My Sin is lust.

[Shadowprophet]

It's okay, Go ahead and forum your opinions. There is no way I can justify my sins, But everyone says pray about it, And overcome it. People think it's so easy to overcome something you were raised to be. No one knows my life and how I was raised in this world.. I am not blaming others for my weaknesses. But I had a brother and uncles that taught me to believe that a mans worth in this world was how many women he had had. I surpassed all expectation.. I don't even want to get into numbers. It wouldn't matter If I quoted numbers or not. There will always be a mixed company that will scoff in disbelief and others that would say that number doesn't even matter.. But the devil truly is devious, I out of pride was made to count a number and that number now hangs over me to show me what a sinner I am.. I don't care if you judge me. I hate myself for being proud, I hate myself for hurting peoples hearts. I hate myself for who I am inside. And people think it's as easy as being Reborn, But I am here to tell you, My weaknesses have not been erased. I am on my third marriage now, and I still desire women. The lust is so strong I have dreams about women that aren't my wife, And so many opportunities present themselves to cheat. And the women, they make it easy..You think I don't hate myself? I am on my third marriage right now, And I lost my first two wives by cheating.. I reach to God and God shows me love, But I still sin. The drive to lust is so strong it's like a drug that takes me over. If you hate me, then I deserve it. Because I hate myself And I have hurt so many hearts. The bible says I deserve the second death and I fear it. I fear the second death. But it's not fair that a drive to sin can be so strong it physically causes me to tingle all over my body. I don't want to Go to hell and I don't want the second Death And I love God. But the life I have lead is not normal, And the number of women is not under three digits and that is being very forgiving of myself.. I Love God so Much, Sometimes I can feel him there, holding my heart, God deserves better then me, But most people will say, pray, and try, And resist sin. I was raised that my value as a human was in the numbers of women I had taken. It was and is part of my very makeup. And I do understand it is sin. How can I be truly happy when I know the sins I commit are worthy of the second death. I hate myself. And others have the right to hate me to.

 

[Eudaimonist]

The lust is so strong I have dreams about women that aren't my wife

Putting aside the issue of cheating, I hope that you aren't hating yourself because of what you dream.

If you hate me, then I deserve it.

No, I don't hate you, though I wonder why you keep getting married. You'd probably be better off remaining single. You'd do less harm that way.

Anyway, good luck! It's unfortunate that you have to go through so much guilt and self-hatred.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[MotherFirefly]

Hating yourself will get you no where... I say this because I can understand your struggle. I had no problem chasing my desires before I had God, and it was for sure a sense of pride of having men talk about me.

Before God, we were drowning ourselves in sin. While the desires and guilt don't go away... I take pride now in -refusing- to follow them.
God loves us... he always will, regardless of how many more times we sin. Which we will.

It is good you realize your weaknesses. Living in denial is so unhealthy.

I will pray for you. For peace of mind, direction from God, and a relief from guilt.

He forgives us. We need to forgive ourselves, as well.

 

[Shadowprophet]

Putting aside the issue of cheating, I hope that you aren't hating yourself because of what you dream.



No, I don't hate you, though I wonder why you keep getting married. You'd probably be better off remaining single. You'd do less harm that way.

Anyway, good luck! It's unfortunate that you have to go through so much guilt and self-hatred.


eudaimonia,

Mark

I've been a christian since I was a child. And I do believe in and love God, It just, somehow, in my mind, The validation of worth from other people is what drives me. I am happy with my wife, I couldn't be any happier with anyone on earth. But I really am driven for the validation. It's nearly impossible to overcome.

 

[Dave-W]

You need to find a good godly counselor or pastor to work thru this with.

 

[newlightseven]

