Hi everyone. I need some advice on how far is too far for a relationship and how to express the boundaries I want set for my relationship. Ok, I'll tell you a little. I'm a Christian, I don't do much things that are unchristianlike and neither does my fiance, I'm 16 and engaged to my boyfriend of 6 months. We've done some stuff that I feel is too far and he asked how I felt and at the time I was ok with it and we have been doing it for about a month. It's not sex, definitely none of that till marriage. I feel I need to tell him that I don't feel it's right for me at this time but i already told him it was ok, so now I don't know how to tell him. I would like some suggestions on how to set boundaries for our relationship and ways to stay pure from sex until we are married, which won't be for another 2 years. Thanks all
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need advice
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Katty
Simply amazing.
- Sep 10, 2003
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I just want to make it clear that I won't give you the "lecture" of sex before marriage. hehe. The only thing I want to say though is that you need to just tell him. You can't just stay quiet about it cause you had "told him it was ok." If what you are doing is not ok with you and more importantly God, then stop it. Guys aren't mindreaders (the faster us girls figure that out the better... hehe) so you have to tell him and be straight, honest and upfront with him about it. Thats the only way. Don't continue to do it if it will somehow lead you to something else. To be 16 and engaged after 6 months is a little hard for me to see, but I won't attack you on that. Just be sure of what you're doing and don't be in such a rush to grow up. Enjoy being sweet 16. Go out in groups of friends. Once again, establish who you are apart from your boyfriend/fiance...etc... Its not for someone to tell you what's ok and what's not really as in relationship boundaries. That's between you and God. Is holding hands ok? Is kissing ok? Thats not for me to judge. Being that you are still young, don't put yourself in a situation where you'll be tempted to fall. Once again, I don't mean to lecture you cause I know where you're coming from but I am looking out for you. With experience comes wisdom (so I hope). I wish the best for you.~Katty~
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thanks for the advice katty and not lecturing me 
my fiance and i are going to talk in the morning before church and we'll see how everything goes.
my fiance and i are going to talk in the morning before church and we'll see how everything goes.
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DaveKerwin
Represent the Most High
ok, what I am about to tell you is lessons learned from experience and heartache, so hear me out.
First, engaged at 16, well, nevermind.
Second, when you involve a sex organ in any way at all, you have gone too far. I know what you have been doing, and to be honest, you need to stop. You cannot be sexual with someone you are not married to. The way to bring it up to him it simply to say it. This may sound harsh, but you are young and really naive about all this. I thought I understood it all when I was 16, but I was horribly wrong. You are responsibly with honoring God with your body. Based on what you said, it sounds like in your heart you know your actions are wrong. Because you have responded to that, I am proud of you. So now that you have really thought about it, make the right decision, and keep things covered by underwear away from your boyfriend, and keep his area away from you.
I have found this very difficult to actually do. I am ready to be married, like last week. But I am not married yet. So recently my girlfriend and I prayed together and made a promise to God that we would not let wandering hands happen until our wedding day. Has it been tough? Yes. Has there been some mistakes? Yes. But I am happy that many boundaries have not been crossed, and I give God the credit for that. So if you respect his body, then you will not touch him sexually. If he respects your body, he will not touch you sexually. And if the two of you love Jesus Christ, then you will not touch each other sexually AT ALL until your wedding day. The first step is to talk to your boyfriend and clarify your boundaries. The step after that is to make a committment (both of you in prayer at the same time) to God, promising that you will keep your border. But I have to warn you, only make the promise if you are CERTAIN that you will keep it.
I hope some of this helps, respond to it and maybe we can talk in more detail about it. Trust me, this is worth figuring out. Stay with Christ always.
First, engaged at 16, well, nevermind.
