Hello there im new to this page, my name is madelene trubka, and I want to share this with you and I need to keep my faith strong because of the darkness of this world can really be a lot.
I did believe when I was little, I prayed on the toilet and i feel the holy spirit in my heart but I was raised up in a foster home and god bless them for what they have done for me. I felt alone when my real parents died and this darkness just fell over my heart, I started rebelling against god and denying him, starting smoking yelling and just being not great. I didn't read the bible and my foster parent didn't either but as you my friends know that in your heart you always know there is a god but I just had lost even the thought of him even though he was always with me, things went worse starting to just loose it I wrote the number six 3 times and I didn't care whatever happens to me I was thinking like i don't care if god exist or if Satan does I was so lost, this depression fell over me and people did harm to me and others as well as i did I was just bad, I started to be in such bad lust for attention and having sex at first time 14 and I have no sense of it being wrong so I just continued cause i was looking for love in things I thought would bring the void in my heart to fill, I always felt depressed and bad and I continued and I've hurt a lot of people with this and I am now 23 so i was in this darkness beyond my eyes could see for so long, I wanted to change myself hated myself looking in others like they were a god and i followed and copied without knowing how bad and what it was that i was doing, no sense of who i was. I was going to psychiatric clinic and medicine sometimes felt like it helped but it never did it was contributing to not being able to open my eyes, the doctors said I had depression and borderline tricotillomania, but they never gave me answer and i was ok with it and thought this is what iam. I started getting worse with suicidal thoughts, getting tattoos because I just looked at other people and I was looking for answer in them and not god. I have been in so many relationship that was bad because of me, I needed that void to be filled and the answer for that was love from men and I gave myself with sex and it was truly horrible. I really think something bad came over me when I was saying like Satan you can take my soul I don't care i don't believe i just want things I want to be pretty and u want the boys to like me whatever I had no idea, I wrote the bad numbers on my foster mom's mirror in anger and wrote it on her make-up horrible. I was so depressed, started cutting myself and I was miserable and I made other people miserable because of it, I started watching ghost hunters open my chakra videos and i was thinking I'm alone and you can imagine what comes out of a heart like that. And I felt bad over it sometimes but continued to do sin and I just made exuses to it being ok because of what i had been through and other people had done to me and just thinking out of my egoism.
I meet a guy and I quickly feel in love but I started lying and he and his mum is believers so he always thought me and remind me of the bible, he warned be about what would happens to our relationship if i lied and I was so afraid of him leaving me that i continued to, we had god times and bad times and we both struggle and struggles with this world's darkness. I was starting to feel so ashamed of my lies and the circle just was so bad in lies, I was afraid and I was afraid of god exist then wow i will not gooing to heaven so I denyed him but I started to want to stop lying and trying hard but those lies I made just made me feel so miserable and knowing I couldn't change them was horrible, but I really started to try to stop lying but I was miserable cause I truly loved this man and I started hate my sins. My heart is pounding and I feel a little like I wanna throw up. But as you can imagine this was not good and I was always feeling bad for my lies and when my depression was at it bad I would act aggressively and just horrible. We stood by eatchoter for more than a year with some small breakups and that was so bad. I was praying for me to get to the point of believing and just soon a week ago I was lying in my bed I had starting to ask god for forgiveness and I can't explain it, it was the holy spirit talking to my heart and I just feel how I was blind but now I could see I saw all the signs of god giving me signs but I was so blind so I didn't see, I came to Jesus Christ and I heard efes you will get a baby boy and you shall call him efes and you tell him about me, and I picked up my bible and read in Swedish it's called the efesierbrevet (brevet= letter in Swedish) and I instantly wanted to give my life to the Lord and I said to my ex boyfriend I don't want to sin anymore and I want us to stop having sex and get married first, from that happening to me I felt my heart being replaced with a new one. Now I read the bible and in going to read all of it and I've watched so many testimony videos on YouTube and my heart is changed.
