My marriage needs Gods’s intervention

[Caleb Anonymous]

Hello all, my first post. If it should be in a different place, pleases let me know.

my marriage seems to be falling apart. My wife had a terrible childhood, a mother that was both mentally, verbally, and physically abusive, and had mental issues herself. She had a step dad that sexually abused her and her siblings, and made them do tons of nasty things. She struggled her whole life with what she calls a sex addiction. We were together for about a year before we got married, and went through a time similar to the current one where she talked to several other men, and eventually, cheated on me. There were a lot of lies, manipulation,hiding phone and changing passcode, parrying and drinking a lot at clubs, a lot of physical abuse towards me, not to mention the mass amount of words that were said. Enough about the bad for a minute. When we met, she was trying to live for God, and was doing a great job, raising kids in church, trying to live by the word to the best of her ability, etc. she has a great gift from God, gift of discernment, and ability to sense and know things most people don’t catch. She has a heart, and loves to give, when she is living for the Lord.
But somehow, she gets into a dark spot, and all this fades away. No more Christian music, no more Christian TV shows. No more honesty, no more openness, no more faithfulness, running away from home, etc.

We got married in July, and it’s now October. We’ve been in a dark spot for over a month. Through these times, I am thankful that I have became closer to the lord, playing guitar for the worship team at church, was baptized, reading my bible and watching sermons more, felt the Holy Ghost a couple of times, lots of great things. The best feeling I’ve ever felt. Now I say this not to say that I am holier than thou, because lord knows when I get angry, I don’t always say or do the right thing, I still have my struggles, but I am happy about the person I have become through this situation and for what God has shown me.

so, early in September, I found she had been talking with a guy from her job, and keeping it hidden from me. I confronted the situation, and it blew up in my face. She doesn’t do well with confrontation, but then again, who does when they have a problem and know they are doing wrong? So I spoke with my Pastor about the issue, and he advised me on the spirit of Jezebel, and the Spirit of the Python. After reading these, especially Jezebel, it exhibits the EXACT behaviors, and when I try to call it out, it blows up on me even more. This continued on where she would lie and say she was shopping or staying at work, and she would be at the bar with him, while I picked up kids from school, came home with them, did homework, cooked dinner, got them in bed, dishes, laundry, etc. (4 kids are hers, 1 is mine, I still call them all mine and they call me dad). Even days where we got along, (we both work full time), she would come home from work, go straight to the bed, lay there and play on her phone, ask me to cook dinner, and basically wait on her hand and foot. I’m tired both mentally and physically. It’s exhausting. She is very inconsistent with parenting, and everything else. I believe there are spiritual attacks going on, and I also believe she needs some professional help. Bipolar? Depression? Both? Idk, but I strongly believe there is something there that needs attention, but she believes that she will be this way for the rest of her life, threatens to leave and get a divorce all the time, and several other things. I don’t want this, I don’t want her to leave. I want our marriage to succeed and thrive. I am trying to show her Gods word, but she doesn’t want it. Monday, she called me to go to lunch, and poured her heart out to me, said she told him they couldn’t talk anymore, deleted all the secret apps, and was really honest with me, and told me what lead her up to this moment, and said I was 1 in a million for being so loving and forgiving and so forth. We had a great couple of days and we’re starting to get very close, then by Wednesday, I found out she had been talking to him again. She lied, and tried to cover it up, and eventually admitted it, and her excuse is comparing her self to a drug addict, saying you can’t just make yourself stop all at once, it takes time, and says that I just want her to be something she can’t be, that I want her to change on my terms, not hers. I’ve tried explaining to her there not ours terms, they are Gods. And there is no term, wrong is wrong, I mean, what kind of person am I if I watch her do these things, don’t say anything to her, allow them to happen, and just pretend like it’s ok? My approach is easy going, but firm. Loving, but firm. I love you, but I know about these things, and they have to stop. Then she blows up on me. Last night she slapped me in the face, reported my phone stolen, told the kids she was going to find a new place for them to live, etc. this was all out of anger, so prolly didn’t mean it, but still hurts none the less. We eventually calmed down, but still haven’t gotten to talk a lot about issues. I fee lost. I don’t feel loved, appreciated, cared for, etc. I know God hates divorce, and allows it for only one reason, but also calls us to go through trials, valleys, and storms sometimes to learn things and grow. I know that he will lead me to something great as long as I keep my faith, and I want more than anything for my wife to get help and to be a better person for herself, for our marriage, and for our kids. However, I struggle sometimes to hear what God wants me to do. Does he want me to get out of this marriage? Stand by my wife through good and bad? (I’m trying to live up to my promises, but it’s hard when I’m the only one doing that) How can I get my wife help?