Second, when you involve a sex organ in any way at all, you have gone too far. I know what you have been doing, and to be honest, you need to stop. You cannot be sexual with someone you are not married to. The way to bring it up to him it simply to say it. This may sound harsh, but you are young and really naive about all this. I thought I understood it all when I was 16, but I was horribly wrong. You are responsibly with honoring God with your body. Based on what you said, it sounds like in your heart you know your actions are wrong. Because you have responded to that, I am proud of you. So now that you have really thought about it, make the right decision, and keep things covered by underwear away from your boyfriend, and keep his area away from you.
I have found this very difficult to actually do. I am ready to be married, like last week. But I am not married yet. So recently my girlfriend and I prayed together and made a promise to God that we would not let wandering hands happen until our wedding day. Has it been tough? Yes. Has there been some mistakes? Yes. But I am happy that many boundaries have not been crossed, and I give God the credit for that. So if you respect his body, then you will not touch him sexually. If he respects your body, he will not touch you sexually. And if the two of you love Jesus Christ, then you will not touch each other sexually AT ALL until your wedding day. The first step is to talk to your boyfriend and clarify your boundaries. The step after that is to make a committment (both of you in prayer at the same time) to God, promising that you will keep your border. But I have to warn you, only make the promise if you are CERTAIN that you will keep it.
I hope some of this helps, respond to it and maybe we can talk in more detail about it. Trust me, this is worth figuring out. Stay with Christ always.
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I completely agree with Dave. And just to add a little, if you follow through with these boundaries, then not only will your wedding day be better, but if something happens before you get married then you won't be such a mess afterwards. Believe me physical stuff just leads to more heartache if you do end up breaking up. Also you may not think that you guys will break up, but at such a young age it's hard to know for sure. I mean last year I was SURE that I was gonna marry a guy, and then this year I'm single...just something to think about.
Oh, and I hope you take this as a lecture, I'm just speaking out of experience, and I want to save you from the heartache I went through. God Bless.
Oh, and I hope you take this as a lecture, I'm just speaking out of experience, and I want to save you from the heartache I went through. God Bless.
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G
GivingMyAll4Him
Guest
hey, I am pretty new here, but I would like to share a personal value that might be of some help.
A relationship that I value most would be one of no physical contact. No kissing can actually be awesome, and lots of Christian couples are doing it.
I have never seen a part of scripture that forbids premarital kissing, but it definately cannot hurt. I agree with dave and rach, physical relationships end harder, an observation.
if you wanted a no kissing relationship, if it really meant a lot to you, would he go for it? if he loves you and knows how much it means to you he would.
A relationship that I value most would be one of no physical contact. No kissing can actually be awesome, and lots of Christian couples are doing it.
I have never seen a part of scripture that forbids premarital kissing, but it definately cannot hurt. I agree with dave and rach, physical relationships end harder, an observation.
if you wanted a no kissing relationship, if it really meant a lot to you, would he go for it? if he loves you and knows how much it means to you he would.
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I have to ask the same as Mr. Cheese. Why do you want to be engaged now? You are still in high school. While people do marry their high school sweetheart occasionally, if he's the one God has for you, he'll wait for you. You are precious in God's sight, and the right man will find you precious enough to wait for you. I'm not a big supporter of the non-dating movement, but I would encourage you to read "I kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" as well as "Boundaries in Dating"
As for the physical part of the relationship, a good rule of thumb is are you doing anything you'd be ashamed to do if your parents walked in the room?
A girl once said at a Bible study I was at when we were discussing sexual issues -- she was asked "How far is too far?". She responded with the question "How pure is too pure?" Something to think about.
I'm not judging, but I know what its like to be 16 and it can seem forever until you're out of school and get married, but believe me, it flies by. Enjoy it!
As for the physical part of the relationship, a good rule of thumb is are you doing anything you'd be ashamed to do if your parents walked in the room?
A girl once said at a Bible study I was at when we were discussing sexual issues -- she was asked "How far is too far?". She responded with the question "How pure is too pure?" Something to think about.
I'm not judging, but I know what its like to be 16 and it can seem forever until you're out of school and get married, but believe me, it flies by. Enjoy it!
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