My wife and I have been married for eighteen years. We have three children between the ages of 12 and 6.
When my wife came back from work yesterday, she was upset. I had already made dinner for her and I brought her a cup of tea. I had no idea she was about to admit to cheating on me...
I asked her what was wrong. She said that she had made a big mess of her life. She said that she was far from God and that He doesn't answer her prayers.
I asked her what had brought her to this view, and she admitted to having had an affair since December last year (i.e. 9-10 months).
I was stunned.
Things have not been good between us for a few years now. We have not been having intimate relations. We have both been unhappy, my wife was on depression medication for a few years. I have anxiety. As a high school teacher, I've struggled to teach difficult students. I got squeezed-out of my job at my last school, so I decided to change careers... I got a new job in a different field after doing a year of Supply Teaching. A few days ago, I was told that I had to resign or I was going to fail my probation... so I quit, and have started teaching again...
And then this happens.
My wife didn't really ask for forgiveness. She said that I am a good person and that I don't deserve it, but I am worried that she does not really want our marriage to work. Yesterday, she said that she broke off the affair a couple of weeks ago. Today, she said that she was going to break off the affair, but that he did so first.
It has been a difficult 24 hours. I am trying to keep strong for the sake of our children. I do love my wife, I want to work things out. I do not believe that Christians should give-up on their marriages.
I am worried that she does not see things the same way.
I have said to her that she needs to come clean with me, if we are to be able to rebuild trust. I asked her about her affair, including how it happened, how frequently they met-up, and what his name is... Apparently, he is also married. He is older than her (in his fifties - we are in our early forties).
She won't tell me his name. I don't like that. She is protecting his identity rather than being open and honest with me.
I asked her if she had been out in public with him. She said yes, but far from here. I said that there is still the potential for others to know about the affair, though she thinks it unlikely.
I don't know what to do. I am so stressed I can hardly breathe. I feel upset, angry, betrayed. Apart from what this is doing to me, I hate what this could do to my beloved children.
I doubt I can tell our pastor. (He already knows we are having difficulties). She would probably leave me if I did that...
How do I salvage the situation?
When my wife came back from work yesterday, she was upset. I had already made dinner for her and I brought her a cup of tea. I had no idea she was about to admit to cheating on me...
I asked her what was wrong. She said that she had made a big mess of her life. She said that she was far from God and that He doesn't answer her prayers.
I asked her what had brought her to this view, and she admitted to having had an affair since December last year (i.e. 9-10 months).
I was stunned.
Things have not been good between us for a few years now. We have not been having intimate relations. We have both been unhappy, my wife was on depression medication for a few years. I have anxiety. As a high school teacher, I've struggled to teach difficult students. I got squeezed-out of my job at my last school, so I decided to change careers... I got a new job in a different field after doing a year of Supply Teaching. A few days ago, I was told that I had to resign or I was going to fail my probation... so I quit, and have started teaching again...
And then this happens.
My wife didn't really ask for forgiveness. She said that I am a good person and that I don't deserve it, but I am worried that she does not really want our marriage to work. Yesterday, she said that she broke off the affair a couple of weeks ago. Today, she said that she was going to break off the affair, but that he did so first.
It has been a difficult 24 hours. I am trying to keep strong for the sake of our children. I do love my wife, I want to work things out. I do not believe that Christians should give-up on their marriages.
I am worried that she does not see things the same way.
I have said to her that she needs to come clean with me, if we are to be able to rebuild trust. I asked her about her affair, including how it happened, how frequently they met-up, and what his name is... Apparently, he is also married. He is older than her (in his fifties - we are in our early forties).
She won't tell me his name. I don't like that. She is protecting his identity rather than being open and honest with me.
I asked her if she had been out in public with him. She said yes, but far from here. I said that there is still the potential for others to know about the affair, though she thinks it unlikely.
I don't know what to do. I am so stressed I can hardly breathe. I feel upset, angry, betrayed. Apart from what this is doing to me, I hate what this could do to my beloved children.
I doubt I can tell our pastor. (He already knows we are having difficulties). She would probably leave me if I did that...
How do I salvage the situation?