Need Advice :(

[Johnnz]

Yes. But why, if it's not God keeping him in my life, will he not take the pain away? And let me get over him?

God will not override our humanity. Loss of something that was valued results in pain. That's a normal human response. Time will heal, but you are not going to get 'zapped' an suddenly feel different. Relationships are not mere incidents, but involve real people with real feelings for each other.

John
NZ

 

[x.miranda.x]

Yes. I know...but 3 years, and not even a little bit over it? Isn't that a little crazy??

 

[Johnnz]

No. Quite possibly it will be when someone else who is special to you comes into your life that you will finally put it fully behind you. Meantime, don't put your life on hold, but get into good living in what is before you now - school, friends, interests, Jesus.

John
NZ

 

[x.miranda.x]

Yah, well I hope something happens soon...:/

 

[Catherineanne]

I have tried emailing him, though I'm not sure if he ever got it, as he doesn't us the computer that often... but he didn't answer. And I can't talk to him face to face, I'm scared to death to do that... No so much that I'm afraid of him, but he means so much to me, that if I do something wrong, I'll never be able to forgive myself .... But why is it, that the more I try and escape him & these feelings, by praying to God to take them away, and get him less involved in my life, that he is showing up more and more??

An email is not a letter. Send a letter; hand deliver it if you have to, or use a trusted friend, and if you get no reply, then assume the answer is 'no' and move on. Leave the feelings to sort themselves out; it is not sensible to base any actions on feeling alone; you must always make feelings secondary to common sense.

It is not sensible to continue in this way.

 

[Catherineanne]

Yes. But why, if it's not God keeping him in my life, will he not take the pain away? And let me get over him?

You are still very young, xm, but you are not too young to understand that God is not some kind of aspirin. His own son suffered great agony on the cross, without the benefit of painkillers, and we can expect pretty much the same thing in our lives.

The trick is not to expect not to suffer pain, but to offer any pain we do suffer to God, and to get on with life as best we can, to the glory of God, anyway.

 

[Catherineanne]

But if I did go and talk to him face to face... how should I do it? First off, I am scared to death to, in fear of making things even more uncomfortable, because I do have to be around him somewhat often. And... I kind of feel like I would be an annoyance if I come up to him... maybe he just wants me to leave him alone? Do you guys think that?

I think you are making far too much of this whole thing. Why are you scared to death? What is the worst thing that could happen? He will walk away, and you will be hurt, but at least you would have the closure you need, and can say, 'what an idiot, his loss', as we all have to say sometimes. Then deal with it.

On the other hand, this young man is probably just as confused as you are. He is getting mixed signals. Sometimes he thinks you want to be friends, but then when you appear around him you don't talk, and it looks to him as if you are avoiding him.

Really, this whole thing has gone too far. Go up to him and just say, hello, or hi or whatever it is you would say to your best friend. Then leave it to him to either reply or not. But try to stop the obsessing; it is not doing either of you any good.

One thing I would say, if this young man has any idea at all that you are obsessing like this, or worse still chasing him, then he is likely to take it badly. Men tend to prefer not to be chased, so if he walks away you really have to be very, very cool about it, and stop the obsessive stuff straight away.

 

[Catherineanne]

I am just wondering if I should even go face to face. I have tried hinting at it.... but maybe he can't read hints haha

Generally speaking men don't do hints, suggestions or implications. Where a woman would be able to very quickly pick up a hint, a man would need hitting over the head (metaphorically) with direct and clear.

 

[Catherineanne]

Yes. I know...but 3 years, and not even a little bit over it? Isn't that a little crazy??

At your age, no. It is perfectly natural.

 

[x.miranda.x]

ok.Thanks all of you guys. I realize that I really just need to go and do it... that will make things better, no matter what, because it will be better than it is now. So now I just need how to figure out how I'm gonna work up the nerve..and what to say haha