My wife moved out and took the kids

[HisWillTew]

I got home from my counselor tonight, only to find a half empty house, my wife and children gone. She left a message on the answering machine.

I am devastated beyond words, and don't know what to do. I have lost the most precious people in the world to me, and it's my fault. My wife had to tell our 12 y/o as she was dropping her off for summer mission camp at church that they were moving out. That's how bad it has become.

Things can't get much worse for me now.

 

[KillerV]

O I am so sorry! I will be praying for you!

 

[Sugarjay]

O I am so sorry! I will be praying for you!

Why has she left you? Have you taken a look inside yourself to find out the things you may have done to cause this? I know this is a 2 way street but you cannot fix her you can only fix yourself. Until this happens, your marriage will not stand a chance and you will not me as happy as a person as God intended you to be. Put your trust in God and pray. I will bray for you.

God Bless

 

[HisWillTew]

Why has she left you? Have you taken a look inside yourself to find out the things you may have done to cause this? I know this is a 2 way street but you cannot fix her you can only fix yourself. Until this happens, your marriage will not stand a chance and you will not me as happy as a person as God intended you to be. Put your trust in God and pray. I will bray for you.

God Bless

Ever since she first told me she wanted a divorce, on June 2, I have been on my knees seeking council and I have been seeing a therapist. I went to Promise Keepers this past weekend. I am fully aware NOW of what I have done (no infidelity, no abuse, no lieing...EVER!) or not done, and my wife knows that I am aware and taking steps to change my behavior. What I have been is overbearing and very controlling in our marriage, not to mention thoughtless many times. There have been good times obviously, but she seems to have discounted all of that now.

She acknowledges that I am doing the right things, but she can't trust that it is permanent, and she just wants out. She is now on her own, with the children, for the first time in her life.

She is terribly upset as well, but I can only pray that God will work a miracle in her spirit. This can't be good for us or just as importantly our young girls. Our oldest is 12 and at a particularly vulnerable stage. Fortunately she is saved, and we will all still go to church together for as long as possible. I pray that my wife will keep them in church no matter what happens.

My wife is a product of a broken home, and I'm sure that doesn't help in this situation. My parents on the other hand, will celebrate 51 years next month. Divorce was never an option, even during the rough times.

Talking about this is a Christian forum is very therapeutic for me. I hope you guys don't mind the long post. Please keep your replys, comments and especially prayers coming.

 

[Sugarjay]

Wow, I cannot tell you how much your situation mirrors mine. Even down to the controlling/thoughlessness. Her broken home. Me to though. My W told me Mau 8th and she moved out July 1st. We have 1 child and we are splitting 50/50. If you are pesuring her you need to stop. THis will not work. When you 1st started dating were you on your knees begging her to forgive and come back??? I don't think so. Is hard as it is I think you need to let her go. Only talk to her when it relates to the kids. DO NOT call her, email her, etc. She needs her space to think things out and you being around every corner is only making her run faster. Start to do the tings that make you happy. Get in shape (if out of shape) and take care of yourself. If there is a chance of this working it will not be because you begged her back into the relationship, It will be because you are a person she is atracted and interested in and you cannot be that by telling her everything you do and begging for her back. This is my opinion and I just started it last wednesday. But today was her day with our son and she called me to meet for dinner. She said it was to talk to our son about him getting in trouble in daycare, but why would we have to go to dinner for that???? Patience my brother in Christ. Pray for Patience.

 

[cjba]

My prayers are with you.

 

[Ari5]

Wow, I know your heart must be breaking. I am grateful that both my husband & I were wanting to work at things, even though there were many times I thought of leaving. When you are feeling the way she is feeling sometimes all you can think about to get relief is to leave, it seems much easier then to work at it.

I guess if I were you, I would keep going to counseling & work on what you need to for yourself. It is a christian counselor? Is your wife willing to see the counselor still maybe by herself?

