- Mar 13, 2006
- 1,081
- 244
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Before I pour out my heart about my relationship, let me tell you a few things about myself. First, I am a 28 year old single man. I have been dating a girl (hereto known as "my girlfriend") for a year.
Where do I start.
Ah. Let me start off by saying that I'm writing this in an effort to get some sincere feedback about my relationship.
Here goes:
I met my girlfriend last March while chatting online. When I met her, she seemed so nice, friendly, and like an answer to God's prayers. Earlier that day, I had written a letter to God asking Him to send a mate my way, but that I was finally going to give it over to God. So, the night of that letter, I meet my girlfriend in a christian chatroom. I had resigned myself to "I'll look tonight (as I had done many times before with little success), but if no fish bite, I'm not going to worry about it any longer". So I meet this girl, and we hit it off. She was very kind, considerate, funny, and we seemed to share a lot of interests. Over the next couple weeks, we chatted on instant message through the computer, and then I finally called her.
Once we started talking on the phone, she, unlike many other women that I had spoken with, was interested in meeting. There was one problem. She lived in another state. Granted that it was a neighboring state, the distance from my house to hers was five and a half hours.
In April, I had originally felt that we shouldn't meet until summer, June to be exact. My reasoning was that I couldn't quite grasp her impatient nature of wanting to meet so soon, which was quite uncommon compared to most females I had spoken with. I wanted to make sure that she would still like me for me, and that she was balanced. Yet, one April night, I called her up and asked her out for the following weekend.
One morning in April, I drove halfway between my house and hers to meet her, and we rode together into the metropolitan area in which I live. After a day together, having fun, I drove her back to the half-way location. I kissed her goodnight.
From April to June, we were still in the "dating phase", meaning that I hadn't committed myself to exclusively dating her, though we weren't seeing anyone else. In June, I asked her to be "my girl". Yet, one of the things that has gotten me about me asking her to be my girlfriend, was the nature of the time surrounding it. As early as May, my girlfriend had been asking me when I was going to ask her to be "my girl". I was taken back by this, as it seemed unusual for her to be talking about being her man after only a month, and not letting things naturally progress. In May, she had a "freak out" episode at the end of a good date, in which she all of a sudden started saying, "Why don't you know" (about wanting her to be my girl). This episode lasted over an hour, in which she shed many tears. She apologized and said that it wouldn't happen again.
In June, I asked my girlfriend to be "my girl". Everything seemed to be running smoothly. We were going on short road trips, and my feeling of love for my girlfriend was growing, as I have felt this feeling with a past girlfriend. However, only about a month after I asked her to be my girl, my girlfriend started the "why don't you know if you want to marry me" business. These were similar to the freakout episode in May, but with a different twist on them. Usually the episodes would last about an hour, and they'd come about once every two weeks. Needless to say, these episodes literally killed most of the "love" feeling that I was developing for my girlfriend. It made me begin to feel uneasy and question her emotional well-being. Furthermore, regaining that lost feeling wasn't easy, since our distance only allowed us to see each other every weekend.
From July to September, came very good times and very anxiety-filled times, compliment of the "worry sessions" courtesy of my girlfriend. Certainly, she wasn't making it easy for me to love her like I wanted to, being filled with constant uneasiness and being impatient like anyone I had ever seen. Needless to say, the comments of, "when are you going to see me as someone who wants to marry me," lasted for two or three months until I said that I could see marrying her.
Since October, only six months after meeting my girlfriend, and only four months after asking her to be "my girl", harps of "wanting to get married" have been so frequent that it has prohibited the natural progression of the relationship. She gets frustrated with me, as "I'm not in the same spot as her". I, on the other hand, get frustrated, as I feel like she worries too much, hasn't allowed for the relationship to blossom like it naturally would, and that it has been more forced than anything.
Over the time, though, despite all the hardships, I have developed a real love for my girlfriend, but the relationship has no fire, at least on my side. I do not get butterflies in the stomach, the infatuation, or anything like that, and I haven't had that at all since her freak-out episodes first began to appear, despite her being attractive.
In the relationship, I often feel that I have no freetime, despite the fact that we only see each other on the weekend. At times, she calls me about ten times per night. While I love to talk to her, overkill can occur on anything. There are times that I just want to wind down, and she sometimes gets upset if I request for her to allow me some free time.
