My poor Devon

[Aibrean]

So yesterday when we were at church my fiance told me that his mom doesn't approve of him going to a Lutheran church. Apparently she thinks it's Catholic (she's SDA) though he tried to explain. He himself is very non-confrontational (he doesn't like to get in fights) but both of his sides (mother and father) are Seventh-Day Adventist. He's afraid they are going to disown him I told him that his grandfather is Catholic so it won't be all that bad. I just feel so bad for him. She didn't have any issues when he went to my old church (non-denominational). Also, I think it funny that she should talk when it's been about a year since she went to church.

Hmm...so I told him that I need to talk to his mother about it because it's going to bother me until I do but he wants me to be quiet cause he doesn't want me starting anything.

On a side note - our Easter service was so very good and it was great having most all of my family together there. Our pastors are so passionate when they preach you would think every Sunday was Easter

 

[seajoy]

Sorry this happened Bre. She hasn't been to church in a year.....perhaps she's feeling a bit guilty, and this is her way of showing herself that she's still a "good" Christian (or SDA).

Since your fiance is very non-confrontational, this must really bother him. I don't think there is anything you can "start"....his mom already did. But, He needs to be the one to say something to her. He is a grown up man now. My parents also disowned me a (couple of times, too) they came around evetually, but I don't see them much. He will feel so much better if he does speak up to her. He doesn't have to get mad to do it.

Does Devon like going to the Lutheran church? Is he interested in joining? If the answers are yes...he is of age.... get him going to classes, or at least speaking to a Pastor one on one. The Pastor may have ideas on speaking with mom, too.

God Bless,
seajoy

 

[Aibrean]

That's probably why she said that..though it makes me smile when Devon, the little baby Christian actually stands up to his mother (who went to an SDA school) and tells her when she is wrong on parts of the Bible. What I don't get is the most fundamental beliefs (salvation, baptism, communion) are the same (at least I'm pretty sure from what I've read...I've only been to about 5 SDA services and one was all wacked up...I think you read that post).

He likes going (a lot better than the non-denom one) and he feels comfortable (he's used to a more liturgical service like at the LC here). I think the only time he doesn't feel comfortable is during communion but me and my brother both can't partake cause we weren't baptised (though we are waiting on getting confirmation class information).

He knows that church is very important to me and he knows that I want him to make his own decisions now. I don't pressure him (I used to because I wanted him to be with me so bad but I've realized that doesn't help). I think he just is a worry-wart when it comes to his family being happy with his decisions.

 

[Studeclunker]

Be careful my dear. My eldest daughter married a young man like your Devon. Her Mother-in-law ended up running their marriage. It ended in divorce last year. Her son is a spoiled brat and Rochelle is totally miserable. Her ex is as well because he loves Rochelle still. He just can't stand up to Momma though. Devon must stand up to his mother, and you must support him in this. If she has a fit and they disown him, well, there's the grandfather and your family. How does he fit into your family?

Please forgive my nosiness. I just watched my eldest go through eight years of misery. I'd hate to see anyone else stuck with that.

 

[Aibrean]

Well she's not an overpowering woman...quite the opposite in fact. She doesn't really do a whole lot but sleep and watch TV (and sometimes go to work). She had gastric bypass surgery that had some bad results (she can't get enough protein - of course being a vegetarian doesn't help and has problems keeping things down). Her work put her on medical leave and disability and she just now returned. I think he doesn't want to start anything because he's worried about (and not to be morbid) how much longer she has to live.

I have never seen her get really mad. I'm just trying to get out of him the reason why she doesn't want him going....like I said - it doesn't make sense.

Also, his sister married a Catholic and that didn't cause any problems. They weren't even married in an SDA or Catholic church or by their pastor/priest - it was a local one that the picked because of the "scenery" and they had a woman marry them.

Maybe she wants her son to be the "good" one I don't know.

He is starting to get more opinionated toward her but I think she's taking it as disrespect now.

 

[LilLamb219]

Have you thought about inviting her to attend the service with you?

 

[Jim47]

This requires what I call reverse psyco quotis

In ither words reversing the tables and being sneaky and sly, but in a Christian way

What I would do:
Prepare myself well, with bible, the basic Lutheran confessions, Luthers small catchesism etc.

Then go to her as someone concerned and puzzled why she thinks so lowly of Lutherans. Ask her one by one all things that she holds against them and debunk them one by one with scripture and the confessions. You will likely find out that she has some serious false conceptions of what real Lutherans are. I used this same format to win a debate with my mother and brother who are both quite liveral, worked like a charm But at no time should you like its an argument or that you are trying to pull something. Carefully question and then give even more careful replies from an authorative source, particularly the bible, but also showing how scripture agrees with the Lutheran confessions and creeds.

