I will post this in a different section such as theological forum discussions but it pertains so I might as well post here. I have an interesting experience with homosexuality that I would like to share as an older person.
Let me tell you my story as you might find it interesting. My neighbor who is a homosexual man of about 55 years of old and I had an incident a month or so ago that was the most bizarre incident in my life bar none. I being a friendly tolerant type decided not to judge this individual and was friendly with him and assumed that he would respect my heterosexuality or better said "the fact that I like girls" and this would never be an issue. True he did tell me "he loved me" one evening when he was drunk and I was trying to prevent him from falling through his glass table and killing himself. It was such a stupid moment that he realized his ridiculous play was ill timed and I rolled my eyes and left it off as being a drunk gay man and me being a fairly good looking 36 old and left it off. Still I did not hang around him after that for months and turned down any moment to watch the game or share a beer or anything. But after six months I assumed that he had gotten it through his head that I liked women and he would not entertain such notions anymore. Boy was I wrong. One evening I was quite depressed and answered the knock on my door and he had a question about a computer question. He instantly (looking back) read that I was melancholy that night and asked if I wanted to have a beer. I said yes simply because I felt rude as it was obvious I was not doing a dang thing. Well to be brief as possible we made small talk andI being somewhat still uncomfortable tried to keep the conversation going. - And then I found myself letting out a sigh of loneliness. Something I realize you cannot do around people such as this. I then look up and this fat 55 year old man is looking at me and he starts sticking out his tongue - I assume that he is merely trying to get food off of the side of his mouth and then he turned keeping his tongue out his mouth turned his eyes then to look at me and curled his tongue up moving it around and looking at me the entire time and I was frozen staring at his eyes locked in in total displaced shock. I must have then looked away and then looked back as then he continued the mental assault on me and he started putting his head back gently at first and then farther farther always staring deeply at me locked in on my eyes never leaving head going back stretching his body out backwards until he then form head to toe including an intentional ___expression of someone who has given up and is nothing but a shell of flesh - dead. Souless utterly souless. Still staring at me. I had a dead man staring at me. I am staring in the eyes of this corpse slumped backwards in this chair and I then saw something of a flash or another face take over this ___expression. It was nothing less than unbelievably powerful. I was locked in on this display frozen again losing all sense of time and space. Then my sister happened to call my phone which rang my bluetooth earpiece that snapped me out of it. I flustered left the apartment.
Now after I left that apartment that night I felt a heat in my groin. I felt a fire in my nostrils and tongue. Colors (red particularly) was vivid in color like a drug. Still feel this on lonely days. (I have since experienced homosexual attraction somthing I have never experienced which I am treating through prayer) THE NEXT MORNING I am leaving my apartment after having stayed up almost all night freaked I then close my door and he is in his apartment across the hall and when he heard my door he starts calling out my name Steven STeeeeveeeen.... (not real name) do you think he knew the power of what he was attempting to do? Do you think he thinks there is such a thing as orientation or does he know that sexuality is nothing more than a taste and idea and a persons moral and spiritual compass. I have experienced something that can only be called demonic in its power. I am now in spiritual warfare with this problem because of this experience. He sexualized my despair and loneliness in a homoerotic way. Now later by chance I was in a bar (not gay I mention for this reason) I saw a young kid in the bar and recognized him from my building. He was with a bunch of young kids 21 ish ... He waved my over to say hi and I remember saying to my friend I was talking with on the phone that I thought it was peculiar that someone so young would be interested in talking to someone my age. Well I sensed correctly as he was gay as well as was at least one other kid in the group. (He asked me quickly - so what is your story why are you not married - (that is a strange question) - and he basically was open about it - being gay) Well I thought this would be a great opportunity to tell this story in brief as it was someone in my building he had seen and I summarized very - anyway - talked about how bizarre it was that this man is sticking his tongue out of his mouth and how strange it was for a man who would do such a thing and his response says it all.... "no straight man" -he said laughing. Par for the course was the feeling that came across to me. That is my experience. Now also - I should mention that a friend I had for 10 years and 5-6 girlfriends later would still try to convince me with subtle hints that I was gay for no other reason that I did not bed the girl I met in St. Louis on a trip for example because she wasn't my type. The sexual feelings hetero vs homo do not even come upon my body in the same manner - they arrive through two different bodily experiences that is so strange as only to say that one feels natural and the other feels perverse and powerfully strange. A heat in my groin and fire in my nostrils are typical.
Even hear palpitations. The connecting tissue down to my testicles feels electric. Sorry so graphic but its bizzarre and I am trying to be accurate.
And believe me - I love the women! Unfortunately my hand could testify which is another sad issue.
I strongly believe that homosexuality is nothing more than an idea. In other words a possibility. An idea that comes about through loneliness. Or even an unknown need not met. That so called sex - or orientation is just nonsense and we want touch. That all sexual morality is inhibition and that we are all inhibited through (to speak philosophically) religion or our mythology we believe. In other words this heterosexuality that you believe is the only way you could be is really ignorance of ones own deep inhibition and that this is a good thing. I also believe that demonic influence is involved (wants to reveal that this is only inhibition by the way) which is why it feels so powerful and foreign. That we all have a natural desire to debase ourselves and he feeds on this. And that gay men are attracted to straight men because of not just maculinity which is obvious but a desire to spread this problem due to evil influence which they may not even be aware. I also believe that children are far more sexual than society will admit pre-puberty and we don't allow for there own move into distortion and evil influence. One of my girlfriends played doctor in very serious graphic ways when she was 9 with girls and boys and new it was wrong completely.
As homosexuality acceptance increases we will see percentages rise not because of closeted gays but that the idea or possibility is being planted and simply for that reason.
I am done - thanks for reading.
