my personal struggle

[Debi1967]

Somehow tonight I felt the need to finally write into words the many struggles my mind has actually gone through. Since being diagnosed with BPD, things have made much more sense to me. Reactions, behaviours ect. However still dealing with the thought that I have BPD, along with some other disorders has now at times increased my stress.

I guess in a way I was very fortunate that I have a very loving husband that was very tolerant and that stood by me through times when I was quite unpredictable. I think I have been blessed in that way. I also caught my BPD at a time when although it was bad and my personality quite fractured, I am still one identity.

I have been on two meds already for the pyschosis of it and although the first one worked beautifully, I was quie allergic to it. This second one has side effects to it that are harder to adjust to. However, they are not bad enough for me to be taken off the med.

This drug also does not act with the same effectiveness as the previous one did. I still have moments of pyschosis and fractures in my dreams. I am tired all the time because my sleep pattern is all out of whack now too.

I have had to remove myself from almost everything I love to do because otherwise my brain cannot handle the overload made to it anymore and thus I cannot function properly which then triggers behaviours that are uncommon and out of character for me normally.

Unfortunately I guess I was this way for so long undiagnosed that people now come to expect it from me so when I have a normal reaction to something they think I am automatically going overboard. I guess I hoping that somehow along the way I can repair some of the previous damage done, whether it was intended or not.

RR

 

[madison1101]

I have never had psychosis with my BPD, so I am unable to relate to that. I am on Risperdal for racing thoughts, but I have never broken from reality.

BPD is a label given to a set of behaviors and thinking patterns that are learned in an attempt to cope with childhood chaos. In that they are learned, they can be unlearned. There is nothing organic involved with it, unless there is comorbid depression, which meds can help.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[cypher000]

RR - It sounds from your writing that perhaps you've been recently diagnosed with BPD. If so, I too was diagnosed late in life - at age 47. I was amazed when I read the 9 traits since they absolutely defined me - something I had been searching for all my life. I could never figure out who I was as I was always changing from moment to moment. You are right about the dx, it is both a relief and a curse... I too have psychosis, though not severe enough to warrant medication - my longest break from reality has been for about an hour, but most of the time it lasts for only a few minutes. I take medication for depression and mood, plus I take something to help me get to sleep.

There are currently proponents in the medical field who are trying to get BPD moved form an Axis II disorder to a Axis I disorder because of its biological influence. New studies point strongly toward genetics and heredity along with child abuse and/or neglect as the etiological factors. There is also a motion to at least add the term ERD (Emotional Regulation Disorder) to the DSM, because of the confusing connotations BPD presents. They have already changed the name in the UK. With these changes I believe we will experience much less stigma, like Bi-polar...

Regarding recovery - I don't know, in my opinion, the later in life the more difficult to change patterns; personally I plan to be sick for the rest of my life. I just thank the Lord for learning to be who I am and accepting my limitations. I really don't think of myself as bound by the illness, but rather I feel free from society and all the rules of the world. I truly can and do live for the Lord since I don't have to participate in the world to make a living or prove myself to anyone... I am truly free...

Hang in there Robin - May the Lord Jesus bless you continuously...

 

[madison1101]

RR - It sounds from your writing that perhaps you've been recently diagnosed with BPD. If so, I too was diagnosed late in life - at age 47. I was amazed when I read the 9 traits since they absolutely defined me - something I had been searching for all my life. I could never figure out who I was as I was always changing from moment to moment. You are right about the dx, it is both a relief and a curse... I too have psychosis, though not severe enough to warrant medication - my longest break from reality has been for about an hour, but most of the time it lasts for only a few minutes. I take medication for depression and mood, plus I take something to help me get to sleep.

There are currently proponents in the medical field who are trying to get BPD moved form an Axis II disorder to a Axis I disorder because of its biological influence. New studies point strongly toward genetics and heredity along with child abuse and/or neglect as the etiological factors. There is also a motion to at least add the term ERD (Emotional Regulation Disorder) to the DSM, because of the confusing connotations BPD presents. They have already changed the name in the UK. With these changes I believe we will experience much less stigma, like Bi-polar...

Regarding recovery - I don't know, in my opinion, the later in life the more difficult to change patterns; personally I plan to be sick for the rest of my life. I just thank the Lord for learning to be who I am and accepting my limitations. I really don't think of myself as bound by the illness, but rather I feel free from society and all the rules of the world. I truly can and do live for the Lord since I don't have to participate in the world to make a living or prove myself to anyone... I am truly free...

