My Overwhelming Self-Hatred

[ThyTotodile]

Hello. I don't know whether or not to tell you my name or not, as I am not important at all. But well, since I see you are a man of God, I figured perhaps you could help me. Let's get one thing straight, I am a pentecostal, and have been to church all my life, however, I have grown to despise myself and my existance. All my life, I have been taught to do one thing: to hate myself. My mom thinks I hate her, because, she thinks I am a "freak", probably because I'm a 16 year old nerdy loser. People in school despise me for my talents (god bless of course) and my drive to become a lawyer. I've been bullied all my life and have been taught that the dust around me is worth more than my soul. But let me tell you something. NOBODY. Not you. Not mom. Not those people in school who are traitors. Maybe not even satan, could ever dream of hating me, more than I hate myself. And now, all I could ever think of was that my soul is corrupted by vengeance, and hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey, in your salvation, and my eternal slumber. All I could think of is to make the world a better place, to fulfill my fate as scapegoat, to fulfill my destiny as an abomination that God created by some accident, and to fulfill the purpose of my existance of sorrow. I must offer my "silent sacrifice". I feel like I deserve the Fire and Brimstone. I feel like I deserve drowning in the Sea of Fire. I feel like I deserve to be put in my place as a failed experiment, as an abomination. Look, if you don't respond, just know that, it's fine. I am an abomination. You would just waste your time praying for a lost cause. Where there are so many others that need your help, and God's help. After all my existence is a crime. And the swift arrow of justice is aiming towards my head. But if you do respond. Well. I will try to survive. But...I don't know how much time I have left.

 

[HRoseC]

The truth is we are all adnominations not a single one of us deserve to be alive. It make look like everyone else has it together but they don't. Some our just better at pretending then others. It takes Jesus in order to redeem us back to him. The bible is full of God using broken people. He has a purpose for you and your life and made you for a reason. Your life is meaningful.

 

[cujones]

you know our lives are much like any sports game .. As someone on the opposing team you always wanna go for the best player , the most talented , the most driven . The enemy has been attacking you all your life because of the call on your life . Wouldn't you wanna take out the biggest threat?


Side note... Someone once told me the people who resist or struggle the most usually have the greatest callings on there life and are meant to be very successful in this life and rich in the kingdom. I'll be praying for you. For strength, restoration, and that you'll begin to see yourself through Gods eyes. I mean just think you are his creation, he's soooo proud of you of his piece of artwork, YOU!

Wouldn't it suck if our arts and crafts could talk back to us and then have them tell us how terrible of a job we did on them?

Hold tight to your faith. You have an enternity of time ahead of you. Your name is written on the palm of His hands and even right now He is preparing a special place for you in His kingdom.

And you just asked God to speak to you ... Your final cry to him asking for help. Well he sent me. What the heck am I doing on here?? all the random forums and I click on yours . Faith, Hope & Love. 1 Cor. 13:13 is my favorite verse. How cliche? I know right. But because of His Love for me I can put my faith in him. And because of my faith I have hope. He loves you, and because he loves you. I love you. There's power in prayer and I'm praying for your breakthrough.

 

[GraceNationMIniss]

Does it even matter what people on this earth think of you? God has wonderfully and fearfully created you for a wonderful purpose and LOVES you. His love is immeasurable and don't let anyone tell you any differently! Times seem tough I know, but Look at biblical examples, look what happened to joseph when he was actually hated by everyone in his FAMILY! God used joseph to do amazing things. God can work in any situation, even yours!

 

[farout]

Hello. I don't know whether or not to tell you my name or not, as I am not important at all. But well, since I see you are a man of God, I figured perhaps you could help me. Let's get one thing straight, I am a pentecostal, and have been to church all my life, however, I have grown to despise myself and my existance. All my life, I have been taught to do one thing: to hate myself. My mom thinks I hate her, because, she thinks I am a "freak", probably because I'm a 16 year old nerdy loser. People in school despise me for my talents (god bless of course) and my drive to become a lawyer. I've been bullied all my life and have been taught that the dust around me is worth more than my soul. But let me tell you something. NOBODY. Not you. Not mom. Not those people in school who are traitors. Maybe not even satan, could ever dream of hating me, more than I hate myself. And now, all I could ever think of was that my soul is corrupted by vengeance, and hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey, in your salvation, and my eternal slumber. All I could think of is to make the world a better place, to fulfill my fate as scapegoat, to fulfill my destiny as an abomination that God created by some accident, and to fulfill the purpose of my existance of sorrow. I must offer my "silent sacrifice". I feel like I deserve the Fire and Brimstone. I feel like I deserve drowning in the Sea of Fire. I feel like I deserve to be put in my place as a failed experiment, as an abomination. Look, if you don't respond, just know that, it's fine. I am an abomination. You would just waste your time praying for a lost cause. Where there are so many others that need your help, and God's help. After all my existence is a crime. And the swift arrow of justice is aiming towards my head. But if you do respond. Well. I will try to survive. But...I don't know how much time I have left.

STOP!! I don't know who you have been listening to but you have been fed a terrible bunch of lies! I plead for you to please stop thinking that you are unworthy of anything but the LOVE OF GOD! God does love you! John 3:16 Jesus has died for your sins. No matter what a person has done Gods love out does any sin or how we think. Please you must believe that you have and are being attacked by demons and they are wanting you to end your life! Don't give the evil one even a second thought. Please, I beg you to call a pastor or someone in a ministry that is Bible based. I am a retired Baptist pastor, oh how I wish I could talk with you. God can forgive ANYTHING, and I mean anything, up to the second we die. Pleased young man you need help do not listen to your mother, you are have no reason to hate yourself, God does not hate you! I do not hate you.

God loves you and me so much that He sent His one and only Son to pay the price for our sins, every single sin we ever did and every sin we will do! I have five grandsons two of them are very close to your age. I tell then I love them all the time. I can honestly say in Jesus Christ I love you! Son you are so badly beaten up inside, you need too ask Jesus to please save you, as He can change your life. My adequacy does not come from my wife and not within my self, my competency comes from knowing the Jesus is with me every ware I go. He will never leave or forsake me or you, if you ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. I sure hope you have a Bible, Please go to 1 john and read these five short chapters. If you want to be a lawyer now is the time to put everyone who has been cruel on the stand. Ask then where they got Gods permission to destroy your self image? Ask them if they have lied to you? Then ask them are they prepared to suffer for their lies and the pain they have caused you? Now ask then, and remind them they are under oath to tell the truth, why they have lied to you. I will be the Judge here in your case, ok. I find them all, the kids at school, your mom and everyone else who has been so heartless to suffer your silence and they are not anything you shall ever pay attention to their negativity again.

Oh young man most all of us have suffered at some point with believing some bad things someone else has said about us. I did as I hated sports, I did not go to dances and I was picky about the girls I liked. Yes kids at achool treated me bad too. My church was everything to me back then. I hope you go to a church that perhaps you can talk to your pastor about these things you wrote. Please don't think about ending your life, God does not want that, he loves you and wants you to be close to him. I deeply hope something I have said might help you rethink how you see your self. I will respond if you post back I am praying for you as I post this right now.

 

[GraceNationMIniss]

AMEN!!!

 

[farout]

AMEN!!!

Nice well organized site. I just glanced at it, but later in the day I will give it a deeper look. I believe you are a great young man on a lifetime journey with the Master, Jesus Christ.

 

[GraceNationMIniss]

Thank you so much, thats encouragment. I really needed right now!