Need Advice :(

[x.miranda.x]

Ok, so let me give a little bit of background first...So there is this guy, he and I used to to be really close best friends. We had great times together, and our personalities just "click". Anyways, everything was great... then there was this girl, who I was also friends with at the time (and I am DEFINETLY no longer), and she told him that I was saying all of these things about him and asking him out repeatively. And I never said any of it. Anyways, he got upset, and stopped talking to me. But then I talked to him, and we straightened it all out. And then... this girl started it again... this time we were split for good. And I haven't talked to him in 3 years -So anyways, I have been praying about this situation & him since it happened.... It's gone from begging to be friends again, to begging for me to not care, because it hurts too much. Just like at our last youth group meeting, it was after dark, and the youth group was outside playing volleyball, and I was watching, and just being around him, and seeing him... I just need to not care soo much, because it's so hard for me to be around him, and remembering everything.. that I just broke down crying. But it was dark and nobody saw...thankfully. And I don't understand why I can't get over him. I have been able to get over anyone and anything else better than him... and trust me I have had some rough things to get over....But for some reason, he won't get out of my mind.And lately I have been praying harder and more than usual... and he has become more and more involved in my life. He has even been coming to my church & youth group.But I've been praying and praying.. and I keep getting mixed messages from God. He keeps bringing him more and more into my life, and things sem like they will start to get better...then he backs it up. And also, more lately, I have been having dreams about this... and we end up being close, but something keeps blocking it, but I never know what it is...So what is God trying to tell me? Should I talk to this guy face to face (which I am scared to death to do), or leave the situation.. or what? ANY advice is welcome!!!

 

[x.miranda.x]

anyone??? please

 

[salida]

I would ask God to remove these feelings. If this guy really cared-he wouldn't have believed all the lies and gossip. You can't trust him anymore. Concentrate on your life. There are many fish in the sea and God will bring you someone who you can trust who has your best interest at heart. Also, make new friends and keep your distance from him. I would go to a different church if I had to.

 

[x.miranda.x]

I have tried and tried to get away from him, and prayed and prayed for the feelings to go away, and to not focus on this. But it seems that the more I try and get away from him, the more he shows up in my life. And the harder I pray for the feelings to go away...the more I care. And before this, he wasn't in my life nearly this much...And I don't understand if God is trying to tell me something by keeping him everywhere in my life..or what? Because the harder I try to not care & escape him in life, the more he shows up... and I don't get it.

 

[Catherineanne]

I have tried and tried to get away from him, and prayed and prayed for the feelings to go away, and to not focus on this. But it seems that the more I try and get away from him, the more he shows up in my life. And the harder I pray for the feelings to go away...the more I care. And before this, he wasn't in my life nearly this much...And I don't understand if God is trying to tell me something by keeping him everywhere in my life..or what? Because the harder I try to not care & escape him in life, the more he shows up... and I don't get it.

I think the problem is that you do not have the kind of closure to this relationship that you need. It is left hanging in the air, and I know from experience that this can be very difficult to accept, and then move on from. It looks as if you genuinely love this man, and it can only hurt to be estranged from his friendship for no good reason.

I suggest you write to him, and tell you as clearly as you can that you valued him as a friend, and are not happy to have lost that friendship. Tell him that none of us is so rich in friends that we can afford to lose one for no good reason. Be honest about what happened, and about what you did or did not say, preferably without mentioning the third person by name; leave all accusations out of it. This is about you and him, and she has nothing to do with that. Chances are that by now he will know the other person involved enough to understand if she told lies; this kind of behaviour has a tendency to be found out in the end.

Ask him whether you can resume your former friendship. If he says no, then you at least have the closure you need, having said all that you need to say. If he says yes, then you can be friends once more. It can never be exactly as it was, but that does not mean it can't be very good. Keep it simple, and don't make any ultimatums; men don't like them at all. Just say you will always care about him, but if he prefers that caring to be at a distance, then you will respect this.

I wish you well.

 

[x.miranda.x]

I have tried emailing him, though I'm not sure if he ever got it, as he doesn't us the computer that often... but he didn't answer. And I can't talk to him face to face, I'm scared to death to do that... No so much that I'm afraid of him, but he means so much to me, that if I do something wrong, I'll never be able to forgive myself .... But why is it, that the more I try and escape him & these feelings, by praying to God to take them away, and get him less involved in my life, that he is showing up more and more??

 

[seashale76]

You assume that because he is showing up in your life again and you are having dreams about this guy that it is from God. It sounds like the opposite to me. It sounds more like a spiritual attack. This guy has hurt you in the past. Do you know if he has been involved in the occult and/or non-Christian practices? Have you been involved in such things? (These are rhetorical questions for you to consider.) At any rate, I would definitely put as much physical distance between him and you as I could. I would cease all communications with this guy.

Here are some prayer resources for you that I have personally found to be helpful:
P r a y e r
Let us
Abbreviated Prayerbook
Prayer for the Living

 

[x.miranda.x]

No, since I've known him, he has been a Christian. And so have I, I've never been involved in any other practices.

 

[seashale76]

No, since I've known him, he has been a Christian. And so have I, I've never been involved in any other practices.

