NEED ADVICE: Christian friend having pre-maritial sex!

[roseglass6370]

I need some advice...(please only respond if you are a Christian who takes the Biblical stance on no pre-maritial sex.)

Recently my best friend (she's Christian) confessed to me that her and her boyfriend of over a year have started having sex. Before she told me this she had told me she planned to stay a virgin until marriage. Now she has suddenly changed her mind!

I simply didn't know what to say after she told me that they did it for the first time. She told me that she had changed her view and that she now thought pre-maritial sex was okay because in the Old Testament marriage ceremonies didn't exist and having sex was the sign of a married couple. (She told me she got this from a conversation at a Bible study.) To me this just sounds like an excuse to condone her actions. I told her that the New Testament CLEARLY stated that fornication was wrong but she didn't say anything. She said that her boyfriend and her had decided to continue having sex only about once a month and that if it started distracting them from other things then they would stop.

I am just completely shocked. I never expected her to do this! She even had a purity ring (which, ironically, she lost the day before they started having sex). It seems to me that she is making excuse after to excuse to try and condone her having pre-maritial sex. It's like she's looking for loop holes in The Bible to weasel her way around the truth.

Her and I are very close, she is like a sister to me. We tell each other everything and anything...but what do I say to her now?!

*sigh*

I just don't know what to tell her. I told her that it was her decision, but she knows my views.

~Brooke

 

[SolitarySoul]

When we are tempted sometimes we can easily be influenced to do things we should not do, even though they may seem ok things to do. Your friend is being decieved and I pray that God will give you the guidance and strength to help her change her views back.

Ultimately it is her decision yes but in the New Testiment this is definatly a sin, and not only in the NT, but in the OT women were actually stoned for commiting adultry, and Jesus does call pre-maritual sex a form of adultry. If she is using the excuse that they used no marriage ceremonies in the OT, then is she saying that her and her boyfriend are now married?

If you're able to come across without offending her, it might help to just let her know that you are concerned for her, and maybe show her some Bible verses on fornication and patience. If you need any help finding some good ones I'll post some later when I get the time.

Good luck!

 

[Anti Existance]

Its nothing to worry about and completely ok if they truelly love eachother. In nature ,there's not a single animal that gets married before having sex, yet God created them in just that way.

There are many married couples, who have sex and don't love eachother. So its not the sex that is the important issue, its wether these people care for eachother or not what is the real essense of the story.

Its not something you should condemn, or something that God would condemn us for.

I can explain to you why you shouldn't look at marriage, imagine you have 2 kids of 4 years old marrying eachother, then according to the bible its ok for them to have sex with eachother, afterall its nowhere stated what the minimum age is of how old you should be before marrying.

So its better to forget the whole marriage thing, its more about when people are 'ready' ,and above that its even more important that they love eachother.

Marriage however was brought to life because it signifies in a materialistical way, the spiritual bond that two people have with eachother in terms of love and commitment towards eachother.

If you carry a ring around your finger but could care less about your partner ,then on paper you are married yes, but spiritually you are divorced. So in reality its love for your partner what makes you really married to that person, and not that scrabble on paper saying 'married'.

 

[roseglass6370]

Its nothing to worry about and completely ok if they truelly love eachother. In nature ,there's not a single animal that gets married before having sex, yet God created them in just that way.

There are many married couples, who have sex and don't love eachother. So its not the sex that is the important issue, its wether these people care for eachother or not what is the real essense of the story.

Its not something you should condemn, or something that God would condemn us for.

I can explain to you why you shouldn't look at marriage, imagine you have 2 kids of 4 years old marrying eachother, then according to the bible its ok for them to have sex with eachother, afterall its nowhere stated what the minimum age is of how old you should be before marrying.

So its better to forget the whole marriage thing, its more about when people are 'ready' ,and above that its even more important that they love eachother.

Marriage however was brought to life because it signifies in a materialistical way, the spiritual bond that two people have with eachother in terms of love and commitment towards eachother.

If you carry a ring around your finger but could care less about your partner ,then on paper you are married yes, but spiritually you are divorced. So in reality its love for your partner what makes you really married to that person, and not that scrabble on paper saying 'married'.

