I feel like I have even less freedom than before.

[Lady Bug]

I don't know where to start, whether from my dad or my brother. I'll start with my brother. He's becoming more demanding of me, acting like I can do things on a whim for dad because I "live close" to the NH, but I'm burnt out from going three days in a row, having to buy groceries, and cook something instead of fast food, the latter of which I try to limit to once a week. I get literally nothing done around the house because I go to the nursing home "so often." I think I can go twice a week but if I go more than twice a week, then I can't do other things. He's also attacking me on sleep. He said lying down is enough, that I don't need to sleep that much. I said that sleeping is the only way I can drive alright and he got frustrated and said that the real world doesn't work that way.

Onto my dad. Every month he goes into this sort of mode where he starts acting all depressed and talks in a "cry-talk" manner and rather loudly. He's been doing that with me today. I've been on the phone for an hour with him and did not accomplish anything. He keeps telling me to tell the nurse (even though he did hit that button for the nurse). My brother starts calling me and tells me to call dad because "he's in a mood." Sometimes my brother calls me to tell me to call the nurse. Everything is put on me. My dad does know how to contact the nurse himself with that "easy" push-down button (the short-staffed nature of the place can mean that they don't come right away) but both he and my brother keeps calling me to tell me "call the nurse" and the nurses are kind of acting like I'm weird, now. My dad told me yesterday he tried to call 911 two times (when he gets into severe mood swings, he always threatens to call the police) but "no one came." He threatens me that people are going to come to my door and take me away. I haven't showered in 4 days and I want to go to church this weekend but I don't know if/when because I keep getting bombarded with phone calls to "call back" when, after I call, it turns out that I didn't really need to.

It looks like my life is almost worse now than it was before my dad left the house.

Then I got this really strict Muslim relative who wants to come over to the house and I don't want to let him or his son in (or whoever that relative wants to tag along with him).

If anything doesn't look coherent, keep in mind that I'm typing this out as fast as I can because I just want to get this post over with, typing-wise.

It's almost 1:30 in the afternoon and I have eaten no breakfast or lunch because people keep bothering me.

 

[Mark Quayle]

God be with you and bless you.

There is no thing on this earth you have missed, nothing that 'should have been otherwise', no struggle, no misery, no agony or despair, that is not made up for in Heaven, manifold.

This life is not for this life. Muddle through the best you can, and cry your pain to our sweet Lord.

 

[Michie]

I don't know where to start, whether from my dad or my brother. I'll start with my brother. He's becoming more demanding of me, acting like I can do things on a whim for dad because I "live close" to the NH, but I'm burnt out from going three days in a row, having to buy groceries, and cook something instead of fast food, the latter of which I try to limit to once a week. I get literally nothing done around the house because I go to the nursing home "so often." I think I can go twice a week but if I go more than twice a week, then I can't do other things. He's also attacking me on sleep. He said lying down is enough, that I don't need to sleep that much. I said that sleeping is the only way I can drive alright and he got frustrated and said that the real world doesn't work that way.

Onto my dad. Every month he goes into this sort of mode where he starts acting all depressed and talks in a "cry-talk" manner and rather loudly. He's been doing that with me today. I've been on the phone for an hour with him and did not accomplish anything. He keeps telling me to tell the nurse (even though he did hit that button for the nurse). My brother starts calling me and tells me to call dad because "he's in a mood." Sometimes my brother calls me to tell me to call the nurse. Everything is put on me. My dad does know how to contact the nurse himself with that "easy" push-down button (the short-staffed nature of the place can mean that they don't come right away) but both he and my brother keeps calling me to tell me "call the nurse" and the nurses are kind of acting like I'm weird, now. My dad told me yesterday he tried to call 911 two times (when he gets into severe mood swings, he always threatens to call the police) but "no one came." He threatens me that people are going to come to my door and take me away. I haven't showered in 4 days and I want to go to church this weekend but I don't know if/when because I keep getting bombarded with phone calls to "call back" when, after I call, it turns out that I didn't really need to.

It looks like my life is almost worse now than it was before my dad left the house.

Then I got this really strict Muslim relative who wants to come over to the house and I don't want to let him or his son in (or whoever that relative wants to tag along with him).

If anything doesn't look coherent, keep in mind that I'm typing this out as fast as I can because I just want to get this post over with, typing-wise.

