My Nan

[soaring as eagles]

Hi,

I lost my nan 3 years ago and still i keep getting horrible flashbacks of the time when she was in hospital, the day before she died.
Even though she was my nan she was very special as she brought me up and was more of a mother to me than my mum was and is. I did everything for her because mum could not be bothered and treat her terribly to the point that she wanted to die because she could stand it no longer. We were there for each other.

When she died I didnt grieve i was strong for everyone else. mum was in floods of tears but i think that was guilt. I still not have properly dealt with it.

I mentioned it to my therapist and he just said you dont have to feel guilty- i dont.
You dont have to cry to grieve.
I wish i could cry. its the only way i know.

I got no one else to talk to as my dad is ill and my mum doesnt care.

Any advice

 

[xBladesx]

I know how you feal, my Gran also died when I was still a teenager.

Your therapist is correct when he says you don't have to feal guilty. You did the best for your nan and I'm sure she's very proud of you and honoured to have raised you.

However as far as grieving is concerned you need to grieve which ever way suites you best, even if it is crying. You are not showing weakness by grieving for someone who means the world to you.
Whatever you do don't keep it inside. Guaranteed if you don't deal with your grief by grieving it will eventually resurface some years down the line.

I know you miss her, I miss mine too. But once you've dealt with your grief the best thing you can do for her is to live your life to the fullest in a way that will make her happy.

Please feal free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

 

[Wildwood]

I think Satan tries to make us feel false guilt to torment us. Maybe that is why you keep remembering when she was dying. Ask God to show you if you did anything wrong--take a hard look--and, if you did, ask God to forgive you and give you peace. If not, then find God's peace in knowing that. Then, when you are reminded of the terrible times in the hospital, choose to think about happy memories of her. I'm praying for you.

 

[soaring as eagles]

I know i did nothing wrong. I was there for her unlike my mum. She's been feeling guilty but with me and Nan it was like a mum and daughter relationship. I suppose thats why i miss her so much. She was my rock as there was no one else. She was the only grandparent i had.

I have looked into going down to see where she is to try to put a closure on this.

Thanks

 

[MarieJo]

Was it your first encounter with death? At some time in our life we are faced with the fact that we are mortal. When we are young, we are carefree and death seems such a long way away, but when we loose someone close to us, we not only feel desperately sad, but we also come face to face that one day, it will happen to us.
Death is so final or so it seems, this is why sometimes we feel guilty about silly things that would not have mattered should the dead person still be alive.
Grieving can also be selfish, we focus too much on ourself, instead of being happy for the person, who has lived a good life and is now resting with the Lord. Try to focus on the good things that have happened between you and your grandmother. Select a day, go for a long walk, and pretend you are spending a day with her, just as you used to, talk to her, about your future plans, involve her still in your life. It is a very thin wall that separate us from our dead loved ones, and Jesus is the opening, the connection. Your nan is still alive in the Lord, still cares about you and is probably in a better position to help you. Try to be glad for her, and live your life in a way that is a great tribute for her. When it is her birthday, you could do something for a charity or give a donation in her name .(a present to her). You will be in my prayers and I would send you a blessing, only I don't know how to do it yet!