I thank you for sharing you opinion, but The Bible clearly tells us that God does not approve of sex outside of marriage, sex with someone that you have not commited to spending the rest of your life with.

My friend is only 17. She is still in high school. She tells me she wants to marry her boyfriend but that they will "see what happens". I believe that she is in denial. I don't doubt that she loves him, but I believe that she is in denial that what she is doing is wrong.

God gave us sex and marriage as a gift - a two for one, if you will. Marriage was created to be a lifetime commitment. Sex was created to be shared with the one person with whom you plan to spend your entire life. Marriage is a public display of your commitment to another person.

 

[SmackYouTwice]

I thank you for sharing you opinion, but The Bible clearly tells us that God does not approve of sex outside of marriage, sex with someone that you have not commited to spending the rest of your life with.

My friend is only 17. She is still in high school. She tells me she wants to marry her boyfriend but that they will "see what happens". I believe that she is in denial. I don't doubt that she loves him, but I believe that she is in denial that what she is doing is wrong.

God gave us sex and marriage as a gift - a two for one, if you will. Marriage was created to be a lifetime commitment. Sex was created to be shared with the one person with whom you plan to spend your entire life. Marriage is a public display of your commitment to another person.

"Marriage is a public display of your commitment to another person." lol, roseglass... just tell your friend this line and add on that if she thinks having sex is the sign of a married couple, then she should have sex in public... as a public display of the commitment. HEHE, sorry, had to get the humor in all of this.

I'll be praying for your friend and her boyfriend, and you as well. I recently got myself into sex before marriage... and I... am now pregnant. It's very scary, and very hard at times to trust my Daddy will take care of me and my baby. It's totally a wordly thing to have sex before marriage... and I got caught up in it.

 

[rocklife]

I thank you for sharing you opinion, but The Bible clearly tells us that God does not approve of sex outside of marriage, sex with someone that you have not commited to spending the rest of your life with.

My friend is only 17. She is still in high school. She tells me she wants to marry her boyfriend but that they will "see what happens". I believe that she is in denial. I don't doubt that she loves him, but I believe that she is in denial that what she is doing is wrong.

God gave us sex and marriage as a gift - a two for one, if you will. Marriage was created to be a lifetime commitment. Sex was created to be shared with the one person with whom you plan to spend your entire life. Marriage is a public display of your commitment to another person.

that is hard, especially when they don't see it being wrong. prayers surely are needed to open her eyes.

 

[rocklife]

I need some advice...(please only respond if you are a Christian who takes the Biblical stance on no pre-maritial sex.)

Recently my best friend (she's Christian) confessed to me that her and her boyfriend of over a year have started having sex. Before she told me this she had told me she planned to stay a virgin until marriage. Now she has suddenly changed her mind!

I simply didn't know what to say after she told me that they did it for the first time. She told me that she had changed her view and that she now thought pre-maritial sex was okay because in the Old Testament marriage ceremonies didn't exist and having sex was the sign of a married couple. (She told me she got this from a conversation at a Bible study.) To me this just sounds like an excuse to condone her actions. I told her that the New Testament CLEARLY stated that fornication was wrong but she didn't say anything. She said that her boyfriend and her had decided to continue having sex only about once a month and that if it started distracting them from other things then they would stop.

I am just completely shocked. I never expected her to do this! She even had a purity ring (which, ironically, she lost the day before they started having sex). It seems to me that she is making excuse after to excuse to try and condone her having pre-maritial sex. It's like she's looking for loop holes in The Bible to weasel her way around the truth.

Her and I are very close, she is like a sister to me. We tell each other everything and anything...but what do I say to her now?!

*sigh*

I just don't know what to tell her. I told her that it was her decision, but she knows my views.

~Brooke

continue in walking with God. If she is going to continue in sinful way, you need to distance yourself from this person. And I recommend you continue in New Testament bible readings for encouragement too. praying for you and her

 

[madison1101]

Satan is the father of lies. He tried that same lie on me when I was a teenager. I rationalized that when my boyfriend and I had sex we were married in the eyes of God. God had a way of dealing with us. Around the time we were baptized in our church, I got pregnant.

