Hi I am new into this chat, and just wanted to share what I been going through for almost 3 years.
I gave my life to Jesus and was saved in 2008 , at a night I will never forget, God started to work on my character and to give me a new mind and heart, I was full of joy , love , kindness, patience, faith, and most important PEACE.
I spend some many days enjoying my relationship with The Lord Jesus, I would hear Him talking to me, and feeling HIS great presence. I would have worries and problems like anyone else , but God would always lift me, and restore me, when I would pray with faith, and God would comfort my soul.
In 2009 I was very hunger for learning and walk better with God, so I begun to go to the internet, and read many 'Christian Websites' , and Sermons. I begun to follow different preachers, and their teachings, and slowly stopped to pray , and reading the Bible.... I stopped praying, but still I would go regularly to my church, by the way I attend a Pentecostal church, well my church always have prayer, so I would pray there, so that always helped, me.
In my church some of my sisters have the Gift of prayer in tongues, so I would just listen them and I knew that was a powerful prayer, and that they have received the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
I never was taught tough about the Holy Spirit too much , the baptism in the Holy Spirit, and the Gifts. But I was very curious on how to receive it.
I found in the internet that water baptism was sometimes mentioned for people who wanted to receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit.
Acts 2:38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
So I asked my pastor to baptize me in 2010, and I was baptized, in the name of the father,the Son, and the Holy Spirit, my walk with the Lord, was still very good, I would feel lots conviction about sin, and have a sound mind.
But in 2011, I started to play with sin, and sinning in many ways, and so I also stopped praying and reading my bible. (BIG MISTASKE) I was hardly feeling God's presence at this point due to unconfessed sins.
In 2011 I readed the Bible book of Matthew 12 Verse
31 Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.
32 And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come.
Short after, I begun having blasphemous thoughts and feel very scared , because this toughts would pop out even in church!! I was afraid and did not know how they entered, I was really sure they came from my heart.
I never told nobody about this problem, and I was still going regularly to church, but that OCD, and toughts would keep bothering me,,,, Instead of asking the pastor, I went online again, and look for help, and someone said there, that he had those too, and that by praying in tongues this would go away. So, I started to be alone in my house , and even tough I didn't have the gift I would practice , and imitate some other people tongues, but that didn't feel right,but still I kept doing it.
One day April 2012, I went to a house alone, kneeled down, and I forced myself, to speak in other tongues, I just close my eyes, and started uttering words, but in my own knowledge and flesh...one day in this house I saw a beautiful dove flying close to my and standing on a three. I felt happy to see this dove, it was beautiful.
My OCD worsened, after this experience, and so I asked for help in my church, and they prayed for me several nights, but I couldn't recover, I spoke to my teacher, and I told I was worried about the unpardonable sin, and he said, well the only unforgivable sin is to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit, and I asked Him, can you tell me a example? and so he said, well is for example when you heard someone praying in tongues and you mock them, and imitate their tongues,,,,
That was one of the hardest days on my life, I felt doom to hell, and I told him, you know, I been trying to receive this gift and many times I would try it, and practice in my own.
As soon I knew that my OCD turned to fear, depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts,
since then I been going to many many Christian pastors and brothers and ask the about this sin. but nothing comforts me.
I can barely pray, I feel I have no forgivness, cant feel God presence, and hardly read or understand sermons. I am close to spiritual death.
Even that way, I am thankful for everyday God gives me life, I am looking nd seeking God, but I cannot hear him, or feel His presence.
I don't believe in the doctrine , of OSAS, I d believe that a Christian can fall away and reject his salvation.
I try to keep hope, and been trying to keep my family and others in this. I really hope I haven't commited this sin.
I suffer OCD, anxiety, depression, and I fear I even that I could have demons harassing me and oppressing me... (I feel those strange sensations while I pray or surrounded by many people) , which is really disturbing...
If you are goin thrugh the same, my best advice to is to trust and seek God, Only HIM can help us go through all the problems of this life, OCD is fed by our fears, and if we keep looking videos or answers is just get worst...
I can say that by the grace of God I am much better than I used to be years back, OCD has decreased now, I am able to cope with it daily, and I keep believing there will be deliverance and healing one day, If you want to share your story with me feel free to PM , I think it always helps to share with other Christians our struggles, but most important , is always better to bring it to Jesus Christ, and leave your burdens upon HIM
Feel free to PM me , If I can be of any help, I would gladly be.