After I felt the holy spirit enter me I feel asleep and had dreams about snakes and bad things and it was real to me, the devil is on this earth and I have been given a new heart though Christ our savoir but I feel so new but I can't even listen to the radio cause i feel how bad the new age is and it makes me so sad because I feel the devil being in this world. I was blind but now I see, so I pray for all to come to Jesus Christ. I will be strong in my faith. Amen and thank you Jesus for giving me this strength to share this. The devil is very real and he is in this world and it making my heart sad. Amen
I did believe when I was little, I prayed on the toilet and i feel the holy spirit in my heart but I was raised up in a foster home and god bless them for what they have done for me. I felt alone when my real parents died and this darkness just fell over my heart, I started rebelling against god and denying him, starting smoking yelling and just being not great. I didn't read the bible and my foster parent didn't either but as you my friends know that in your heart you always know there is a god but I just had lost even the thought of him even though he was always with me, things went worse starting to just loose it I wrote the number six 3 times and I didn't care whatever happens to me I was thinking like i don't care if god exist or if Satan does I was so lost, this depression fell over me and people did harm to me and others as well as i did I was just bad, I started to be in such bad lust for attention and having sex at first time 14 and I have no sense of it being wrong so I just continued cause i was looking for love in things I thought would bring the void in my heart to fill, I always felt depressed and bad and I continued and I've hurt a lot of people with this and I am now 23 so i was in this darkness beyond my eyes could see for so long, I wanted to change myself hated myself looking in others like they were a god and i followed and copied without knowing how bad and what it was that i was doing, no sense of who i was. I was going to psychiatric clinic and medicine sometimes felt like it helped but it never did it was contributing to not being able to open my eyes, the doctors said I had depression and borderline tricotillomania, but they never gave me answer and i was ok with it and thought this is what iam. I started getting worse with suicidal thoughts, getting tattoos because I just looked at other people and I was looking for answer in them and not god. I have been in so many relationship that was bad because of me, I needed that void to be filled and the answer for that was love from men and I gave myself with sex and it was truly horrible. I really think something bad came over me when I was saying like Satan you can take my soul I don't care i don't believe i just want things I want to be pretty and u want the boys to like me whatever I had no idea, I wrote the bad numbers on my foster mom's mirror in anger and wrote it on her make-up horrible. I was so depressed, started cutting myself and I was miserable and I made other people miserable because of it, I started watching ghost hunters open my chakra videos and i was thinking I'm alone and you can imagine what comes out of a heart like that. And I felt bad over it sometimes but continued to do sin and I just made exuses to it being ok because of what i had been through and other people had done to me and just thinking out of my egoism.
I meet a guy and I quickly feel in love but I started lying and he and his mum is believers so he always thought me and remind me of the bible, he warned be about what would happens to our relationship if i lied and I was so afraid of him leaving me that i continued to, we had god times and bad times and we both struggle and struggles with this world's darkness. I was starting to feel so ashamed of my lies and the circle just was so bad in lies, I was afraid and I was afraid of god exist then wow i will not gooing to heaven so I denyed him but I started to want to stop lying and trying hard but those lies I made just made me feel so miserable and knowing I couldn't change them was horrible, but I really started to try to stop lying but I was miserable cause I truly loved this man and I started hate my sins. My heart is pounding and I feel a little like I wanna throw up. But as you can imagine this was not good and I was always feeling bad for my lies and when my depression was at it bad I would act aggressively and just horrible. We stood by eatchoter for more than a year with some small breakups and that was so bad. I was praying for me to get to the point of believing and just soon a week ago I was lying in my bed I had starting to ask god for forgiveness and I can't explain it, it was the holy spirit talking to my heart and I just feel how I was blind but now I could see I saw all the signs of god giving me signs but I was so blind so I didn't see, I came to Jesus Christ and I heard efes you will get a baby boy and you shall call him efes and you tell him about me, and I picked up my bible and read in Swedish it's called the efesierbrevet (brevet= letter in Swedish) and I instantly wanted to give my life to the Lord and I said to my ex boyfriend I don't want to sin anymore and I want us to stop having sex and get married first, from that happening to me I felt my heart being replaced with a new one. Now I read the bible and in going to read all of it and I've watched so many testimony videos on YouTube and my heart is changed.
After I felt the holy spirit enter me I feel asleep and had dreams about snakes and bad things and it was real to me, the devil is on this earth and I have been given a new heart though Christ our savoir but I feel so new but I can't even listen to the radio cause i feel how bad the new age is and it makes me so sad because I feel the devil being in this world. I was blind but now I see, so I pray for all to come to Jesus Christ. I will be strong in my faith. Amen and thank you Jesus for giving me this strength to share this. The devil is very real and he is in this world and it making my heart sad. Amen
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