That said, the New Testament is full of scripture about sexual behavior of believers. Pray for your friend. Pray for the Lord to open her eyes to the TRUTH of scripture. When you feel she is open, share 1 Corinthians 6 with her. That passage is very powerful. It says that we are bought with a price, therefore honor God with our bodies.

See if she and you could speak with an older Christian woman about this matter. Discipleship is so important in our Christian walk.

God bless you for caring for your friend.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[Jessica Lauren]

All you can do is pray for them. Telling them they are wrong over and over may lead to the loss of a friend. They already know how you feel.

 

[UnitynLove]

You can only tell her you can't change her that is God's job. Do your part and pray for her and help her when she needs it.

 

[oneofthem]

Hi.

The advice posted here is all Biblically sound. There's nothing more to add really.

I understand it would be very hard for you as her friend. You sound like a good friend who loves her and wants the best for her. Sometimes, that involves telling someone else (the right person) about what's going on for her right now. As her friend, you do have the advantage of speaking into her life. If you have made the Biblical views clear to her, and she is continuing in her denial and refuses to accept the truth, it would definitely be a good idea to bring a trusted older woman with you.

Have you spoken to someone you trust in the church? A study group leader, a pastor, someone you trust, who you know would help your friend?

I wasn't a Christian when i lost my virginity. I repented when i came to God, because i accepted the Bible as the authoritive word, thereby accepting what i was doing was sin. I didn't really regret it in my heart until quite recently. I realised what a gift it was that i gave away so carelessly. Something sacred that i treated as ordinary. I never thought i would truly regret it, but i do.

Continue being the good friend you are...love her, show her grace, & hold to the truth.

Cheers

oneofthem

 

[oneofthem]

Just wanted to add...as a close friend, you do have a place to speak into her life. It's not like you're a vague aquaintance that wants to control her choices. You're a good friend who loves her & who has been given godly influence in her life

 

[tapero]

This thread was moved from General Struggles to Christian Philosophy and Ethics.

 

[homewardbound]

Recently my best friend (she's Christian) confessed to me that her and her boyfriend of over a year have started having sex. Before she told me this she had told me she planned to stay a virgin until marriage. Now she has suddenly changed her mind!

Temptation has a way of sneeking into relationships, and if you're not watchful, this is a pretty typical outcome, especially in our society. Take notes so you don't fall into the same trap.

She told me that she had changed her view and that she now thought pre-maritial sex was okay because in the Old Testament marriage ceremonies didn't exist and having sex was the sign of a married couple.

So when is the wedding date?

To me this just sounds like an excuse to condone her actions.

You're absolutely right.

She said that her boyfriend and her had decided to continue having sex only about once a month and that if it started distracting them from other things then they would stop.

Who is she trying to fool?


If you are as close as you say, then go to her as her friend and tell her how you feel. Encourage her to repent and support her efforts to do so every way you can. God will forgive her if her repentance is sincere. If she continues to have premarital sex, I feel bad for you because that puts a terrible strain on your friendship.

Good luck.

 

[A Brother In Christ]

I need some advice...(please only respond if you are a Christian who takes the Biblical stance on no pre-maritial sex.)

Recently my best friend (she's Christian) confessed to me that her and her boyfriend of over a year have started having sex. Before she told me this she had told me she planned to stay a virgin until marriage. Now she has suddenly changed her mind!

according to God she is married... 1 cor 6:16, eph 5:31

since God sees this... they need to act like adults and get married publicly .. 1cor 7:9, 36

I simply didn't know what to say after she told me that they did it for the first time. She told me that she had changed her view and that she now thought pre-maritial sex was okay because in the Old Testament marriage ceremonies didn't exist and having sex was the sign of a married couple. (She told me she got this from a conversation at a Bible study.) To me this just sounds like an excuse to condone her actions. I told her that the New Testament CLEARLY stated that fornication was wrong but she didn't say anything. She said that her boyfriend and her had decided to continue having sex only about once a month and that if it started distracting them from other things then they would stop.

I am just completely shocked. I never expected her to do this! She even had a purity ring (which, ironically, she lost the day before they started having sex). It seems to me that she is making excuse after to excuse to try and condone her having pre-maritial sex. It's like she's looking for loop holes in The Bible to weasel her way around the truth.

