Need Advice: Am I to walk alone or be married?

[Fireflies]

*Please, any wisdom would be helpful. If you have a personal experience that relates, I'd love to hear it. It may help.*

The question:
Is what I am experiencing something that will pass so I can continue my life as a single or should I look at marriage?

What I am experiencing:
It is like love has been sucked from my bones. I am empty and alone.
Now, I have never felt "lonely" and I love doing things by myself (going to a movie or traveling to another country). I don't feel like I need another person to entertain myself.
Despite many 'friends' and family over the years, I've never felt like someone understood me. If I had bad friends, they were abusers, users and manipulators. If I had good friends, they hung out with me because they had no one else. Family falls in both categories. I've always been weird (proud of it!) and unusual. My own siblings have likened me to "a mysterious fruit from outer space". As you might guess, they are closer to each other than to me.
This isn't troublesome in daily life, but, at times (more frequently) I find myself crying due to the fact that no one understands me. That I am truly "alone". Childish, I know.
But it is hard to try to talk to a friend or relative about an opinion or, dare I try, a painful topic. At worst, they misunderstand me and look down at me. At best, they misunderstand as they avoid me like a leper.
I want someone to hear me and understand me. I want them to understand where I am coming from.
I want a friend that wants to hang out with me because they are like me and enjoy me. I want to hang out with a friend that is like me and I enjoy being with them.
I want to talk to someone without being on guard or fear of what they might do, say or think. I want someone to talk to me that way.
I want someone who is like me.
No, I need this, not just want it.

The problem:
If we look at marriage in the Bible, Paul refers to it as a necessary for those who have passion (I assume Song of Solomon passion) and not for those who do not have passion.
I do not have passion. Sexual passion, that is. YUCK. (I am an asexual, a sex-repulsed one to boot). All you humans are ugly naked (IMHO).
NO to all those who want to remedy that. I never want to be "remedied", thank you. So, there goes both the Biblical reason for marriage and most human beings' reason. However, there is still an ideal of a life partner, partner in crime, etc. People want "friends with benefits" in this society and while it's terrible spiritually, we understand why they do that. Think of me in reverse, life partner with none of that kind of benefits.
-While a best friend could fill all the above wants/needs, I run into two problems. The first, the BF will probably eventually be married and I become the third wheel. If they have kids, I would be definitely out. The second, while I am not traditionally a touchy-feely person (definitely not my Love Language), I have found myself over the years wanting to feel warmth from someone who isn't fake. Someone who isn't "above" me but with me. ....And BFs still feel a little weird about extended hugging. As I usually do.
The last problem is: I hate marriage. And it's not God's fault, it's humans. I lived through the lake of fire growing up and can empathize with every heartbroken man & woman in it. Most married people feel alone in marriage. Why would I want to bring more troubles into my life that needn't be there? Why would I want that misery?

In conclusion:
I know Jesus is our Best Friend, the best I could ever have.
But, there are times I want to hang out with a physical friend. One that chooses me as their best friend because of who I am rather than lack of choices or out of what I can do for them.
Just recently, a cousin of mine broke up with her fiancee (truly loved him). She is devastated. Upon seeing her, I knew that for all her best friends and long term boyfriend, she still had her sister to hold on to. They were there for each other. I've never had that.
Lol, maybe I should have been born with an identical twin.
Either way, I need to know. What should I do?

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Stay single. Forcing a relationship when you don't want to be in one is the worst thing you could do. I am single and happy and would not want to be in a relationship right now so I stay as I am.

 

[faroukfarouk]

It takes two.

You obviously don't see your life as one of sharing with someone else. God bless His Word to you, as you read it day by day.

 

[Fireflies]

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat and faroukfarouk, thank you for replying.

However, if anyone wouldn't mind sharing advice/wisdom on what I should do to remedy what I've been experiencing, that would also be appreciated.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat and faroukfarouk, thank you for replying.

However, if anyone wouldn't mind sharing advice/wisdom on what I should do to remedy what I've been experiencing, that would also be appreciated.

Get to know God better in this time of solitude. Do things that married people can't do. You have more time to get more spiritual and in the word and let it grow in your life. Take advantage of this time. Because you may not always have the time to pray, read the word, talk to god, grow in your relationship with god like you do now. I'm in a similar situation and my spiritual life has increased tremendously and i don't regret being single. I have gained in ways that no other person but God could help me grow.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

God is the cure for any negative feelings you have of being alone. It is when we are lonely that we cry out to God and he gives us the security we seek. I am alone but I don't feel lonely anymore and if some loneliness comes I take my concern straight to the father and feel immediate relief.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

I want someone to hear me and understand me. I want them to understand where I am coming from.