I had become understandable about her emotions, and the ways to best keep her happy. I've come to realize that if I don't do things in the ways that she wants me to do it (for example: she wanted me to change my cell phone plan, as well as she wanted me to open a savings account), she'll get upset. I've resorted to lying, saying that I've looked into things, in which I often haven't, as I've viewed her persistence as meddling too much into affairs that only relate to me.
Regarding the idea of marriage, she talks about it constantly, and while I want to get married, given the frequent worry sessions, constant "asking me to do something", impatient nature, etc., I haven't been excited to get married. My girlfriend, I believe, perceives this, and she'll say, "we're not on the same wavelength". I have practically been backed into a corner in which she constantly talks about marriage, "wanting a ring", and asking, "when am I going to get my ring". She sends me ring advertisements, and I've been "forced" to say my hesitantcy in not asking her yet is because I haven't acquired enough money to purchase a ring (partly true, but mostly not). She has practically set a date for when I shall have asked her, but I never really was allowed the opportunity for the relationship to flourish, given the emotional "warfare" since last May. Furthermore, she hasn't been my girl for even a year, and she's ready to get married.
My girlfriend talks about events as "wasting her life". If she sees no relevance or significance, or if she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it, she gets aggravated, believes she is wasting her life with it, etc. Just tonight, she told me that she's going to break up with me if I don't ask her to marry me soon, and even then, the "date" for asking her seems to have moved to the end of March/early April. She said, "Don't be surprised if I don't stick around". Yet, she unabashedly claims that she loves me "so so much".
My girlfriend always seems to make me into the one who is being unfair, and her the victim. Usually, after carefully explaining to her that I have not done anything wrong, or done anything intentional to hurt her feelings, it is still to no avail. I then try to subtly admit some responsibility (as well as admitting her responsibility as well) so as to save face. These times can be very emotionally draining. There are times when she absolutely refuses to get off the phone, of which any answer that I give her is no good. If I hang up, she gets very upset. She starts saying, "You don't want to talk to me". She then gets more noticeably upset, and it further weighs on my body. Sometimes we'll be on the phone and very little is said. However, if I suggest we cool off, or that we not spend the time on the phone at that moment, her feelings get hurt, and she claims that "she doesn't matter". She's kept me up until 1 am in the morning, calling me back, time after time.
Given all of this, what's your take on my situation? What do you think about it? Is this normal? Should I marry her. Should I break up with her? Should we slow down? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Where do I start.
Ah. Let me start off by saying that I'm writing this in an effort to get some sincere feedback about my relationship.
Here goes:
I met my girlfriend last March while chatting online. When I met her, she seemed so nice, friendly, and like an answer to God's prayers. Earlier that day, I had written a letter to God asking Him to send a mate my way, but that I was finally going to give it over to God. So, the night of that letter, I meet my girlfriend in a christian chatroom. I had resigned myself to "I'll look tonight (as I had done many times before with little success), but if no fish bite, I'm not going to worry about it any longer". So I meet this girl, and we hit it off. She was very kind, considerate, funny, and we seemed to share a lot of interests. Over the next couple weeks, we chatted on instant message through the computer, and then I finally called her.
Once we started talking on the phone, she, unlike many other women that I had spoken with, was interested in meeting. There was one problem. She lived in another state. Granted that it was a neighboring state, the distance from my house to hers was five and a half hours.
In April, I had originally felt that we shouldn't meet until summer, June to be exact. My reasoning was that I couldn't quite grasp her impatient nature of wanting to meet so soon, which was quite uncommon compared to most females I had spoken with. I wanted to make sure that she would still like me for me, and that she was balanced. Yet, one April night, I called her up and asked her out for the following weekend.
One morning in April, I drove halfway between my house and hers to meet her, and we rode together into the metropolitan area in which I live. After a day together, having fun, I drove her back to the half-way location. I kissed her goodnight.
From April to June, we were still in the "dating phase", meaning that I hadn't committed myself to exclusively dating her, though we weren't seeing anyone else. In June, I asked her to be "my girl". Yet, one of the things that has gotten me about me asking her to be my girlfriend, was the nature of the time surrounding it. As early as May, my girlfriend had been asking me when I was going to ask her to be "my girl". I was taken back by this, as it seemed unusual for her to be talking about being her man after only a month, and not letting things naturally progress. In May, she had a "freak out" episode at the end of a good date, in which she all of a sudden started saying, "Why don't you know" (about wanting her to be my girl). This episode lasted over an hour, in which she shed many tears. She apologized and said that it wouldn't happen again.