It's okay, Go ahead and forum your opinions. There is no way I can justify my sins, But everyone says pray about it, And overcome it. People think it's so easy to overcome something you were raised to be. No one knows my life and how I was raised in this world.. I am not blaming others for my weaknesses. But I had a brother and uncles that taught me to believe that a mans worth in this world was how many women he had had. I surpassed all expectation.. I don't even want to get into numbers. It wouldn't matter If I quoted numbers or not. There will always be a mixed company that will scoff in disbelief and others that would say that number doesn't even matter.. But the devil truly is devious, I out of pride was made to count a number and that number now hangs over me to show me what a sinner I am.. I don't care if you judge me. I hate myself for being proud, I hate myself for hurting peoples hearts. I hate myself for who I am inside. And people think it's as easy as being Reborn, But I am here to tell you, My weaknesses have not been erased. I am on my third marriage now, and I still desire women. The lust is so strong I have dreams about women that aren't my wife, And so many opportunities present themselves to cheat. And the women, they make it easy..You think I don't hate myself? I am on my third marriage right now, And I lost my first two wives by cheating.. I reach to God and God shows me love, But I still sin. The drive to lust is so strong it's like a drug that takes me over. If you hate me, then I deserve it. Because I hate myself And I have hurt so many hearts. The bible says I deserve the second death and I fear it. I fear the second death. But it's not fair that a drive to sin can be so strong it physically causes me to tingle all over my body. I don't want to Go to hell and I don't want the second Death And I love God. But the life I have lead is not normal, And the number of women is not under three digits and that is being very forgiving of myself.. I Love God so Much, Sometimes I can feel him there, holding my heart, God deserves better then me, But most people will say, pray, and try, And resist sin. I was raised that my value as a human was in the numbers of women I had taken. It was and is part of my very makeup. And I do understand it is sin. How can I be truly happy when I know the sins I commit are worthy of the second death. I hate myself. And others have the right to hate me to.

First things first, stop saying you hate yourself. Know that God loves you just as if you had never sinned. Almost everyone struggles with unpure lusts even if only by their mind. Remember the good Lord said if we even look on someone to lust we have already committed the sin. It is however important to try to do the best you can to avoid it, and by all means repent if you fall into it as we have Jesus for the remission of sins and he will wash us clean from all unrighteousness

 

[Nithavela]

I find your lack of paragraphs far more despiccable.

 

[Shadowprophet]

I find your lack of paragraphs far more despiccable.

 

[Paradoxum]

Kind of seems like 50% of your post in bragging.

I'm not sure you're real.

 

[Shadowprophet]

Kind of seems like 50% of your post in bragging.

I'm not sure you're real.

I wouldn't come to a christian forum to brag about something like this, I posted this here as a means of penance, I feel that if I cause myself shame, that it will be something will force me to remember my faults and maybe reprogram my way of thinking. Who would dare come to a christian forum to brag about something like this, That would be completely disrespectful to the christian belief. No this was not about bragging. This was about, I've spent a year building my name up here. there is nothing to brag about in sin.

 

[Goatee]

Kind of seems like 50% of your post in bragging.

I'm not sure you're real.

Thats very harsh!

I just wanted to add that i have seen Shadowprophet on here for quite some time now and he seems like a very sincere and God loving guy.

 

[Goatee]

Shadowprophet. You surely love God as that is evident on your complete remorse. Temptations are the worst thing in life. I know myself as i suffer from them.

Remember one 'BIG' thing:

JESUS CAME TO FORGIVE SINNERS.

How many times did Jesus say to forgive a sinner:

Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiveness
21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

So, doesn't this show you that God is full of mercy and forgiveness? He wants you to stop sinning but, he knows we are weak and wants us to turn to him, again and again. Not giving up!

I have been to confession so many times over the last year and a half that i should have my name above the door of the confessional!!

The priest told me that the most important thing is to keep returning to God. The devil wants you to turn away from God. He knows we are weak and plays on our weaknesses. It is not easy to say no to those weaknesses. It is extremely hard. It is only recently that i have been able to hold off on my weakness of lust for this other woman that was in my life. I am trying so so hard but it is so difficult as one keeps remembering the lustful times etc etc. When i get a start of that lustful thought in my mind now i immediately try to remove it and say 'Jesus i love you'. Just those few words, over and over again.

I do pray for guidance and help from God. I know you do the same.

Please, don't give up! Yes, you may keep falling but get back up and walk again with God. Life can be like a desert where we trudge through deep sand struggling like mad but remember God is helping us along that path! However hard it is, however lonely we feel in our struggles, God is with us and wants us to turn to him when we sin.

God bless you buddy

 

[Shadowprophet]

Shadowprophet. You surely love God as that is evident on your complete remorse. Temptations are the worst thing in life. I know myself as i suffer from them.

Remember one 'BIG' thing:

JESUS CAME TO FORGIVE SINNERS.

How many times did Jesus say to forgive a sinner:

Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiveness
21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

So, doesn't this show you that God is full of mercy and forgiveness? He wants you to stop sinning but, he knows we are weak and wants us to turn to him, again and again. Not giving up!

I have been to confession so many times over the last year and a half that i should have my name above the door of the confessional!!