Her and I are very close, she is like a sister to me. We tell each other everything and anything...but what do I say to her now?!

*sigh*

I just don't know what to tell her. I told her that it was her decision, but she knows my views.

~Brooke

1 cor 6:18-20

there flesh/OSN has twisted what God has said to do what they want... your a slave to Christ or slave to the old sin nature

need to exhort them to use john 8:32-34, romans 6, 1 cor 7:20-24

yet once married hebrews 13:4 yet notice fornicators and adulterers.. if saved 1 cor 3:12-15... if unbelievers rev 20:12-15
john 8:

 

[Harlan Norris]

I need some advice...(please only respond if you are a Christian who takes the Biblical stance on no pre-maritial sex.)

Recently my best friend (she's Christian) confessed to me that her and her boyfriend of over a year have started having sex. Before she told me this she had told me she planned to stay a virgin until marriage. Now she has suddenly changed her mind!

I simply didn't know what to say after she told me that they did it for the first time. She told me that she had changed her view and that she now thought pre-maritial sex was okay because in the Old Testament marriage ceremonies didn't exist and having sex was the sign of a married couple. (She told me she got this from a conversation at a Bible study.) To me this just sounds like an excuse to condone her actions. I told her that the New Testament CLEARLY stated that fornication was wrong but she didn't say anything. She said that her boyfriend and her had decided to continue having sex only about once a month and that if it started distracting them from other things then they would stop.

I am just completely shocked. I never expected her to do this! She even had a purity ring (which, ironically, she lost the day before they started having sex). It seems to me that she is making excuse after to excuse to try and condone her having pre-maritial sex. It's like she's looking for loop holes in The Bible to weasel her way around the truth.

Her and I are very close, she is like a sister to me. We tell each other everything and anything...but what do I say to her now?!

*sigh*

I just don't know what to tell her. I told her that it was her decision, but she knows my views.

~Brooke

I guess you are operating under the illusion that she doesn't know what she's doing.You've said your piece.Let it be.It will run it's course.They may marry.They may not.This is her issue.It's between her and God.

 

[WalkingforHim]

If you are as close as you say, then go to her as her friend and tell her how you feel. Encourage her to repent and support her efforts to do so every way you can. God will forgive her if her repentance is sincere. If she continues to have premarital sex, I feel bad for you because that puts a terrible strain on your friendship.

This wouldn't have the slightest affect on the friendship if that are as good a freinds as she says. And if it does, their friendship was never anything but a sham.

 

[davedjy]

She even had a purity ring

A purity ring is not going to stop someone from sinning, it is just a symbol. Just like when two married people SOLEMNLY SWEAR/VOW unto God and each other that they will be together for life, and they put on wedding rings to symbol as a token of their love. Their promises to God and each other are only as complete as living that out and proving their word is true.

 

[mishmoo]

I have always had strong beliefs in no sex before marraige, but I too gave in... I willing gave myself to my boyfriend when I was 18, and I couldnt forgive myself for betraying God, I thought God would hate me too.... It took a long time before I realized that God forgave me.

Me and the man I lost my virginity too have been together for 5 years now, and we are getting married in 19 weeks. I have always been faithfull to my partner, and God has blessed us with a wonderful daughter.

As long as they stay faithfull to each other, i dont think they have sinned.... and if it is a sin, God will forgive them if they ask.

 

[WalkingforHim]

I have always had strong beliefs in no sex before marraige, but I too gave in... I willing gave myself to my boyfriend when I was 18, and I couldnt forgive myself for betraying God, I thought God would hate me too.... It took a long time before I realized that God forgave me.

Inever understood how people could actually believe that God hated them from slipping up and having sex with someone they loved, or thought they loved, or just wanted to have a good time with.

Me and the man I lost my virginity too have been together for 5 years now, and we are getting married in 19 weeks. I have always been faithfull to my partner, and God has blessed us with a wonderful daughter.

This goes back the point about fornication I was trying to make. Is it the commitment to eachother that matters, or a peice of paper from the state officializing it that matters?