my story

[damagedDolly]

hey im new to this,this is my story,if anybody has any advise please leave a message.
when i was 13 i was raped by my boyfriends uncle,i basicly when mad,i was on all sorts of drugs,i was drinking every day,i became bolemic and i am recovering now with no help,i went on the mitch from school for three months and my mam found out so i had to tell her what happened,she promissed not to tell anybody but she did.she told my dad,her friends,my principal,people in her work all my family (aunties,uncles,brother,cousins),and she told the police wich i was not ready for,i refused to make a statement but it was reported because of my mam,anyway i told my so called three best friends but they told people and it got around the whole town,my whole school knew about it and most of them did not belive me i was called a liar,there was roumors spreaded about me,my attacker's niece and her friends used to beat me up nearly everyday,it got so bad that one night i was stabbed in the head with a high heel,i never got any help from anybody exept from a councilor that callled my dad in and told him every thing i had said to her,so i refused to go to her again,i attempted suicide a few times and last year i cut all my hair off and i had to move away from that town,i hate my mother for making me go to school when everybody knew and even when i got beaten up occasionly she still mad me go,whenever we fight she says it was my fault because i chose to hang around with scumbags and that it happened to her aswell and you dont see her going on about it,she kicked me out two weeks ago and i am now living with my uncle,now i have started a new school and i dont really talk to anybody,i have no friends and nobody to help me,my head is so screwed up and i dont know what to do with myself anymore i cant cope with it all and im giving up all hope,will somebody please give me some advise?

 

[ladybuelah]

Hey there sweetie, firstly let me tell you something I know your not likely to believe. It is not your fault and you are not alone. My story is not like yours but you have some of the same ways of dealing with it. I am bulimic, hun you need to get support for it or else it will only get worse, trust me. I know it can feel like a good release but honestly, the damage it does is not worth it. I recently had to have a very painfull, expensive opp to deal with some of the damage of bulimia on my mouth. My tummy is ripped to streds and I have to be carefull of what I eat because of the acids. You do not want this for your future, please get help.

In regards to your rape, again you do need some support and I know a counseller may be the last person you want to see right now after whats happend. The same thing happend to me, my counseller told my parents everything and they blamed me. The thing is that our families need to deal with it to. Your mum feels your pain because you are conected. Its hard to explain what I mean and although your the one going through this. This happend ot her baby girl and that will take time for her to deal with. If shes anything like my parents, she willl feel betrayed because you didnt tell her, angry at the people that did this and so confused about so many aspects of it...she may say its your fault, my parents did the same thing but deep down she knows its not..its just easier to deal with it if it was in some way your fault and therefore not a rape. hun its not your fault. no one ever askes to be raped. I want to offer you the option of pming me ...I lived through it and came out the other side and so if you need someone to talk to then pm me. This alone wont do though, you need friends to support you but also a counseller and maybe even some support from a doctor. There are ways to get through this, it is a messy, painfull journey but you will come through it.

Your life is not over, and you will feel genuine happiness and peace and the pain will fade eventually. Also just because your head is screwed at the moment, does not mean that theres something wrong with you, its a normal reaction. Just don't give up. You can get through this. Take care ladybuelah

 

[Michaela7]

Hello there DamagedDolly.I have been through the same thing,except it was my grandfather.I know of the dark cloud you are going through.Know that it is not your fault.I know this is hard to comprehend but it is truth.I also know it will not be this way forever.Please cling to God.He will heal your heart and your pain.Just know this little one,HE knows and HE still loves you with all that HE is.The LORD is the only one that got me through this issue.AS to the people being mean pray for blessings upon them.This may be hard to take or understand.But from someone who was in your shoes,this is how it was with me.Only God can heal the deepest pain we have.And drugs are just a ruse,a cloak I know they may seem like they help at first,but the issue still remains.Please talk to someone.I know it feel's like your the only one,but you are not.Jesus loves you.
God Bless you,
Erica

 

[Timahani]

Thanks for sharing your story with us.

First of all, I would like to say , I am so sorry that you had to go through what you went through. It seems like you have had to face many challenges in your young life. Please know that you are not alone in your battle with sexual abuse. There are many individuals who have went through some of the things that you have experienced.

My advice to you is, give your feelings and your emotions over to God. Rape is a subject that weighs very heavily on peoples hearts. Your mother may not have meant to intentionally hurt you by telling the police your story. Sometimes people who try to help us end up emotionally hurting us unintentionally or making the situation more difficult for us.

I would start off by journaling (like you have in this forum). If you are not feeling safe especially if you are not feeling safe in confiding in someone. Try building up support systems in a safe environment like church, join the youth group etc. The decision is up to you, but be patient with yourself, as you go through this rough time. Eventually, God will send the right person your way in whom you can confide in...... rather it is a pastor, coach, friend etc.

God Bless you!

 

[MinisterChristian]

You should make a statement to the Police, even if it was 3 years ago. This man is a bad man and should and will be punished. You are in no shame here, you are the victim. You did not asked to be raped. I think you should phone Rape Crisis and talk to them about it over the phone they will make you feel much better and give you advice. Your mum done the right thing going to the police. Just think if this man has done this before and gets away with it he will keep doing it. We need to STOP him.

"God will judge on the day of judgement"

"Do not repay EVIL for EVIL but always seek to do good to one another"

"You are special, GOD choose you from the beginning"

 

[LovedSparrow]

Thanks for sharing your story. I know amidst this darkness and pain, and it may not mean a lot to you now (as it didn't for me when people told me too,) but God will use your circumstances and your story for good. I didn't believe that when I was a teen, but I am seeing the fruit now, as I am almost 30. God will see you through.

 

[Johnnz]

Sadly, many families won't accept one of them did something as bad as that, so the blame gets shifted onto the abused person, greatly adding to their trauma.

You are still quite young and need some real support.

Bless you

John
NZ

 

[SashaDusty]

I am so so sorry. Bad enough that you were raped, but also bullied and neglected (in my opinion) as a result. I wish I was there to give you a hug and someone to talk to.

I know what it is like to go it on your own. It's very hard and you don't deserve it.

*hugs* I am thinking of you.