Well I hope that I'm posting thisin the right place.
This is my story and I hope that it will inspire someone that is also in my steps.
Well.
Let's start when I'm younger.
I started early taking interest in musik, I loved to lpay guitar, Keyboard and the drums.
I started a band with few guys from my school when I was 14
All was realy nice.. We playd in school dances and stuff like that.
Then at some point I got into rather bad companionship. I started drinking and failing classes. I didn't realy care thou.
Me and my band started playing more and more heavy music and at the age off 16 I had realeased my first album.
Things were realy not bad... I was popular and the good cute girls all wanted me becouse I was a bad ass....
But then I did the think I'm going to regret my whole life.
I dragged my childhood best friend intoo the scheme.
Things were always getting heavyer and heavyer me and my band moved from Hardcore to Grindcore... even realesing another album with Diabolical Song lyrics. But then it was all going downwards...
I started using drugs at the age 19 and my best friend also.
I finallygot a big tour around europe and also few stops in the U.S.A but in that tour I sunk realy realy realy deep and didn't notice how low my best friend had sunken..
Not only was he drinking like a maniac and taking drug... but he was deeply depressed.
at the age 20 I released another album.... but then my mother got realy sick. The litle concience I had told me to stop now.... To tend to my mother, But I couldnt hear it.
My mom got worse and worse And finally when she had to be taken to the hospitals ER I finally snapped out off it.... I saw what I had done to her and my family. I told my band mates that I had to take some time from the band. I needed to work on my family...
A year later my mom was better. And I had quit the Drugs!!
I had started school again
I had meet a realy nice Christian girl (Whos now my gf)
Things realy looked great!!
But it wasn't untill I went to meet my best friend again....
I went to his place and found him there in the floor.
He had overdozed on Heroin (A drug that I always staid away from).
I called the ambulance and they managed to save him.
Later I managed to get him intoo rehab but He failed it.
He also skipped his pshycic interviews becouse off his deepresion
I had an argument with him where he said the words I'll never forgett....And I almost cry everynight over.
"This is all your fault.... Look what you've done to me"
I got so furious off anger that I left him there and told him to rott in his [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]hole.
...............................
I left him there crying...
I went home.... And thought this over again and again and again....
And I decided that I should go to his place the morning after and say that I was sorry and he was right... and tell him that I wanted to help him.....
The morning after I woke upp by the doorbell..
There were my mom and my dad??? But they live in another town ? 2 hour drive?
I walked them in... And they told me that they needed to tell me somthing..
I walked them to my living room.... And my mom started to cry.....
I knew right away that someone had died....But who was it??
Then my dad sayd.... Gunnar.... I'm sorry to tell you but your Best friend he died last night.... He commited suicide.....
I lost it..... I didn't belive it.... I went crazy and my dad held me in his arms..... And my mom stood up to give me a hug thou she could bearly walk herself...
I didn't eat or sleep for a days.... Our last conversation ran through my head over and over again.....I should have done things differently... I should have gone theyre that night....
The day befor his funeral.. His parents gave me his last note...
(man it was so hard to face them)
I got intoo a quite place and read the note..
It was almost all for me 8 pages...
I read it all, it was realy hard.
But in the letter he said that he didn't blame me.... That he has forgiven me and that it was always his choice so stay with me.
And most off the letter he just had random thoughts about some good times in our childhood (They made me smile a bit)
After the funeral the priest came walking to me and told me that he wanted to a talk with me.
He spoke to me a bit and then just alouved me to express myself.... And whow it was realy nice He re-introduced me to God.
I meet him 3 times a week to talk and it did realy realy help me,
Now I'm a new man.
And I'm couping with life.. Thou I do everyday see some reminder off my dearest friend in the world.
Now I pray for my friend every night... And hope that god will alouve him to enter heaven, he was realy tortured soul and I hope that he feeles better now.
So I would be thankfull if you guys would give my friend a litle prayr, thou what he did is a sin, he saw no other way.
I would like to end this with a litle song lyric from the band Iced Earth, Becouse I feel that this song does realy describe my feelings.
Watching Over Me
I had a friend many years ago
One tragic night he died
The saddest time of my life
For weeks and weeks I cried
Through the anger and through the tears
I've felt his spirit through the years
I'd swear, He's watching me
Guiding me through hard times
I feel it once again
It's overwhelming me
His spirit's like the wind
The angel guarding me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
We shared dreams like all best friends
Blood brothers at the age of ten
We lived reckless, he paid the price
But why? Why did he have to die?
It still hurts me to this day
Am I selfish for feeling this way?
I know he's an angel now
Together we'll be someday
I feel it once again
It's overwhelming me
His spirit's like the wind
The angel guarding me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
P.s
If this does look rather unorginized and ratherconfusing I'm sorry... Lot off emotions are in the play... I had to take few pauses while I was writing this.
