Need advice for approaching a guy.

ChristTheRock said:

By obvious do you mean that they verbally tell you they're interested or obvious hints?

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For some, you could show up on his porch wearing a wedding dress and he would assume that you were in costume for a play. There are many possibilities, but only two ways to be sure. 1) Nuke him from orbit. 2) Tell him verbally.

Will this guy be that obtuse? None of us knows.

ChristTheRock said:

By obvious do you mean that they verbally tell you they're interested or obvious hints?

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Obvious hints mostly. Of course, I prefer when they can tell me they like me or whatever. Part of that is because I'm extremely, extremely shy. You might not think it by seeing how I interact with people around here, but when it comes to stuff like that, I have A LOT of difficulty. He might be less as strange about that as me haha. Who knows.

But, as others have said, try not to get too excited about the boyfriend part yet. You'd find yourself doing things just to get to know him and if he's not interested, it will create a lot of awkwardness.

Some guys will see a woman who approaches them and asks them out as being overly aggressive and somehow "un-Christian". I don't, but then, I'm different. Since you have mutual friends, you are golden. Drop a hint to a mutual friend that you're interested and get some feedback. Sounds high schoolish, but it works and is subtle.

ChristTheRock said:

maybe I am a little naive liking him since I don't know him.

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I suppose so, if you don't know how he really is. But it is possible that God can have someone get your attention, if He wants you together, even though He knows more than you do. It is good to be able to make sure with God > not only try to make sure with a person.

ChristTheRock said:

so far he hasn't tried speaking to me either.

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He could already be busy with someone close to him and ones he already is sharing with. If you do not know how he shares with and helps others, it might be wise to go easy.

ChristTheRock said:

he seems close to her.

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Well, that can mean different things. There are couples who are interested in each other, but they want to mix with other Christians, since we all are family.

If he is for real, be thankful for however you do share. Because if he is for real, he wants to do God's will and so he is praying for how to relate with you if you two are somehow sharing.

And whether or not you are meant for one another, still you are brother and sister in Jesus.

ChristTheRock said:

From the male perspective, how do you show a girl that you like her?

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I pray. And I observe and listen to her. Then I can know what she wants and how to please her, if it is in a good way. But if she is saying she wants things which I am not satisfied are God's will, I do well not to try to push her from what she really wants. But pray for her to change, in any way which is for her own good.

I would say feed on scriptures which give us how to relate with one another as God's family. And stay with this, in how you relate with someone you are considering.

ChristTheRock said:

if he truly is interested he will make his intentions known.

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If you are meant for one another, things can open up so both of you say things you have to share. If he is for real, you can trust him by telling him your personal things. But I would do it being open, since a for real guy very possibly already has someone he is committed to or interested in. So, be ready to be a good sister

Possibly, he is not as with it as he might seem; he could be on his way to making a mistake; and if and while he makes a mistake in whom he chooses, you can pray for him and prepare so later you will not be his . . . or someone's . . . mistake. Then you might find yourself connecting with someone else and very surprised how satisfied you are.

So, trust God.

Because how you are now can limit you; but if you grow more, then you can have better sense about who and what you are looking for. So, it always is good to pray and trust God and grow

ChristTheRock said:

Does God bring people together or do we decide who we want to marry?

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He brings people together; and if we have been submitting to Him, we are very glad He has good surprises so better than what we have been looking and hoping for

It can be that we choose the one God has chosen for us. But then we discover how He makes the choice so much better than what we thought we were choosing so smartly

Sketcher said:

You should be friendly and attend group events.

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If that doesn't work, then bring a bowling ball to church with you and when you see him, just throw it really hard towards his face. That's how a friend of mine and his girlfriend met. Of course, that was by accident. He broke her nose and everything. It was love at first sight.

-Ask him for help/assistance

Saucy said:

If that doesn't work, then bring a bowling ball to church with you and when you see him, just throw it really hard towards his face. That's how a friend of mine and his girlfriend met. Of course, that was by accident. He broke her nose and everything. It was love at first sight.

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The key thing if you want to try this is to make sure that it looks like a complete accident. Otherwise the object of your affections may find out that assault charges are a dealbreaker that they never knew they had.

Smile, tilt your head slightly and toss your hair to one side - flash a bit of neck. Flutter the lashes too, and face him with an open posture.

That will hook us 99% of the time. If you give us strong body language cues, we WILL come to you. Men talk with their actions and listen with their eyes. Anyone who disagrees with that is not being honest with you or themselves.

To me, one attribute of a female that I find attractive is when she loves God and is actively serving Him. I can't explain it, but there's something about that which draws me to them. I've only met two women in my life like that though. So I'd say it's rare.

The simplest trick is to go say hi to a stranger right next to this guy you like (TGYL) in a church service. That way you are making your presence known to TGYL. Be slightly loud (but not too loud) to make sure TGYL knows your presence. Hopefully he will look at your face for a second and be slightly interested. (I will say here that you cannot force anyone to be interested. You can only try.)

During the conversation focus your attention on that stranger and not TGYL, else it will be wierd. And talk to that stranger that same way you would talking to TGYL for the first time. That means a friendly introduction without being too pushy. Just be yourself and be normal.

You can also treat this as a warm up. You are speaking to someone right next to TGYL. So in a way your performance matters. But not so much because you are not directly speaking to TGYL.