The priest told me that the most important thing is to keep returning to God. The devil wants you to turn away from God. He knows we are weak and plays on our weaknesses. It is not easy to say no to those weaknesses. It is extremely hard. It is only recently that i have been able to hold off on my weakness of lust for this other woman that was in my life. I am trying so so hard but it is so difficult as one keeps remembering the lustful times etc etc. When i get a start of that lustful thought in my mind now i immediately try to remove it and say 'Jesus i love you'. Just those few words, over and over again.

I do pray for guidance and help from God. I know you do the same.

Please, don't give up! Yes, you may keep falling but get back up and walk again with God. Life can be like a desert where we trudge through deep sand struggling like mad but remember God is helping us along that path! However hard it is, however lonely we feel in our struggles, God is with us and wants us to turn to him when we sin.

God bless you buddy

Thank you Antletems I knew this thread would ruin me with staff and members alike, But I never sought status. God knows my sins there is no point at all in hiding them, I have always admired the Catholic confession, In the denomination that I was raised into, we never had confession. But something inside me has always told me that to hide sins from the world is to almost deceive others. So, I don't care to ruin my name or my status, I am not about climbing some ladder of status. What truth is there in me climbing some ladder of status if I am covered in sin. My only goal is Gods forgiveness and love, Thank you for being there Antletems.

 

[Goatee]

Thank you Antletems I knew this thread would ruin me with staff and members alike, But I never sought status. God knows my sins there is no point at all in hiding them, I have always admired the Catholic confession, In the denomination that I was raised into, we never had confession. But something inside me has always told me that to hide sins from the world is to almost deceive others. So, I don't care to ruin my name or my status, I am not about climbing some ladder of status. What truth is there in me climbing some ladder of status if I am covered in sin. My only goal is Gods forgiveness and love, Thank you for being there Antletems.

No problem.

Look, i have come clean on here too admitting to my adultery. Not easy to go public with and i know, some places will tear you apart for that! God bless you buddy

 

[Dave-W]

I had a brother and uncles that taught me to believe that a mans worth in this world was how many women he had had. I surpassed all expectation.. I don't even want to get into numbers. It wouldn't matter If I quoted numbers or not. There will always be a mixed company that will scoff in disbelief and others that would say that number doesn't even matter.. But the devil truly is devious, I out of pride was made to count a number and that number now hangs over me to show me what a sinner I am..

Not really. If you have truly repented from that life style, it is no longer hanging over you at all.

Of course there may be emotional and spiritual scars, but God can heal them as well.

To feel condemned now after you have repented is to believe a lie from the devil. His job is "accuser of the bretheren." So he will accuse you to God, to men, to YOU; night and day in order to keep you from becoming what God has for you to be. If he can keep you discouraged and condemned, he will succeed to some measure.

DON'T let him do that.

Get yourself grounded well in the Word (bible) and in the Foundations. I would strongly suggest Derek Prince's "Foundations for Christian Living" book. And a good encouraging christian brother to mentor you.

 

[Goatee]

Not really. If you have truly repented from that life style, it is no longer hanging over you at all.

Of course there may be emotional and spiritual scars, but God can heal them as well.

To feel condemned now after you have repented is to believe a lie from the devil. His job is "accuser of the bretheren." So he will accuse you to God, to men, to YOU; night and day in order to keep you from becoming what God has for you to be. If he can keep you discouraged and condemned, he will succeed to some measure.

DON'T let him do that.

Get yourself grounded well in the Word (bible) and in the Foundations. I would strongly suggest Derek Prince's "Foundations for Christian Living" book. And a good encouraging christian brother to mentor you.

Even truly repenting it can still hang over you. Like you say, the devil is very clever and will try all ways to make you think you are unworthy of Gods Mercy or Love. I know as i have been in that situation myself.

It is a constant struggle. It is indeed a cross to bear. But, it can be beaten with Gods Grace. Persevere in pray and in asking God for His Grace and guidance.

 

[Hikarifuru]

