Need advice from someone who's been there!

[mlukas]

hey everyone!
I'm a little younger than 50 (37 to be exact) and I hope my thread is not booted off this part of the forum, but I REALLY wanted advice from someone over 50 who's been where I am now. I really need to know sometimes that there's a light at the end of the long and frustrating tunnel.
In short..(ha ha ha..)
I've been divorced for about 2 years (we had solvable problems, she had an affair, divorced me, blah, blah, blah..) and I am having a really hard time financially and spiritually with my anger sometimes at God.
I'm not destitute, however, me ex for "child support" (a very deceptive term if you ask me...) takes about half my income. PLUS she gets to claim all 3 kids on her taxes and I have to pay any and all medical bills not fully covered by insurance.
bear with me, I'll sum this up in a moment...
I'm looking for a lawyer to modify some elements of the divorce settlement so I can be a little less financially strapped but, in the meantime, it is very frustrating for me.
I have a wonderful girlfriend and I get frustrated too because I feel I can't take her out or too nice enough places for dates (I place this pressure on myself, she's never mentioned anything of the sort.) And this month I don't even have the money to pay for a bloody minor repair on my car so it can pass a smog check so I can get my registration tags!! UGH!!
Ok, enough of that....
My point is, and please, I only want to hear from you more mature men who have been through this...does it ever get any better? Seriously, i feel that I will live the rest of my days with more than tight finances whilst my ex and her new recently employed husband jaunt off to an average of 3 concerts, countless dinners, etc per month! Mostly on my dime...
I'm not lazy, I'm an artist ( I teach full time) and have been PRAYING for some sort of relief financially. I've been looking for some freelance work on the side, I do have another adjunct teaching gig coming up but that won't be until SEPTEMBER!
I just feel sometimes like I'm praying to a brick wall in this regards. As if, despite all the talk in the bible of the "wicked being repaid.." that I am continually in a tight spot financially whilst (as I mentioned) my ex is living the high life partially on my dime.
I just get very angry at God, and I suppose I don't have any reason to be. I was the idiot who decieded to marry her. God didn't put a gun to my head and tell me to make a mistake. But I just don't understand God's view of what is fair in the universe when this is happening. I've never in my life felt so stressed out and hopeless at times. Today I just felt like packing up my car, heading off to points unknown with a new identity, etc. just to start over.
Granted, I would never do this. I love my kids and my girlfriend, not to mention my family and I wouldn't abandon any of them for any reason.
Sorry this has gone on so long...any advice or encouragment? It just really feels like this will never end and I dread living out the rest of my life like this...

 

[Mercy Me]

I'm a 46 yr old female..... but I kinda understand your situation.

My ex husband was abusive and an adulterer. I had to leave for safety's sake. We got divorced officially in 2000. He took EVERYTHING I had.....business, homes, furniture, pets, even my clothes.... and hid all assets in trusts and corporations so I could get nothing.

It's been six long years and I am trying to rebuild my life. It is very very very hard.....I see my ex all over town, driving brand new vehicles, making great money on construction contracts, and escorting a new woman each time I see him. I know, I know, I know that he is not in good standing with God....esp after the violence and adultery. But that doesn't take away from the pain of the kids and I suffering just to put food on the table, while he gets "blessed".

P.S. He continues to say "God and I are on good terms. I am saved by grace not by what I do."

 

[mlukas]

ugh...sorry to hear about that
It cracks me up when I hear people say things like that..."I'm not saved by what I do..." etc, etc. My ex tried to justify herself by saying, in essence, that it was the churches fault she fell away, etc because they didn't "understand" her after she decieded on the divorce. Pathetic.
I will pray for you, and I appreciate your honesty.

 

[Tab]

Hi mlukas

I haven't been there, but I have been somewhat there, i.e., between a rock and a hard place. But I have learned that the rock is Jesus Christ and the hard place is satan. There isn't ANYTHING in your life that God doesn't know about, OR care about. What most of us do not realize is that, while we often get outselves into messes, God ALWAYS uses those messes as tools to conform you into the image of His dear Son.