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hello all, my first post. If it should be in a different place, pleases let me know.

my marriage seems to be falling apart. My wife had a terrible childhood, a mother that was both mentally, verbally, and physically abusive, and had mental issues herself. She had a step dad that sexually abused her and her siblings, and made them do tons of nasty things. She struggled her whole life with what she calls a sex addiction. We were together for about a year before we got married, and went through a time similar to the current one where she talked to several other men, and eventually, cheated on me. There were a lot of lies, manipulation,hiding phone and changing passcode, parrying and drinking a lot at clubs, a lot of physical abuse towards me, not to mention the mass amount of words that were said. Enough about the bad for a minute. When we met, she was trying to live for God, and was doing a great job, raising kids in church, trying to live by the word to the best of her ability, etc. she has a great gift from God, gift of discernment, and ability to sense and know things most people don’t catch. She has a heart, and loves to give, when she is living for the Lord.
But somehow, she gets into a dark spot, and all this fades away. No more Christian music, no more Christian TV shows. No more honesty, no more openness, no more faithfulness, running away from home, etc.

We got married in July, and it’s now October. We’ve been in a dark spot for over a month. Through these times, I am thankful that I have became closer to the lord, playing guitar for the worship team at church, was baptized, reading my bible and watching sermons more, felt the Holy Ghost a couple of times, lots of great things. The best feeling I’ve ever felt. Now I say this not to say that I am holier than thou, because lord knows when I get angry, I don’t always say or do the right thing, I still have my struggles, but I am happy about the person I have become through this situation and for what God has shown me.

so, early in September, I found she had been talking with a guy from her job, and keeping it hidden from me. I confronted the situation, and it blew up in my face. She doesn’t do well with confrontation, but then again, who does when they have a problem and know they are doing wrong? So I spoke with my Pastor about the issue, and he advised me on the spirit of Jezebel, and the Spirit of the Python. After reading these, especially Jezebel, it exhibits the EXACT behaviors, and when I try to call it out, it blows up on me even more. This continued on where she would lie and say she was shopping or staying at work, and she would be at the bar with him, while I picked up kids from school, came home with them, did homework, cooked dinner, got them in bed, dishes, laundry, etc. (4 kids are hers, 1 is mine, I still call them all mine and they call me dad). Even days where we got along, (we both work full time), she would come home from work, go straight to the bed, lay there and play on her phone, ask me to cook dinner, and basically wait on her hand and foot. I’m tired both mentally and physically. It’s exhausting. She is very inconsistent with parenting, and everything else. I believe there are spiritual attacks going on, and I also believe she needs some professional help. Bipolar? Depression? Both? Idk, but I strongly believe there is something there that needs attention, but she believes that she will be this way for the rest of her life, threatens to leave and get a divorce all the time, and several other things. I don’t want this, I don’t want her to leave. I want our marriage to succeed and thrive. I am trying to show her Gods word, but she doesn’t want it. Monday, she called me to go to lunch, and poured her heart out to me, said she told him they couldn’t talk anymore, deleted all the secret apps, and was really honest with me, and told me what lead her up to this moment, and said I was 1 in a million for being so loving and forgiving and so forth. We had a great couple of days and we’re starting to get very close, then by Wednesday, I found out she had been talking to him again. She lied, and tried to cover it up, and eventually admitted it, and her excuse is comparing her self to a drug addict, saying you can’t just make yourself stop all at once, it takes time, and says that I just want her to be something she can’t be, that I want her to change on my terms, not hers. I’ve tried explaining to her there not ours terms, they are Gods. And there is no term, wrong is wrong, I mean, what kind of person am I if I watch her do these things, don’t say anything to her, allow them to happen, and just pretend like it’s ok? My approach is easy going, but firm. Loving, but firm. I love you, but I know about these things, and they have to stop. Then she blows up on me. Last night she slapped me in the face, reported my phone stolen, told the kids she was going to find a new place for them to live, etc. this was all out of anger, so prolly didn’t mean it, but still hurts none the less. We eventually calmed down, but still haven’t gotten to talk a lot about issues. I fee lost. I don’t feel loved, appreciated, cared for, etc. I know God hates divorce, and allows it for only one reason, but also calls us to go through trials, valleys, and storms sometimes to learn things and grow. I know that he will lead me to something great as long as I keep my faith, and I want more than anything for my wife to get help and to be a better person for herself, for our marriage, and for our kids. However, I struggle sometimes to hear what God wants me to do. Does he want me to get out of this marriage? Stand by my wife through good and bad? (I’m trying to live up to my promises, but it’s hard when I’m the only one doing that) How can I get my wife help?