Well, being a believer didn't stop me or some of my friends from being involved in occultic practices when I was younger. It is worth reflecting on. It was something I never realized except in retrospect and with some distance. Some churches encourage the occult under a Christian label. It may sound alarmist, but it is true. Also, overt exposure to the occult via friends can cause problems (another thing I was peripherally involved with that caused me spiritual harm). Warnings don't hurt.


ETA: Anything from God would NOT cause you confusion or angst of the nature you describe.

 

[x.miranda.x]

But that's what I'm wondering. Since he keeps coming in more and more into my life... I wonder if God is trying to tell me to talk to him, or keep praying for him, or what? Because I am very spiritually involved and pray about this all the time, and for me to stay focused on God... I'm just very confused on what to do...

 

[seashale76]

But that's what I'm wondering. Since he keeps coming in more and more into my life... I wonder if God is trying to tell me to talk to him, or keep praying for him, or what? Because I am very spiritually involved and pray about this all the time, and for me to stay focused on God... I'm just very confused on what to do...

Prayer is always an appropriate response. This extra stuff- forget about it. God doesn't use vagueness (causing us to think 'Is this from God?') to tell us anything.

 

[x.miranda.x]

Yes. But why, if it's not God keeping him in my life, will he not take the pain away? And let me get over him?

 

[Jeffwhosoever]

Maybe through this struggle the Lord is making you stronger and wiser so that one day when you are older you make a better decision about marriage. I think the more you dwell on this the more your focus continues on this guy, which sounds paradoxical but sometimes the more we try to resist our feelings, the more we are trapped by them. Focus your attention on other people in your life, church, and your Lord.

 

[sbbqb7n16]

Yes. But why, if it's not God keeping him in my life, will he not take the pain away? And let me get over him?

To show you that you shouldn't be placing your trust in a man to fulfill you.

Put your trust and hope for your life in God. If He has a man for you in your future, He'll work it out. But give Him some time. I see that you're soo anxious to hear a response on this, that you haven't even let a full day go by before bumping your thread to get a response. You've got time.

So take life slow. Do at least 1 thing today that makes you happy. Work on being the best woman you can be - and trust in God, not some teenage guy.

20 bucks says you'll get over this guy one day. You're 14 today. In 10 years, you'll probably look back and laugh. And I'll be 20 bucks richer

 

[fm107]

Hi Miranda,

This guy for some reason decided to believe this other girl without question by the sounds of things. He has put more trust in her words than in your friendship with him. Just something you should consider reflecting on as this would tell me that he perhaps did not ever value your relationship with him that much if at all.

God always wants to see his children reconcile. It would be righteous of you to make the first move. I suggest you pull him aside, speak to him on your own and just ask him, what have you done to offend him? Can we be friends again?

If all is well then he will tell you and you can discuss it and resolve these issues. If he does not wish to be your friend then leave it at that. You have done what is righteous.

But please take care as you sound like your fragile emotionally. You have a lot of feelings for this person which he might not have for you.

Stay prayerful and trust in God.

These dreams you have been having could simply be your subconscious thoughts. Thinking about something or someone so much could lead you to having dreams about them.

It's good you’re looking for God's direction and even questioning weather the dream is from God. This is a good thing to do and I urge you to continue to do so through out life. Sometimes when God shows us something we know for sure God is showing us something. But sometimes when God shows us something and we're not sure if God is trying to nudge us to do something and he will often do something else to nudge us again – some Christian’s might just pass it of as coincidence then God does something else and they realise by looking back hey, “God did this and that and isn’t it funny how that happened they day after?” This is God’s hand in our lives.

So this could very well be God wanting you to befriend this person again.

I hope this reply has helped you in some degree.


God bless.

 

[x.miranda.x]

Thanks You guys are all a huge help, and thank you guys so much for all of the advice. It has given me several other perspectives as well.And for fm107 (and anyone else as well), I have tried everything to talk to him and such, but just up front talking to him. And whenever we are around each other, he seems a little uncomfortable as well. Also, my best friend and him talk sometimes (they have classes together, and ride the same bus, etc.) and she goes to the same church as me and him as well. But she has even tried to talk to him about me, and he just tries to get off subject and avoid it.... But if I did go and talk to him face to face... how should I do it? First off, I am scared to death to, in fear of making things even more uncomfortable, because I do have to be around him somewhat often. And... I kind of feel like I would be an annoyance if I come up to him... maybe he just wants me to leave him alone? Do you guys think that?

 

[seashale76]

If you've already attempted to reconcile and he doesn't want to restore your friendship, then just leave it be. Resort to prayer and quit worrying. You do not have to hang out with this guy and be buds with him. To not do so does not mean that you wish each other ill will.

 

[x.miranda.x]

I am just wondering if I should even go face to face. I have tried hinting at it.... but maybe he can't read hints haha

 

[seashale76]

I am just wondering if I should even go face to face. I have tried hinting at it.... but maybe he can't read hints haha

If it were me, I would probably attempt a face to face thing before writing it off completely. Just tell him that you apologize if anything you've done has offended him, you are and have only been interested in him as a friend, but that his response of not believing you (and believing lies told about you) did hurt (and that you forgive him for that). Then say, you don't want to continue having to feel awkward around each other because it stresses you out.

 

[x.miranda.x]

I guess I probably should... I'll just need a massive confidence boost before hand...