It's almost 1:30 in the afternoon and I have eaten no breakfast or lunch because people keep bothering me.

Please see about a caretaker support group. It will help. I promise.

 

[Wolseley]

I'm not telling you what to do, kiddo, but when are you going to take charge of your own life and stop letting everybody else run it for you?

Your story reminds me of an account I read of a helicopter pilot in Vietnam, during the early part of the war, '64, '65. They had a shortage of pilots, and the middle-range officers in the headquarters billets kept calling for missions to be flown, and this guy had flown for like 67 straight hours. He finally managed to get some down time, but he had been asleep in his tent for about half an hour, and they came and woke him up to fly another mission. He was so exhausted, he couldn't even walk straight; he told the major in operations, "I cannot fly; I have flown too much." One of the enlisted men said, "Sir, that guy has been in the air constantly for the last three days. He's not a machine, he's a human being---he has to get some sleep!"

Of course, hearing this from an enlisted man enraged the officer (typical behavior from types with a commission and not much knowledge of what they're doing), and he ordered the pilot to fly a platoon of troops to an outpost, because it by God had to be done. You can guess what happened. He got several hundred feet into the air, blanked out, went to sleep, and the helicopter flew itself into the side of a mountain. 12 men dead, the loss of a pilot, and the loss of the aircraft, simply because some HQ idiot decided to drive his men too hard.

In your case, you're not under orders in the military; you can opt to refuse. Unplug your phone, lock your door, tell your brother or whoever to handle their own problems, and go to sleep. Lord knows I would.

 

[mourningdove~]

I don't know where to start, whether from my dad or my brother. I'll start with my brother. He's becoming more demanding of me, acting like I can do things on a whim for dad because I "live close" to the NH, but I'm burnt out from going three days in a row, having to buy groceries, and cook something instead of fast food, the latter of which I try to limit to once a week. I get literally nothing done around the house because I go to the nursing home "so often." I think I can go twice a week but if I go more than twice a week, then I can't do other things. He's also attacking me on sleep. He said lying down is enough, that I don't need to sleep that much. I said that sleeping is the only way I can drive alright and he got frustrated and said that the real world doesn't work that way.

Onto my dad. Every month he goes into this sort of mode where he starts acting all depressed and talks in a "cry-talk" manner and rather loudly. He's been doing that with me today. I've been on the phone for an hour with him and did not accomplish anything. He keeps telling me to tell the nurse (even though he did hit that button for the nurse). My brother starts calling me and tells me to call dad because "he's in a mood." Sometimes my brother calls me to tell me to call the nurse. Everything is put on me. My dad does know how to contact the nurse himself with that "easy" push-down button (the short-staffed nature of the place can mean that they don't come right away) but both he and my brother keeps calling me to tell me "call the nurse" and the nurses are kind of acting like I'm weird, now. My dad told me yesterday he tried to call 911 two times (when he gets into severe mood swings, he always threatens to call the police) but "no one came." He threatens me that people are going to come to my door and take me away. I haven't showered in 4 days and I want to go to church this weekend but I don't know if/when because I keep getting bombarded with phone calls to "call back" when, after I call, it turns out that I didn't really need to.

It looks like my life is almost worse now than it was before my dad left the house.

Then I got this really strict Muslim relative who wants to come over to the house and I don't want to let him or his son in (or whoever that relative wants to tag along with him).

If anything doesn't look coherent, keep in mind that I'm typing this out as fast as I can because I just want to get this post over with, typing-wise.

It's almost 1:30 in the afternoon and I have eaten no breakfast or lunch because people keep bothering me.

Why is it that all these men think they can tell you what do to? And make all these demands on you? Is this something prevalent in the Muslim culture, that men are in charge of the women? You are being treated as if you are not allowed to have any wants or needs. I know you know this isn't right. Not in America.

You are very wise to keep that strict Muslim man, his son, and others out of your house. Right now, your house ... and a Catholic Church ... appear to be your only 'safe' places. We all need a place where we can relax and feel safe. Keep standing firm, and don't let those folks into your house. They would most likely never leave. And you would most likely end up catering to all of them, like a servant. That would be so 'not right'.

I agree that you need (female) caregiver support. If you don't have a female relative who you find helpful, please ask your Dad's social worker for information on caregiver support. Please don't try to do this on your own. It's just too much for one person.