In June, I asked my girlfriend to be "my girl". Everything seemed to be running smoothly. We were going on short road trips, and my feeling of love for my girlfriend was growing, as I have felt this feeling with a past girlfriend. However, only about a month after I asked her to be my girl, my girlfriend started the "why don't you know if you want to marry me" business. These were similar to the freakout episode in May, but with a different twist on them. Usually the episodes would last about an hour, and they'd come about once every two weeks. Needless to say, these episodes literally killed most of the "love" feeling that I was developing for my girlfriend. It made me begin to feel uneasy and question her emotional well-being. Furthermore, regaining that lost feeling wasn't easy, since our distance only allowed us to see each other every weekend.
From July to September, came very good times and very anxiety-filled times, compliment of the "worry sessions" courtesy of my girlfriend. Certainly, she wasn't making it easy for me to love her like I wanted to, being filled with constant uneasiness and being impatient like anyone I had ever seen. Needless to say, the comments of, "when are you going to see me as someone who wants to marry me," lasted for two or three months until I said that I could see marrying her.
Since October, only six months after meeting my girlfriend, and only four months after asking her to be "my girl", harps of "wanting to get married" have been so frequent that it has prohibited the natural progression of the relationship. She gets frustrated with me, as "I'm not in the same spot as her". I, on the other hand, get frustrated, as I feel like she worries too much, hasn't allowed for the relationship to blossom like it naturally would, and that it has been more forced than anything.
Over the time, though, despite all the hardships, I have developed a real love for my girlfriend, but the relationship has no fire, at least on my side. I do not get butterflies in the stomach, the infatuation, or anything like that, and I haven't had that at all since her freak-out episodes first began to appear, despite her being attractive.
In the relationship, I often feel that I have no freetime, despite the fact that we only see each other on the weekend. At times, she calls me about ten times per night. While I love to talk to her, overkill can occur on anything. There are times that I just want to wind down, and she sometimes gets upset if I request for her to allow me some free time.
I had become understandable about her emotions, and the ways to best keep her happy. I've come to realize that if I don't do things in the ways that she wants me to do it (for example: she wanted me to change my cell phone plan, as well as she wanted me to open a savings account), she'll get upset. I've resorted to lying, saying that I've looked into things, in which I often haven't, as I've viewed her persistence as meddling too much into affairs that only relate to me.
Regarding the idea of marriage, she talks about it constantly, and while I want to get married, given the frequent worry sessions, constant "asking me to do something", impatient nature, etc., I haven't been excited to get married. My girlfriend, I believe, perceives this, and she'll say, "we're not on the same wavelength". I have practically been backed into a corner in which she constantly talks about marriage, "wanting a ring", and asking, "when am I going to get my ring". She sends me ring advertisements, and I've been "forced" to say my hesitantcy in not asking her yet is because I haven't acquired enough money to purchase a ring (partly true, but mostly not). She has practically set a date for when I shall have asked her, but I never really was allowed the opportunity for the relationship to flourish, given the emotional "warfare" since last May. Furthermore, she hasn't been my girl for even a year, and she's ready to get married.
My girlfriend talks about events as "wasting her life". If she sees no relevance or significance, or if she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it, she gets aggravated, believes she is wasting her life with it, etc. Just tonight, she told me that she's going to break up with me if I don't ask her to marry me soon, and even then, the "date" for asking her seems to have moved to the end of March/early April. She said, "Don't be surprised if I don't stick around". Yet, she unabashedly claims that she loves me "so so much".
My girlfriend always seems to make me into the one who is being unfair, and her the victim. Usually, after carefully explaining to her that I have not done anything wrong, or done anything intentional to hurt her feelings, it is still to no avail. I then try to subtly admit some responsibility (as well as admitting her responsibility as well) so as to save face. These times can be very emotionally draining. There are times when she absolutely refuses to get off the phone, of which any answer that I give her is no good. If I hang up, she gets very upset. She starts saying, "You don't want to talk to me". She then gets more noticeably upset, and it further weighs on my body. Sometimes we'll be on the phone and very little is said. However, if I suggest we cool off, or that we not spend the time on the phone at that moment, her feelings get hurt, and she claims that "she doesn't matter". She's kept me up until 1 am in the morning, calling me back, time after time.
Given all of this, what's your take on my situation? What do you think about it? Is this normal? Should I marry her. Should I break up with her? Should we slow down? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