Don't we all? Isnt this the human condition? And finding a partner wont necessarily solve all of this either.
That's why the relationship with God is the most important relationship of all. Better not to expect too much from other human beings is my perspective.
My brother is 55 this year. He has never been married. Part of the reason I think is that he might be too fussy. But just think he is a loner. Some of us are lone wolves. he is an extrovert with many friends so loneliness is not really an issue. Still God is his priority, his number one relationship.
Also, getting married wont solve all your problems. Some think it will. But often it just creates new ones.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

I want someone who is like me.

You wouldn't want someone just like you I don't think. Marry your mirror? No, not healthy IMO.

 

[faroukfarouk]

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat and faroukfarouk, thank you for replying.

However, if anyone wouldn't mind sharing advice/wisdom on what I should do to remedy what I've been experiencing, that would also be appreciated.

Daily prayer and the Scriptures are most suitable for both the single and the married person. John's First Epistle speaks a lot about fellowship among Christians; this is known on God's terms, of course; and it's founded on fellowship by faith with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

*Please, any wisdom would be helpful. If you have a personal experience that relates, I'd love to hear it. It may help.*

The question:
Is what I am experiencing something that will pass so I can continue my life as a single or should I look at marriage?

What I am experiencing:
It is like love has been sucked from my bones. I am empty and alone.
Now, I have never felt "lonely" and I love doing things by myself (going to a movie or traveling to another country). I don't feel like I need another person to entertain myself.
Despite many 'friends' and family over the years, I've never felt like someone understood me. If I had bad friends, they were abusers, users and manipulators. If I had good friends, they hung out with me because they had no one else. Family falls in both categories. I've always been weird (proud of it!) and unusual. My own siblings have likened me to "a mysterious fruit from outer space". As you might guess, they are closer to each other than to me.
This isn't troublesome in daily life, but, at times (more frequently) I find myself crying due to the fact that no one understands me. That I am truly "alone". Childish, I know.
But it is hard to try to talk to a friend or relative about an opinion or, dare I try, a painful topic. At worst, they misunderstand me and look down at me. At best, they misunderstand as they avoid me like a leper.
I want someone to hear me and understand me. I want them to understand where I am coming from.
I want a friend that wants to hang out with me because they are like me and enjoy me. I want to hang out with a friend that is like me and I enjoy being with them.
I want to talk to someone without being on guard or fear of what they might do, say or think. I want someone to talk to me that way.
I want someone who is like me.
No, I need this, not just want it.

The problem:
If we look at marriage in the Bible, Paul refers to it as a necessary for those who have passion (I assume Song of Solomon passion) and not for those who do not have passion.
I do not have passion. Sexual passion, that is. YUCK. (I am an asexual, a sex-repulsed one to boot). All you humans are ugly naked (IMHO).
NO to all those who want to remedy that. I never want to be "remedied", thank you. So, there goes both the Biblical reason for marriage and most human beings' reason. However, there is still an ideal of a life partner, partner in crime, etc. People want "friends with benefits" in this society and while it's terrible spiritually, we understand why they do that. Think of me in reverse, life partner with none of that kind of benefits.
-While a best friend could fill all the above wants/needs, I run into two problems. The first, the BF will probably eventually be married and I become the third wheel. If they have kids, I would be definitely out. The second, while I am not traditionally a touchy-feely person (definitely not my Love Language), I have found myself over the years wanting to feel warmth from someone who isn't fake. Someone who isn't "above" me but with me. ....And BFs still feel a little weird about extended hugging. As I usually do.
The last problem is: I hate marriage. And it's not God's fault, it's humans. I lived through the lake of fire growing up and can empathize with every heartbroken man & woman in it. Most married people feel alone in marriage. Why would I want to bring more troubles into my life that needn't be there? Why would I want that misery?

In conclusion:
I know Jesus is our Best Friend, the best I could ever have.
But, there are times I want to hang out with a physical friend. One that chooses me as their best friend because of who I am rather than lack of choices or out of what I can do for them.
Just recently, a cousin of mine broke up with her fiancee (truly loved him). She is devastated. Upon seeing her, I knew that for all her best friends and long term boyfriend, she still had her sister to hold on to. They were there for each other. I've never had that.
Lol, maybe I should have been born with an identical twin.
Either way, I need to know. What should I do?

Just noticed how neatly you've set this out like an assignment for College. Does that mean you expect a neatly packaged answer from us?

 

[Fireflies]

Get to know God better in this time of solitude. Do things that married people can't do. You have more time to get more spiritual and in the word and let it grow in your life. Take advantage of this time. Because you may not always have the time to pray, read the word, talk to god, grow in your relationship with god like you do now. I'm in a similar situation and my spiritual life has increased tremendously and i don't regret being single. I have gained in ways that no other person but God could help me grow.