Hang in there Robin - May the Lord Jesus bless you continuously...

Can you give me some sources that discuss the biological component of BPD? All of my research in grad school did not mention a biological or genetic component to BPD, just learned patterns.

Thanks,
Trish

 

[Debi1967]

Causes

As with other mental disorders, the causes of borderline personality disorder are complex. The name arose because of theories in the 1940s and 1950s that the disorder was on the border between neurosis and psychosis. But that view doesn't reflect current thinking. In fact, some advocacy groups have pressed for changing the name, such as calling it emotional regulation disorder.

Meanwhile, the cause of BPD remains under investigation, and there's no known way to prevent it. Possible causes include:

* Genetics. Some studies of twins and families suggest that personality disorders may be inherited.
* Environmental factors. Many people with borderline personality disorder have a history of childhood abuse, neglect and separation from caregivers or loved ones.
* Brain abnormalities. Some research shows changes in certain areas of the brain involved in emotion regulation, impulsivity and aggression. In addition, certain brain chemicals that help regulate mood, such as serotonin, may not function properly.



Most likely, a combination of these issues results in borderline personality disorder.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442/DSECTION=3

 

[Debi1967]

What Causes BPD?

We are only beginning to understand the causes of BPD. As in most mental disorders, no single factor explains its development. Rather, multiple risk factors, which can be biological, psychological, or social, play a role in its etiology.

The biological factors in BPD probably consist of inborn temperamental abnormalities. Impulsivity and emotional instability are unusually intense in these patients, and these traits are known to be heritable. Similar characteristics can also be found in the close relatives of patients with BPD. Research suggests that the impulsivity that characterizes borderline personality might be associated with decreased serotonin activity in the brain.

The psychological factors in this illness vary a great deal. Some borderline patients describe highly traumatic experiences in their childhood, such as physical or sexual abuse. Others describe severe emotional neglect. Many borderline patients have parents with impulsive or depressive personality traits. However, some patients report a fairly normal childhood. Most likely, any of these scenarios is possible. Borderline pathology can arise from many different pathways.

The social factors in BPD reflect many of the problems of modern society. We live in a fragmented world, in which extended families and communities no longer provide the support they once did. In contemporary urban society, children have more difficulty meeting their needs for attachment and identity. Those who are vulnerable to BPD may have a particularly strong need for an environment providing consistent expectations and emotional security.

Most likely, BPD develops when all these risk factors are present. Children who are at risk by virtue of their temperament can still grow up perfectly normally if provided with a supportive environment. However, when the family and community cannot meet the special needs of children at risk, they may develop serious impulsivity and emotional instability.

http://www.healthieryou.com/j81.html

 

[Akathist]

This area of CF is for helping people cope with issues, not to debate or discuss sociological or psychological aspects of a mental health issue.

Here is the proper forum for that kind of discussion:
http://www.christianforums.com/f215-social-sciences.html.

 

[madison1101]

This area of CF is for helping people cope with issues, not to debate or discuss sociological or psychological aspects of a mental health issue.

Here is the proper forum for that kind of discussion:
http://www.christianforums.com/f215-social-sciences.html.

Mod:

It may be that Ragged Rose was answering a question I asked about the biological component of BPD, as I have not read much on that, and I asked for more info on it. Sorry.

 

[Debi1967]

RR - It sounds from your writing that perhaps you've been recently diagnosed with BPD. If so, I too was diagnosed late in life - at age 47. I was amazed when I read the 9 traits since they absolutely defined me - something I had been searching for all my life. I could never figure out who I was as I was always changing from moment to moment. You are right about the dx, it is both a relief and a curse... I too have psychosis, though not severe enough to warrant medication - my longest break from reality has been for about an hour, but most of the time it lasts for only a few minutes. I take medication for depression and mood, plus I take something to help me get to sleep.

There are currently proponents in the medical field who are trying to get BPD moved form an Axis II disorder to a Axis I disorder because of its biological influence. New studies point strongly toward genetics and heredity along with child abuse and/or neglect as the etiological factors. There is also a motion to at least add the term ERD (Emotional Regulation Disorder) to the DSM, because of the confusing connotations BPD presents. They have already changed the name in the UK. With these changes I believe we will experience much less stigma, like Bi-polar...