It's okay, Go ahead and forum your opinions. There is no way I can justify my sins, But everyone says pray about it, And overcome it. People think it's so easy to overcome something you were raised to be. No one knows my life and how I was raised in this world.. I am not blaming others for my weaknesses. But I had a brother and uncles that taught me to believe that a mans worth in this world was how many women he had had. I surpassed all expectation.. I don't even want to get into numbers. It wouldn't matter If I quoted numbers or not. There will always be a mixed company that will scoff in disbelief and others that would say that number doesn't even matter.. But the devil truly is devious, I out of pride was made to count a number and that number now hangs over me to show me what a sinner I am.. I don't care if you judge me. I hate myself for being proud, I hate myself for hurting peoples hearts. I hate myself for who I am inside. And people think it's as easy as being Reborn, But I am here to tell you, My weaknesses have not been erased. I am on my third marriage now, and I still desire women. The lust is so strong I have dreams about women that aren't my wife, And so many opportunities present themselves to cheat. And the women, they make it easy..You think I don't hate myself? I am on my third marriage right now, And I lost my first two wives by cheating.. I reach to God and God shows me love, But I still sin. The drive to lust is so strong it's like a drug that takes me over. If you hate me, then I deserve it. Because I hate myself And I have hurt so many hearts. The bible says I deserve the second death and I fear it. I fear the second death. But it's not fair that a drive to sin can be so strong it physically causes me to tingle all over my body. I don't want to Go to hell and I don't want the second Death And I love God. But the life I have lead is not normal, And the number of women is not under three digits and that is being very forgiving of myself.. I Love God so Much, Sometimes I can feel him there, holding my heart, God deserves better then me, But most people will say, pray, and try, And resist sin. I was raised that my value as a human was in the numbers of women I had taken. It was and is part of my very makeup. And I do understand it is sin. How can I be truly happy when I know the sins I commit are worthy of the second death. I hate myself. And others have the right to hate me to.

The idea that desiring to have sex with a woman is equally wrong as burning a human alive and is a good reason to burn a human alive makes absolutely no sense.

I don't care what thought went through your head, it's not the same immoral value as setting a human on fire and burning them in a hell. You need to see a psychologist about the rest of this.

 

[joshua 1 9]

It's okay, Go ahead and forum your opinions. There is no way I can justify my sins, But everyone says pray about it, And overcome it. People think it's so easy to overcome something you were raised to be. No one knows my life and how I was raised in this world.. I am not blaming others for my weaknesses. But I had a brother and uncles that taught me to believe that a mans worth in this world was how many women he had had. I surpassed all expectation.. I don't even want to get into numbers. It wouldn't matter If I quoted numbers or not. There will always be a mixed company that will scoff in disbelief and others that would say that number doesn't even matter.. But the devil truly is devious, I out of pride was made to count a number and that number now hangs over me to show me what a sinner I am.. I don't care if you judge me. I hate myself for being proud, I hate myself for hurting peoples hearts. I hate myself for who I am inside. And people think it's as easy as being Reborn, But I am here to tell you, My weaknesses have not been erased. I am on my third marriage now, and I still desire women. The lust is so strong I have dreams about women that aren't my wife, And so many opportunities present themselves to cheat. And the women, they make it easy..You think I don't hate myself? I am on my third marriage right now, And I lost my first two wives by cheating.. I reach to God and God shows me love, But I still sin. The drive to lust is so strong it's like a drug that takes me over. If you hate me, then I deserve it. Because I hate myself And I have hurt so many hearts. The bible says I deserve the second death and I fear it. I fear the second death. But it's not fair that a drive to sin can be so strong it physically causes me to tingle all over my body. I don't want to Go to hell and I don't want the second Death And I love God. But the life I have lead is not normal, And the number of women is not under three digits and that is being very forgiving of myself.. I Love God so Much, Sometimes I can feel him there, holding my heart, God deserves better then me, But most people will say, pray, and try, And resist sin. I was raised that my value as a human was in the numbers of women I had taken. It was and is part of my very makeup. And I do understand it is sin. How can I be truly happy when I know the sins I commit are worthy of the second death. I hate myself. And others have the right to hate me to.

At night when we go to sleep we can pray the blood of Jesus over our pillow and then God will watch over us when we are sleeping. At least that works for me.

 

[Paradoxum]

Thats very harsh!

Perhaps slightly harsh.

I didn't write it to be offensive, just to say what it looked like I saw.

I just wanted to add that i have seen Shadowprophet on here for quite some time now and he seems like a very sincere and God loving guy.

Perhaps I'm wrong then.

 

[Paradoxum]

I wouldn't come to a christian forum to brag about something like this, I posted this here as a means of penance, I feel that if I cause myself shame, that it will be something will force me to remember my faults and maybe reprogram my way of thinking. Who would dare come to a christian forum to brag about something like this, That would be completely disrespectful to the christian belief. No this was not about bragging. This was about, I've spent a year building my name up here. there is nothing to brag about in sin.

Well if I'm wrong, I'm sorry. The way you phrased some things seemed peculiar.

But I do think some people would 'dare' come here to brag. There are all kinds of people on the internet.

Good luck.