Hi everyone!
I'm almost 18. I've been described as bubbly
, cheeky 
, vivacious 
, joyful 
, compassionate and chatty . Oh and friendly so a 
to all of you.
What most people don't realise is the names I was called throughout my childhood.
Born out of wedlock, my bio father left my mother as soon as he found out she was pregnant with me. My mum was a 19 y.o. Christian; an archetypical 'good girl'. So imagine the shame poured on her and that she poured on herself when she was pregnant. Oh boy. Pile that on with a childhood of emotional abuse from a father who suffered emotional trauma from the London Blitz and you have a recipe for disaster.
While Mum did marry when I was 2 and a half, she still carried a lot of hurt, shame and self-loathing...over to me. Now due to partial deafness and a learning/behavioural disorder which wasn't diagnosed till primary school, I did cause a lot of grief for my parents. So my mum, unable to cope with all this crap, lashed out. I don't remember when the abuse started, that's how early it began. But it was terrible. Mum said I was a thick-head, stupid, annoying, worthless etc and I believed her. I'd go to pre-school and primary school with cuts and bruises and, afraid DoCS would be involved, I lied to protect her. I really did love my mum. Whenever she abused me it was like something else or someONE else took over. When she come back to 'normal' and stop hitting me she'd immediately cry and profusely apologise and reassure me she loved me. It was a confusing cycle. Dad (my step-dad), if he were around, would always intervene. This abuse never happened to my little sister, thank God, but she did witness it and has been affected by it as well.
So with all this happening as well as finding out about my unknown father and bullying in primary school, I started contemplating suicide around 9 y.o. until I went to high school when things were better. Mum didn't abuse me as much anymore and I found friends.
A couple of years ago Mum and I started prayer counselling (Mum for her temper, shame, guilt, self-loathing; me for the stuff above) and our relationship is great. She still struggles with her temper and I still am feeling some of the pain from the past but I know that she and I have been much more restored. What she did was wrong and I don't pretend it never happened but I have forgiven her completely.
So I hope this LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG post encourages all of you victorious survivors of abuse.
Blessings
AS4JC91
I'm almost 18. I've been described as bubbly
, cheeky , vivacious , joyful , compassionate and chatty . Oh and friendly so a to all of you. What most people don't realise is the names I was called throughout my childhood.
Born out of wedlock, my bio father left my mother as soon as he found out she was pregnant with me. My mum was a 19 y.o. Christian; an archetypical 'good girl'. So imagine the shame poured on her and that she poured on herself when she was pregnant. Oh boy. Pile that on with a childhood of emotional abuse from a father who suffered emotional trauma from the London Blitz and you have a recipe for disaster.
While Mum did marry when I was 2 and a half, she still carried a lot of hurt, shame and self-loathing...over to me. Now due to partial deafness and a learning/behavioural disorder which wasn't diagnosed till primary school, I did cause a lot of grief for my parents. So my mum, unable to cope with all this crap, lashed out. I don't remember when the abuse started, that's how early it began. But it was terrible. Mum said I was a thick-head, stupid, annoying, worthless etc and I believed her. I'd go to pre-school and primary school with cuts and bruises and, afraid DoCS would be involved, I lied to protect her. I really did love my mum. Whenever she abused me it was like something else or someONE else took over. When she come back to 'normal' and stop hitting me she'd immediately cry and profusely apologise and reassure me she loved me. It was a confusing cycle. Dad (my step-dad), if he were around, would always intervene. This abuse never happened to my little sister, thank God, but she did witness it and has been affected by it as well.
So with all this happening as well as finding out about my unknown father and bullying in primary school, I started contemplating suicide around 9 y.o. until I went to high school when things were better. Mum didn't abuse me as much anymore and I found friends.
A couple of years ago Mum and I started prayer counselling (Mum for her temper, shame, guilt, self-loathing; me for the stuff above) and our relationship is great. She still struggles with her temper and I still am feeling some of the pain from the past but I know that she and I have been much more restored. What she did was wrong and I don't pretend it never happened but I have forgiven her completely.
So I hope this LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG post encourages all of you victorious survivors of abuse.
Blessings
AS4JC91