If TGYL just happens to talk to you after the stranger, that's fine just let it flow. But if not:

Then next week go talk to TGYL. It would be fine and normal because you would be known to TGYL as a friendly person, who likes to talk to strangers. And since you already made your presence known last week.

See where things go from there.

Do not aim to EVER have yourself into his friendzone. Do not fool yourself into thinking "Oh I will just get into his friendzone first. And maybe after a year or two he would suddenly develop feelings for me and date me." I know a lot of people say "Oh just be friends first." But I personally think it is all rubbish.

Your goal is to date him, or get him to ask you for a date. So while during the first few conversation it is indeed about being friends, your goal is to get him to date you quickly and commit.

If you get into his friendzone, chances are he will date another woman before dating you. And you will just get hurt. So if you want him you have to go for it. Hey if he rejects you, at least you find out quickly and so you can also move on. Do not waste 2 years of your life in his friendzone.

And by quick I mean within 2 or 3 months. If a guy knows you for 2 or 3 months and aren't interested, he probably never will. Now there are those very rare cases. But the odds are bad.

You should make it obvious that you are into him. And it is up to him to respond or not. Guys are clueless so you have to make it clear. Now unfortunately I can't say how you should make it clear. But your eyes usually will do the speaking. And laughing a lot of nervous laughs, including laughing at yourself, is also a huge hint. It show you are open and comfortable around him.

Good news is most guys will not refuse the advances of a lady. For me personally, if an "unattractive" lady approaches me and make her feelings clear, I will ask her out on a date just for that. Because that was such a big boost to my ego, that a lady is interested in me. And she deserves a nice meal just for that. Hence I would always give the lady a chance. If she impress me then I continue. If not I bid her farewell and best wishes.

If a guy won't ask you out for a first date, even when you are clear with him, then I am sorry but he is literally 0% interested. So once again it is good to find out early so you can move on.

Side note:

DO NOT wear revealing clothing around him. This DOESN'T shows him that you are interested. Instead it does the opposite. It says that you want to show off your body to get attention. That you don't view your own body as precious. This only attract the wrong type of guys. And if he needs that to be attracted, he is the wrong type of guy. I wonder if he is even a true believer of Jesus.

I was a terrible sinner when I was younger. I didn't respect a lady's body at all and watched many exotic pictures and videos. But now when I see ladies wearing revealing clothing, even just in movies, I had to look away to honor them. I don't stare and enjoy. Especially now that I am seriously dating my GF.

I didn't look away because I wasn't interested or think she is ugly. No quite the opposite. I had to look away because I honor and respect her and her body too much and cannot look when she exposes herself.

One time I was at a church retreat and I got into the jacuzzi. This girl wore a bikini and got in and sat next to me. Man that was most odd ward 30 minutes in my life. I couldn't even talk properly with her and spend a lot of effort not looking at her bikini. I didn't want my GF (she was there too) or anyone else to get the wrong ideas.

ReesePiece23 said:

Smile, tilt your head slightly and toss your hair to one side - flash a bit of neck. Flutter the lashes too, and face him with an open posture.

That will hook us 99% of the time. If you give us strong body language cues, we WILL come to you. Men talk with their actions and listen with their eyes. Anyone who disagrees with that is not being honest with you or themselves.

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OH!

timewerx said:

OH!

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Surely you can see from here that my tongue is firmly in my cheek... I'm deliberately being 'that' guy.

Needless to say though, body language is still vital. It says more than meticulously over rehearsed lines ever could.

The less said the better really, especially early on.

ReesePiece23 said:

Surely you can see from here that my tongue is firmly in my cheek... I'm deliberately being 'that' guy.

Needless to say though, body language is still vital. It says more than meticulously over rehearsed lines ever could.

The less said the better really, especially early on.

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What I meant was, a woman did exactly what you described back there and I did nothing!

I thought she must be joking around. I didn't realize it until many years later and I actually had a crush on her!

timewerx said:

What I meant was, a woman did exactly what you described back there and I did nothing!

I thought she must be joking around. I didn't realize it until many years later and I actually had a crush on her!

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Oh, right. I thought you were talking about my description of men.

Yeah, you were well in. The neck flash is one I swear by. Even better if it's accompanied by the head tilt.

"Smell my pheromones. I want you."

Women have been using that one for millenia. It's devastatingly attractive.

ReesePiece23 said:

"Smell my pheromones. I want you."

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Scratch the rest of it, I'm just going to stick with this line from now on. Keep it nice and direct.

ReesePiece23 said:

"Smell my pheromones. I want you."

Women have been using that one for millenia. It's devastatingly attractive.

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I wish I knew then....Back then I thought it was annoying!

A BL that works well on me is when a woman has her legs crossed while dangling her high heel off her feet repeatedly pointing her toes towards me.

Hot pink pedicure and I'm her's.

LilShepherdBoy said:

A BL that works well on me is when a woman has her legs crossed while dangling her high heel off her feet repeatedly pointing her toes towards me.

Hot pink pedicure and I'm her's.

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Shoulders back, torso upright and 'assests' standing to attention and facing you. Those are some more that I have noticed from previous girlfriends.

Mimicking is my favourite though. One girl used to copy all of my catchphrases, finish my sentences, do my trademark gestures (salute friends, etc) and mirror my stance. She was quite a shy one, so I think it was her way of letting me know she was on my wavelength. ( That may have BEEN all it was, but still endering none the less.)

I honestly find the unspoken things we say to be the most interesting. They certainly don't lie. Not like the spoken word.