Regards
Tono77
I gave my life to Jesus and was saved in 2008 , at a night I will never forget, God started to work on my character and to give me a new mind and heart, I was full of joy , love , kindness, patience, faith, and most important PEACE.
I spend some many days enjoying my relationship with The Lord Jesus, I would hear Him talking to me, and feeling HIS great presence. I would have worries and problems like anyone else , but God would always lift me, and restore me, when I would pray with faith, and God would comfort my soul.
In 2009 I was very hunger for learning and walk better with God, so I begun to go to the internet, and read many 'Christian Websites' , and Sermons. I begun to follow different preachers, and their teachings, and slowly stopped to pray , and reading the Bible.... I stopped praying, but still I would go regularly to my church, by the way I attend a Pentecostal church, well my church always have prayer, so I would pray there, so that always helped, me.
In my church some of my sisters have the Gift of prayer in tongues, so I would just listen them and I knew that was a powerful prayer, and that they have received the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
I never was taught tough about the Holy Spirit too much , the baptism in the Holy Spirit, and the Gifts. But I was very curious on how to receive it.
I found in the internet that water baptism was sometimes mentioned for people who wanted to receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit.
Acts 2:38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
So I asked my pastor to baptize me in 2010, and I was baptized, in the name of the father,the Son, and the Holy Spirit, my walk with the Lord, was still very good, I would feel lots conviction about sin, and have a sound mind.
But in 2011, I started to play with sin, and sinning in many ways, and so I also stopped praying and reading my bible. (BIG MISTASKE) I was hardly feeling God's presence at this point due to unconfessed sins.
In 2011 I readed the Bible book of Matthew 12 Verse
31 Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.
32 And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come.
Short after, I begun having blasphemous thoughts and feel very scared , because this toughts would pop out even in church!! I was afraid and did not know how they entered, I was really sure they came from my heart.
I never told nobody about this problem, and I was still going regularly to church, but that OCD, and toughts would keep bothering me,,,, Instead of asking the pastor, I went online again, and look for help, and someone said there, that he had those too, and that by praying in tongues this would go away. So, I started to be alone in my house , and even tough I didn't have the gift I would practice , and imitate some other people tongues, but that didn't feel right,but still I kept doing it.
One day April 2012, I went to a house alone, kneeled down, and I forced myself, to speak in other tongues, I just close my eyes, and started uttering words, but in my own knowledge and flesh...one day in this house I saw a beautiful dove flying close to my and standing on a three. I felt happy to see this dove, it was beautiful.
My OCD worsened, after this experience, and so I asked for help in my church, and they prayed for me several nights, but I couldn't recover, I spoke to my teacher, and I told I was worried about the unpardonable sin, and he said, well the only unforgivable sin is to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit, and I asked Him, can you tell me a example? and so he said, well is for example when you heard someone praying in tongues and you mock them, and imitate their tongues,,,,
That was one of the hardest days on my life, I felt doom to hell, and I told him, you know, I been trying to receive this gift and many times I would try it, and practice in my own.
As soon I knew that my OCD turned to fear, depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts,
since then I been going to many many Christian pastors and brothers and ask the about this sin. but nothing comforts me.
I can barely pray, I feel I have no forgivness, cant feel God presence, and hardly read or understand sermons. I am close to spiritual death.
Even that way, I am thankful for everyday God gives me life, I am looking nd seeking God, but I cannot hear him, or feel His presence.
I don't believe in the doctrine , of OSAS, I d believe that a Christian can fall away and reject his salvation.
I try to keep hope, and been trying to keep my family and others in this. I really hope I haven't commited this sin.
I suffer OCD, anxiety, depression, and I fear I even that I could have demons harassing me and oppressing me... (I feel those strange sensations while I pray or surrounded by many people) , which is really disturbing...
If you are goin thrugh the same, my best advice to is to trust and seek God, Only HIM can help us go through all the problems of this life, OCD is fed by our fears, and if we keep looking videos or answers is just get worst...
I can say that by the grace of God I am much better than I used to be years back, OCD has decreased now, I am able to cope with it daily, and I keep believing there will be deliverance and healing one day, If you want to share your story with me feel free to PM , I think it always helps to share with other Christians our struggles, but most important , is always better to bring it to Jesus Christ, and leave your burdens upon HIM
Feel free to PM me , If I can be of any help, I would gladly be.
Regards
Tono77
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