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My Shyness
- Thread starter jX2005
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MetalBlade
Defender of the Faith
- Feb 23, 2003
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Well first off, there is nothing wrong with being shy. Unless it alters you from enjoying your every day life. Just hang out with people, your friends. or go make new friends, hang out with them.
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LiberatedChick
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I've found a book called Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler to be very helpful.
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LiberatedChick
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Shyness and social anxiety can be pretty debilitating. Worrying about what other people think about you, basing your self-esteem on other peoples thoughts about you is not a nice thing to put up with. Feeling unable to say things or do things and looking around and seeing other folks doing the things you long to do with ease....it's like rubbing salt in an open wound.TriptychR said:
However, in a book I've been reading there was one line that struck me
From experience I think this is actually true. So whilst it'd be beneficial to ease an anxiety in social situations being a quiet person isn't necessarily a bad thing.
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The only thing I can say to you is that you don't need to be shy. Being yourself is better than not being yourself outside in the real world. It doesn't matter what others think of you because what matters is that the Lord loves you and doesn't really care how you act...Just if you believe and obey Him.
God Bless!
God Bless!
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LiberatedChick
Contributor
Nobody needs to be shy! Just like nobody needs to be scared of a tiny little spider. Fact of the matter is that some people are scared of spiders. Likewise some people are scared of other people or of making a fool of themselves. The people who are scared of other people can and do have the same reactions as those who are scared of spiders. They'll avoid them when they can and if they do face there fear they may want to turn and run, they make even break out into a sweat and shake. Nobody needs it....it's completely irrational.radeonboy said:
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invisiblebabe
He will restore the years the locust hath eaten
- Feb 12, 2004
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Are you shy, or are you an introvert? There is a significant difference.... shyness is social anxiety or being uncomfortable; introversion is getting your energy from your inner world and finding it more draining to socialize (preferring and/or having a natural inclination to be more reserved). I recommend The Introvert Advantage... I forget who wrote it, but it's definitely a good book 
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Arikereba
Well-Known Member
Baby steps.
For me it's all about making myself step just a little bit out of my comfort zone. Not so much that it's overwhelming, but not so much that I'm just stagnating.
And never being too hard on myself when I fail.
I try to make myself attend coffee hour after church, even if only for five minutes, and any social events that happen to come up...and if I get scared out of there before too long, that's okay too.
If I have to make a phone call, I give myself a set time limit (It's 9:15 now... I have to dial the numbers before 9:30). I breathe deeply. And then, having gotten it over with, I let myself just "chill" for a while.
I agree that you've got to make the distinction between shyness and introversion; I have both. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, but also nothing wrong with wanting to be less shy if it stops you from hanging out with people and making phone calls.
For me it's all about making myself step just a little bit out of my comfort zone. Not so much that it's overwhelming, but not so much that I'm just stagnating.
And never being too hard on myself when I fail.
I try to make myself attend coffee hour after church, even if only for five minutes, and any social events that happen to come up...and if I get scared out of there before too long, that's okay too.
If I have to make a phone call, I give myself a set time limit (It's 9:15 now... I have to dial the numbers before 9:30). I breathe deeply. And then, having gotten it over with, I let myself just "chill" for a while.
I agree that you've got to make the distinction between shyness and introversion; I have both. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, but also nothing wrong with wanting to be less shy if it stops you from hanging out with people and making phone calls.
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I used to be a very shy person. There are two things that I think made a big difference in my life.
1. Joining the Speech and Debate team in high school (because there was a girl I liked on the team).
This forced me to come to terms with speaking in front of large groups of people. I learned all kinds of important speaking skills. Also, the team was filled with a group of very social people who became my friends.
2. Coming to know Christ.
That's right! When I became a Christian, I learned that God made us for relationship and that He want's us to love one another (John 15:17). So, even though I consider myself bad at being social (i.e. I'll be standing there talking to a person and inside my head I'm thinking "Oh no! What do I say now?"), I make an effort to hang out with people. Over time, I've gotten better at it.
1. Joining the Speech and Debate team in high school (because there was a girl I liked on the team).
This forced me to come to terms with speaking in front of large groups of people. I learned all kinds of important speaking skills. Also, the team was filled with a group of very social people who became my friends.
2. Coming to know Christ.
That's right! When I became a Christian, I learned that God made us for relationship and that He want's us to love one another (John 15:17). So, even though I consider myself bad at being social (i.e. I'll be standing there talking to a person and inside my head I'm thinking "Oh no! What do I say now?"), I make an effort to hang out with people. Over time, I've gotten better at it.
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Somemore quick tips. I'm a Junior in High. Just remember to be yourself. I was really shy guy in Jr. High and I wanted and tried to be the person I thought everyone would think would be cool. Well, after a long 3 year campain in 3 different schools, to make a long story short, it back-fired BIG-TIME and I still suffer from it's after effects that prevent me from sharing anything at all and it really stinks. Don't change yourself to get respect from others. Get respect from others by being yourself. DONT FORGET IT!
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I agree with you completely, Springin2action. I had that same problem up through high school. It's only been through the help of my fiancee, fiveinjuly, that I've slowly began coming out of the shell I put myself in. I wish someone would have explained that to me a long time ago.
As for overcoming it, I would suggest taking it a step at a time. For me I had to start with talking to just one or two people at a time. Now that I'm becoming more comfortable with that, I'm beginning to move out into bigger groups. One thing I have learned is that it is a slow process, so be patient and don't give up.
As for overcoming it, I would suggest taking it a step at a time. For me I had to start with talking to just one or two people at a time. Now that I'm becoming more comfortable with that, I'm beginning to move out into bigger groups. One thing I have learned is that it is a slow process, so be patient and don't give up.
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