I would not give up just yet. I would let her know in some way, either my talking to her or write her a letter and let her know your true feelings. Let it all out, tell her your sorry , that you are going to do the work to change things, & then let the ball in her court. Ask her if she is willing to give you time to show her you can change.

I know there is not much you can do but be responsible for yourself, you cannot make her do what you want no matter how much you want to, so you need to work on the things you can & give the rest to God. Lay it all before his feet, every detail, ask him to restore your love. It won't happen overnight, but I KNOW God can do it. He can even change her heart towards you. So I hope that helps a little bit. But tell her your heart (I think a letter would be good, since then she could look at it more then once) & then do the rest of the work on your knees.

I'm gonna lift you up in prayer right now, Blessings, Ari

 

[HisWillTew]

Wow, I know your heart must be breaking. I am grateful that both my husband & I were wanting to work at things, even though there were many times I thought of leaving. When you are feeling the way she is feeling sometimes all you can think about to get relief is to leave, it seems much easier then to work at it.

I guess if I were you, I would keep going to counseling & work on what you need to for yourself. It is a christian counselor? Is your wife willing to see the counselor still maybe by herself?

I would not give up just yet. I would let her know in some way, either my talking to her or write her a letter and let her know your true feelings. Let it all out, tell her your sorry , that you are going to do the work to change things, & then let the ball in her court. Ask her if she is willing to give you time to show her you can change.

I know there is not much you can do but be responsible for yourself, you cannot make her do what you want no matter how much you want to, so you need to work on the things you can & give the rest to God. Lay it all before his feet, every detail, ask him to restore your love. It won't happen overnight, but I KNOW God can do it. He can even change her heart towards you. So I hope that helps a little bit. But tell her your heart (I think a letter would be good, since then she could look at it more then once) & then do the rest of the work on your knees.

I'm gonna lift you up in prayer right now, Blessings, Ari

Thanks ari.

I am still in counseling and plan to continue. I also have a prayer partner and a good support group from church.

I have written her letters, repented, talked with her, asked for forgiveness, and she sees the changes in my life. However, she cannot accept that they are permanent and not meant just to impress her. A legitimate objection, but there is nothing I can do to overcome that. I have asked for time, and in a twisted way she is giving me that, but is not willing to live with me while she does.

She went to a counselor for one visit, but won't go back. I talked to our pastor today, and we are supposed to see him next week together.

I will never give up on her. I love her more than anything in the world. But love is not enough right now, especially when she says she doesn't love me. All of my faith rests in God, and that His will be done. Not only in my life, but I pray that Cathy actively seeks His will for herself. Right now she is closing herself off from any person or advice who is in opposition to her actions.

A letter right now would be the worst thing for us. She threw the last one away. There will come a time when she will be receptive, and I pray for discernment that I will know when that time is.

 

[Sugarjay]

Thanks ari.

I have written her letters, repented, talked with her, asked for forgiveness, and she sees the changes in my life. However, she cannot accept that they are permanent and not meant just to impress her. A legitimate objection, but there is nothing I can do to overcome that.

Right now she is closing herself off from any person or advice who is in opposition to her actions.

A letter right now would be the worst thing for us. She threw the last one away.

HisWillTew,

You saying exactly what she needs from you right now. You just have to be strong enough to give it to her. I know it is hard as my wife moved out July 1st. I am doing my best not to over analize everything she does or says. She is very confused right now. All she knows is she has been hurt buy you for a long time and right now all she can do is run. get away. The more you persue her the faster she wil run. You have to set her free and work on yourself. THis does not mean stop loving her as I am sure no matter what happens, you always will. But do you love her enough to give her what she wants (to be away from you) even if it goes against everything you feel or believe? Is all this writing letter and telling her how sorry you are and you are going to change making her come back to you????? What other choice do you have but to let het go?

If you love her set her free. If she comes back, it was meant to be. etc.......

 

[jon541]

I will be praying for you.