What you need to do is - and this is hard, but important - is praise God for what He is doing in your life. He will never leave you or forsake you, nor will He ever stop loving you. God is spirit, and you are flesh. God may, or may not, affect your earthly situation to your satisfaction, but He will affect your heavenly thinking to help you through whatever you are going through. Many of us have been there and can attest to this.

Tab

 

[desi]

Ecclesiastes 2:24-26

 

[Macca]

hey everyone!
I'm a little younger than 50 (37 to be exact) and I hope my thread is not booted off this part of the forum, but I REALLY wanted advice from someone over 50 who's been where I am now. I really need to know sometimes that there's a light at the end of the long and frustrating tunnel.
In short..(ha ha ha..)
I've been divorced for about 2 years (we had solvable problems, she had an affair, divorced me, blah, blah, blah..) and I am having a really hard time financially and spiritually with my anger sometimes at God.
I'm not destitute, however, me ex for "child support" (a very deceptive term if you ask me...) takes about half my income. PLUS she gets to claim all 3 kids on her taxes and I have to pay any and all medical bills not fully covered by insurance.
bear with me, I'll sum this up in a moment...
I'm looking for a lawyer to modify some elements of the divorce settlement so I can be a little less financially strapped but, in the meantime, it is very frustrating for me.
I have a wonderful girlfriend and I get frustrated too because I feel I can't take her out or too nice enough places for dates (I place this pressure on myself, she's never mentioned anything of the sort.) And this month I don't even have the money to pay for a bloody minor repair on my car so it can pass a smog check so I can get my registration tags!! UGH!!
Ok, enough of that....
My point is, and please, I only want to hear from you more mature men who have been through this...does it ever get any better? Seriously, i feel that I will live the rest of my days with more than tight finances whilst my ex and her new recently employed husband jaunt off to an average of 3 concerts, countless dinners, etc per month! Mostly on my dime...
I'm not lazy, I'm an artist ( I teach full time) and have been PRAYING for some sort of relief financially. I've been looking for some freelance work on the side, I do have another adjunct teaching gig coming up but that won't be until SEPTEMBER!
I just feel sometimes like I'm praying to a brick wall in this regards. As if, despite all the talk in the bible of the "wicked being repaid.." that I am continually in a tight spot financially whilst (as I mentioned) my ex is living the high life partially on my dime.
I just get very angry at God, and I suppose I don't have any reason to be. I was the idiot who decieded to marry her. God didn't put a gun to my head and tell me to make a mistake. But I just don't understand God's view of what is fair in the universe when this is happening. I've never in my life felt so stressed out and hopeless at times. Today I just felt like packing up my car, heading off to points unknown with a new identity, etc. just to start over.
Granted, I would never do this. I love my kids and my girlfriend, not to mention my family and I wouldn't abandon any of them for any reason.
Sorry this has gone on so long...any advice or encouragment? It just really feels like this will never end and I dread living out the rest of my life like this...

Mulkas,
My former life sounds a little like yours is now. Yes, it does get better, While it seems difficult to do on a limited budget, you must continue to tithe. If you aren't, you need to start.
Malachi 3: 10 is the only place in the Bible that God says test me in this. (Prove if it is not true.)
Make sure you keep walking according to His commands, if you get away from them, there is no condemnation for those in Christ, but sinning brings a harvest unwanted by Christians.
David complained bitterly to God in many psalms, but always ended with praise. Follow his lead. God will bless you, it's His money anyway, you are simply a steward of it. Use it righteously, and keep you eyes on His teachinh.
Macca.

 

[Yitzchak]

I am actually about your age but have been in almost the same exact situation.....My wife had an affair and left me.She got custody of our five children and the child support takes about half of my income......... Her new boyfriend helps her with money, she gets tax breaks, assitance from various people including the church because she is a single mother......To make a long story short, her standard of living is much higher than mine at this point and I work just to pay rent and child support.
It can be very discouraging. I do know though that God is our source and have not ceased praying and sometimes fasting about the matter.....I believe that God hears the crys of the heartbroken and oprressed and I know the discouragment of not only having my heart broken in losing my wife to another man, but in losing my children and seeing them being raised primarially by the man who stole my wife......add to that being financially broke and feeling my future and not just my past was devastated.
One encouragement I got was in studying the story of Abraham on mount Moriah....The Bible says that God provided a ram for the sacrifice and calls the name of the place Jehovah jireh,, actually yireh since there is no j in hebrew......The actual literal meaning of the hebrew word is not provide but is "to see" ..It literally means "God sees." also when the israelites cryed out when they were in bondage, the bible says God remembered them......
my encouragement for both you and myself is that God does indeed see and will remember us both in our situations.....God will give each of us a bright future, i believe....

