- Jan 1, 2006
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Well, as much as I'd like to say that I gave my life to the Lord at a young age and always had the faith I have now, it isn't so. My road to salvation was a difficult one, but thanks to humbling myself before Him I have been granted eternal life in His kingdom. This is how the story goes...
It began about 4 years ago. I hadn't set foot in a church in ages, and my life was summed up by sitting at home, getting high, and getting drunk. I had visited several psychiatrists in my time trying to find answers, mainly in the pursuit of happiness, which is something I wasn't able to find even a fraction of. I was against God, I worried only about pleasing myself, because I thought He had forgotten me. I turned to drugs for a shallow, fleeting sense of false happiness that faded away quickly, and I never had anything because all my money went towards that deadly habit. I snorted pills, I smoked weed constantly, and I got drunk at least once a week.
One Saturday night, stumbling into my house drunk, and really hurting my mothers feelings again, I went and fell on my bed. Even while I was so messed up on the things I turned to for happiness, I was drowning in misery. As I laid there, I thought back on how it was when I was a kid, still in church, being happy simply because I was alive, and never having imagined doing any of the things I'd fallen into. I could imagine my child-self walking up and seeing me now, and I wasn't satisfied. I remembered being in church, how welcoming everyone was and that my reputation wasn't based on being a druggie, but rather a playful child known throughout the community I was raised in. Somewhere in-between those thoughts, I came to a sort of realization - these thoughts weren't of my painful past, or what I was doing wrong, but rather the thought of looking at my life in comparison to how it was as a child and how it was then. I was free, not a care in the world, safe.
While the thought didn't cross my mind then, I know now that it was God's conviction. I was so wrapped up in my lustful, sinful, fleshly desires that I put them before God, and as I moved further away from God, the more I allowed negative things in. For the first time in years that night I began to pray. I asked God to open eyes, to lead me on the right path. I went to sleep.
The next morning I called my best friend who had been at the party with me that night, and told him how I was feeling, and what I had done. He was very supportive, as I knew he would be, we'd both been there for eachother through rough times and I expected no less of him then. We talked for a good hour about it, and I don't exactly remember how, but I remember we started talking about church. To sum that conversation up quickly, we both decided to go that day. We entered the church that we both attend now, and there were nothing but welcoming faces. This was something neither of us were accustomed to in the dark world we lived in, and while it was hard to make that walk to the church, it was very worth it in that moment.
I won't speak the pastors sermon, but the point is, it touched us both. He spoke of people in the church who were tired of living in sin, and they know that they aren't worthy of your glory Lord, but could you please come down to them? We were both already in tears before he could finish the sentence. As I stood to my feet, and he beside me, I felt weightless. Were it not for my feet moving under me I would've thought I was floating to the altar that night. All I had in mind the entire way there was repentence, I realized how far I was from God, and it wasn't Him who turned from me, but I from Him!
And there He was, waiting patiently with open arms to welcome me back home.
I fell to my knees at the altar and accepted Christ into my life, that He would get behind the wheel and steer me into the right direction. I even felt physically what had just happened, it was if I had been carrying a large burden for many years and suddenly it was lifted from my shoulders effortlessly by the mighty hand of God. From that moment, my tears of despair changed to tears of happiness as the church band played, and good Christian people who I had also left behind embraced me, held me, told me they loved me and that if I ever needed anything to only ask. From that moment on, I was free from manic depression. I was free from addictions. I was free from doubt and most importantly I was free of sin, I had been washed clean by the cleansing blood and I rose as a born-again Christian, who's name has been recorded in the Book of Life.
There have been temptations, and a few that I have fallen to since, but the important thing now is I feel the guilt weighing on my soul, the conviction of God when I do wrong, and I seek repentence not four years later, but in that moment. I walk more in the Spirit now than I ever have, and very often is the time I have to crucify my flesh, pick up my cross and follow Him, so that His will be done instead of my own, whether I understand it at that time or not. I can't imagine being seperated from Him ever again, and I know that I never will be again, because when you ask God into your heart and are born-again, He's there to stay for you. I've learned so much every single day that I've walked with my newfound faith, and every day I give God the glory He deserves. Nothing short of the power of God could have freed me from the bondage Satan had me in for so long, and I am thankful!