I like how you are becoming very active with your church and seeing a counselor. Letting God consume me was the only way that I could deal with our problems. You sound like you are doing a good job, just stick to it now. Remember that God will help you but you have to have strong faith in God in all things you do. Pray every time you do anything. I have started asking God for guidance on every little thing. Since you are a controlling husband you need to ask God every time you feel like contacting her or seeing her. Truly rely on him for every decision. He will not let you down! Be strong and wait for God to do his work. Praise the Lord for his grace!

 

[AirForceTeacher]

she sees the changes in my life. However, she cannot accept that they are permanent and not meant just to impress her. A legitimate objection, but there is nothing I can do to overcome that.

Sadly, I know just how you feel. At least if you keep it up, you prove it to yourself as well. It's gonna be hard, but keep trying.

 

[Ari5]

Thanks ari.

I am still in counseling and plan to continue. I also have a prayer partner and a good support group from church.

I have written her letters, repented, talked with her, asked for forgiveness, and she sees the changes in my life. However, she cannot accept that they are permanent and not meant just to impress her. A legitimate objection, but there is nothing I can do to overcome that. I have asked for time, and in a twisted way she is giving me that, but is not willing to live with me while she does.

She went to a counselor for one visit, but won't go back. I talked to our pastor today, and we are supposed to see him next week together.

I will never give up on her. I love her more than anything in the world. But love is not enough right now, especially when she says she doesn't love me. All of my faith rests in God, and that His will be done. Not only in my life, but I pray that Cathy actively seeks His will for herself. Right now she is closing herself off from any person or advice who is in opposition to her actions.

A letter right now would be the worst thing for us. She threw the last one away. There will come a time when she will be receptive, and I pray for discernment that I will know when that time is.

Just remember that you are only responsible for yourself, you cannot control anyone else, but you can control yourself. So just keep looking up.

 

[Ari5]

Thanks ari.

I am still in counseling and plan to continue. I also have a prayer partner and a good support group from church.

I have written her letters, repented, talked with her, asked for forgiveness, and she sees the changes in my life. However, she cannot accept that they are permanent and not meant just to impress her. A legitimate objection, but there is nothing I can do to overcome that. I have asked for time, and in a twisted way she is giving me that, but is not willing to live with me while she does.

She went to a counselor for one visit, but won't go back. I talked to our pastor today, and we are supposed to see him next week together.

I will never give up on her. I love her more than anything in the world. But love is not enough right now, especially when she says she doesn't love me. All of my faith rests in God, and that His will be done. Not only in my life, but I pray that Cathy actively seeks His will for herself. Right now she is closing herself off from any person or advice who is in opposition to her actions.

A letter right now would be the worst thing for us. She threw the last one away. There will come a time when she will be receptive, and I pray for discernment that I will know when that time is.

Just remember that you are only responsible for yourself, you cannot control anyone else, but you can control yourself. So just keep looking up.
I often think of David when I feel that I've messed up too often. Look at

 

[Ari5]

Thanks ari.

I am still in counseling and plan to continue. I also have a prayer partner and a good support group from church.

I have written her letters, repented, talked with her, asked for forgiveness, and she sees the changes in my life. However, she cannot accept that they are permanent and not meant just to impress her. A legitimate objection, but there is nothing I can do to overcome that. I have asked for time, and in a twisted way she is giving me that, but is not willing to live with me while she does.

She went to a counselor for one visit, but won't go back. I talked to our pastor today, and we are supposed to see him next week together.

I will never give up on her. I love her more than anything in the world. But love is not enough right now, especially when she says she doesn't love me. All of my faith rests in God, and that His will be done. Not only in my life, but I pray that Cathy actively seeks His will for herself. Right now she is closing herself off from any person or advice who is in opposition to her actions.

A letter right now would be the worst thing for us. She threw the last one away. There will come a time when she will be receptive, and I pray for discernment that I will know when that time is.