 

[Rafael]

To be a Christian means to know trouble. Jesus told us that in the world we would have trial and tribulation. Ironically we are told to embrace the trials of life and know that they will refine our faith which is more precious than gold to the Lord. Psalms 73 is a good one to read where David complains to the Lord about how the wicked wear their pride like a necklace - that is sorta what your wife does, but she wears your money. Anyways, the Lord has conquered it all for us and if we are faithful we will reap rewards in heaven, which is the conclusion of the Psalm, when the wicked are forgotten forever. Their time of ease was very temporary.
The important thing to remember is that if you are God's child and decide to cast away your confidence, it can get worse. I have been in your boots and am 54, so don't go off the deep end and then sit in the garden of weeds you planted back when your anger got a hold of you. I've finally recovered from my ordeal, and am very thankful now for the simple blessings of life, and no matter what is taken away from you by the wicked, God will provide for you. You can trust God, always.

John 16:33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

James 1:2 Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.
3 For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.
4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.

1 Peter 1:6 So be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while.
7 These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Psalms 73:1 Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure.
2 But as for me, I came so close to the edge of the cliff! My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.
3 For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.
4 They seem to live such a painless life; their bodies are so healthy and strong.
5 They aren't troubled like other people or plagued with problems like everyone else.
6 They wear pride like a jeweled necklace, and their clothing is woven of cruelty.
7 These fat cats have everything their hearts could ever wish for!
8 They scoff and speak only evil; in their pride they seek to crush others.
9 They boast against the very heavens, and their words strut throughout the earth.
10 And so the people are dismayed and confused, drinking in all their words.
11 "Does God realize what is going on?" they ask. "Is the Most High even aware of what is happening?"
12 Look at these arrogant people--enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply.
13 Was it for nothing that I kept my heart pure and kept myself from doing wrong?
14 All I get is trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain.
15 If I had really spoken this way, I would have been a traitor to your people.
16 So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is!
17 Then one day I went into your sanctuary, O God, and I thought about the destiny of the wicked.
18 Truly, you put them on a slippery path and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction.
19 In an instant they are destroyed, swept away by terrors.
20 Their present life is only a dream that is gone when they awake. When you arise, O Lord, you will make them vanish from this life.
21 Then I realized how bitter I had become, how pained I had been by all I had seen.
22 I was so foolish and ignorant--I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
23 Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand.
24 You will keep on guiding me with your counsel,leading me to a glorious destiny.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.
26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.
27 But those who desert him will perish, for you destroy those who abandon you.
28 But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign LORD my shelter,and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.

 

[KleinerApfel]

mlukas,

sorry I don't think I can help, but I wondered if you'd tried the "Golden eagles" section - you say you'd like advice from older men, and you might find them there.

 

[mlukas]

Thank you all for your encouragment!
Just to answer a few things brought up:

Macca-Yes I do tithe! And it is REALLY tempting at times not too, esp after looking at the finances, etc sometimes. However, I know it needs to be a priority for me to put God first in this area and I continue to tithe even if things look a little bleak
Yitzchak- We're in this together brother I'm both glad and sorry that you know what it is like. I can get REALLY negative sometimes (see my first post..) but I appreciate the encouragment. I too do know that the finances will eventually not be so tight, it's just all that bloody waiting... (Lord, teach me to be patient NOW!!!!!)
Raphe-Thank you VERY much for the light at the end of the tunnel. As mentioned, I do tend to be negative and lose my confidence. Thank you for reminding me to do otherwise.
Susana-This was originally in Golden Eagles but it got booted out due to my age. I guess I can take that as a compliment!

Thank you all!

M

 

[Mary_Magdalene]

she's the one that had the affair-why not try to get custody of the kids and then she can pay you support and you get to see your kids all the time.