This is my story and I hope that it will inspire someone that is also in my steps.
Well.
Let's start when I'm younger.
I started early taking interest in musik, I loved to lpay guitar, Keyboard and the drums.
I started a band with few guys from my school when I was 14
All was realy nice.. We playd in school dances and stuff like that. Then at some point I got into rather bad companionship. I started drinking and failing classes. I didn't realy care thou.
Me and my band started playing more and more heavy music and at the age off 16 I had realeased my first album.
Things were realy not bad... I was popular and the good cute girls all wanted me becouse I was a bad ass....
But then I did the think I'm going to regret my whole life.
I dragged my childhood best friend intoo the scheme.
Things were always getting heavyer and heavyer me and my band moved from Hardcore to Grindcore... even realesing another album with Diabolical Song lyrics. But then it was all going downwards...
I started using drugs at the age 19 and my best friend also.
I finallygot a big tour around europe and also few stops in the U.S.A but in that tour I sunk realy realy realy deep and didn't notice how low my best friend had sunken..
Not only was he drinking like a maniac and taking drug... but he was deeply depressed.
at the age 20 I released another album.... but then my mother got realy sick. The litle concience I had told me to stop now.... To tend to my mother, But I couldnt hear it.
My mom got worse and worse
And finally when she had to be taken to the hospitals ER I finally snapped out off it.... I saw what I had done to her and my family. I told my band mates that I had to take some time from the band. I needed to work on my family... A year later my mom was better. And I had quit the Drugs!!
I had started school again
I had meet a realy nice Christian girl (Whos now my gf)
Things realy looked great!!
But it wasn't untill I went to meet my best friend again....
I went to his place and found him there in the floor.
He had overdozed on Heroin (A drug that I always staid away from).
I called the ambulance and they managed to save him.
Later I managed to get him intoo rehab but He failed it.
He also skipped his pshycic interviews becouse off his deepresion
I had an argument with him where he said the words I'll never forgett....And I almost cry everynight over.
"This is all your fault.... Look what you've done to me"
I got so furious off anger that I left him there and told him to rott in his [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]hole.
...............................
I left him there crying...
I went home.... And thought this over again and again and again....
And I decided that I should go to his place the morning after and say that I was sorry and he was right... and tell him that I wanted to help him.....
The morning after I woke upp by the doorbell..
There were my mom and my dad??? But they live in another town ? 2 hour drive?
I walked them in... And they told me that they needed to tell me somthing..
I walked them to my living room.... And my mom started to cry.....
I knew right away that someone had died....But who was it??
Then my dad sayd.... Gunnar.... I'm sorry to tell you but your Best friend he died last night.... He commited suicide.....
I lost it..... I didn't belive it.... I went crazy and my dad held me in his arms..... And my mom stood up to give me a hug thou she could bearly walk herself...
I didn't eat or sleep for a days.... Our last conversation ran through my head over and over again.....I should have done things differently... I should have gone theyre that night....
The day befor his funeral.. His parents gave me his last note...
(man it was so hard to face them)
I got intoo a quite place and read the note..
It was almost all for me 8 pages...
I read it all, it was realy hard.
But in the letter he said that he didn't blame me.... That he has forgiven me and that it was always his choice so stay with me.
And most off the letter he just had random thoughts about some good times in our childhood (They made me smile a bit
)After the funeral the priest came walking to me and told me that he wanted to a talk with me.
He spoke to me a bit and then just alouved me to express myself.... And whow it was realy nice
He re-introduced me to God. I meet him 3 times a week to talk and it did realy realy help me,
Now I'm a new man.
And I'm couping with life.. Thou I do everyday see some reminder off my dearest friend in the world.
Now I pray for my friend every night... And hope that god will alouve him to enter heaven, he was realy tortured soul and I hope that he feeles better now.
So I would be thankfull if you guys would give my friend a litle prayr, thou what he did is a sin, he saw no other way.
I would like to end this with a litle song lyric from the band Iced Earth, Becouse I feel that this song does realy describe my feelings.
Watching Over Me
I had a friend many years ago
One tragic night he died
The saddest time of my life
For weeks and weeks I cried
Through the anger and through the tears
I've felt his spirit through the years
I'd swear, He's watching me
Guiding me through hard times
I feel it once again
It's overwhelming me
His spirit's like the wind
The angel guarding me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
We shared dreams like all best friends
Blood brothers at the age of ten
We lived reckless, he paid the price
But why? Why did he have to die?
It still hurts me to this day
Am I selfish for feeling this way?
I know he's an angel now
Together we'll be someday
I feel it once again
It's overwhelming me
His spirit's like the wind
The angel guarding me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
P.s
If this does look rather unorginized and ratherconfusing I'm sorry... Lot off emotions are in the play... I had to take few pauses while I was writing this.