Lord God I thank you and lift Your name on high, I give you glory, and I commit myself to your will.
I hope this message has been helpful to someone here.
It began about 4 years ago. I hadn't set foot in a church in ages, and my life was summed up by sitting at home, getting high, and getting drunk. I had visited several psychiatrists in my time trying to find answers, mainly in the pursuit of happiness, which is something I wasn't able to find even a fraction of. I was against God, I worried only about pleasing myself, because I thought He had forgotten me. I turned to drugs for a shallow, fleeting sense of false happiness that faded away quickly, and I never had anything because all my money went towards that deadly habit. I snorted pills, I smoked weed constantly, and I got drunk at least once a week.
One Saturday night, stumbling into my house drunk, and really hurting my mothers feelings again, I went and fell on my bed. Even while I was so messed up on the things I turned to for happiness, I was drowning in misery. As I laid there, I thought back on how it was when I was a kid, still in church, being happy simply because I was alive, and never having imagined doing any of the things I'd fallen into. I could imagine my child-self walking up and seeing me now, and I wasn't satisfied. I remembered being in church, how welcoming everyone was and that my reputation wasn't based on being a druggie, but rather a playful child known throughout the community I was raised in. Somewhere in-between those thoughts, I came to a sort of realization - these thoughts weren't of my painful past, or what I was doing wrong, but rather the thought of looking at my life in comparison to how it was as a child and how it was then. I was free, not a care in the world, safe.
While the thought didn't cross my mind then, I know now that it was God's conviction. I was so wrapped up in my lustful, sinful, fleshly desires that I put them before God, and as I moved further away from God, the more I allowed negative things in. For the first time in years that night I began to pray. I asked God to open eyes, to lead me on the right path. I went to sleep.
The next morning I called my best friend who had been at the party with me that night, and told him how I was feeling, and what I had done. He was very supportive, as I knew he would be, we'd both been there for eachother through rough times and I expected no less of him then. We talked for a good hour about it, and I don't exactly remember how, but I remember we started talking about church. To sum that conversation up quickly, we both decided to go that day. We entered the church that we both attend now, and there were nothing but welcoming faces. This was something neither of us were accustomed to in the dark world we lived in, and while it was hard to make that walk to the church, it was very worth it in that moment.
I won't speak the pastors sermon, but the point is, it touched us both. He spoke of people in the church who were tired of living in sin, and they know that they aren't worthy of your glory Lord, but could you please come down to them? We were both already in tears before he could finish the sentence. As I stood to my feet, and he beside me, I felt weightless. Were it not for my feet moving under me I would've thought I was floating to the altar that night. All I had in mind the entire way there was repentence, I realized how far I was from God, and it wasn't Him who turned from me, but I from Him!
And there He was, waiting patiently with open arms to welcome me back home.
I fell to my knees at the altar and accepted Christ into my life, that He would get behind the wheel and steer me into the right direction. I even felt physically what had just happened, it was if I had been carrying a large burden for many years and suddenly it was lifted from my shoulders effortlessly by the mighty hand of God. From that moment, my tears of despair changed to tears of happiness as the church band played, and good Christian people who I had also left behind embraced me, held me, told me they loved me and that if I ever needed anything to only ask. From that moment on, I was free from manic depression. I was free from addictions. I was free from doubt and most importantly I was free of sin, I had been washed clean by the cleansing blood and I rose as a born-again Christian, who's name has been recorded in the Book of Life.
There have been temptations, and a few that I have fallen to since, but the important thing now is I feel the guilt weighing on my soul, the conviction of God when I do wrong, and I seek repentence not four years later, but in that moment. I walk more in the Spirit now than I ever have, and very often is the time I have to crucify my flesh, pick up my cross and follow Him, so that His will be done instead of my own, whether I understand it at that time or not. I can't imagine being seperated from Him ever again, and I know that I never will be again, because when you ask God into your heart and are born-again, He's there to stay for you. I've learned so much every single day that I've walked with my newfound faith, and every day I give God the glory He deserves. Nothing short of the power of God could have freed me from the bondage Satan had me in for so long, and I am thankful!
Lord God I thank you and lift Your name on high, I give you glory, and I commit myself to your will.
I hope this message has been helpful to someone here.