Thank you for your wisdom. I agree, being single is freedom! I have always told people that I preferred singleness and that you can do things for God that you can't otherwise do. And have done so.

I guess I can't beat around the bush with words anymore, not even to myself.
The heart of the problem is this:
I need another human's acceptance and love in my life. I don't need it from an authority figure (like a parent) or an underling (like a pet or child) but a peer. I need someone to reach out and grasp me. I need a friend to enjoy my company and my words.
I don't want to be so isolated from the rest of good humanity. I don't want to be ignored, cast aside or abused & used anymore. I don't want people to pity or avoid me anymore. I don't want to run my race ...so utterly alone.

I just need one person to grasp my hand, and without pity or abhorrence, stand by me.

 

[Fireflies]

Just noticed how neatly you've set this out like an assignment for College. Does that mean you expect a neatly packaged answer from us?

No sir, it isn't an assignment for college or anything professional. I could explain why I typed it out in a methodical format- however, I don't think anyone cares very much.
No sir, I don't expect a neatly packaged answer. I asked for wisdom on what to do and for any advice/help on how to stop feeling so alone due to being an odd duck in a harsh world.

 

[Fireflies]

God is the cure for any negative feelings you have of being alone. It is when we are lonely that we cry out to God and he gives us the security we seek. I am alone but I don't feel lonely anymore and if some loneliness comes I take my concern straight to the father and feel immediate relief.

Thank you for your advice and your time. I greatly appreciate it!

 

[Fireflies]

You wouldn't want someone just like you I don't think. Marry your mirror? No, not healthy IMO.

Of course, maybe not my same faults. But can you recall anyone in your life (sibling, cousin, spouse, friend, etc) who really understood you and you them? Two peas in a pod? Partners in crime? Brother from another mother? Could have been twins? Bromance (just kidding!)?
Those deep bonds of relationship come from similarities, not differences. There are other types of friendship/relationships for that.
That's healthy to the rest of the world.

 

[Fireflies]

Don't we all? Isnt this the human condition? And finding a partner wont necessarily solve all of this either.
That's why the relationship with God is the most important relationship of all. Better not to expect too much from other human beings is my perspective.
My brother is 55 this year. He has never been married. Part of the reason I think is that he might be too fussy. But just think he is a loner. Some of us are lone wolves. he is an extrovert with many friends so loneliness is not really an issue. Still God is his priority, his number one relationship.
Also, getting married wont solve all your problems. Some think it will. But often it just creates new ones.

Hear hear to marriage creating new problems! However, I had heard of the few exceptions. The few that say, "I wasn't expecting to find my best friend/soul mate. It's the best thing besides Jesus that has happened in my life."

The difference with your brother is that he is an extrovert with many friends (friends that probably understand him and stand by him). My friends are like anyone you'd find in the world today: selfish, self-righteous, judgemental, self-centered, manipulative, shallow and uncaring. Church people, most of them. Never has anyone understood me.
I have always been alone, and usually enjoy it. However, there is a need rising in my soul to be understood.

 

[mina]

If you have no desire to be married; then you don't have to marry or even pursue that. i think we mostly all have the desire to understand and be understood deeply by other humans. I have known an asexual couple that basically married for companionship; they found each other and loved one another in their own way. That's not for everyone; I guess they felt it was necessary to make a legal and spiritual commitment to one another. Pursue your relationship with the Lord and follow where He leads you. Ask for Christian friends that will understand you, that you can have a good deep friendship with and that you can be a good friend to as well.

 

[Fireflies]

If you have no desire to be married; then you don't have to marry or even pursue that. i think we mostly all have the desire to understand and be understood deeply by other humans. I have known an asexual couple that basically married for companionship; they found each other and loved one another in their own way. That's not for everyone; I guess they felt it was necessary to make a legal and spiritual commitment to one another. Pursue your relationship with the Lord and follow where He leads you. Ask for Christian friends that will understand you, that you can have a good deep friendship with and that you can be a good friend to as well.

Thank you, I think waiting to hear that. I didn't know the answer, but I know that's the one I was waiting for.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

My friends are like anyone you'd find in the world today: selfish, self-righteous, judgemental, self-centered, manipulative, shallow and uncaring. Church people, most of them. Never has anyone understood me.

They don't have any good points?

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Those deep bonds of relationship come from similarities, not differences.

actually they come from two people knowing each other and accepting and even loving each other for who they truly are.

when two people love each other within their mutual transparency, that's a bond that will never be broken.

reading the OP, the evidence keeps piling up...

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

My friends are like anyone you'd find in the world today: selfish, self-righteous, judgemental, self-centered, manipulative, shallow and uncaring. Church people, most of them. Never has anyone understood me.

looks like you're well stocked up on enemies but are in need of a friend.