I would seriously love an intelligent response to this experience as it is so traumatic I am having to move out of my apartment over it.
Let me tell you my story as you might find it interesting. My neighbor who is a homosexual man of about 55 years of old and I had an incident a month or so ago that was the most bizarre incident in my life bar none. I being a friendly tolerant type decided not to judge this individual and was friendly with him and assumed that he would respect my heterosexuality or better said "the fact that I like girls" and this would never be an issue. True he did tell me "he loved me" one evening when he was drunk and I was trying to prevent him from falling through his glass table and killing himself. It was such a stupid moment that he realized his ridiculous play was ill timed and I rolled my eyes and left it off as being a drunk gay man and me being a fairly good looking 36 old and left it off. Still I did not hang around him after that for months and turned down any moment to watch the game or share a beer or anything. But after six months I assumed that he had gotten it through his head that I liked women and he would not entertain such notions anymore. Boy was I wrong. One evening I was quite depressed and answered the knock on my door and he had a question about a computer question. He instantly (looking back) read that I was melancholy that night and asked if I wanted to have a beer. I said yes simply because I felt rude as it was obvious I was not doing a dang thing. Well to be brief as possible we made small talk andI being somewhat still uncomfortable tried to keep the conversation going. - And then I found myself letting out a sigh of loneliness. Something I realize you cannot do around people such as this. I then look up and this fat 55 year old man is looking at me and he starts sticking out his tongue - I assume that he is merely trying to get food off of the side of his mouth and then he turned keeping his tongue out his mouth turned his eyes then to look at me and curled his tongue up moving it around and looking at me the entire time and I was frozen staring at his eyes locked in in total displaced shock. I must have then looked away and then looked back as then he continued the mental assault on me and he started putting his head back gently at first and then farther farther always staring deeply at me locked in on my eyes never leaving head going back stretching his body out backwards until he then form head to toe including an intentional ___expression of someone who has given up and is nothing but a shell of flesh - dead. Souless utterly souless. Still staring at me. I had a dead man staring at me. I am staring in the eyes of this corpse slumped backwards in this chair and I then saw something of a flash or another face take over this ___expression. It was nothing less than unbelievably powerful. I was locked in on this display frozen again losing all sense of time and space. Then my sister happened to call my phone which rang my bluetooth earpiece that snapped me out of it. I flustered left the apartment.
Now after I left that apartment that night I felt a heat in my groin. I felt a fire in my nostrils and tongue. Colors (red particularly) was vivid in color like a drug. Still feel this on lonely days. (I have since experienced homosexual attraction somthing I have never experienced which I am treating through prayer) THE NEXT MORNING I am leaving my apartment after having stayed up almost all night freaked I then close my door and he is in his apartment across the hall and when he heard my door he starts calling out my name Steven STeeeeveeeen.... (not real name) do you think he knew the power of what he was attempting to do? Do you think he thinks there is such a thing as orientation or does he know that sexuality is nothing more than a taste and idea and a persons moral and spiritual compass. I have experienced something that can only be called demonic in its power. I am now in spiritual warfare with this problem because of this experience. He sexualized my despair and loneliness in a homoerotic way. Now later by chance I was in a bar (not gay I mention for this reason) I saw a young kid in the bar and recognized him from my building. He was with a bunch of young kids 21 ish ... He waved my over to say hi and I remember saying to my friend I was talking with on the phone that I thought it was peculiar that someone so young would be interested in talking to someone my age. Well I sensed correctly as he was gay as well as was at least one other kid in the group. (He asked me quickly - so what is your story why are you not married - (that is a strange question) - and he basically was open about it - being gay) Well I thought this would be a great opportunity to tell this story in brief as it was someone in my building he had seen and I summarized very - anyway - talked about how bizarre it was that this man is sticking his tongue out of his mouth and how strange it was for a man who would do such a thing and his response says it all.... "no straight man" -he said laughing. Par for the course was the feeling that came across to me. That is my experience. Now also - I should mention that a friend I had for 10 years and 5-6 girlfriends later would still try to convince me with subtle hints that I was gay for no other reason that I did not bed the girl I met in St. Louis on a trip for example because she wasn't my type. The sexual feelings hetero vs homo do not even come upon my body in the same manner - they arrive through two different bodily experiences that is so strange as only to say that one feels natural and the other feels perverse and powerfully strange. A heat in my groin and fire in my nostrils are typical.
Even hear palpitations. The connecting tissue down to my testicles feels electric. Sorry so graphic but its bizzarre and I am trying to be accurate.
And believe me - I love the women! Unfortunately my hand could testify which is another sad issue.
I strongly believe that homosexuality is nothing more than an idea. In other words a possibility. An idea that comes about through loneliness. Or even an unknown need not met. That so called sex - or orientation is just nonsense and we want touch. That all sexual morality is inhibition and that we are all inhibited through (to speak philosophically) religion or our mythology we believe. In other words this heterosexuality that you believe is the only way you could be is really ignorance of ones own deep inhibition and that this is a good thing. I also believe that demonic influence is involved (wants to reveal that this is only inhibition by the way) which is why it feels so powerful and foreign. That we all have a natural desire to debase ourselves and he feeds on this. And that gay men are attracted to straight men because of not just maculinity which is obvious but a desire to spread this problem due to evil influence which they may not even be aware. I also believe that children are far more sexual than society will admit pre-puberty and we don't allow for there own move into distortion and evil influence. One of my girlfriends played doctor in very serious graphic ways when she was 9 with girls and boys and new it was wrong completely.
As homosexuality acceptance increases we will see percentages rise not because of closeted gays but that the idea or possibility is being planted and simply for that reason.
I am done - thanks for reading.
I would seriously love an intelligent response to this experience as it is so traumatic I am having to move out of my apartment over it.
