My wife just asked me for a divorce but I do not want to divorce or ever asked for this

[Endeavourer]

Here are a few; there were some others, but this gives you the idea:

a) a few days ago my wife just refused to talk to me without giving me real reasons as to why or what was the problem (most wives complain mightily about what bothers them before giving up)

b) Then the next day compete silence and shut down. (most wives with complaints shut down incrementally in the process of giving up hope of having their problems addressed)

c) she told me our marriage is just in paper with no difference (sounds like foggy talk; last week it wasn't and today it is?)

d) I do know she has met people there and photos were taken by someone where she was posing for a photo which might indicate and affair not sure or just an emotional attachment. (That's exactly what a, b and c above indicate as well. Sometimes it's hard to believe your lyin' eyes.)

e) And not even giving me the decency to know at least why she want a divorce or the real reasons (it's likely you would have seen this coming long before the moment it hit you if she had complaints)

f) And she said she has never been happier now that she is not taking to me or seeing me anymore. (this doesn't sound like someone whose marriage is devastated; it sounds like someone who's in love with someone else)

 

[Georgios22]

No, I met her after her first divorce with her ex husband and she had been divorced from him meaning her ex husband for years way before I entered the picture. This is why this all doesn't make sense I was very kind loving caring to her and just like that she just all of a sudden from one day to the next completely shut down and told me she was never happier happier and better and more calm and realizes her source of irritation me and comes to the conclusion that we are not compatible how does one say that to someone who loves and cares for them and then tells them they want a divorce and that their marriage meant nothing but only on paper and made no difference to her, like how cold and cruel and mean and heartless can one be to a beloved husband? This is why I suspect she is having an affair otherwise it doesn't make any other logical sense.

 

[Endeavourer]

I tend to think that makes the most sense.

So find the evidence.

What do you think of this article:

Snooping: Is it wrong? Or, is it the right thing to do in marriage? by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. - Marriage Builders®

 

[Georgios22]

The article makes sense but kind of hard for me in my situation as my wife lives in another country while awaiting her immigration papers to immigrate here to my country.

Now all of a sudden she doesn't want to do that which is crazy and makes no sense to me at all. Why marry someone to just divorce them.

 

[Endeavourer]

How long have you been married?

Any children?

Have you ever lived together since you were married, or were you always in two separate countries?

 

[unfinishedclay]

The article makes sense but kind of hard for me in my situation as my wife lives in another country while awaiting her immigration papers to immigrate here to my country.

Now all of a sudden she doesn't want to do that which is crazy and makes no sense to me at all. Why marry someone to just divorce them.

Look closely. The answer might be staring you right in the face. And that's a difficult task - to look at the evidence right there screaming at you. Of course, we are to all self-examine in every situation. There's not a person or believer on earth who should dismiss self-examination. But as you do that, notice something:

She had already divorced a first marriage on flimsy grounds (which were not Biblical). From how she described it, it sounds like that marriage didn't serve her to her satisfaction. Most marriages experience a certain number of problems to overcome. And the severity or number of problems vary among us all. She demonstrates a lack of tolerance required for marriage. Pray for maturity within her. But her relationship with Christ needs prayer.

Also, read very closely your post #24. Immigration papers? Pray and ask God.

Who does she marry for? For the 2 in the marriage? or just for one, herself? This question is necessary to ask and answer yourself so that you don't walk through this trying to fix what's not really broken while treating some great big pink elephant in the room like a mere wallpaper decoration. What seems obvious as the problem may not be the actual problem after all. But take this question and many other before the Lord in prayer. He will show you if you seek Him in alignment with John 15:1-7.

Take your time. Think things out and investigate as mentioned in previous post. Ask the Lord for direction. And ask yourself a few questions like there;

"Am I married to someone who can't tolerate much that challenges her comfort?" Or "Am I married to someone who prefers marriage as a long race until she realizes it's more of a marathon?"

"What would make somebody suddenly turn on me within a matter of 24-48 hours? Bad communications that corrupted good manners? Unaddressed issues that I couldn't see preciously? New desire?"

And finally...

"What does the Bible say about divorce?" Do a thorough study on divorce and pray for her concerning what you are able to see her doing.

 

[Georgios22]

How long have you been married?

Any children?

Have you ever lived together since you were married, or were you always in two separate countries?

She has two small children ages 5 and 8 from her previous marriage and we actually lived together for 9 days after we married them she had no choice because of immigration to return home. But that was both out of our hands while we were waiting for her immigration papered to be processed which to me does not make sense even more why would someone just throw all that away a new life in another country and her marriage away just like that with no feeling of remorse or who she was hurting in the process what made her do it or sparked it is beyond me. Now she is heir distant and very cold to me without real reason.

 

[Georgios22]

Look closely. The answer might be staring you right in the face. And that's a difficult task - to look at the evidence right there screaming at you. Of course, we are to all self-examine in every situation. There's not a person or believer on earth who should dismiss self-examination. But as you do that, notice something:

She had already divorced a first marriage on flimsy grounds (which were not Biblical). From how she described it, it sounds like that marriage didn't serve her to her satisfaction. Most marriages experience a certain number of problems to overcome. And the severity or number of problems vary among us all. She demonstrates a lack of tolerance required for marriage. Pray for maturity within her. But her relationship with Christ needs prayer.

Also, read very closely your post #24. Immigration papers? Pray and ask God.

Who does she marry for? For the 2 in the marriage? or just for one, herself? This question is necessary to ask and answer yourself so that you don't walk through this trying to fix what's not really broken while treating some great big pink elephant in the room like a mere wallpaper decoration. What seems obvious as the problem may not be the actual problem after all. But take this question and many other before the Lord in prayer. He will show you if you seek Him in alignment with John 15:1-7.

Take your time. Think things out and investigate as mentioned in previous post. Ask the Lord for direction. And ask yourself a few questions like there;

"Am I married to someone who can't tolerate much that challenges her comfort?" Or "Am I married to someone who prefers marriage as a long race until she realizes it's more of a marathon?"

"What would make somebody suddenly turn on me within a matter of 24-48 hours? Bad communications that corrupted good manners? Unaddressed issues that I couldn't see preciously? New desire?"

And finally...

"What does the Bible say about divorce?" Do a thorough study on divorce and pray for her concerning what you are able to see her doing.

Well I think it can be a combination of he things you mentioned her confront level tolerance level and her unwillingness to work on the marriage. For her it is easier to run and throw it away then to deal with her real issues inside that are bothering her.

I do not wish to divorce my wife because I truly love her and wish to save our marriage. Like for example today I reached out to her said hello and asked how her children were k said I missed the children and loved them and thought about them and wished them a good school year ahead. She read my text message then after a while she deleted it all of our messages. Which means she is still cold and refuses to even be a little warm in her heart to at least start open dialogue. I do not truly know what I caused for her to have this coldness towards me and this much animosity and hostility but for some reason in her mind at this moment she feels I cause her soul to not be calm and her nerves and without me she feels calm and whatever reasons she perceives me as her cause for irritation which to me does not make sense at all.

 

[Endeavourer]

She has two small children ages 5 and 8 from her previous marriage and we actually lived together for 9 days after we married them she had no choice because of immigration to return home. But that was both out of our hands while we were waiting for her immigration papered to be processed which to me does not make sense even more why would someone just throw all that away a new life in another country and her marriage away just like that with no feeling of remorse or who she was hurting in the process what made her do it or sparked it is beyond me. Now she is heir distant and very cold to me without real reason.

Is it possible she was using you to get the immigration papers? At this point will she still get the immigration papers she wants whether she stays with you or not?