 

[Flatscan82]

So yesterday when we were at church my fiance told me that his mom doesn't approve of him going to a Lutheran church. Apparently she thinks it's Catholic (she's SDA) though he tried to explain. He himself is very non-confrontational (he doesn't like to get in fights) but both of his sides (mother and father) are Seventh-Day Adventist. He's afraid they are going to disown him I told him that his grandfather is Catholic so it won't be all that bad. I just feel so bad for him. She didn't have any issues when he went to my old church (non-denominational). Also, I think it funny that she should talk when it's been about a year since she went to church.

Hmm...so I told him that I need to talk to his mother about it because it's going to bother me until I do but he wants me to be quiet cause he doesn't want me starting anything.

On a side note - our Easter service was so very good and it was great having most all of my family together there. Our pastors are so passionate when they preach you would think every Sunday was Easter

I'm lutherian, and live in Hawaii.

 

[Flatscan82]

interesting religion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seventh-day_Adventist_Church#Origins_and_early_history

 

[C.F.W. Walther]

interesting religion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seventh-day_Adventist_Church#Origins_and_early_history

Not really----Ellen White is off the wall. You should read some of her weird writings.

 

[Aibrean]

She IS off the wall!!!

This is the scariest part of their beliefs:

• Conditional immortality (fundamental belief 27) - Adventists teach that the wicked will not suffer eternal torment in hell, but instead will be permanently destroyed. See Conditional immortality, Annihilationism.

If they were really Bible believing they would know those to not be true. It's like the want to sugar coat things so they don't feel so bad when unbelievers die.

I was at one "church" (I use church loosely because they didn't even have a pastor and see -->) service that they didn't even read from the Bible...they read from one of White's books. The guy there was telling people about parallel plants to Earth and then one person had a answer to prayer that her boyfriend wanted to have sex with her and she was afraid that he would dump her so she had sex with him and now everything is fine...an ANSWER to prayer?? I did a double take. I can see why Devon's grandfather doesn't go. I felt like I was in the pit of hell. Reminds me of that one wife swap episode with the devout lady that felt physically sick.

 

[synger]

I'm lutherian, and live in Hawaii.

Welcome to TC forum!

 

[KimLCMS]

Hey Aibrean,
I'll be praying for you situation.
God bless!!
Kim

 

[Flatscan82]

Not really----Ellen White is off the wall. You should read some of her weird writings.

I ment interesting as in "interesting"

 

[C.F.W. Walther]

I ment interesting as in "interesting"

Are you Lutheran Charismatic?

 

[QuiltAngel]

Aibrean,
your fiancee agrees with the teaching of the Lutheran Church? If this is the place that he feels that is preaching and teaching the Gospel rightly, he should be there. I would think that in time his mother will come to accpet that this is where he is at.

I had a friend in college days who thought her mother would disown her for changing from RC to LCMS. I told her the same thing. Her mother did not like that she changed, but accepted it and did not disown her.

My own parents were not happy I joined the LCMS, but they have had to accept it.

I tell you these things because this is something that your fiancee's mother will see that he is serious about. It may take her time and she may not agree with it, but she will come to terms with it.

 

[DaRev]

Aibrean,
your fiancee agrees with the teaching of the Lutheran Church? If this is the place that he feels that is preaching and teaching the Gospel rightly, he should be there. I would think that in time his mother will come to accpet that this is where he is at.

I had a friend in college days who thought her mother would disown her for changing from RC to LCMS. I told her the same thing. Her mother did not like that she changed, but accepted it and did not disown her.

My own parents were not happy I joined the LCMS, but they have had to accept it.

I tell you these things because this is something that your fiancee's mother will see that he is serious about. It may take her time and she may not agree with it, but she will come to terms with it.

When I was a teenager I asked my mother one time if I could go to a different church on a Sunday. She told me "just tell me where you want to go and I'll drive you and pick you up afterward." I never did, but I think knowing that it was OK with her was pretty cool. I didn't join the Lutheran Church until a few years after she died.


...which was 16 years ago today, come to think of it.

 

[seajoy]

...which was 16 years ago today, come to think of it.

Sorry Rev.

 

[QuiltAngel]

I am sorry to hear that Rev. We always remember our parents, no matter how long they have been gone from us.

 

[Flatscan82]

Are you Lutheran Charismatic?

no.