need advice badly

[inhisservicealways]

Hello, everyone. This is my first time on this forum.

I have a tremendous burden. Several years ago, while in Mexico, I became drunk and committed adultery; I slept with a prostitute. Nobody knows about this except for me.

This has burdened me for years. I've prayed about it and asked God's forgiveness. I have never done it again, and I never will. The shame I have felt over this act is overwhelming.

I've never told my wife. And I'm not sure that I should.

Our marriage is going better than ever. We have three children. We are living a wholesome Christian life and are active in our church and community.

Part of me feels that my wife has the right to know about this, and, on several occasions, I have come close to telling her.

The other part of me feels that I love my wife and children so much, and it would be foolish of me to tell her, and bring our family into instability and grief.

While I'll admit that I am afraid of the consequences of telling myself about this, I am more fearful of seeing the devastation in her eyes. I don't want to hurt her. I know I'll never do this again.

I guess my big dilemma is this. I already suffer because of my actions on a daily basis. The guilt is still there, though I THINK God has forgiven me. Why should she have to suffer as well, when I know I'll never do it again.

Your advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[imasharp]

This is according to my beliefs.

I believe that when you ask God for forgiveness that it is GONE. He says that He puts it as far as the East is from the West. So, if you ask God to forgive you, and He has, then it isn't Him that is reminding you of it. It is the devil. Ok. We have power over the devil. The word says that we can tell him to get behind us or stomp him under our feet. So, when he reminds you of your past, tell him it is gone and stomp on him in Jesus name. Then remind him of his future. The big thing here is that the devil can not hear your thoughts, so this needs to be done out loud. You were given the power, so use it.
Christy

 

[ldypreacheraew]

i know that sometimes it seems like our sins are following us, and that we have no way out and cannot run from them. but we have already been redeemed. know that once you have prayed God has forgiven.

be wise. pray and ask God if He thinks it is wise for you to tell you wife this secret. He has all wisdom and can figure this problem out if you just ask. never be ashmed to lay it on the line with God. He knows your heart but is waiting for you to come and and share your life with Him. also ask the Lord to take the memory of this act from your spirit. when you share an act like that with someone, the Bible says you become one spirit. ask God to remove the soul tie that you have with the person, so that you can remove her spirit from yours and be able to live a normal life with the family that God has ordained you to have.

and remember God promised to keep us in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him. so keep your mind stayed on the King of kings, and when the enemy comes against you remember Isaiah 59:19b, "when the enemy comes inlike a flood, He will raise up a standard against him."

keep reminding yourself and standing on the promises of God.

further scripture reading Luke 22:31&32

 

[inhisservicealways]

Thank you both.
But what keeps dragging me back into this is the verses that twll us to confess our sins to one another. Doctrinally, am I required to confess to my wife?

 

[KeepTheFaith15]

isnt it like funny how we know that God is just to forgive our sins but we can never erase them no matter what we will always be free from them in Gods grace but its what we did and the shame of it that always holds us back. just remember God has forgivin you and you should forgive yourself now about telling your wife im not sure ask God and he shall provide

 

[imasharp]

I feel and believe that since you confessed to us that it is enough. It doesn't specify who to confess too. I just believe that unless God is leading you to tell her that you are ok and it is the devil that is bringing it up to you.

 

[Michael]

I guess my big dilemma is this. I already suffer because of my actions on a daily basis. The guilt is still there, though I THINK God has forgiven me. Why should she have to suffer as well, when I know I'll never do it again.

That's quite a dilemma you've created for yourself. I must say this is the first time I prayed for an answer and still had to ask my wife what she thought about it before responding.

My personal attitude is that honesty is the best policy and you SHOULD have come clean about this years ago. So much time has passed since then however that it's not nearly so cut and dry at this point.

One thing I'd say here is that your guilt has now served it's purpose and it's time that you forgive yourself no matter what you choose to do.

My wife's response was pretty interesting IMO, and not quite the answer I expected from her. She said that it is water under the bridge at this point, and there is little to be gained by harming your wife and children with this now, especially since you seem to have learned your lesson.

I guess I'm personally torn here in the sense I believe that you should have come clean about this when it happened, but now I'm not sure what is going to be gained by bringing it up after all this time has passed.

One thing I learned about my wife over the years is that she's a pretty wise lady. I'd say her advice is pretty sound and I'd defer to her judgement. I think it is in fact water under the bridge at this point. You need to let it go now and move on with you life and allow yourself to completely heal and forgive yourself. Allowing the guilt to eat you up inside even after it has served it's purpose does no one any good.

Just remember you owe some member of your family a boatload of forgiveness one day.

 

[wvmtnkid]

.

Just remember you owe some member of your family a boatload of forgiveness one day.

This statement really made me think. This could be what this situation is trying to teach you. There may be a situation down the road in your life which will require a tremendous amount of forgiveness on your part one day and you will have this situation to look back on. We are to forgive as we are forgiven. Which is a hard thing to do sometimes. Perhaps this grace God has given you freely will be called upon you to give to someone, someday. Just a thought.

 

[inhisservicealways]

Dear Brethren,

Thank you all for your advice on this matter. You have all truly blessed my heart. I just wanted to say that before I leave this forum.

I would like for you all to do two further things for me.

First, please accept my original post as my confession to you.

Second, please pray for me.

I'll not be returning to this post, as I need to put this behind me once and for all.

God bless.

In Christ,
inhisservicealways