So I've been working at a little coffee shop for a while now, and the owner is much older than me, while I am 18. We got to be really good friends, and we always talked about God and Jesus and the Bible together, and he's married with children that are all out of college.
Anyway, he's having troubles at home with his wife, and we were talking about it today when there were no customers in the shop. (This happens a lot because it's a small town and a small shop.)
He starts saying that his wife might divorce him because of his business because she doesn't want him to run a coffee shop anymore (this is true), and he said that he didn't want to be alone. But I noticed he wasn't saying 'I don't want to lose my wife' he said 'I don't want to be without a woman in my life.'
Then he starts saying about how he respects me and that he considers me to be a woman, and that he liked how I wanted him to expand his shop and everything and that I was supporting his decision to make the business better.
At this point I still didn't realize what he was getting at because he goes on about stuff like this a lot, but then he started saying things like 'I like the presence of a woman,' and that turned into 'I like the touch of a woman' and 'I like to be able to sleep with a woman', and I started getting uncomfortable.
Then he goes 'I don't have a sex life at home, and I find myself fantasizing about other women.' And to top this all off, he turns to me and goes 'I've fantasized about you.'
I felt really, really uncomfortable. I let him go on for a few more sentences because I didn't know what to say, and he started saying like 'I'm not a bad man, I don't mean to try and take your virginity, but you know...' and no, I don't even know what he meant by that because his words were conflicting with eachother, so I tried to leave as soon as possible because my shift was over.
He's married, and was what I thought a great Christian until now. He does everything else Christian, but says that he comes from the 60's and believes in free love, and I don't care what he believes, I'm fine with that, but he came out and said that to me, and came on to me, and in a round about way was suggesting that he would rather have me over his wife.
I know it's not my fault. I never came onto him or did anything to have him think that I wanted him in any way other than friendship. He's also a grandfather, so it was very strange, and now I feel dirty and guilty and uncomfortable.
I honestly do not think he would ever try to force me into something, but then again I just don't know anymore. I know it would be easy to quite the job or tell him that if he does it again I'll report him, but that's not even the issue now. I don't feel well anymore. I'm cold and shakey and feel like I've been degraded and used. He's been imagining me to pleasure himself, and to me, that's just wrong, especially since he knows I'm a virgin and I'm saving myself.
So the issue here isn't what do I do about him, because I can easily handle that, it's what do I do about myself? I didn't do anything wrong, did I? I can try to pray, but so far I haven't even felt good enough to do that. I feel like praying isn't good enough for me right now for some reason. I tried listening to Matisyahu (a Jewish singer- I listen because it's still about God and it really lifts my spirits), and it didn't even touch me this time around.
I've been completely changed and degraded in the matter of one hour.
Ugh.
Anyway, he's having troubles at home with his wife, and we were talking about it today when there were no customers in the shop. (This happens a lot because it's a small town and a small shop.)
He starts saying that his wife might divorce him because of his business because she doesn't want him to run a coffee shop anymore (this is true), and he said that he didn't want to be alone. But I noticed he wasn't saying 'I don't want to lose my wife' he said 'I don't want to be without a woman in my life.'
Then he starts saying about how he respects me and that he considers me to be a woman, and that he liked how I wanted him to expand his shop and everything and that I was supporting his decision to make the business better.
At this point I still didn't realize what he was getting at because he goes on about stuff like this a lot, but then he started saying things like 'I like the presence of a woman,' and that turned into 'I like the touch of a woman' and 'I like to be able to sleep with a woman', and I started getting uncomfortable.
Then he goes 'I don't have a sex life at home, and I find myself fantasizing about other women.' And to top this all off, he turns to me and goes 'I've fantasized about you.'
I felt really, really uncomfortable. I let him go on for a few more sentences because I didn't know what to say, and he started saying like 'I'm not a bad man, I don't mean to try and take your virginity, but you know...' and no, I don't even know what he meant by that because his words were conflicting with eachother, so I tried to leave as soon as possible because my shift was over.
He's married, and was what I thought a great Christian until now. He does everything else Christian, but says that he comes from the 60's and believes in free love, and I don't care what he believes, I'm fine with that, but he came out and said that to me, and came on to me, and in a round about way was suggesting that he would rather have me over his wife.
I know it's not my fault. I never came onto him or did anything to have him think that I wanted him in any way other than friendship. He's also a grandfather, so it was very strange, and now I feel dirty and guilty and uncomfortable.
I honestly do not think he would ever try to force me into something, but then again I just don't know anymore. I know it would be easy to quite the job or tell him that if he does it again I'll report him, but that's not even the issue now. I don't feel well anymore. I'm cold and shakey and feel like I've been degraded and used. He's been imagining me to pleasure himself, and to me, that's just wrong, especially since he knows I'm a virgin and I'm saving myself.
So the issue here isn't what do I do about him, because I can easily handle that, it's what do I do about myself? I didn't do anything wrong, did I? I can try to pray, but so far I haven't even felt good enough to do that. I feel like praying isn't good enough for me right now for some reason. I tried listening to Matisyahu (a Jewish singer- I listen because it's still about God and it really lifts my spirits), and it didn't even touch me this time around.
I've been completely changed and degraded in the matter of one hour.
Ugh.
.