Regarding recovery - I don't know, in my opinion, the later in life the more difficult to change patterns; personally I plan to be sick for the rest of my life. I just thank the Lord for learning to be who I am and accepting my limitations. I really don't think of myself as bound by the illness, but rather I feel free from society and all the rules of the world. I truly can and do live for the Lord since I don't have to participate in the world to make a living or prove myself to anyone... I am truly free...

Hang in there Robin - May the Lord Jesus bless you continuously...

Thank you for your response. It is most appreciated.

I think the reason why I am finding that it is a relief and a curse right now is because of the intensive therapy I now know that I will have to go through to repair all of my fractures. This isn't like my BiPolar and just some counseling and getting me regulated on meds anymore.

Now I have to work with a Behavioural Therapist. I have a Psychiatrist that I see on a regular basis along with my therapist. Before I was able to get my meds from my regular physician, now I have to go to my therapist and psychiatrist to get the specialized meds I need. And because they have not been able to regulate my meds as of yet there is little work they have been able to do with my Behavioural Therapist. So I feel like I have been stalled.

It also means going through all the aspects of my life which some of them I do not wish to revisit. However wanting and needing to do something to be able to get well are two different things. I guess it is just the amount of time that will be involved.

In order to bring all of my fracures of personality back into focus, I will have to go through years of therapy. Or so I am told. I do feel fortunate in that I have a therapist I trust this time and a psychiatrist I trust as well.

God also works in mysterious ways because when I started this journey, I had a different therapist. He however took another job making more money somewhere else and I was reassigned to my current therapist. It was hard because I trusted him, and the timing of it was worse. He told me about his new job as soon as I got home from my uncle's funeral back in August. I then put off going to the new therapist as long as I could.

However I have found that this therapist is much better suited to me and my needs. He pushes me further at times, and actually gives me things to actively work on. He gives me goals. Nothing that he knows I cannot achieve but goals that are achievable. he includes my husband when need be on my sessions so as to make my sessions more comfortable for me. Yet at the same time he does not make excuses for my behaviour and he always finds ways to help work things out for myself.

I suffer from more than just BPD, so he has to guide me through many things.

I think the psychosis part of this disorder has been the hardest part to deal with. There is this higher part of my brain that still knows that the things I hear and see and sometimes feel are not real, and yet they still frighten me, as if they are very real. The inability to control myself at times, is frightening. I can fracture and then do or say something so totally out of character for me and I immediately realize what I have just done, but it was so impulsive that to control the impulse I could not have done.

I have to be careful especially in public, to think before I say or do anything, and to think it completely through because I cannot trust my instincts to just know. With the meds it becomes easier, but some of these behaviours are now learned and they have to be unlearned. IOWs they are instinctive reactions to situations or they are my mind's way of coping. So I have to learn different ways of coping now.

So for now I have had to virtually isolate myself to some extent, I have felt until such time that I can even trust myself anymore.

So Yes putting a name to what is wrong with me and knowing that with medication and behavioural therapy I can undo most of it helps but for now I still live in terror of myself.

RR

 

[rushingwind62]

Thank you for your response. It is most appreciated.

I think the reason why I am finding that it is a relief and a curse right now is because of the intensive therapy I now know that I will have to go through to repair all of my fractures. This isn't like my BiPolar and just some counseling and getting me regulated on meds anymore.

Now I have to work with a Behavioural Therapist. I have a Psychiatrist that I see on a regular basis along with my therapist. Before I was able to get my meds from my regular physician, now I have to go to my therapist and psychiatrist to get the specialized meds I need. And because they have not been able to regulate my meds as of yet there is little work they have been able to do with my Behavioural Therapist. So I feel like I have been stalled.

It also means going through all the aspects of my life which some of them I do not wish to revisit. However wanting and needing to do something to be able to get well are two different things. I guess it is just the amount of time that will be involved.

In order to bring all of my fracures of personality back into focus, I will have to go through years of therapy. Or so I am told. I do feel fortunate in that I have a therapist I trust this time and a psychiatrist I trust as well.

God also works in mysterious ways because when I started this journey, I had a different therapist. He however took another job making more money somewhere else and I was reassigned to my current therapist. It was hard because I trusted him, and the timing of it was worse. He told me about his new job as soon as I got home from my uncle's funeral back in August. I then put off going to the new therapist as long as I could.

