok, this ended up being a lot longer than intended. But I think yall get the point. Thanks for reading.

I would continue taking your medication. If you stop, you might hit rock bottom and suddenly become suicidal. I went off my medication last year for a month and felt better than ever but ended up in a manic phase and a lovely two week stay in a psychiatric hospital.

Also, if you continue to not sleep, ask for something to help you get some sleep. Lack of sleep can sometimes mean the onset of mania symptoms. I always liked Trazadone when I couldn't sleep.

 

[Echolipse]

I know I can trust the guy because he actually met with me and my then wife as a last resort before we were divorced. Hi gave him permission to disclose what we had talked about to my dad, but he required me to actually call him and give him permission rather than 3rd party permission.

I have another question though. It is normal for me to feel my body going into different "phases" while on the meds? The meds keep my from actually going fully down, but I can feel my body trying to slowdown.

I would take trazadone, but its really screwed me up before to the point of where my wife refused to let me drive BC I looked drunk walking and I could barely finish a sentence of thought.

 

[Loven God]

differnt meds will make your body feel diffrent way , but over time some of the side effects slowdown or go away . As far as I know there is nothing that makes bipolar feel 100% perfect . It seem to let us know that it is always there .

 

[Echolipse]

differnt meds will make your body feel diffrent way , but over time some of the side effects slowdown or go away . As far as I know there is nothing that makes bipolar feel 100% perfect . It seem to let us know that it is always there .

Ugh.....I love that (sarcasm).

Thanks for the info yall. I pray I get some answers here soon.

 

[MonkeyWithAGun]

definitely praying for you guys

 

[salvation3in1]

Hi quietpraiyze. You said 'some Christians are known for demonising mental illness. dont receive that'. What reasons do you have for taking that viewpoint? Look forward to your reply

 

[MadamImAdaminChrist]

I have gone off meds/decreased dosage WITHOUT consent/advice/protocol form doctor.
Nothing good has ever come from it. It makes me feel bad that I need to take these meds, but it makes me feel far worse to NOT take them.

To echo an earlier statement from another poster--do not stand for being demonized for taking meds, any more than you would demonize a diabetic for taking insulin. Be kind, be loving, but do not put up with the garbage--it does not help either you or (in this case), your dad.