Just remember that you are only responsible for yourself, you cannot control anyone else, but you can control yourself. So just keep looking up.
I often think of David when I feel that I've messed up too often. Look at all he went through, but God still said He was a man after God's own heart. He

 

[Ari5]

Thanks ari.

I am still in counseling and plan to continue. I also have a prayer partner and a good support group from church.

I have written her letters, repented, talked with her, asked for forgiveness, and she sees the changes in my life. However, she cannot accept that they are permanent and not meant just to impress her. A legitimate objection, but there is nothing I can do to overcome that. I have asked for time, and in a twisted way she is giving me that, but is not willing to live with me while she does.

She went to a counselor for one visit, but won't go back. I talked to our pastor today, and we are supposed to see him next week together.

I will never give up on her. I love her more than anything in the world. But love is not enough right now, especially when she says she doesn't love me. All of my faith rests in God, and that His will be done. Not only in my life, but I pray that Cathy actively seeks His will for herself. Right now she is closing herself off from any person or advice who is in opposition to her actions.

A letter right now would be the worst thing for us. She threw the last one away. There will come a time when she will be receptive, and I pray for discernment that I will know when that time is.

Just remember that you are only responsible for yourself, you cannot control anyone else, but you can control yourself. So just keep looking up.

I often think of David when I feel that I've messed up too often. Look at all he went through, but God still said He was a man after God's own heart. He can turn anything around if we are faithful to HIM. Just keep doing what you can & give the rest to God. Sometimes it takes us falling to our knees, to be where God wants us.

 

[Crystal~Rose]

for your situation, keep on keeping on. God will honor you for doing the next right thing. Hold tight to the lord allow him to breath life into your life it will be an undeniable change if you open your heart completely holding nothing back.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Ever since she first told me she wanted a divorce, on June 2, I have been on my knees seeking council and I have been seeing a therapist. I went to Promise Keepers this past weekend. I am fully aware NOW of what I have done (no infidelity, no abuse, no lieing...EVER!) or not done, and my wife knows that I am aware and taking steps to change my behavior.

Based on the above post, you have done nothing to justify your wife leaving. She is wrong and you shouldn't change a thing. If I were you I'd help my wife pack and send her on her merry way until she realizes she's being stupid and begs you to let her come back. If anyone should be seeing a shrink its her. So pray alot and enjoy the break from her and whatever she did to convince you to see a counselor.

 

[wannaberichr]

It seems to me that you don't think men are at all to blame for marital problems. Newsflash, Autumnleaf, it takes two to tango. Problems in the marriage stem from both sides. I'm not saying that it is all the op's fault, but they both have a stake in this and it is not the fault of only one of them. For HisWillTew, my advice is pray and try to make an honest effort to show her how much you have changed. Women do not want to accept just an outward change. If it is not sincere in your heart then she will eventually leave. And when she does, it will be for good. I have been down that road, and it isn't fun. I'll pray for you. No matter what happens, trust in God.

Based on the above post, you have done nothing to justify your wife leaving. She is wrong and you shouldn't change a thing. If I were you I'd help my wife pack and send her on her merry way until she realizes she's being stupid and begs you to let her come back. If anyone should be seeing a shrink its her. So pray alot and enjoy the break from her and whatever she did to convince you to see a counselor.

 

[Godisgr8r]

Based on the above post, you have done nothing to justify your wife leaving. She is wrong and you shouldn't change a thing. If I were you I'd help my wife pack and send her on her merry way until she realizes she's being stupid and begs you to let her come back. If anyone should be seeing a shrink its her. So pray alot and enjoy the break from her and whatever she did to convince you to see a counselor.

Yeap, this is what you do if you never want her to come back. Tell her it's all her fault and see ya later. It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things, unlike what has been suggested. It will take some time, but if you continue to work on your marriage and you show her you care, she may come back. I agree with the previous poster, don't chase her. Listen to her. She will let you know when she is ready to talk.

 

[cjba]

Keeping you and your family in prayer.