Hello. This is my first time to the sight and I am desperate to find other Christians that are battling through Schizophrenia. I will keep this as short as possible. This is my story.
My illness started around 7 yrs. ago right after I was saved. It started with torents of thoughts that raced through my mind. I couldn't get one thought to fall into place. It then led to hearing voices that I thought was the Holy Spirit. These voices told me to do the strangest things such as eat extremely slowly (1 hr/meal), swing my arms to ward off evil thoughts, walk very slowly, and on and on. As people around me were trying to put me on medication I totally thought it was the enimy thrawting the plan of God on my life. All the while my life was getting worse and worse. I got fired from two jobs that I had while attending Bible School in Canada. I then came home and that was when it seemed like all hell broke loose.
I quit my job one day at a restaurant because my brain was going out of control and I thought I was going crazy. My parents told me that if I did not get on medication that they would throw me out of the house. I resisted and went to live with some Christian friends of mine. I had no job, just a little bit of money, and was becoming more and more distant from people. Then, I ran out of money and my roomates covered my rent and I began to think that God my going to provide for me completely. Consequently, the Lord did not provide my needs because I was under the illness. Out of like 4 months I only ate like 1 month and I was getting skinny. This led to shouting swear words very loudly over and again and breaking things. My roomates finally decided they had seen enough and called the police. Since I believed I had done nothing wrong I did not say a word to the police. They addmitted me to the local mental hospital in our county. I felt a deep urgency from the same voices that if I ate the food it would be stealing and that only be fasting from food would I be set free from the hospital. It was the most bizarre time of my life. When I resisted food what I thought was the Holy Spirit would comfort me and give me awesome life (though now I see that it was not perfect life). This evil spirit was giving me confirmation from the Word that all that was going on was a big test. When I did eat it seemed as though the wrath of God would reign down on me and I would have demon episodes. The State ordered me to be on medication against my will but the meds did not work right away. They sent me to the State Hospital. As I arrived there I still felt the need to resist food and to believe in God. After a couple weeks (I was getting very thin now) a thought entered my head that if I asked the doctor if I had to eat then he would say yes and the burden of not eating would go away (As many of you probably know while you are institutionalized you are ordered my the State to do everything the doctor says). So when the doctor sat down with me I asked him that question and then all that I knew as my Christian life went into oblivion. Demons and all sorts of death surrounded me and kept me up at night for 21 days. Most importantly I couldn't feel the Holy Spirit any more and I still can't to this day. It was 3 1/2 yrs. ago that this happened. Finally they got me on the corrent medication and the voices stopped and I was realesed from the hospital. For the next two yrs. I was under a cloud of darkness. It was so bad that I couldn't even enjoy life (like a night out at a baseball game). It wasn't untill a year ago that the darkness started to lift and I began to have hope again. The determining factor for me getting well was changing my diet and taking supplements. By changing my diet I mean doing away with all processed foods, dyes, pesticides, hormone enhanced meat and milk, and beginning to eat all natural and organic foods. I hadn't realized untill I started to get set free that this is were the Holy Spirit was working in my life. After getting discharged from the hospital He started bringing people out of the woodwork who were into the organic scene and lifestyle.
So that is where I am now. I have seen progress for about a year now but am still a ways out. There are still some huge questions that I have for God and for any of you that are on this forum. I want to know if any of you guys lost the inner feeling a presence of the Holy Spirit and if you did if He came back over time? Also, I am interested in any forms of healing that you have come upon. I have others but I just can't think of them right now. My mind can only think so much.
If any of you have experienced the same things I would be grateful to hear about them. I hope to get to know some of you and help each other out so that we can all be caught on fire to do the Lord's work.
My illness started around 7 yrs. ago right after I was saved. It started with torents of thoughts that raced through my mind. I couldn't get one thought to fall into place. It then led to hearing voices that I thought was the Holy Spirit. These voices told me to do the strangest things such as eat extremely slowly (1 hr/meal), swing my arms to ward off evil thoughts, walk very slowly, and on and on. As people around me were trying to put me on medication I totally thought it was the enimy thrawting the plan of God on my life. All the while my life was getting worse and worse. I got fired from two jobs that I had while attending Bible School in Canada. I then came home and that was when it seemed like all hell broke loose.
I quit my job one day at a restaurant because my brain was going out of control and I thought I was going crazy. My parents told me that if I did not get on medication that they would throw me out of the house. I resisted and went to live with some Christian friends of mine. I had no job, just a little bit of money, and was becoming more and more distant from people. Then, I ran out of money and my roomates covered my rent and I began to think that God my going to provide for me completely. Consequently, the Lord did not provide my needs because I was under the illness. Out of like 4 months I only ate like 1 month and I was getting skinny. This led to shouting swear words very loudly over and again and breaking things. My roomates finally decided they had seen enough and called the police. Since I believed I had done nothing wrong I did not say a word to the police. They addmitted me to the local mental hospital in our county. I felt a deep urgency from the same voices that if I ate the food it would be stealing and that only be fasting from food would I be set free from the hospital. It was the most bizarre time of my life. When I resisted food what I thought was the Holy Spirit would comfort me and give me awesome life (though now I see that it was not perfect life). This evil spirit was giving me confirmation from the Word that all that was going on was a big test. When I did eat it seemed as though the wrath of God would reign down on me and I would have demon episodes. The State ordered me to be on medication against my will but the meds did not work right away. They sent me to the State Hospital. As I arrived there I still felt the need to resist food and to believe in God. After a couple weeks (I was getting very thin now) a thought entered my head that if I asked the doctor if I had to eat then he would say yes and the burden of not eating would go away (As many of you probably know while you are institutionalized you are ordered my the State to do everything the doctor says). So when the doctor sat down with me I asked him that question and then all that I knew as my Christian life went into oblivion. Demons and all sorts of death surrounded me and kept me up at night for 21 days. Most importantly I couldn't feel the Holy Spirit any more and I still can't to this day. It was 3 1/2 yrs. ago that this happened. Finally they got me on the corrent medication and the voices stopped and I was realesed from the hospital. For the next two yrs. I was under a cloud of darkness. It was so bad that I couldn't even enjoy life (like a night out at a baseball game). It wasn't untill a year ago that the darkness started to lift and I began to have hope again. The determining factor for me getting well was changing my diet and taking supplements. By changing my diet I mean doing away with all processed foods, dyes, pesticides, hormone enhanced meat and milk, and beginning to eat all natural and organic foods. I hadn't realized untill I started to get set free that this is were the Holy Spirit was working in my life. After getting discharged from the hospital He started bringing people out of the woodwork who were into the organic scene and lifestyle.
So that is where I am now. I have seen progress for about a year now but am still a ways out. There are still some huge questions that I have for God and for any of you that are on this forum. I want to know if any of you guys lost the inner feeling a presence of the Holy Spirit and if you did if He came back over time? Also, I am interested in any forms of healing that you have come upon. I have others but I just can't think of them right now. My mind can only think so much.
If any of you have experienced the same things I would be grateful to hear about them. I hope to get to know some of you and help each other out so that we can all be caught on fire to do the Lord's work.
