Need Advice

[alreadybutnotyet]

Hello,

I'm a 19-year-old college student. Over the past 6 years, I've struggled with what I believe is OCD. Usually, I have a period of intrusive thoughts followed by a much longer period of anxiety and confusion. It seems like the thoughts initiate a cycle of doubt that just keeps itself going independently of any further intrusive thoughts.

Now I'm just at the point where I'm finding condemnation everywhere I turn. Every thought or Bible verse or song ends up being proof that I'm not really saved. I fear that I'm not submitting to God fully enough, that I'm holding onto some sin, or that I'm about to forsake my salvation.

I keep asking myself whether it's really OCD, but I know that I've had textbook OCD symptoms in the past. Even if my current struggle isn't a direct symptom, I cannot separate it from OCD entirely since I believe OCD is still at the root of the problem. I've read "Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners" by John Bunyan, and it almost felt like it could have been my autobiography.

I'm at the point now where I'm ready to address the OCD directly, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I've never really told anyone that I have OCD, and I'm dreading doing that, but I believe that's what God wants me to do. Actually, I feel condemned for not doing it sooner... go figure.

Anyway, I'm not sure whom to talk to. How did those of you who are receiving help go about finding it? As a college student, I have access to free counseling. I've considered that option. Also, one of my best friends from back home has been diagnosed with OCD. I suppose I could start by talking to him. I don't know. What should I do?

 

[BeccaLynn]

I was actually diagnosed by a Christian psychologist. I was fearful of going to a non-Christian counselor because I didn't think he/she would understand about my salvation struggles. Since my psychologist couldn't prescribe meds, he sent me to a psychiatrist whom, I'm thinking, doesn't profess Christianity. I was so worried about telling him of the kinds of thoughts I was having and how he would think of me for telling him such, so I didn't go into complete detail. But, he hit it on the head too. He informed me that I had ocd and prescribed meds for me. I am presently counseling with a pastor friend of mine who is very understanding about emotional illnesses.

I definitely relate about feeling conviction every where you turn. It can be very hard to determine what really is something we need to address and what is the ocd telling us is a problem. When it comes to salvation, it's even scarier because we realize the absolute necessity of Jesus being our personal Savior. So, obviously, ocd does attack us there.

I would suggest that you talk with your friend since they have been diagnosed, but maybe don't go into so much detail about what you deal with if they suffer in a different way with it. I've learned that I cannot just tell anyone about what I've dealt with. However, I lived way too long carrying all of the weight of this stuff that was tearing me apart inside without telling anyone. It so surprised me when I opened up to someone (that someone was my mother) and she informed me she knew what I was talking about because she had dealt with it herself. In my 20's, my minister made a statement in church that has always stuck with me. Mainly because I had told my mom that I had just started opening up, but I felt like I was going to close back up again. That very morning in church, my minister said that "God doesn't want you to be and island. He wants you to open up and talk to people." That's what ocd does, makes you an island where you feel as if you're the only one dealing with it and that something is so wrong with you and your faith. Then, the more you get alone, the more withdrawn you become from life. I don't think it's a bad idea to go to a counselor at all. I would recommend it. But, if they tell you it's because of your faith, beware. When someone has ocd, it attacks in various ways. For Christians, that's often their relationship with God.

I hope this helps at least some.

Rebecca

 

[kicker]

Hey, I can definitely relate to what you said. I read posts on this site a long time before I actually joined and I knew I was just like some of the others who posted but I had never "officially" been diagnosed with ocd. Well I went to a psychiatrist a couple months back and it became "official", she definitely said I was. I remember you responded to a couple of posts I made a few weeks ago and how you knew what I was going through but you didn't go into detail. I'm glad you have decided to open up and start addressing the ocd. I still struggle but I have done better lately with the help of some friends. The ocd makes you feel like you are turning against everything you believe in and it is scary but it is how ocd works. It takes what is most important to you and tries to turn you against it. What rebecca said was right on and try to focus on what is right in your life. My counselor told me that the very fact that I was struggling to trust God was the proof that I had indeed been saved because unbelievers do not struggle with salvation the way we do. Ill keep in touch and let me know how you're doing.

James

 

[David75]

God Bless all of you who struggle with this everyday and the torture it causes you. I can't imagine. I can't understand OCD completely since there are many different types of it,but I can try best understand it the best I can. I have a wife who has OCD. She is struggling with it right now. She is currently at a treatment facility where I visit her everday. She will be home in a couple of days hopefully. She is having intrusive thoughts of committing blasphemy against God,but she knows it's her OCD but of course she still has those repetitive thoughts making hard for her. I pray one day for all of you with this OCD of any type that there will be sme type of cure or something to slow it down. May God bless each and everyone of you. To all of you that have OCD don't be afraid to get help,it is out there and there are resorces for it.