I highly recommend Joyce Meyer. She suffered much as your wife did. Of course, no two situations are identical. In some ways, her life was more difficult. She is utterly transformed and completely free. She was set free by the power of God and by accepting and living in the truth. A lot of people lump Joyce Meyer in with some false teachers. That is rubbish. She is the real deal and your wife will be greatly blessed if she follows Joyce Meyer's advice.

 

[anna ~ grace]

I would strongly suggested that your wife be willing to sit down with a counselor / therapist and begin to talk through some of the awful things she went through as a child. I would not be surprised if this was playing a role.

 

[com7fy8]

Joyce says what worked for her included forgiving her father who repeatedly raped her, and forgive her mom who did nothing...out of fear of having a scandal. And she says God told her to take good care of both her parents, when they were getting disabled with age. Her father got saved!!! and then admitted how he had done wrong. There is more, but forgiving helped a lot, I understand Joyce to be saying. It gives her power so the evil can not have her, I think she is saying. She even has said, that because of all she has gained with God, through all that horrible past, she would not have her past any other way > this is what I think I have heard her actually say.

Keep doing what you find that God has you do. Example works.

 

[ajcarey]

This won't be popular with the feminists: You don't have to take this and you shouldn't. You can be pro-active, get out of the house, and refuse to come back until she submits to God, submits to you, and puts her sin away with works meet for repentance. Or if its your house you can make her leave until she does the same. Her childhood is no excuse for what she is doing- and long as she thinks it is she is going to continue like this. If she won't repent and never comes back then the divorce is her fault and you showed the tough love that needed to be shown to draw her to repentance. It is not love to show unlimited patience, not put your foot down when she has demonstrated such a pattern, and to let her control and manipulate you. If she won't come back on God's terms she has left as an unbeliever and the guilt of the divorce is on her.

1 Corinthians 7:15-16: "15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?"

 

[ajcarey]

And warn her that the next time she assaults you the police will be called and she will be arrested for battery. These Jezebel women need to held accountable for the hypocritical double standard they hold men to. Women who commit battery ought to be arrested and punished just like a man would. It is not love to let her get away with this; doing so just sends the message that she is above the law, that she isn't accountable for her actions, and that she doesn't need to repent and do what is right before God and man.

 

[Caleb Anonymous]

This won't be popular with the feminists: You don't have to take this and you shouldn't. You can be pro-active, get out of the house, and refuse to come back until she submits to God, submits to you, and puts her sin away with works meet for repentance. Or if its your house you can make her leave until she does the same. Her childhood is no excuse for what she is doing- and long as she thinks it is she is going to continue like this. If she won't repent and never comes back then the divorce is her fault and you showed the tough love that needed to be shown to draw her to repentance. It is not love to show unlimited patience, not put your foot down when she has demonstrated such a pattern, and to let her control and manipulate you. If she won't come back on God's terms she has left as an unbeliever and the guilt of the divorce is on her.

1 Corinthians 7:15-16: "15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?"

I don’t necessarily disagree with you. She has nothing, maybe go live with her sister. The house is mine, I had before the marriage. She brought some clothes with her and kids and that was it. I have thought about doing exactly what you said. It’s just so hard to see her go, and I’m scared for what she does if I’m not there. But then again I’m scared even while she is here. And then in verse 17 you have

“Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

 

[Caleb Anonymous]

I highly recommend Joyce Meyer. She suffered much as your wife did. Of course, no two situations are identical. In some ways, her life was more difficult. She is utterly transformed and completely free. She was set free by the power of God and by accepting and living in the truth. A lot of people lump Joyce Meyer in with some false teachers. That is rubbish. She is the real deal and your wife will be greatly blessed if she follows Joyce Meyer's advice.

I never knew Joyce Meyer had a story like this, I just read over it a bit. Definitely great food for though. Thank you for sharing!

 

[Caleb Anonymous]

I would strongly suggested that your wife be willing to sit down with a counselor / therapist and begin to talk through some of the awful things she went through as a child. I would not be surprised if this was playing a role.