However I have found that this therapist is much better suited to me and my needs. He pushes me further at times, and actually gives me things to actively work on. He gives me goals. Nothing that he knows I cannot achieve but goals that are achievable. he includes my husband when need be on my sessions so as to make my sessions more comfortable for me. Yet at the same time he does not make excuses for my behaviour and he always finds ways to help work things out for myself.

I suffer from more than just BPD, so he has to guide me through many things.

I think the psychosis part of this disorder has been the hardest part to deal with. There is this higher part of my brain that still knows that the things I hear and see and sometimes feel are not real, and yet they still frighten me, as if they are very real. The inability to control myself at times, is frightening. I can fracture and then do or say something so totally out of character for me and I immediately realize what I have just done, but it was so impulsive that to control the impulse I could not have done.

I have to be careful especially in public, to think before I say or do anything, and to think it completely through because I cannot trust my instincts to just know. With the meds it becomes easier, but some of these behaviours are now elarned and they have to be unlearned. IOWs they are instinctive reactions to situations or they are my mind's way of coping. So I have to learn different ways of coping now.

So for now I have had to virtually isolate myself to some extent, I have felt until such time that I can even trust myself anymore.

So Yes putting a name to what is wrong with me and knowing that with medication and behavioural therapy I can undo most of it helps but for now I still live in terror of myself.

RR

Sweetheart,
there is no reason to be afraid or live in terror anymore. Now you have a name to put to it and more importantly you have the supprot structure in place. Not only do you have the therapist and the physchatrist, you also have me and our family. And as I said when we married I AM here in sickness and in health. WE will get through this no matter how long it takes. I love you now and always........your loving husband

 

[madison1101]

Thank you for your response. It is most appreciated.

I think the reason why I am finding that it is a relief and a curse right now is because of the intensive therapy I now know that I will have to go through to repair all of my fractures. This isn't like my BiPolar and just some counseling and getting me regulated on meds anymore.

Now I have to work with a Behavioural Therapist. I have a Psychiatrist that I see on a regular basis along with my therapist. Before I was able to get my meds from my regular physician, now I have to go to my therapist and psychiatrist to get the specialized meds I need. And because they have not been able to regulate my meds as of yet there is little work they have been able to do with my Behavioural Therapist. So I feel like I have been stalled.

It also means going through all the aspects of my life which some of them I do not wish to revisit. However wanting and needing to do something to be able to get well are two different things. I guess it is just the amount of time that will be involved.

In order to bring all of my fracures of personality back into focus, I will have to go through years of therapy. Or so I am told. I do feel fortunate in that I have a therapist I trust this time and a psychiatrist I trust as well.

God also works in mysterious ways because when I started this journey, I had a different therapist. He however took another job making more money somewhere else and I was reassigned to my current therapist. It was hard because I trusted him, and the timing of it was worse. He told me about his new job as soon as I got home from my uncle's funeral back in August. I then put off going to the new therapist as long as I could.

However I have found that this therapist is much better suited to me and my needs. He pushes me further at times, and actually gives me things to actively work on. He gives me goals. Nothing that he knows I cannot achieve but goals that are achievable. he includes my husband when need be on my sessions so as to make my sessions more comfortable for me. Yet at the same time he does not make excuses for my behaviour and he always finds ways to help work things out for myself.

I suffer from more than just BPD, so he has to guide me through many things.

I think the psychosis part of this disorder has been the hardest part to deal with. There is this higher part of my brain that still knows that the things I hear and see and sometimes feel are not real, and yet they still frighten me, as if they are very real. The inability to control myself at times, is frightening. I can fracture and then do or say something so totally out of character for me and I immediately realize what I have just done, but it was so impulsive that to control the impulse I could not have done.

I have to be careful especially in public, to think before I say or do anything, and to think it completely through because I cannot trust my instincts to just know. With the meds it becomes easier, but some of these behaviours are now learned and they have to be unlearned. IOWs they are instinctive reactions to situations or they are my mind's way of coping. So I have to learn different ways of coping now.

So for now I have had to virtually isolate myself to some extent, I have felt until such time that I can even trust myself anymore.

So Yes putting a name to what is wrong with me and knowing that with medication and behavioural therapy I can undo most of it helps but for now I still live in terror of myself.

