I have been spending alot of time reading older posts. For the most
part it has really helped. I came across alot of posts that said OCD
stems from or effects what you fear most. In other words, if you obsess
over the unpardonable sin then you are worried about salvation....
My question then is, if that is true, aren't these 'your' thoughts from
your subconscience? The thoughts are manifesting themselves from
your own fear? So does that mean I really think that way? I hate
these thoughts and never had them at clear thinking and ' normal'
quiet moments. In other words, it is not the way I think or believe.
This terrifies me that it could be from me. That at my core, this is
who I am. It's one thought that i lingered on, thought on instead of
pushing it away and trying to fight it. I am at a loss. The thought is
horrible. I can find no peace about it. In fact I feel like giving up and
thinking , well, it's done, the unpardonable sin. And fighting feelings
of anger and feeling what's the difference, i'll go my own way.
I'm just here trying to figure out a way to keep from going to hell.
I am exhausted. Cannot get away from this. Feel like i am barely
hanging on and almost dont care. Feel like God has turned me over.
Can anyone help? Feel like giving up because been given over.
My feelings are really up and down. I am so tired. I want to follow
Jesus. I have alway's believed and want to still believe, I think I
just feel like giving up. Even when writting this just now, I felt that
the Lord has left me and I am not sincere. For one split second on a
thought that I never would have had. A thought that came from my
own heart and desperation. I am at a loss. Sorry for this being so
long. I want so much to find something to hold onto. This thought
was really bad. Cannot have a defense for it.
part it has really helped. I came across alot of posts that said OCD
stems from or effects what you fear most. In other words, if you obsess
over the unpardonable sin then you are worried about salvation....
My question then is, if that is true, aren't these 'your' thoughts from
your subconscience? The thoughts are manifesting themselves from
your own fear? So does that mean I really think that way? I hate
these thoughts and never had them at clear thinking and ' normal'
quiet moments. In other words, it is not the way I think or believe.
This terrifies me that it could be from me. That at my core, this is
who I am. It's one thought that i lingered on, thought on instead of
pushing it away and trying to fight it. I am at a loss. The thought is
horrible. I can find no peace about it. In fact I feel like giving up and
thinking , well, it's done, the unpardonable sin. And fighting feelings
of anger and feeling what's the difference, i'll go my own way.
I'm just here trying to figure out a way to keep from going to hell.
I am exhausted. Cannot get away from this. Feel like i am barely
hanging on and almost dont care. Feel like God has turned me over.
Can anyone help? Feel like giving up because been given over.
My feelings are really up and down. I am so tired. I want to follow
Jesus. I have alway's believed and want to still believe, I think I
just feel like giving up. Even when writting this just now, I felt that
the Lord has left me and I am not sincere. For one split second on a
thought that I never would have had. A thought that came from my
own heart and desperation. I am at a loss. Sorry for this being so
long. I want so much to find something to hold onto. This thought
was really bad. Cannot have a defense for it.