I completely agree. The crazy thing is, she was going to school to be a counselor for a while, and is extremely intelligent. I think she would have been great at it. But when I mention counseling, she mocks it and says they can’t help her. Then again, anybody in a situation like hers always mocks help, and thinks they are stuck. It’s almost like she is too comfortable in her sin and misery that she’s afraid to let it go? Idk, I can’t speak for that because I haven’t been there.

 

[Caleb Anonymous]

And warn her that the next time she assaults you the police will be called and she will be arrested for battery. These Jezebel women need to held accountable for the hypocritical double standard they hold men to. Women who commit battery ought to be arrested and punished just like a man would. It is not love to let her get away with this; doing so just sends the message that she is above the law, that she isn't accountable for her actions, and that she doesn't need to repent and do what is right before God and man.

you know, I almost did call. Told her I was going to. She said she would try to turn it around on me and make them think I hurt her. I stopped myself, not because I was worried about what she said, but because we are fighting for custody of my son, and I feared with a felony domestic abuse, not only would I lose my son, but possibly loose her kids too. I told her this, she said maybe her kids were better off with me, maybe they were better off without her. I agree with you, but I also have the voice that says that punishment and vengeance belong to God, and to leave these in his hands.

 

[ajcarey]

I don’t necessarily disagree with you. She has nothing, maybe go live with her sister. The house is mine, I had before the marriage. She brought some clothes with her and kids and that was it. I have thought about doing exactly what you said. It’s just so hard to see her go, and I’m scared for what she does if I’m not there. But then again I’m scared even while she is here. And then in verse 17 you have

“Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

It's worth it to bear the difficulty of seeing her go; and that is the only chance you have of getting her back for good on God's terms. Doing right is often difficult which is why we need to deny ourselves and to take up our cross if we are going to be Jesus' disciples who follow Him and inherit eternal life. If she has nothing and no one else then then that should help even more to drive her to repentance. It was the want that the Prodigal Son found himself in that caused him to return to his father's house. It is important that you let her go. This is the same basic principle of church ex-communication on the home and family level.

1 Corinthians 7:17 is factoring in us following God's directions and ways. If you can't have your wife with her not being a destructive and corrupting influence on your home, then God's distribution to you is to separate from her and see if she won't come back broken and genuinely sorry. If she does, then you've got your wife back and you should be keep her gladly. If she yet hardens and leaves for good, then the divorce is on her and you are not under bondage to her. You can't keep her now as she is without destructive consequences, not only for yourself, but for her and the children, especially your own biological child whom you surely have an obligation to protect from her bad influence.

 

[ajcarey]

you know, I almost did call. Told her I was going to. She said she would try to turn it around on me and make them think I hurt her. I stopped myself, not because I was worried about what she said, but because we are fighting for custody of my son, and I feared with a felony domestic abuse, not only would I lose my son, but possibly loose her kids too. I told her this, she said maybe her kids were better off with me, maybe they were better off without her. I agree with you, but I also have the voice that says that punishment and vengeance belong to God, and to leave these in his hands.

Punishment and vengeance do belong to God; and He has delegated punishment for criminal behavior to the Governing powers of the State. Just read the closing verses of Romans 12 and go into Romans 13, remembering in the original letter there were no chapter breaks. You are not personally avenging yourself in a carnal, sinful way when you hold someone accountable for criminal behavior and contact law enforcement to deal with them for it; you are actually doing right, protecting the innocent, and doing your part in upholding law and order which ultimately benefits everyone. If I were you I'd only converse with her in a designated area where somehow all your interaction was on camera or I'd insist that she allow you to take a cell phone video of your interaction with her. Depending on what state you are in you may be able to record her without her permission, but even if you are in a state which requires two way consent you can still insist she consent or you will not interact with her in person. This woman is dangerous in her current state and she could really harm you in just about any way if you don't get tough, put your foot down, and stop enabling her evil behavior. Praying for you. Trust God to give you strength and wisdom as you resolve to represent and uphold Truth in your home and family.

Edit: I see you're in Houston. Here is a link about the legal requirements for recording phone and in-person conversations in Texas: Can I Record a Conversation Without the Other Party's Consent in Texas?

 

[Lifasi]

i saw your post , you might fing out useful information at GOD'S WORD let me know if it helps!
lifasi

 

[Sy89ian]

Seek respect for yourself and do not let love blind your self-respect. Marriage takes a lot of work and whether forgiving the person no matter how big the mistakes they did is something subjective. You can choose to be in a relationship and forgive the person for what they have done, but if you choose to do this, you must do it at peace. Watch this and you may get some ideas