RR

I understand the need for a good therapist who pushes, and knows what I am capable of. I have been working with the same therapist for years now, and when he moved out of my local area, I had to decide to change therapists or drive a pretty long distance to keep working with him. My fear of abandonment forced me to stay with him and I have continued to stay with him, even though I am so much better now. My thinking has been, it is working now, so I am not going to mess things up and change therapists now.

I have made huge strides in changing my behavior because of his therapy and my desire to get better. We work well together, and I am so grateful that God has allowed me to experience therapy with him.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[cypher000]

RR - First of all, it is so very clear that you are extremely intelligent and highly aware of yourself. Along with the trust you have developed in your therapist and psychiatrist and your obvious whole hearted faith in Christ Jesus you have made all the right choices. It will not be easy, even with the support you have from your family and any close friends you might have. Also realize that none of us with BPD have BPD by itself. My list includes: Dysthymia, Chronic Clinical Depression Recurrent with Psychosis, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder and BPD. I currently take 3 medications including Cymbalta, Topamax and Remeron (the generic version) Mirtazapine. I have been suicidal since age 10 and my last attempt was one year ago which landed me in the ICU followed by a stay in the Psych ward. There will be ups and there will be downs during therapy, but you don't have to let it get that far down... I was completely alone, without any support from anyone. My family abandoned me because they were ashamed of me. But this is not about me. I am here to give you words of encouragement as in the last year I have made incredible progress. I tell you the truth with Jesus at my side and in my heart that I am happier now than I have ever been in my entire life. This is my point and this is the word of encouragement I have for you... I have been in therapy for 2 years now... In the words of Neil Young, "It is love that heals." And God loves you! And he loves me... Over the last year it has been my Father's love more than anything else that has brought me peace. Of course the therapy has helped too and the medication is completely necessary - I will take it for the rest of my life and will also be in therapy until my last day as well... God does not want us to live in misery, but rather He wants us to experience a full life, a free life and it does await you just as it has been awaiting me... I am so glad you don't have to do this alone...

Tom

 

[madison1101]

RR - First of all, it is so very clear that you are extremely intelligent and highly aware of yourself. Along with the trust you have developed in your therapist and psychiatrist and your obvious whole hearted faith in Christ Jesus you have made all the right choices. It will not be easy, even with the support you have from your family and any close friends you might have. Also realize that none of us with BPD have BPD by itself. My list includes: Dysthymia, Chronic Clinical Depression Recurrent with Psychosis, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder and BPD. I currently take 3 medications including Cymbalta, Topamax and Remeron (the generic version) Mirtazapine. I have been suicidal since age 10 and my last attempt was one year ago which landed me in the ICU followed by a stay in the Psych ward. There will be ups and there will be downs during therapy, but you don't have to let it get that far down... I was completely alone, without any support from anyone. My family abandoned me because they were ashamed of me. But this is not about me. I am here to give you words of encouragement as in the last year I have made incredible progress. I tell you the truth with Jesus at my side and in my heart that I am happier now than I have ever been in my entire life. This is my point and this is the word of encouragement I have for you... I have been in therapy for 2 years now... In the words of Neil Young, "It is love that heals." And God loves you! And he loves me... Over the last year it has been my Father's love more than anything else that has brought me peace. Of course the therapy has helped too and the medication is completely necessary - I will take it for the rest of my life and will also be in therapy until my last day as well... God does not want us to live in misery, but rather He wants us to experience a full life, a free life and it does await you just as it has been awaiting me... I am so glad you don't have to do this alone...

Tom

My diagnoses used to be

Axis I: Eating Disorder (Not Otherwise Specified)
Axis II: Borderline Personality Disorder.

That was it. No other psychiatric diagnoses.

Now I am

Axis II: Personality Disorder (Not Otherwise Specified)

It is possible to have just BPD, and no other diagnosis. Usually there is comorbid depression, or eating disorder, or addictions with BPD, if there are no other diagnoses.

 

[ExtremeDays]

I have never had psychosis with my BPD, so I am unable to relate to that. I am on Risperdal for racing thoughts, but I have never broken from reality.

BPD is a label given to a set of behaviors and thinking patterns that are learned in an attempt to cope with childhood chaos. In that they are learned, they can be unlearned. There is nothing organic involved with it, unless there is comorbid depression, which meds can help.

Hugs,
Trish

What exactly are racing thoughts? I wonder how this is different from ADD and not being able to focus for very long.I always found I could organize my thoughts better through writing (and making lists). I think my writing comes across better, if someone were to read inside my brain they'd be confused , my mind tends to wander back and forth (and back again).

So this is why I ask, I wonder if it was racing thoughts,ADD or just part of another personality disorder.

If this isn't an appropriate question here, if someone could PM me, with the description of it or what exactly this is like, I'd appreciate it.

 

[Debi1967]

What exactly are racing thoughts? I wonder how this is different from ADD and not being able to focus for very long.I always found I could organize my thoughts better through writing (and making lists). I think my writing comes across better, if someone were to read inside my brain they'd be confused , my mind tends to wander back and forth (and back again).

So this is why I ask, I wonder if it was racing thoughts,ADD or just part of another personality disorder.

If this isn't an appropriate question here, if someone could PM me, with the description of it or what exactly this is like, I'd appreciate it.

It is not just with ADD that your brain can race with thoughts like that. I know as I am also BiPolar as well. Most BiPolars will experience that feeling in their minds of racing thoughts as well. Usually during Mania. However, even in the depressive stages these racing thoughts can plague some BiPolars.

It often is not just a matter of racing thoughts but thoughts of utter confusion. If you couple those thoughts with that are racing and confused, with BPD then it is sortof like a trainwreck. Most people do not understand that those racing thought pattrns because they are so confused are a form of psychosis in and of themselves although minor and usually not needing antipsychosis meds.

However, sometimes, in dramatic cases say like myself, I should have been on the meds long before I was ever diagnosed a BPD because I am a rapid cycler with my BiPolar which also makes for a very violite situation. I have tried to commit suicide 5 times, and in my confused states of thinking done things that are abstract and abnormal. Even a BiPolar can move into Psychotic events.

Someone that has BPD, as all my online research has shown me, and I most certainly can be wrong, usually has other neurosis as well as BPD. Even with BPD, as my research is showing, there are several factors that need be present in order to make such a diagnosis and that must be determined by a licensed therapist and psychiatrist. It is not something that one can determine for themselves that they are because of the criteria. Also the criteria mirror other criterium of othr disorders in such a way that there is little differences that need a licensed professional to make this determination.

Some people here have had that done through a liceensed professional others have self diagnosed themselves. Even if you are a professional in the field of therapy ( psychoanalyst) then it is still wise and prudent to have another therapist make this determination for you.

RaggedRobin

 

[madison1101]

What exactly are racing thoughts? I wonder how this is different from ADD and not being able to focus for very long.I always found I could organize my thoughts better through writing (and making lists). I think my writing comes across better, if someone were to read inside my brain they'd be confused , my mind tends to wander back and forth (and back again).

So this is why I ask, I wonder if it was racing thoughts,ADD or just part of another personality disorder.

If this isn't an appropriate question here, if someone could PM me, with the description of it or what exactly this is like, I'd appreciate it.

I have never officially been diagnosed with ADD, though my therapist suspects I have it. He has to do some tests to officially diagnose me with it.

Racing thoughts, for me, are my mind is just not able to stop thinking about things, usually things that increase my level of anxiety. When they race, they jump from one thing to the other, and just keep going on and on without stopping.

One weekend, I travelled to visit my son in college, and I forgot to take my medications with me. I could not stop the racing thoughts all night, and just could not sleep because of it. The risperdal shuts my brain off so I can sleep.

I hope this makes sense.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[ExtremeDays]

I have never officially been diagnosed with ADD, though my therapist suspects I have it. He has to do some tests to officially diagnose me with it.

Racing thoughts, for me, are my mind is just not able to stop thinking about things, usually things that increase my level of anxiety. When they race, they jump from one thing to the other, and just keep going on and on without stopping.

One weekend, I travelled to visit my son in college, and I forgot to take my medications with me. I could not stop the racing thoughts all night, and just could not sleep because of it. The risperdal shuts my brain off so I can sleep.

I hope this makes sense.

Hugs,
Trish

Thanks Trish,
that answers my question. Sometimes I wonder if I have ADD.My thoughts don't interfere with sleep.However, I'm often late and I think a similar thing is involved.My mind is distracted and/or I try to do too many things in the same time frame.
Thanks again for the info